[octavius stroulger]

DEAREST CHARLUS

ello, how're you this fine afternoon?
i figured i would send you a dandy little letter
since i saw you snoozing in potions the other
day. how i saw you please do not ask since
it involves nothing you little sixth years need
to know about, kay? i wish mother dearest would
send me some of those homemade cookies
she used to bake. my poor tummy is grumbling.

THE OCTAVIUS

[charlus wright]

octapussy,

little sixth year? i’m pretty fucking offended. this
little sixth year is big in places that you little seventh
years need not know about.

anyway. i’m spectacular. though i failed that
said potions lesson which put a brief downer on
the day. but then it turned out that you truly are
a genius because i got a fucking E on that potions
paper you fiddled with for a few minutes. hot damn,
matey.

i wish your mother dearest would send more than
just homemade cookies my way.

- charlie

[octavius stroulger]

DEAREST CHARLUS

now, now, charlus, there's no reason to get so upset.
you should be used to by now, anyways.

heck yes, i made an E.
wait, i mean you made an E.
that proves that you are progressing.
i haven't seen any proof that i am progressing with my dancing.
we need to have another get-together thing so
you can catch me up with the latest lingo, you know?
haha, lingo. i crack myself up.

maybe while you're over i can show you a picture
that my mom sent me of herself. since you are in love
she took pictures of everything in the house "in case i was homesick."
though, i can't complain. she sent me some money, too.
shopping spree? i think sooo.

THE OCTAVIUS

[charlus wright]

octapussy,


eh. i admit. your proofreading and actual doing
of the assignment earned the E. i'm a failure. but at
least my failing in potions isn’t nearly as amusing as
your failing to move your feet and pelvis in a coordinated
fashion. you fucking blow, mate, to put it straight.

but there’s hope. and not that sort of blow, octaperv.

laugh all you want. mrs. octapussy’s mom is soon
going to be missus octapussy and i’m gonna sweep
her off her feet. say hello to papa bear, kiddo.

- charlie

[octavius stroulger]

DEAREST CHARLUS

you do have a point with the whole feet and pelvis thing.
it just doesn't come natural to me.
i do admit that you do it better. harhar.

and if you became my dad,
i think i would laugh.
that'd be funny times twenty-one
gah, but it makes me cringe thinking about it.
just don't make me any siblings, m'kay?

i feel like partying.
too bad there are no parties.
i should throw one. it'd be trill
with nice music. i would throw down.
i think i shall practice my pelvis thrust.
i'm a bit rusty after watching myself in the mirror.
bwaha, just kiddinggggg.

THE OCTAVIUS

[charlus wright]

octapussy,

i’m touched, mate. i really am.

are you kidding me? that’s all me and isla would
be doing. sex in the bedroom. sex in the kitchen. sex in
the bathroom. sex while wearing those lovely little
sweaters she makes.

kidding. i wouldn’t do that to you. well, the mom i would
do, but not the every room in the house thing. you don’t
need any bastard siblings.

yes. please, throw a fucking party. and find someone
to pelvic thrust on. actually, that gives me an idea. you
need a dance partner other than the occasional tips i try
to show you about ten feet away. it’s so much better with
a partner.

- charlie

[octavius stroulger]

DEAREST CHARLUS

OH MY MERLIN!
why did you have to go into those details.
for real'z, my mind needed a pop-up blocker.
the thought of you and my mom getting it on
in the kitchen gave me a brutal stomach churn.
for the sake of your young mind, i will refrain
from giving the sticky details.

darn it, charlus. you know, i think you'd be
so much better than getting a new dance
partner. i mean, we both already know the
game plan? it'd be like BAM BAM BAM.
now that i think of it, i would much rather have
a lady partner. I SHALL HUNT!

party party partyy.
i want one now.
and some firewhisky would be the shizz.
maybe i should start an underground dance club?
and have neon lights? i'm totally feeling it.

THE OCTAVIUS