another starless night *

[abbey n. nixon]

if her mother found out what she was doing, then hell would be nice compared to what awaited abbey, and she wasn’t even kidding. all dolly had ever wanted from abs was to get a huge deal like this, she’d been managing her daughter’s life just for an opportunity like this. and now abbey was ready to throw it away for a boy. but it wasn’t just a boy, it was james abbey was thinking of, the one boy that could make her loose her head and not think coherently. surely, if the girl had her mind in the right places, she’d realize that turning away the opportunity to work for one of the world’s top modelling agencies in paris was absolutely insane. but this was abbey, and her head had never been quite alright. she acted on impulses and feelings most of the time, and this time around it was no different. so what was she about to do? she was on her way to see james, her ex boyfriend. the boy who had been willing to marry her until she messed up. so yes, not only was she willing to throw away a once opportunity for some boy, but that guy didn’t even want to see her. she didn’t blame james for kind of hating her, but just like she couldn’t blame him, she couldn’t help but hope that maybe he still had feelings for her, that she hadn’t ruined it completely. so, she was going to try and get it back for one last time, get them back. and god, was she nervous. some part of her knew that all of this was crazy, but she loved james so much that she really didn’t care. how would she feel if she just left, without even trying? she’d probably regret it for a long, long time. so now she was standing in front of a door she could open with the key she had in her hand if she wanted. the door she had opened a hundred times before, the door against which she had kissed james another hundred. but it’d be an invasion to his privacy to just open it, as if she still lived there. so instead, she just rang the doorbell, like any other person would. and well, all she could do was hope he was home.

[james n. stonem]

as much of a complete prick james stonem could be, he had always been doing everything for other people. he had basically given up art, to look for something more conventional, because he planned on marrying abbey. though now that jacqueline was back in town, james was starting to get back to what he used to know. drawing every day. painting, using oil pastels. art was such a big part of his life, but the last time james spent more then an hour on a piece of work was back in england. whatever happened to chasing his dream? at nineteen years old - a freshmen in college - he was supposed to be trying to make it. in the past week, james managed to make a few appointments with art dealers. he was moving forward, all because jacq was there to help him. as arrogant as james could be, he always somehow doubted that he'd make it in the art industry. people who smoked pot and never really made an honest effort with anything before. his grades were average. art was always the one place where he could succeed, out do everybody else with one hand behind his back and an eye closed. though there was a little voice in his ear, chanting, telling james that he didn't deserve to have a big break. all he did, as of late, was smoke pot and paint. that was what he was doing when the doorbell rang. getting up off the stool, james put down the thick charcoal pencil and groaned. the current project james was working on was a sketch of jacqueline and him. no model, just something from his memory. so far, he only managed to sketch the outline of their bodies. this was a sort of present for the blonde. walking over to the door in a loose pair of jeans and open flannel, james pulled the door open. he was surprised. there was abbey, the girl he had been ready to throw it all away for. she was here. ringing the doorbell. that was still weird to james. she should have been able to just walk in, but then he remembered a few weeks back when they had gotten into a terrible fight. "what are you doing here?" it was the only thing james could say, really. he was shocked, confused, and mad. abbey wasn't supposed to be here. she just brought back all the bad memories.

[abbey n. nixon]

abbey knew it wasn’t fair for her to be there, to just show up at his place unannounced, expecting him to open the door for her. he had every right to slam it shut in her face. but at the same time, she couldn’t help but be there, she couldn’t help going over, wanting to see him. because she loved him. when it came down to it, abbey loved james more than she had ever loved anyone else. and not even a million modelling contracts with the top agencies of the world would be able to change that. however, she hadn’t expected to feel so.. empty, when he finally opened the door for her. he looked so.. he looked different, that was for sure, but it was a good sort of different. the air smelled like paint, and that was where the dot s connected again. he’d started painting again. she was happy for him, she really was, because she knew just how much that meant for him, she was just sorry she wasn’t there for him to share it with. what was she doing here, well.. that was a good question. one that she didn’t really have a concrete answer for. sure, she’d gone to talk to him, but she had no idea what she’d say, what to do. god, this was just so awkward. seeing him standing there looking so cute made her come into account of how much she really missed him. she’d been so busy lately, that time to think hadn’t really been available. but now? she realized she missed him so much that it almost hurt. but she didn’t only miss her boyfriend and the guy she loved, she also missed that friend he’d always been, even before they got involved romantically. she missed every aspect of who he was, even those annoying ticks that drove her mad. she missed all of it. “i’m.. i miss you,” she told him, her gaze dropping to the floor. this had been so stupid. what made her think that going over would be a good idea? but at the same time, she felt it was the thing to do. so yes, she had made a huge mistake and she had hurt him, but no one is perfect, let alone her. and she was sorry she’d done what she’d done. she just wished james could see that, and that he’d be able to see how much she wanted him back.

[james n. stonem]

he would threaten to slam the door in her face an endless amount of times. but honestly, james didn't want to turn abbey away. he missed her, a lot, even if that made him weak. one of the things james hated the most was showing any vulnerability. though somehow, abbey had been the first person that he truly opened up to. besides jude, of course, and she was gone again. doing her own thing or something. even though james started to spend a good eighty percent of his time with jacq, the other twenty either skating or painting, there was a big hole in his chest that abbey previously occupied. as inconvienent as it was, james loved the girl in front of him. yes, there was anger. so much of that. he had been ready to marry her. or as ready as james would ever be. there wasn't a single person that james loved as much as abbey. she had slowly taken over his whole life. being away from her was liberating, but it also broke his heart. when he didn't hear an answer right away, james was ready to shoot out another question with a sharp tongue and hateful words. though the tone of voice softened when abbey told him that she missed him. in that moment, abbey seemed to be looking straight into his soul. he missed her, too. "this is really out-of-the-blue." that was all he could muster. no aggression, no spite. for once in his life, or maybe the second time after getting leukemia, james stonem was allowing vulnerability to creep up inside of him. another moment passed, just long enough for james to look abbey over and realize they were still standing out in the frigid new york air. stepping in, james indicated with his hands that she could come in. "uh, the mess is a bit much." you had to weave in and out to avoid paint canvases. he had moved all the furniture to one side of the room last night, to monopolize the floor space. "is there anything i can get you, to drink?" moving into the kitchen, james grabbed up the little fuzzy box and slipped it into the pocket of his flannel. the rng was everywhere, mocking him. he didn't want abbey to see it, but james didn't have the heart to try and get rid of it. "i've missed you too, abs."

[abbey n. nixon]

when she stepped into his apartment, the mess wasn’t what called her attention, it was the canvasses all around that did. she’d never seen his work and now it was all over the apartment. for an instant, she felt like she had been holding him back, like she hadn’t allowed him to be himself and paint. had she really done that? not purposely, of course, but maybe it’d been like her modelling, when she was with james, she kind of put it on hold, she’d let it take a second plane of importance because well, he mattered more than any of that. she couldn’t help but look at some of the paintings around the room, and god, some of them were amazing. “the mess is just fine, i kind of like how it looks with all the canvasses around.” although it was much messier than when she had lived there, it kind of reminded her of how it was a month ago, probably because back home there wasn’t a single thing out of place. and well, she kind of missed everything not being perfect all the time. like she missed him, them. and being here just reminded her of just how much she missed him. “umh, water would be nice, thank you.” she’d gone back to her water diet when she went back home, because as her mother said, soda made you swell, and the sugar it had was bad. yeah. her mother was such a pain in the ass, but abbey knew she meant the best. like now, that she was sending her off to france, it was because it was one hell of a choice, though abbey knew that the fact that she thought her daughter would forget james was quite a good thought to her mother. and then her world stopped. she’d been thinking about the painting, her mother, frace, and then she’d head him say that he missed her too, and he called her abs. she hadn’t heard that in so long.. her mother refused to call her that, claiming that she had named her abbey for a reason. and she loved being call abs, or at least she loved it when james called her that. “so, umh.. how have you been?” this is terrible. i'm so sorry.

[james n. stonem]

he didn’t want to miss her anymore. abbey knew how to wrap her little fingers around her heart and twist it, regardless if the brunette realized she was doing it or not. this had been their first major fight, and james was already prepared to walk out. simply? there was only so much that the young man could take. On the relationship front, james was far from experienced. There was jude, who would scream at him one minute, push him away, and be in his arms the next. That had happened over the course of three years. Then they other high school endeavors, none of which james had any desire to talk or thing about. Abbey was supposed to be different. They were supposed to be best friends first, but that clearly didn’t matter to her. Part of james was still angry with her. She had broken his heart, right? That deserved some sort of punishment. Not to mention, abbey had been unfaithful. It was a sudden turn of events, one that james never thought of. He had been the one who cheated on jude with abbey, and now the tables were turned. Honestly, the angry part of his heart had down. Now he missed her, which was even worse. This newly found freedom without her was liberating, even though it would have been better if he could step back into part of his old life with her. The painting, the skateboarding. James was going to art school, but abbey wasn’t there to believe in him. ”really? You actually like it?” there was vulnerability in his voice, shock as well. In the kitchen, james rooted around a bit, finally pulling out a beer. He opened it, splitting the liquid in half and pouring it over two cups of ice. So what if james completely disregarded her request for water? ”I’ve been keeping on,” his voice was soft, before james continued, ”but it has been different here, without you. It’s quiet.” even with Jacqueline around, james found himself looking down the halls and expecting, hoping abbey would appear. Abbey was haunting him, if that made any sense, even though james knew exactly where to find her in the off chance that he would want to. ”so, abbey, how have you been?” it was the question he was dying too ask, even though james could have had abbey back in his arms in a heartbeat. this wasn't as much fun without abbey, and james forgot why he had been trying to get everything handled when she left.