All Right Now, Attn; Shay, pre-mission chat

[Mac Cheydin]

His breath misted in front of his face as he regarded the newly repaired shuttle, same make and class as the shuttles used by the Confederation fleet. It seemed perfectly at home in the subzero temperature of the hangar bay, being far enough removed from the main facility that the tunnel systems and hangar were fashioned out of the solid ice. Captain Mac Cheydin was currently wrapped up warmly in proper attire, gloves protecting his digits from the cold as he fiddled with the ramp controls of the shuttle, cursing softly as the wires sparked.

Another task to complete for the cause, although this one was slightly different, considering the order was coming from the Jedi Council, not High Command. Loran seemed to think Mac was his personal errand boy, so he’d landed with the job again. Or maybe Loran was just intuitive enough to realise who the Jedi would assign to the job on their side. Whatever the reason, Mac had signed on as a Navy Captain, not Loran’s go-to guy for sneaking around, even if Mac was good at it.

He could hardly complain, considering the Jedi had assigned the mission to a particular Jedi Shadow he happened to know. More time with Shay was a positive thing, but he hadn’t quite reached the point where killing people in the soft glow of blasterfire was considered romantic. Or, you know, anything you did in polite company.

The shuttle had been repaired for a specific task, infiltration and extraction, to be precise. The Jedi had extracted an Alliance positive Senator’s family from Confederate house arrest, and now the Senator was awaiting the same treatment, although he would be far harder to get out, considering he was ensconced on Coruscant, throne world of the galaxy and the not-quite centre of the Confederation’s effort of controlling the galaxy.

Hopefully, getting in under the guise of being on the Fed’s side wouldn’t end up with them getting shot, but Mac was not known for his optimism, so he’d come heavily armed anyway. His comm. crackled to life, the sombre words of his first officer on the Foreigner coming through loud and clear as the man filled the Captain in on the details of the ongoing repair and how long it was expected to take.

As his first officer droned on, he successfully connected the wires without singing the tips of his gloves, the ramp whining in protest as it finally opened, slowly descending to admit the Captain. Hopefully Loran would be right, and the current papers on the shuttle wouldn’t raise any flags in the Confederate computer system when they docked in Coruscant.

That was still a few days off, however, preparations were still very much underway, and then they’d have to cover the distance between Rhen Var and Coruscant.

[Shay Marin]

For the first time in her entire life, Shay felt relief over Lysander being thousands of light-years away. The expansive distance gave her the ability to prevent any emotional resonance from reaching him. At least she hoped she’d prevented it; her best friend had enough on his mind without having to put up with her problems as well.

Oh yes, Master Marin most definitely had a serious problem, and one of her own making at that. In short, she was… distracted. No doubt most people in the galaxy wouldn’t understand mere distraction to be any cause for worry. Whose attention didn’t wander now and again? However, Shay wasn’t ‘most people’; she was a Jedi Master with nearly four decades of training in emotional control. This turned what would otherwise be a minor inconvenience into a major cause for concern.

She had contemplated returning to Shedu Maad directly after departing Dolomar, but had instead chosen to hand her report off to a Knight visiting Rhen Var, tasking her to deliver the message. To be fair, said report amounted to little more than ‘Mission Accomplished’, and so nothing would be lost in it not being delivered in person. Avoiding an ‘I told you so’ lecture from Buttons is but a mere—if pleasant—side effect.

Multiple days spent in meditation and self-reflection had provided some balance. Shay had decided her progress sufficient to go back to her duties. Having an important task to perform would no doubt help her focus. At the very least, dealing with a mission in the now would take her mind off contemplating a mission in the past. The fact the Alliance half of the joint mission would be fulfilled by her lover… well, even Jedi Masters deserved a little self-indulgence now and then, right?

A few words of inquiry had provided her Captain Cheydin’s location and current task. In preparation for the frigid temperature of the hangar, the Investigator had topped her work boots and flight suit with a heavy coat and gloves. Yes, she could have used the Force to regulate her temperature without clothing, just as she could have sought Mac out with the Force directly. However, the last thing Shay wanted was to become over-dependent on her powers. In addition, her unsettled state made achieving the necessary concentration a bit more effort intensive than normal.

Once she caught sight of her heart’s desire from across the bay, the Sentinel spared no haste in heading over to him. Her footsteps only slowed when she came close enough to understand the words emanating from Mac’s comm. Much as Shay would rather rush to greet him, she had more than enough discipline to restrain her enthusiasm and not risk giving the Foreigner’s XO more of a glimpse into his commanding officer’s private life than he wanted.

So she idled by, leaning one coat-covered shoulder against the hull of the shuttle to wait. As it had so many times before, the Jedi Master’s eyes came to focus on Mac’s hands as he worked. Force knew why she found him doing such things so appealing, but there it was. The fact he continued to tinker while his subordinate continued to report tempted her to chuckle.

Only after the status report had concluded and the shuttle ramp had ground its reluctant way downwars did she speak. “Giving you trouble, love?” She straightened her posture, hands exiting the pockets they'd tucked into. "Anything I can help with?"

[Mac Cheydin]

He heard the footsteps approaching, but did not turn as he dealt with the wiring and listened to the report coming through his comm. unit. As the ramp lowered, the first officer came to the end and signed off, wishing Mac good luck for his on-going operation. He watched, with no small amount of satisfaction, as the ramp lowered without a hitch. The wiring was a bit dodgy, jury rigging at its best, but the Alliance didn’t have Confederate grade equipment for shuttles like these. They had to steal them first.

“Giving you trouble, love?”

He turned, remembering the footsteps as he rubbed his hands together furiously to give them back some warmth that had left as he’d fiddled with such delicate electronics. He let a smile settle on his face as he saw Shay bundled up nearby, feeling a sense of contentment to be near the woman again. Too often were they worlds apart. Her choice of clothing struck him as odd, since usually she resorted to her Force hokey pokey when forced into colder climates, as he had seen on Ilum. She seemed less inclined to resort to Force trickery after receiving some reminder or bad news, he’d noticed, the reason was beyond him, but he could guess she thought her emotions got in the way or something. Mac was, admittedly, quite curious about what it could be right now.

"Anything I can help with?"

“Nah,” he said, flexing his fingers as he gently bumped his boot into the immobile ramp. “When the Alliance captured the shuttle it got a hit to the ramp controls, completely slagged it. They had to rebuild it and it’s still a bit iffy. A temporary fix is all we can hope for until we nick some Confederate equipment.” Maybe Mac could lift something while they were on Coruscant. Maybe even get them to repair it themselves, but that might prove inconvenient if they got some incompetent mechanics that couldn’t mend it quickly. Better not risk that.

He checked the ramp controls again, glancing back towards Shay as they lighted green. “So, what’s bothering you?” Subtle had never been his game, anyway.

[Shay Marin]

“Nah. […] A temporary fix is all we can hope for until we nick some Confederate equipment.”

Shay knew Mac voiced an unavoidable truth. The planets who provided the strongest support for the Alliance could only donate so much to the cause without getting caught. Illegal groups were bound to have difficulty obtaining items via legal means. When they did, a serious amount of subterfuge often had to come into play.

“Maybe we could look into that on our trip,” she opined. “Though I know we shouldn’t press our luck too hard.” Infiltrating one of the senior worlds of the Confederation provided danger aplenty. Even two capable individuals such as themselves could only do so much to avoid capture or combat there. As much as the Sentinel sought success in all her missions, she’d never ever risk Mac’s wellbeing just to secure some miscellaneous materials.

“So, what’s bothering you?”

For a few moments, the Jedi Master could summon no more than blinks of surprise in response. To say Shay hadn’t expected to be seen through so easily would be a Lysander-grade understatement. She’d thought her balance sufficient enough to prevent her emotional state from leaking through into her body language. Obviously you were wrong. There’s some more arrogance for you.

A brief flash of guilt darkened amber eyes to a discontent brown. By the Force, she hadn’t wanted to have this conversation, at least not yet. That said, the idea of hiding anything from the man she loved felt downright selfish—not to mention unfair to him. She knew so many of his personal pains, after all.

An uneasy shift in her posture preceded a quick tilt of her head towards the open shuttle. Her intentions in ascending the ramp at a rapid pace were not to flee Mac’s question. Instead she sought out some semblance of privacy. While she sensed no one nearby who might overhear her approaching confession, changing their position provided a small comfort. Force knew she needed some right now.

Shay sat down on the nearest available convenient surface to come to rest, a bench seat in the vessel’s passenger compartment. Jacketed arms folded across her chest, the gesture as much defensive as it was self-protective. Slience stretched for several seconds as the Jedi Master tried to compose the proper words to say to convey how she felt.

“I think I’ve made a mistake.” Her tone sounded uncharacteristically uncertain, a sure sign of her level of distress. “One born of arrogance. I let my emotions control my actions, cloud my judgment. And now I’m paying the price, at least in my own mind. I’m… not sure how to handle it.”

[Mac Cheydin]

Mac picked up on Shay’s surprise at how easily he’d cottoned on. He might’ve felt offended a few years before, he wasn’t thick after all, but he’d come to accept all Jedi underestimated those who didn’t happen to have some mystical all-powerful force at their fingertips. It was a character flaw, he’d decided, one that Shay didn’t tend to suffer from too much, but she had her moments.

When Shay tilted her head towards the open ramp, Mac got the idea and turned to gather up the tools he had used to repair the controls and putting them back into the nearby toolbox, before following the Jedi into the innards of the captured Confederate shuttle. She had already sat down and crossed her arms before her by the time Mac boarded, recognising the gesture as defensive. But he ignored it, settling heavily into the seat next to her and leaning back, limbs stretching out as he claimed the space for his own.

“I think I’ve made a mistake.”

Not unique, in and of itself. Mistakes weren’t uncommon, even among Jedi, and if they claimed it was he was sure they were lying. The unique element was the fact that Shay was visibly bothered by it, which meant it wasn’t some trivial mistake like forgetting to turn the oven off before leaving to kill Feds. She wasn’t offering a lot of detail on exactly what she’d done, so Mac remained silent, stretching his arm behind her on the backrest of the seat as he listened.

“I’m… not sure how to handle it.”

Jedi training was clearly not up to snuff if a mistake created such a reaction; they took things a bit too personally if they gave in to their emotions. Mac felt far better off than Shay, as he’d come into the habit of making mistakes and living with them from an early age. Shay was obviously not used to personal failure on that level. Their whole rule about denying passion and emotion and all that crock, it was just unhealthy. It created more problems than it solved, was his opinion.

“Contrary to popular belief among the ranks,” he began, voiced imbued with soft humour as his hand settled on Shay’s shoulder and squeezed gently, “I can’t read minds. What happened, Shay?” His last words softened and grew more serious. He leaned forward to look directly at Shay’s face as he waited for an answer, eyebrows arched upwards and face solemn.

[Shay Marin]

“Contrary to popular belief among the ranks, I can’t read minds.”

Pale lips twitched in reflex, though a true smile failed to form. Could’ve fooled me today, her conscience commented. To be fair, Shay had never doubted his powers of perception. Mac had always seen so much in her, picked up slight nuances the rest of the galaxy missed. Still… she should have been better at containing her disquiet. The ripples cast by recent events continued to spread in scope and influence despite her best efforts.

”What happened, Shay?”

Refusing to take the coward’s way out, Shay forced herself to meet his searching gaze. Not that avoiding his eyes would have done any good, of course, but it was the principle of the matter. In her mind’s eye their auras mingled due to their close proximity: hers fluctuating shadow, his radiating warmth. Weary in heart if not in body, the Sentinel leaned her side against his for support.

“We decided it time to make our opposition to the Confederation official.” She had chosen one beginning out of many. Going back to the very start of her current issue would require a much longer journey to reach the understanding he sought. “I volunteered to go as the Order’s representative.”

Her chuckle held no humor, only derision, all of it self-directed. “No... I insisted I go. The uncharitable might even say demanded. I told them I was the best person for the job, the Master most capable of entering enemy territory, delivering the message, and escaping capture.” Or worse, but that coda did not need to be played. “Which was true, I suppose, but it wasn’t right. Some of the others tried to tell me that, but I wouldn’t listen. I was so sure…”

Pale features folded into a pained grimace. “Even then, I could have avoided the worst error. I had my pick of targets. But no, I had something to prove and old ghosts to confront. I thought I needed to do it to move on. I thought I was strong enough. ” Her throat worked at swallowing down the ache rising in her chest. “I’m not, Mac. I never should have made it personal. I never should have made it family.”

[Mac Cheydin]

He shifted to accommodate Shay, straightening his lounge and settling his arm more comfortably on her shoulder, waiting as she mentally steeled herself for whatever tale she had to tell.

“I volunteered to go as the Order’s representative.”

He did recall Loran briefly commenting on something related to that, the Jedi Order officially joining the rebellion, picking a side. For the galaxy, it could mean more support for the Alliance, more people realising that the rebellion wasn’t going to just disappear. For the Alliance, it meant that they would no longer have to keep the Jedi presence secret from the ordinary troops, a chance of increasing the morale of a run ragged rebellion. It was more political than practical, but Loran seemed to think the advantages of being openly supported by the Order was larger than the advantages of secret support from the Jedi.

Mac, not being accustomed to running organisations, did not see how losing a secret advantage was better than gaining an obvious advantage. If everyone knew you had it they could figure out how to make it less advantageous. Of course, it had everything to do with the Jedi Order, they probably didn’t appreciate being seen as a secret weapon.

“I was so sure…”

He grimaced, mentally mapping out all the paths this story could end up plotting. She wasn’t dead, or apparently wounded, which meant it hadn’t gone bad in the way his operations tended to. That was, to him, a winning situation, but Shay would disagree. Anything you escaped out of with your limbs intact was considered a success. Escaping with the means to feed yourself and keep your ship afloat was merely a bonus.

“I never should have made it family.”

It was no secret that Shay was related to the famed Marin’s of Dolomar, having blurted it out in front of her the first time he’d heard her full name. It was easy for him to come to the conclusion that she had approached family, however estranged, to reveal the Jedi Order’s allegiance. It had ended badly, which he could’ve predicted, but he decided to not be so discourteous as point out the obvious right now.

Hadn’t a Marin been promoted to Grand Marshal not so long ago? Yeah, he could remember the newsfeeds of it, the whole thing making him feel ill in how the Confederation waxed poetic about their newest bastard in the pilot’s seat. Avery Marin, Mac had briefly worked with him in the Army.

“You approached Avery Marin?” Mac looked vaguely incredulous, although his expression was directed at the wall opposite them rather than Shay herself. “He’s a total bastard,” he muttered, frowning. That was admittedly Mac’s general opinion of Confederate superiors, but Avery Marin was a special kind of bastard.

Admittedly, if he’d been in Shay’s place, he would’ve picked Avery Marin for entirely different reasons. Rubbing it in his face, being one. He’d have loved to see the look on that man’s face, but he doubted Shay would accept the argument that she shouldn’t take it so badly because Mac would’ve done a worse mess of it.

“Well, what’d you say? What’d he say?” Mac questioned, straightening and turning his gaze back to Shay, before adding wistfully, “I wish you’d taken a picture of his face when you told him.” The gentle smirk indicated he was poking fun, trying to lighten the mood.

[Shay Marin]

“You approached Avery Marin? He’s a total bastard,”

The Jedi Master nodded, glad yet again for Mac’s sharpness of mine. It kept her from having to go into more detailed explanations. Every little bit helped when it came to the difficulty of this conversation. “An understatement.” Glimpsing the inner being of a war criminal had left her feeling soiled for the rest of the day.

“Well, what’d you say? What’d he say? I wish you’d taken a picture of his face when you told him.”

Shay rewarded her lover’s attempt at easing her discomfort with a wan smile. She couldn’t say she was surprised by the former smuggler’s response to her confession. His hatred for the Confederation military had been one of the first hints she’d gathered of his background years back. Not that I can blame him for it, as much as all Jedi do their best to eschew the emotion. Not to mention if he’d ever run into her cousin back in his army days, his disdain would be all the stronger and more personal. She doubted Avery had been any better a person back then.

“Well, at first neither of us were saying anything, as he was busy drawing his blaster on me and I was busy pulling it away from him.” The Sentinel managed to push a short chuckle through her tight throat. “I broke into his home and waited in his study for him to arrive. A demonstration of what a Jedi was capable of should they set their mind to it, staged for the ‘benefit’ of the Confederate brass. I’m not unfamiliar with the use of psychological warfare.”

The faint humor Shay had struggled to summon into her behavior faded then, leaving disquiet behind. “He was glad to see me, Mac.” Perhaps he wouldn’t understand why that fact had disturbed her so much, but she knew he’d try to see circumstances from her perspective. “Thrilled even. Then proud when I told him of my position in the Order.”

Her voice took a turn for the bitter then, an emotion outright alien coming from her. “Only the best for a Marin, after all. Natural leaders, brilliant minds, privileged upbringings. He saw it as only natural that the Order would recognize my… potential.”

With a quick headshake she dismissed the unproductive thoughts. “I think he believed I’d come to help the Confederation at first. Why else would his long-lost Jedi cousin pay him a visit, right? What other conclusion could I have drawn, if I were a reasonable woman?” A muscle along her jawline jumped as she gritted her teeth. “Then he found out otherwise…”

[Mac Cheydin]

“Then proud when I told him of my position in the Order.”

Avery Marin, from what Mac had seen and heard from the grapevine of the armed forces, had always seemed a little unhinged. This was reinforced with Shay’s descriptions of his reaction to her sudden and unexpected appearance in his home. However, Mac pondered, what little he knew of the Dolomarian houses underlined that they were all very fond of the family bloodline. Avery Marin’s reaction, from a Dolomarian perspective, was probably completely warranted, especially considering the structure of the Confederation itself. Effort and success was rewarded, the rank of Master of the Jedi Order was significant to anyone who still remembered the Order for what they’d stood for in the past rather than the bunch of dodgy wizards they’d turned into.

“He saw it as only natural that the Order would recognize my… potential.”

Mac grimaced. Only the Confederation could make the word potential, usually a positive laden word, into something close to an insult. The Confederation peddled potential like it was the latest drug, uplifting those that they knew held potential in an effort to unlock it. Mac was reminded of his early years in the Confederation, where he had been pinned as one of many with potential. The Confederation knew what they wanted, and they were relatively honest in communicating that. They wanted you to do your best and hand your soul over to them. Mac was still trying to get his back.

“Then he found out otherwise…”

Had to give the man points for delusion. To be so sure that an unexpected visitor was there to his advantage rather than disadvantage. Or maybe it had been because she had gone through the effort of seeking him out on Dolomar. Considering it from a rational perspective, it was a foolish move on Shay’s part, to make something that should have been impersonal into a personal matter. Mac was rarely rational and rarely considered the rational point of view.

He would have made it abundantly clear why he was there, if it had been him, a blaster to the face would’ve done that nicely. But the Jedi treasured their pacifist ways too much to really resort to something like that, unless they felt like being hypocritical and using their shiny swords for intimidation.

Perhaps Mac was listening a bit too much to Loran.

“And then?”

[Shay Marin]

“And then?”

Another faint smile tugged at Shay’s pale lips. All of her previous words, her struggle to say them, the emotional contexts involved, had been absorbed and accepted by the man she loved. Where she saw herself making a terrible mistake, Mac saw what he likely would have done in her robes. The Sentinel knew nothing less could have been expected of him. As much as the two of them had proved compatible in so many ways, they possessed more than their fair share of differences too.

Master Marin’s expression returned to troubled solemnity. “Avery was shocked. I mean absolutely floored. For a moment he tried to believe I’d made a joke in poor taste, I think.” She shrugged slightly. “That didn’t last long. He could tell I was serious. Then…”

Amber eyes fell closed, accompanied by a weary sigh. “He felt hurt,” she continued, quieter than before. “The idea that any Marin would turn on the family...” Shay’s head shook slightly, the tips of her blonde hair brushing against her shoulders and Mac’s arm both from the motion. “It didn’t matter I’d been away for almost forty years. I’m still part of the family to him. I still should be loyal.”

A hand lifted to her face, thumb and forefinger pinching the bridge of her nose as her eyes closed. “He believes my life in the Order has… confused me. Kept me so sheltered that I don’t understand how the galaxy works—and how war works in particular. He blames those who instructed me for my not being able to see ‘reason’.” The rather un-Jedi-like snort she vocalized then made it clear how Shay felt about her cousin’s definition of that word.

The Investigator removed her fingers from her face, both arms returning to resting folded across her chest protectively. Amber eyes open to stare off into the middle distance. “He asked me to stay. Pleaded with me to let him show me why the Confederation was the cause worth fighting for. And made it clear I would have his protection during my stay. Despite the fact I’d made it blatantly clear I was now the enemy.”

With another sigh, Master Marin tipped her head to the side and rested her cheek against Mac’s shoulder. “…I remember him, you know,” she commented, her tone soft and faintly pained. “From when I was a child. He used to babysit me a lot. He was protective of me then too…”

[Mac Cheydin]

“He blames those who instructed me for my not being able to see ‘reason’.”

The snort Mac emitted was derisive, faintly amused at Avery’s mentality on the matter. “Someone’s confused, but I don’t think it’s you,” he muttered. It wasn’t odd, considering the environment Avery Marin grew up in. Even those who weren’t as rooted in the Confederation as the Houses felt the pull of the propaganda. Serving in the Confederation had, in the past, been a thing to be proud of for Mac, fighting for a cause, all of that. Sure, you had to do some less pleasant things as a soldier, but it was for the greater good, wasn’t it?

Mac mentally shook himself, a tight uncomfortable feeling coming over him at the thought of how he’d used to think before he’d lost everything to them. He didn’t like the thought of anyone wilfully subjecting themselves to Confederate propaganda, which was everywhere. On Dolomar it was impossible to think negatively, everything surrounding you designed to make you think of the Confederation as nothing but righteous and just.

“Despite the fact I’d made it blatantly clear I was now the enemy.”

“I’m glad you didn’t,” he said, rubbing a broad palm along her arm, the physical contact easing his mind slowly. “The Confederation gets in your head, stick around long enough and you’re going to start thinking like them.” The ‘like I did’ was left unsaid. Mac the Confederate officer didn’t start thinking about it until they’d stripped him of one of the things that had made things worthwhile, left him feeling anxious, unsure, and completely unfit to protect the one left worth living for.

He wasn’t naïve enough to think the Alliance didn’t do the same, but at least they weren’t aiming guns at loved ones. Not yet. He wondered how long it’d take before the Alliance proved him right about his terrible track record when it came to causes.

“He was protective of me then too…” He nudged her gently, hand coming up to shake her shoulder. “Remember the good things,” he said, amused. “I wish I had a drink, we could make a toast to estranged relatives, we’ve all got ‘em.”