We Never Change, locked; the ever popular Shay

[Lysander Odakota]

Getting back home was always a relief. It meant one more mission done and over. Whether that mission had been by-the-book successful or not changed often, but the fact that he was in one piece and coming home for a few days at least always brought Lysander's mind back to ground-base. After the Hapes excursion, he was really in need of it--that had been a very political mission and those always wore at his otherwise unbreakable patience.

So, even as he landed inside the Ossus hangar, he couldn't help that smile of satisfaction that crossed his visage. The sight of Jedi scurrying about underfoot always made him realize he was doing the right thing with his life--the strange perfection of this place wasn't something he regretted being a part of by any means. Sure, the Jedi were considered often to be manipulative, taking children from their parents and giving the child no choice about how they would live their lives. But Lysander begged to differ--there were many young initiates who chose another path, for good or ill, and left the Order. But the fact of the matter remained that the only way to become a Jedi at all was to tolerate being taken before your earliest memories, or else it could be too late.

Thirty-four now and with his own mind that he could make up without being told what to think, he was quite happy with where he was. In fact... what else would he have done with his life? From what very little he knew, he'd been the only child of a single mother. That start in life didn't sound very promising, to be honest. With his "luck" he might've ended up in the Confederation forces or something ridiculous like that.

Exiting the ship and heading towards the entrance to the hangar bay, he reached out with the Force to see if he could spot any of his more familiar allies in the air. He'd seen Brollo before he left, but he might've been back again as well. Any Council members currently on planet should have been informed of his arrival when he'd asked for clearance, as he did have a mission to report on sometime soon, but other than that--

Wait, was that Shay? He brightened considerably. It had been literal ages since he'd seen his 'big sister,' but that didn't stop him from recognizing that certain color in his mind that screamed "Shay" at him. Well, if this didn't make his homecoming that much more brilliant, he didn't know what would. He never ever caught her on planet anymore. They were just both too kriffing busy.

[Shay Marin]

One more week of this, and I swear I'm going to kriffing scream. There was no real anger behind the thought on Shay's part, but rather a sort of rueful amusement. For a Jedi who was used to hiding in plain sight and skulking in shadows, being recognized and talked at nigh constantly was very surreal. Most of her adult life had been spent incognito and off Ossus, after all. She'd become accustomed to never being known, passing through other people's lives like a cipher, altering events in a certain way before moving on never to be seen again. It made coming home and being looked up to as an authority figure feel more false than all the lies she'd been living up to this point. You need to get reacquainted with what 'normal' is supposed to be, sister.

As she mused in this self-depreciating fashion about herself, Shay was on her way to the hangar. This required running the gauntlet of greetings for about the thousandth time, as she had been repeatedly for these past few weeks. All this appreciation and praise is going to go to my head. Admittedly, that was rather unlikely to actually happen; a childhood filled with uncertainty and self-doubt as to whether she was at all worthy to be a Jedi had created an adult with a deeply seated sense of modesty. Honestly, that was the reason she was so unnerved by all the preferential--even reverential--treatment she was receiving now. Her humility kept objecting against it, and she had to constantly restrain herself from speaking those protests aloud.

The one positive 'perk' of her new position that Shay had discovered so far was that she no longer had to wait for the rumor mill to bring her certain information. When Knight Odakota had requested clearance for landing in the main hangar, Master Marin had been informed immediately. The news had led her to break off from finishing her formal report--again--and leave her quarters within seconds. It had been... Force, had it seriously been years since she and Lysander had both been on Ossus at the same time? Surely, her memory had to be playing tricks on her. Of course, she knew that was impossible; the Force gives many gifts to its users, one of which is the ability to utilize total recall.

He couldn't have come home at a better time. Indeed, it was rare for Shay to be on Ossus at all. Her visits were kept short by the nature of her work and the constant need for the Order to utilize someone of her talents. There were very few Jedi investigators in the Order, since it took a fairly... unusual sort of Jedi to perform well in that position. As a result, there was no shortage of missions for Shay to be assigned to complete. Not this time though... this time, I'm taking a nice long break, and then I'm going back to Corellia and deal with someone who actually knows who and what I am for a change. Frack, I think I've kept 'Brin Trell' around longer than I have any other identity to this point. It's almost as though she's real.

Those thoughts were best left for another time, though. Right now, she didn't want to focus on work at all. Her 'little brother' had come home, and she didn't realize how much she'd missed him until she stepped out into the hangar and caught the 'feel' of him as he recognized her. Grinning openly and uncaring about who saw it, Master Marin took off at a run across the tarmac towards Lysander. She was probably going to give him a hug unless he stopped her for some bizarre reason. They were owed that after not seeing eachother for nigh forever, right?

[Lysander Odakota]

It was a very gratifying feeling to see the blonde woman heading towards him at clear collision speed. How she had found him so quickly was a mystery to him, but by the stars, he was glad. Nothing better than having a welcoming party on the tarmac. Knowing she'd be upon him soon enough, he slowed his pace, steadying himself instead for the coming embrace. Jedi weren't exactly touchy-feely people by any means, but hugging habits from their more childish days weren't going away, even now.

He grinned brightly as she came upon him and as soon as she was close enough, he helped out her intent and grabbed her in a hug, the momentum forcing them to do a bit of a half-twirl until they found their balance again. He laughed despite himself, letting that rare joy wash over him, not bothering to hide that notion in the Force whatsoever. Their friendship had never been a secret, nor would it ever be.

"Dear stars, Shay, it's been far too kriffing long," he stated, still not letting her go, voice punctuated with his glee. "I was beginning to think you'd be grey by the next time I saw you."

In a way he felt much older than he had the last time he'd seen her, but at the same moment, he felt like he was a kid again just upon being in her presence. Sincerely, she brought out the young Initiate in him again--the one who could laugh and tease and just live life without worrying about it. It was a luxury that was run dry for the most part otherwise.

[Shay Marin]

Lysander's laughter summoned forth her own in turn, her arms banding around him tight. Her own delight at the reunion resonated through the Force and along their bond, meeting his own joy and blending together into a single vibrant state of happiness. It was like coming home for her all over again, except this time her joy was directed towards a single person alone. Her 'little brother' was a part of her, and she of him. They'd always been like that, ever since they were small. Holding him was like putting herself back together, in a way.

"Dear stars, Shay, it's been far too kriffing long. I was beginning to think you'd be grey by the next time I saw you."

The blonde woman's laughter rang out all the louder at that. "With all I've been through in the past several months, I feel like I should be!" Oh, how she'd missed him! How she'd missed this closeness, this easy rapport that came so naturally even after months or years apart. There was nothing she held back from him, because he always understood. They were family, despite the complete lack of blood ties between them. "Force, it's so good to see you, Ly." If Shay had been one to cry, she might well have done so right then. As it was, she simply communicated her feelings without words. He'd know what this meant to Shay without her telling him so.

After planting a light, sisterly kiss on the younger man's cheek, Shay pulled back in their embrace just enough to allow her to gaze down the length of him. "You look wonderful. Getting older definitely agrees with you," she noted with a wry smirk. The difference between their ages had always been a minor point of teasing between them. Of course, as they'd both gotten older the five-year gap meant less and less, but she still liked bringing it up on occasion for old times' sake.

"I have so much to talk to you about! And you'd better tell me everything you've been up to these past few years." Looking a touch bemused at what she had just said, she shook her head slightly as though in confusion. "Frack, years! How in the galaxy did so much time pass so quickly, Ly?" Since there was no good answer to her question, she chose instead to go back to hugging him tightly. "It seems like just yesterday we were laughing out in the gardens about one damn thing or another."

[Lysander Odakota]

"With all I've been through in the past several months, I feel like I should be!"

"Oh geeze, you too?" It wasn't surprising, exactly. They were both pretty much buried in their work, hence the very long time apart, and life as a Jedi was rarely if ever easy, especially not by everyone else's standards. Were it not for the Force's ability to keep one spry well into life, he wouldn't have been surprised if every Jedi was grey by time they were thirty-five. It was a stressful life, one that didn't often include any promises of survival. They saw enough death among their ranks that no Jedi in their right mind thought themselves immortal, though considering their job choices, they did have a decent survival rate.

"Force, it's so good to see you, Ly."

The 'tears of joy' sensation between them was mutual and Lysander nodded in agreement. For the first time in years, he was precisely where he'd wish to be. "Sight for sore eyes, really," he told her. "Very sore eyes, if we're being honest." Which they always were. No secrets between them, not ever. Even the things they might have been reluctant for sharing they still gave up to one another.

"You look wonderful. Getting older definitely agrees with you."

Smiling at the sisterly gesture and finally able to look her in the amber eye, he let himself fall into a rueful grin. "Yeah, sorry, I'm not a kid anymore. You've always been older to me, though, and you've always pulled it off wonderfully. I like to think I age gracefully thanks to your example." Though he'd never go so far to say Shay was attractive, he did know when a woman was pretty, and he definitely thought his big sister was the best among them, but that was probably because he knew her soul as well as her face and he thought nothing but the best of her. He was one of the worst when it came to idolizing her.

"Frack, years! How in the galaxy did so much time pass so quickly, Ly?"

"Argh, you're telling me. It never seems so bad until I realize how long since it's been since I've seen you or Leo. Or even talked to you." He pulled himself from what was left of her embrace, threading his arm through hers pointedly. "We have to make up for it. Now. The Council has to wait for my debriefing, I don't want to risk you escaping me now that I have you."

[Shay Marin]

"Oh geeze, you too?"

The grin stretching her full lips turned decidedly rueful. "Of course. You know me! I never turn down an assignment, no matter how miserable it is. This last one... well, let's just say it was draining enough to make even me quit for a while. I demanded a sabbatical from the Council and I got one. You have the best timing in the whole galaxy, showing up now." By the Force, did she ever need him now! Between the burden of holding a position of such high authority and her strained personal circumstances, she had to talk to someone or go positively insane. Someone who wouldn't make fun of her... too much. "I've got some stories you won't believe."

"Sight for sore eyes, really. Very sore eyes, if we're being honest."

Even though she could already read his feelings as plain as day across their bond, his admitting his emotions in words touched her. He didn't have to say them, but he did anyways, showing his total lack of embarrassment about having such feelings in the first place. Both of them had long since decided to not worry about what others might think of such sentimental displays. Their friendship was no secret, and they made no attempt to hide the reality of it from others.

"Yeah, sorry, I'm not a kid anymore. You've always been older to me, though, and you've always pulled it off wonderfully. I like to think I age gracefully thanks to your example."

"You're such a charmer, Lysander," Shay murmured softly. She didn't realize how much she needed the healing balm of his friendship until she held it again in her hands, so to speak. Compliments from him didn't invoke her instinctive modesty response, because she knew how sincerely he meant them. "I wish I could take that much credit for the wonderful man you've become, but I don't deserve it. That belongs to you." In all ways Shay could conceive of, her little brother was indeed a remarkable Jedi. In her opinion, he was long overdue for a promotion. Maybe that was another 'perk' of her position she could take advantage of...

"We have to make up for it. Now. The Council has to wait for my debriefing, I don't want to risk you escaping me now that I have you."

Again her laughter rang out, sweet and clean and free. It struck her that she'd laughed more in the past five minutes than she normally laughed on assignment in a month's time, if not several. Much of her time spent on Ossus had been like that, actually, starting from the meeting when she came home. Force, but did it feel good to laugh just for the joy of it. "You'll get no argument from me, little brother. The others are busy with various things, we won't be able to have a meeting right now..."

Suddenly an expression of chagrin crossed her features as she realized she'd used the pronoun 'we' when referring to the Council. That wasn't exactly how she wanted to let slip that piece of news. "Oh, right... you probably don't know yet. I, ah... I've kinda been appointed to a Council seat..." Her embarrassment at the circumstances was easily registered across their bond. "It was Gandon's idea! Crazy old man..."

[Lysander Odakota]

"I've got some stories you won't believe."

Didn't she always? And if it had pushed her to the point where she had taken a self-imposed break from her hard work, it was obviously something extra insane this time. Already he was curious, but they were still in process of hellos for the most part, so he knew he wouldn't get the dirt for a little bit.

"Oh, try me, please. I've seen enough oddities since I've been in this game that I can believe most anything."

"I wish I could take that much credit for the wonderful man you've become, but I don't deserve it. That belongs to you."

He smiled a bit, dropping his chin in a modest nod of acknowledgement. Shay was that one person who would always think the world of him, and when she said it, he had to believe her. She would never lie to him just to make him feel better, even if she did seem to have a rosy view of him. He didn't even come close to being perfect and didn't even have the luxury of appearing perfect like she did. He'd made some glaring mistakes on many, many occasions. Frack, the last time he'd seen Shay, he'd just barely been recovering from his self-proclaimed biggest failure ever.

"You helped more than you know," he told her softly, but not argumentively. They had both learned long ago not to banter about who had and had not done all the good that occurred among them.

It was as they were heading arm in arm down to get out of the hangar and find someplace a little less busy and with fewer odd glances and half-wary stares that Shay accidentally dropped her first big piece of news.

"I've kinda been appointed to a Council seat..."

He actually stopped walking at that point, mouth dropping in shock as he went to say something to that but finding nothing. It wasn't bad shock, of course--he wasn't horrified--but it had definitely taken him off guard. This was his big sister... not some Councilwoman!

"It was Gandon's idea! Crazy old man..."

"I'm not surprised!" he managed finally. "He's always done the most psychotic things to you. But this. This!" He stood there and looked at her for a long moment, as if figuring her out again with this bit of information, almost like he was trying to figure if this changed her. Deciding it didn't though, he mock-frowned. "And now you're another step ahead of me in ranks. Now I'll never catch up."

[Shay Marin]

"You helped more than you know."

As closely connected as the two of them were, Shay knew immediately where Lysander's thoughts had drifted to. Her smile immediately became a gentle one, her hand squeezing gently against his forearm in a silent motion of support. The two of them were alike in that they both punished themselves rather harshly for anything they perceived to be a 'failure' on their part. Even though she could not keep herself from indulging in that impulse, she always did her best to encourage her little brother to go easier on himself. She'd told him as much when she'd tried to counsel him through the loss of his last Padawan. "Don't mention it. What else are big sisters for, right?"

Lysander's absolutely stunned reaction to the piece of news she'd let slip was almost amusing, though Shay would never laugh at him for such a thing. Well, maybe she would... but only if she was sure it wouldn't upset him. Teasing was one thing, but actual mocking was quite another. Force knows I've become very familiar with what mocking feels like lately. "Yeah, that was about my reaction to the idea," she commented in a wry tone.

"And now you're another step ahead of me in ranks. Now I'll never catch up."

Being around one or both of her little brothers tended to cause her behavior to 'regress' a bit. Brollo and Lysander were living reminders of her youth, of the girl she had been decades ago. It was at once a very freeing feeling as well as a reassuring one. As a result of this circumstance, Shay actually resorted to rolling her eyes at his words. "For the love of the Force, it's not a race, Ly-Ly!" The situation of having to defend her ascension to the Council in such a childish fashion struck her sense of the ridiculous, causing her to chuckle ruefully. "Do you think I wanted to sit in that damn chair?"

With a light tug on his arm, Shay set them both in motion again, towards a level of the gardens that should be nigh deserted this time of day. Most of the students here were in training classes at the moment. "You have no idea how surreal this has been for me. Everyone knows my name! They all say good day and how are you and oh by the way can you fix this problem for me, Master Marin, you're so gracious, thank you so much... argh!" Her frustration and outright embarrassment at the past week's trials were eloquently communicated through the Force, even if Shay was not so eloquent with words at the moment.

"I don't know if I can do this, Ly." At last, she'd confessed to someone the true underlying reason for her current distress, for why she found all the attention so bothersome. Her voice was hushed, her words for him alone. "I haven't the first clue on how to be a proper authority figure. I'm used to lying and hiding and sneaking around... not being looked up to or treated like some sort of kriffing higher being. I'm worried I'm not worthy of the 'honor' I've been given."

[Lysander Odakota]

"For the love of the Force, it's not a race, Ly-Ly!"

The roll of her eyes and her admonition got a slightly embarrassed shrug of his shoulders from him, his chagrined smile obvious but lighthearted anyways. He knew it wasn't a race... it just... sometimes it felt like he was falling behind. If he hadn't messed up with poor padawan Holee and then again (though in a different manner) with padawan Grahnt, he would have been a Master years ago. Not that it made a real difference--his job would stay the same, always, Knight or otherwise--but at the same time it made him acutely reminded of all he'd done and not done.

"I know, I know. Seriously, though, congratulations. That's a serious big deal. And no, I don't think you wanted it, but... it's obvious someone wanted it for you." He doubted it was just Gandon requesting it for kicks and giggles. Gandon was a tease, but he wasn't irresponsible. Not really.

He listened to her lament about how everyone was treating her with a wry smile of his own. Oh yeah, being essentially sucked up to wasn't something up his big sister's alley and her discomfort was something that both amused him and was something he wished he could put an end to. "I'll still treat you the same as I always have, Shay-face. No worries," he assured her, eyes glinting in that teasing promise. "If I don't, please smack me."

Of course, the conversation had to take a more serious tone now, as he knew this was a serious matter for her. He could sense her distress and while he was sure it was only temporary worry, he felt the urge to jump on her negative feelings and eradicate them.

"I don't know if I can do this, Ly."

As her voice dropped he listened intently, nodding slowly as she explained. They were out of the hangar now, within the halls that would lead them towards the gardens. He understood how she felt--he would have felt just the same. The difference was, she was definitely could do it. Even if she thought she couldn't, he was assured and would do his best to convince her as well.

"Hey, if Gandon suggested you for the job, you're definitely up for the job," he told her in all seriousness. "No one knows your abilities better than he does. And remember you don't have to be some amazing, respectful creature like, say, Stoneface to be on the Council. Look at Gandon! Or Titch! I'd say they're among the best on the Council and they're definitely not your typical authority figure. You know? And, let's face it, you're almost forty. Not like you're a youngling anymore."

He gave her a sort of pout, his concern for her feelings clear. "You're brilliant. Don't you dare think otherwise."

[Shay Marin]

"I know, I know. Seriously, though, congratulations. That's a serious big deal. And no, I don't think you wanted it, but... it's obvious someone wanted it for you."

"No one was more surprised by that than I," Shay commented, her tone a mix of annoyance and wonder. "Gandon just piped up with it at the end of my debriefing, and everyone agreed! Even Old Stoneface was okay with the idea, and he's the one who calls me 'eccentric'." She shook her head slightly, as though she were trying to make this information settle straight in her brain. "I thought it was another prank of Gandon's at first, but I know Stone would never go along with one of those. Titch might, but he's a whole other story..."

"I'll still treat you the same as I always have, Shay-face. No worries. If I don't, please smack me."

Lysander's playful banter lifted her spirits, as it no doubt was meant to. It was difficult for Shay to maintain her brooding mood with her little brother around providing comfort. The use of her childhood nickname soothed her spirit in a way that was indescribable. Some people might find the things she took comfort in strange, but Shay never claimed to be anything resembling a 'normal' person, to say nothing of a 'normal' Jedi. "I'll hold you to that, little brother." Shay knew his words were as reliable as Mandalorian iron. He would always view her as a human being, instead of a class or a title. That was something Master Marin found she needed more than anything else right now.

"Hey, if Gandon suggested you for the job, you're definitely up for the job. No one knows your abilities better than he does."

The blonde woman signaled her acceptance of Lysander's words with a small nod. Deep down, she knew her little brother was right. All his joking and his rambling stories and his pretenses at senility aside, Gandon Vir was a Jedi Master for a reason. He had trained her, shaped her into the person she was today perhaps more than anyone else in the galaxy. As much as he enjoyed messing with her head even to this day, he would not have suggested her for a job he didn't think she was capable of doing.

"And remember you don't have to be some amazing, respectful creature like, say, Stoneface to be on the Council."

Once more, Lysander offered her truth, and Shay could not help but recognize it for what it was. "Force forbid I ever end up like Stone!" Her tone was one of mock worry, because she knew full well that sort of thing could never happen. Nathaniel Stone was cut of an entirely different cloth than Shay Marin, and neither of them could hope to assume the other's traits. They were simply too different on a most fundamental level. "Do you know he calls me by my first name now? My full first name?" Shay gave an overly dramatic shudder of her shoulders for effect.

"Look at Gandon! Or Titch! I'd say they're among the best on the Council and they're definitely not your typical authority figure. You know?"

Shay grew serious again, dropping her momentary play at humor at the absent Master's expense. A small, sad smile took shape on her lips as she turned to face the man besides her. "You shame me, little brother. You're seeing the reality of things far more clearly than I am right now." There was no accusation in the statement, just her usual streak of self-depreciation. "I suppose I've just been... afraid." The word was difficult for her to say, it had been so long since she'd used it in reference to herself. "And overwhelmed. By a lot of things, not just this..."

"And, let's face it, you're almost forty. Not like you're a youngling anymore."

Her mood continued to improve by slow increments, like a thick ground fog being gradually burnt away by the dawn sunlight. "Oh, believe me, I am very much aware of that!" A small, rueful chuckle escaped her as she was briefly reminded of the all too mature feelings she had been experiencing as of late. She turned her gaze away again, contemplating the carefully maintained beauty of the gardens before them as they stepped out of the cool stone confines of the Temple and onto the terrace. "We're both long past that stage now."

"You're brilliant. Don't you dare think otherwise."

Impulsively, Shay tilted her head to rest against Lysander's shoulder as they continued to walk deeper into the gardens. "Your words mean more to me than I could ever possibly say, Ly. I needed them. Especially now, after everything that's happened lately. I haven't even told you the worst parts yet..." A deep sigh escaped her lips as she lifted her head again. "And I need to. If anyone would understand what's going on, it's you."

[Lysander Odakota]

It was times such as this that Lysander was very glad that Shay was who she was. She was always willing to listen to reason, especially when it came from a source outside herself. She wasn't gullible by any means, and wouldn't listen to just any "fact" as it was thrown out there, but she did hear reason when it rang true and wouldn't stubbornly stick to any foolish notions she might have started out on. If she was given a kriffing good reason to not doubt herself, she'd stop doubting herself, and he could feel her loosening in her anxiety about the whole Council thing.

"Do you know he calls me by my first name now? My full first name?"

"Oh, frack, Shay! He doesn't, please tell me he doesn't." He grimaced, knowing how much Shay hated being called "Shae'andri'lar" even in jest, let alone in that all too serious way Stone would be using it. "Augh, I'm sorry, I really am. Do you need me to go beat some sense into him?" Beating Stone? Oh yeah, great idea. But despite the ridiculousness of his suggestion, he'd do it if Shay needed him to. That was just cruelty!

""I suppose I've just been... afraid."

"Remember, Shay. Nothing wrong with being afraid so long as you don't go giving into that fear." He mentally poked at her, almost a mental equivalent of a brief tickle, edging out her darker spirits as much as he could. "I'd be scared out of my mind if I were in your boots." Heck, he'd be scared if the Council so much as asked him to train another apprentice. But that was a sensitive subject within itself.

"I haven't even told you the worst parts yet..."

"Well, I'm home," he told her, his voice laced with that innate sincerity. "I'm here to talk to." They were within the gardens enough now, surrounded by the life and calm that came with such things that he began to slow. If they could find a bench to sit down on and talk for however long it would take, he'd be very much content. "And I definitely wouldn't have it any other way."

Ahead, he spotted the familiar form of one of the benches that they had sat on many a time together and talked about anything and everything. It was a familiar scene they found themselves in and Lysander didn't have to force her to follow him to that spot to sit down.

Once they were seated, he began. "So, lament to me, Shay." He kept his own calm quite well, always putting Shay's stories first. Not only did he consider her experiences more interesting, he'd also rather listen to her talk for hours than listen to himself.

[Shay Marin]

"Augh, I'm sorry, I really am. Do you need me to go beat some sense into him?"

The mental image that sprang to mind after his question startled a brief laugh out of Shay. The thought of her little brother trying to jump the stolid Councilman to defend her from embarrassment over her long, awkward name was just too much to bear. "No, no... that won't be necessary, Ly. Not that it would work anyways. I've already tried pleading with him, he won't have any of it. Gandon and Titch are both threatening pranking revenge for it on my behalf, and he won't budge. Nathaniel Stone just doesn't do nicknames... though he does seem to acquire them an awful lot. Oh, that's another story to tell you! But it'll have to wait for later. Serious stuff first." Shay wanted to get all her emotional baggage unloaded at once. She felt the procedure would be less painful that way.

"Remember, Shay. Nothing wrong with being afraid so long as you don't go giving into that fear. I'd be scared out of my mind if I were in your boots."

The psychic 'prod' he gave her emotions drew a smile out of her. This was an old game they played with eachother, one that was possible due to the absolute trust that existed between them. Shay marveled at the fact that no matter how much time separated each of their meetings, it always turned out just like old times again. She sent back a quick mental 'tickle' in response. "You're right, again. This is becoming something of a theme for today," she teased him gently. "I'm impressed."

"Well, I'm home. I'm here to talk to. And I definitely wouldn't have it any other way."

Everything seemed so simple now that she had him with her again. The outside perspective provided by his knowing insights made all her doubts and concerns seem almost silly, certainly not worth her time and energy to wrestle with. While she knew Lysander looked up to her a great deal, almost but not quite to the point of hero worship, she also knew he would never lie to her, never serve her empty words to make her feel better. He had true faith in her, and such a thing was a precious commodity in the galaxy. Perhaps he didn't know how much his belief in her made her push herself all the harder to prove herself worthy of that belief.

As they sat down on the long bench amidst the greenery, one of Shay's hands sought out Lysander's and clasped it tightly. It was a gesture of friendship, symbolic of the spiritual bond that linked them both no matter how far apart they were. "Neither would I." Her words were quietly spoken, but no less sincere for the softness of her tone. "I love you, little brother." She didn't have to say it; he already knew it to be true. Still, the words had meaning in and of themselves. Admitting something openly, where someone else might potentially hear, was a sign of how important he was to her.

"So, lament to me, Shay."

"Alright, I will. But remember, you asked for it!" This rueful warning was expelled on the tail end of another laugh. Already her tension had eased, the fog of doubt burnt away by the clear light of reason. In preparation for unloading her cup of troubles fully for the first time in years, Shay drew in one of her deep, cleansing breaths. She didn't recite the Jedi Code to ground herself this time; the presence of the man beside her was all the emotional 'grounding' she needed.

"First there was the mission to infiltrate the Alliance." Her voice was calm, almost reflective now, even as she tracked through some very personal issues. "In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have taken it. I was so tired, Ly, though I didn't want to admit to myself how weary I was. Years and years of playing one part after the other, juggling two lives, two sets of sensibilities... it had drained me to a critical point. I didn't realize until later on just how critical." Her head bowed slightly, her eyes tracing the crevices between the tiles on the garden paths meditatively.

"On the other hand... how could I have possibly refused it? I was the one who made contact, after all. I couldn't turn down the chance to finally do what I'd wanted to my entire adult life." A muscle along her jaw tensed briefly before she dismissed the emotional impulse that caused it. "Fight the Confederation. The chance to try to make up for my family's crimes... I had to go to Corellia. So I did, dutiful Jedi that I am. And that's when everything started to go wrong."

Absently her free hand reached up to brush an errant lock of blonde hair out of her face. "I'm so used to dealing with the scum of the galaxy, Ly. I never felt the slightest twinge of guilt or had the briefest moment of hesitation about manipulating them for my own ends. I could even kill them when necessary without any qualms. I passed in and out of people's lives without ever forming the slightest connection with them. It wasn't ever personal; it was just my job, and I did it well." The man besides her knew well what she was talking about. While he was not officially an investigator himself, he'd done his fair share of undercover missions in the past.

"But the people I met while working for the Alliance... they were different." A slight grimace twisted her mouth. "Or maybe the difference was in me, the loneliness of my work finally taking its toll. It's difficult to tell with such things. Either way... I started to care about them. A lot. They were good people when it came right down to it, despite their flaws--though some of them would more than likely refuse to admit to that fact." Affection briefly warmed her eyes before she dismissed that feeling in turn.

"There was a Zeltron bounty hunter who put her trust in me right from the first. An expert slicer who somehow managed to maintain a core of innocence despite his harsh treatment by the world. A smuggler..." Shay steeled herself against another potential upswell of emotions, determined to maintain her serenity. "...who would insult you one minute and try to comfort you the next. And, in the end, the Alliance's Director of Intelligence, who had no hesitation at all about flirting with a Jedi Master." The memory of that pleasant moment brought a faint smile to her lips.

"I saved all their lives, and in turn they all made me feel, each in different ways. The more time I spent around them, the worse it got. I could have pulled away, I suppose, kept my contact to an absolute minimum... but I didn't. I couldn't help but try to comfort them when they cried, encourage them when they doubted, support them when they faltered, heal them when they were wounded. I knew I shouldn't, but I did it anyway. I felt I had to, for some reason which continues to escape me. I kept being put in a position where I was the only one who could do those things for them, and I couldn't walk away from that."

Her amber eyes finally made the rise back up to Lysander's face. "After the 'who' that caused me trouble, there was the 'where'. There was... we needed... I had to go to Dolomar, Lysander." That old familiar pain stabbed through her again, but since she was already riding careful herd over her emotions she kept it from showing outwardly. Not that the effort really made a difference; Lysander would know. He always did. "Director Loran was captured by the Confederation, and they transported him there. He was the Alliance leader I had a line of contact with. I had to go get him back."

Force, this was hard to talk about, even to Lysander. The memories were still so fresh in her mind, prodded back to the forefront by Mac's recognition of her name. "It felt familiar, Ly. Even after thirty-five years, it felt fracking familiar. I walked those streets, and I remembered. I held it together... I always do. When my partner in the rescue attempt was recognized and captured for the bounty on her head, I went on alone. I rescued both her and the Director, got them out alive, escaped the planet thanks to some excellent maneuvers on our pilot's part. A happy ending all around, ignoring the fact that the place still kriffing haunts me in my sleep."

Her sigh this time was a deep one. "And if all this wasn't enough to tie me up in emotional knots... frack it all, Lysander, I swear something's gone fundamentally wrong with me!" The calm she had maintained up to this point broke, and the tone of her voice turned into a true lament. "I think I'm falling in love with someone... and I don't know how the hell to make it stop!" With her free hand, Shay reached up and rubbed at her eyes in a weary, frustrated gesture. "I'm such a thrice-damned fool."

[Lysander Odakota]

”Serious stuff first."

As much as Lysander was absolutely one-hundred percent curious as to what she was alluding to about Stone, he knew she was right and could definitely wait. And what more, it gave him something to look forward to and a pick up later that they would need if Shay’s lamentation was going to be as bad as she made it sound.

"I love you, little brother."

He let her take his hand, accustomed to the gesture from her and welcoming it back after such a long time without it. He squeezed it gently in return. “Love you more, sis,” he said fondly in return, keeping close for her sake. He breathed in deep, the heavy scent of vegetation calming to him. He’d spent too long in space, too long in the confines of a ship or on planets where he couldn’t get anywhere with this density of life.

As she began her ‘lament’ as he has so put it, he watched her take a deep breath to ready herself. It was clear that she was in control of herself right now, but he could sense that underlying twinge of her emotional state. It didn’t surprise him that she’d take a bit of a vacation from work if she felt such a need to unload. The Force had brought him home to help, he was positive of that.

"In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have taken it. I was so tired, Ly, though I didn't want to admit to myself how weary I was.

Tired. Heh, he understood that. He’d only really been doing work similar to hers for the last for years or so, and he’d felt that drag many times. And his work wasn’t nearly as intense as hers sounded to be. The life of a Jedi was strenuous enough without having to pretend to not be a Jedi while you were at it. It isolated you from the world, made a liar out of you out of necessity. Sometimes you had to be a good person while pretending you weren’t. Frankly, it messed with your head. Shay should have taken a break like this... years ago.

He continued to listen, not planning on interrupting until she seemed done. How long that would be, he didn’t know, but she needed to get it all of her chest without him making idle comments or asking questions when chances were she’d give him all the answers without his having to so much as raise a brow.

"Fight the Confederation. The chance to try to make up for my family's crimes...”

His hand tightened perceptibly around hers at those words, knowing full well what the Confederation meant for the Dolomarian born woman. It was a fact she couldn’t escape, and one she’d never really had the chance to rectify for herself. He’d always found it curious how she seemed to feel she had to do something to prove directly that she was against what her home planet did when it was clear to anyone who knew her. But he’d never denied her that feeling--it wasn’t something he felt he could. It was an oddly justifiable sensation, and if that meant working against the Feds, there was nothing wrong with that. He knew she wouldn’t do anything stupid about it, at least. If she did, well, that was a different story.

He continued to listen in that intent, unjudgmental way as she went on to explain the people she had recently come into contact with and how she had managed to develop feelings for each of them in turn. The way she spoke about them each individually, it was clear she had sincere, if not potentially dangerous attachments to them. Of course, according to the Jedi, all attachments were dangerous, so he chose not to come to a conclusion based on this fact. Clearly, something was changing here. Maybe Shay just was tired, or maybe, really, they were meant to get more involved in the Alliance and in doing so, they needed people they could rely on in doing so.

But it was clear that Shay was distressed at the fact that she was letting her emotions get “out of hand.” Lysander felt his utmost sympathy for her, but knew there was no reversing what had happened. Just so long as they don’t interfere with her job, she should be okay... His eyes narrowed thoughtfully as he mused.

She felt she had to help them. Compassion was the way of the Jedi. The need to ‘play hero’ was innate. But when it became more personal, it could hurt. They all learned that early on in their trainings and it had never proven to be otherwise...

”I had to go to Dolomar, Lysander."

His eyes flickered with that pain for her as she said this, his heart threatening to skip that beat in an odd sense of mourning. It hurt her to so much as admit it, let alone the act itself that had had to be done. Dolomar was her home--there was always that innate pull to one’s home planet. Her going there had been for a good reason, but that didn’t change the fact that it was one bad place for her to be when so emotionally ridden down.

”A happy ending all around, ignoring the fact that the place still kriffing haunts me in my sleep."

Those words broke his heart, really. With her emotional bond to him, he felt her pain at it all and there were times like this he wished they were the crying type and he could just demand she break down and let him hold her. But that was idle wishing--they were Jedi and too composed for that.

Of course, if he’d thought this was all ‘bad,’ she threw the next one in his face.

"I think I'm falling in love with someone... and I don't know how the hell to make it stop! I'm such a thrice-damned fool."

He broke his silence then, his surprised evident. “You’re... what?” Falling in love? For a moment, he couldn’t wrap his mind around such a concept with his big sister. Especially as it caused her such distress.

Taking a deep breath, he let go of her hand and promptly wrapped his arms around her shoulders, all but dragging her into an embrace. “Oh, Shay, Shay... first of all. You are no thrice-damned fool. Hell, you’re no fool at all. Got it? You’re amazing, if not pushing yourself a bit hard. I think the fact that you care about people even when you know you shouldn’t is sweet.” He pulled back to look her in the eye, his hand coming up to grab her chin for a moment, a pout on his lips. “I don’t know these people, but I’m sure you have a damn good reason for caring. And really, maybe it’s a good thing all around. If you work with these people more...” He trailed off.

“And I’m sorry you had to go to Dolomar. I wish I had been there with you,” he added softly, his hand dropping to find hers. “I can’t imagine it was easy, going in there without being able to tell anyone about the situation. I know I’m not a fan of going to Onderon on my own, and that doesn’t have nearly the same implications as being a Dolomarian these days.”

He sighed, tempted to let his eyes rove but keeping them firmly on her face as he delved into the topic he felt was bothering her most of all. “Who is he?” She would know who he was asking about. If she was falling in love, rightly or otherwise, he needed to know who, why, and how, or else he could never protect her properly.

[Shay Marin]

"You're... what?"

Lysander's shock at her confession resonated both along their Force bond as well as in the timbre of his voice. Shay didn't blame him. This sort of thing wasn't exactly something anyone had ever expected out of her--including herself. Her emotional controls had always been considered quite impressive in the past. Master Marin's patience was legendary even among the Jedi. The past is gone. All we have is today. The future will see to itself. Such is the way of the Living Force.

When the Knight moved to pull the Master into an embrace, he was met with no resistance. Shay welcomed the close human contact with someone who understood her, someone she trusted with everything. Her arms moved to wrap tightly around Lysander's midsection, returning the hug with all she was worth. Closing her eyes, she breathed in her little brother's familiar scent mixed with the fragrance of the nearby flowers, resting her cheek comfortably against his own. She always treated these gestures of affection from her brother as precious things, especially since they were so rarely able to exchange them these days.

"Oh, Shay, Shay... first of all. You are no thrice-damned fool. Hell, you’re no fool at all. Got it? You’re amazing, if not pushing yourself a bit hard. I think the fact that you care about people even when you know you shouldn’t is sweet."

"You're so very kind, Lysander," she murmured quietly in response. Like much of what she said when she was 'off the clock', it was a simply spoken truth. She knew his words were not platitudes, but heartfelt sentiments. She knew his heart ached for her and her distress, and that made her own heartache less difficult to bear. All because she knew she was not alone anymore. "You humble me with it."

"I don’t know these people, but I’m sure you have a damn good reason for caring. And really, maybe it’s a good thing all around. If you work with these people more..."

The hand on her chin was gentle, the look in his steel blue eyes concerned. For his sake, she managed to form the semblance of a smile on her lips. Shay hated to worry him even for a second; she'd go to great lengths to avoid causing him distress. His pain was her own, just as her pain was his own. "If I work with them more, my feelings towards them may well start to interfere with what I have to do to get the job done. The temptation has already been there, Ly. I've already faltered more than I should. I can't..."

Shay shook her head slightly, her golden eyes assuming a hard, determined cast for a moment. "I can't let that happen. I can't fail in my duty because I'm afraid of letting someone down, or because I let my compassion tempt me into dropping my persona, or one of the other damn things that keeps tripping me up. There's too much at stake. I have to go back regardless of the danger. The Director is waiting on me. The rest of the Council is expecting me to continue working with him. I'm stuck." Her faint smile turned lopsided. "I am a dutiful Jedi, after all."

"And I’m sorry you had to go to Dolomar. I wish I had been there with you..."

After his hand sought hers out, Shay's fingers immediately intertwined with Lysander's. She needed even that small extra bit of closeness right now, it was doing so much to assuage the wounds to her spirit. "I wish you had been there too. For more than one reason." A faint spark of her more usual sense of humor flickered in her amber eyes, a promising sign of her emotional recovery. "You don't think rescuing two people from a Confederate military facility was easy, do you? Even with a top notch slicer shutting down the security systems during the escape, getting them out was a miserable job."

"Who is he?"

Shay needed no clarification as to precisely what 'he' Lysander meant. Especially not with that surge of brotherly protectiveness she could feel practically radiating off him. The Jedi Master lifted her free hand to the man's face, lightly cupping his cheek for a moment in an almost motherly gesture. "You never change, and I'm so glad of that fact right now. Your selfless drive to defend those you care for against all potential threats has never ceased to amaze me." Truly, her little brother was well suited to his role as a Jedi Guardian.

Dropping her hand back down into her lap, Shay forced herself to continue meeting his gaze steadily. She would not act ashamed in front of him, she would not shrink from his gaze. He was family, more so than those who shared her blood could ever be. "It's the smuggler I mentioned. Michael Cheydin. Mac, as he prefers to be called. He's... complicated." A frustrated breath rushed out of her. "Which is like saying Coruscant has some people on it."

Shay knew she was starting to ramble again, but she couldn't help it. It was difficult to school her thoughts on the man into rational sentences when the thoughts themselves were nowhere near rational. "I met him by chance during my 'dry run' for the Alliance on Tatooine. He helped us get into the hidden bunker where our target was. In order to do that, we, ah... had to play pretend a bit." Her embarrassment was quite apparent to her fellow Jedi through the Force, even if she managed to keep so much as the faintest blush from showing up on her face. "As in, Elina and I--the Zeltron I mentioned--got to play ladies of the evening, and he got to be the 'lucky' man who hired us."

Master Marin cleared her throat quietly, finding it difficult to explain these circumstances in detail even to someone she trusted so implicitly. "Long story short, I had to wear a kriffing corset, he kissed me, and... I enjoyed it. I've never enjoyed it before." Her free hand reached up to rub the back of her neck in a habitual gesture. "It was... quite a surprise. Anyways, we got the job done. As a result, I ended up owing him a favor. When he ended up with a rather large bounty on his head I helped him engineer the death of his alias. I have never seen a man act so resentful towards someone trying to save his life," she commented ruefully.

Removing her hand from her nape, she proceeded to fingercomb her hair back out of her face "By the Force Lysander, my motives for helping him were noble at the start! All I wanted to do was pay him back the only way I could, since I wouldn't be able to pay him back at all if he died. Then we needed a pilot for the rescue mission, and it seemed only logical to offer him the job, since I knew he was more than qualified. The more time I spent with him, the more I learned about his past... and the more I lost my objectivity. It was on the trip back from Dolomar, in fact, that I started to realize how deeply attached I had become to the damned frustrating man." Obviously this was not a situation Shay was exactly happy about.

Time for another bombshell, and Shay was not looking forward to delivering it. If Lysander thought what she'd told him so far was horrifying, this next piece of information might well make his jaw drop down to his knees. "As further proof that the Force has a sense of humor... guess who showed up here delivering our latest shipment of supplies? And guess who didn't get warned by the Force he was there before she headed to the hangar to get something out of her ship?"

[Lysander Odakota]

"I am a dutiful Jedi, after all."

"You are nothing if not dutiful," Lysander agreed solemnly. And sometimes duty came in the way of your heart. Despite her worries, Lysander was more sure that Shay would always make the right choice. And if she chose heart over duty every now and again and it didn't totally blow up in her face... well, she was sure to have the best damn reason anyone could have come up with. But his confidence was only able to do so much for her--there was still too much uncertainty. The future was ever changing--even the Consulars among the Order acknowledged that, and they more than anyone had a good feel for what might come.

"You never change, and I'm so glad of that fact right now."

He half-closed his eyes as she touched his face, welcoming that mothering gesture he had felt so many times, especially during him teenaged years. He was happy to have not changed, really. He liked the fact that he'd never become jaded like so many seemed to become in this galaxy. It was easier though, when you were a Jedi and had a purpose to focus on to keep you level. As a Guardian, he'd never faltered from his determination to be just that, a guardian of the galaxy.

As Shay began to lament her tale--the one involving the corset--he had to resist his natural impulse to be amused by such mental images. He kept the laughter from being voiced, though, knowing he'd have time to tease her later about it when she wasn't being pained over the situation. Relating it aloud couldn't have been easy for her, and he knew it wasn't just by, well... everything. He could read her all too well and knew her every mannerism. She was very much emotionally pained by this "Mac" situation.

She was falling for someone she clearly felt she shouldn't fall for, nor could she figure out why she was doing so. He'd never run into this predicament before, himself, but with his emotional connection to his sister, he could collect the frustrated sensations as if they were his own.

"And guess who didn't get warned by the Force he was there before she headed to the hangar to get something out of her ship?"

"Oh dear, really?" He didn't need the answer to know what she was talking about. The fact that she hadn't been alerted was curious--what was the reason for that--but the fact that a smuggler she'd met just recently would show up on Ossus with supplies was just bizarre coincidence. And he knew there was not really any such thing as coincidence.

He wished he knew what to tell her, but it was a difficult subject to venture on. "To be honest, I would have never thought you'd fall for a smuggler, Shay. Especially one that seems to aggravate you so." It was an odd aggravation, though. Anyone else who got to Shay like this would have found them cut off from affecting her entirely by her own hand. "Do I need to go check this guy out for myself? I mean, I won't deny you your feelings, but... well, I don't want you getting hurt by some crass smuggler."

Lysander wasn't the vengeful sort, but he'd sure as hell smack down anyone Shay needed him to.