Follow You Down, attn: Shay

[Lysander Odakota]

To anyone who’d known him long enough, Lysander was predictable. His behaviour habits were long standing ones, and given the right circumstances, he could be expected to react a certain way. Case in point was his current behaviour. With the attack on his Padawan and his own sense of self worth as a Master being called into question again, he did what he tended to do--he isolated himself.

It wasn’t really a conscious reaction, but he did it nonetheless. For the first few days he’d isolated in a more emotional and mental way, talking to almost no one as he’d waited for his Padawan to awaken from her healing trance. After she’d woken, however, and he finally felt like he could leave her side, his isolation had become more obviously pronounced. Except the occasional encounter in the infirmary when he’d gone to visit Tarissa, he’d not seen anyone and had made a point of keeping it that way. It was just his fortune that Shay was off playing ambassador, really. She had always inevitably been the one to protest his distance.

Maybe that was why he was out here, treading the terrain of Shedu Maad’s surface. When he’d heard rumour that Shay was due back on planet from her mission, he’d instinctively put even more distance. He didn’t want to talk about the thoughts on his mind, on the anger and worry that still nipped at his heels, threatening to consume him if he stopped to let it. He didn’t want to admit aloud the helpless feeling he’d stumbled upon. He didn’t want to go through this again.

A part of him knew it would be smarter to stop, to give into the inevitable. Better to go through this again with someone who loved him than to do it solo. But something of a stubborn nature meant that he at least had to try and fight what was coming for him.

He’d paced the ridges of the plateau the Redoubt hid within for a time before eventually deciding that even that was too close. Leaving the rocky table hadn’t been simple, given its height, but he was a determined Jedi and almost nothing stopped that. Now he was actually a good kilometer into the foliage that surrounded the base of the plateau, and heading further deeper. Force signature repressed--an unusual thing for him when he was safe here at ‘home’--and mind set on getting as lost as possible for a time, he actually dared hope he wouldn’t be found until he was ready. Whenever that might be.

The Guardian acknowledged that it was somewhat irresponsible of him to be out here, doing this without word to anyone about where he’d gone. But he didn’t currently care. It was either this, disappearing into the trees for a time, or he’d disappear into the stars in search of the one who’d dare touch his apprentice. He wanted revenge, much as he knew he shouldn’t. He wanted to make Hush regret. And that was a dangerous feeling. So as much as he ran from those who would ask questions, he also ran from the temptation. Much as the dangerous Miraluka needed to be dealt with, Lysander also knew it was a task that needed to be done with a clear head, and he most certainly did not possess one now.

[Shay Marin]

The Force cared no more about distance than it did about size. Hundreds of light years might keep Shay and her brother apart in body, but in spirit they would always be together. No one who hadn't experienced this level of mental intimacy for themselves could hope to understand how it worked. The close bond between them defied description as well as the laws of physics.

That said, such a connection served as a double-edged sword. Joys might be shared and doubled by the sharing, but so were sorrows. When one of them hurt, they both did. More than once over the years, the Sentinel had been ambushed by mental imagery, warnings of impending danger to her other half. They'd accepted such consequences long ago when their connection began to form, but that didn't make experiencing them any less pleasant.

When Shay had found herself dragged out of a sound sleep by a raging storm of negative emotion not her own, she'd immediately determined the cause. The fact the feelings came from outside her own mind didn't make the sensations any less disturbing. Worse, she couldn't tell from the flash of insight the reasons behind Lysander's fear and rage. All she did know was that right now her little brother was in danger--more than one kind, in point of fact.

She'd packed up the few possessions she'd brought that very night. Arranging a ride off Manda'yaim was not so easily or quickly accomplished, much to the Investigator's frustration. Master Marin had never regretted so much leaving her own ship behind on a mission. Then there were goodbyes to say and explanations to be given. To the Director, Shay had sent a message indicating her duties to her fellow Jedi required her to leave. To the Mandalorians, she'd said her family needed her. Both lines of reasoning were the truth, if from different points of view.

Most of the trip from Manda'yaim to Rhen Var and then on to Shedu Maad was spent in meditation. Why? Because it was better than driving herself half-crazy with worry, which Shay found herself most tempted to do. The direct and immediate danger to her brother had ended, yes, but she could tell even across the vast interstellar void that Lysander was still hurting. Worse, he'd been shaken to the core by whatever happened in a way nothing had managed since Grahnt. This made her begrudge every day--nay, every hour--it took for her to return to the Redoubt.

Upon arrival, however, Shay found herself faced with an unexpected problem: she couldn't find her little brother. Perhaps to most people this would seem like a rather ordinary issue, but when you were Force bonded to someone you'd be more likely to misplace an arm than your soulmate. A few minutes of seeking him out through the Force later, she realized Lysander had actually cut her off. He'd suppressed his Force signature beyond her ability to sense at a distance, in the process dampening the connection between them to but a faint whisper of his normal presence.

Shoving down the small jab of hurt this conclusion produced, she defaulted to Investigator mode and started asking around. Finding out about Tarissa's injuries gave Shay all the explanation she needed. Her heart ached for the young woman and the mature man both. No wonder he's reacting this way. It's still not a good reaction, of course, but a very understandable one.

Everyone she talked to confirmed Master Odakota was present--where else would he be, with his Padawan still being tended by the Healers--but no one had any idea where he might be now. The Investigator soon determined no one had seen him for several hours. At last she happened across a witness who'd caught a glimpse of Lysander leaving the complex and heading out past the gardens.

On a mission now, Shay retraced her steps and headed back towards the Guardian's assigned quarters. After retrieving an item of discarded clothing from within, the Sentinel next headed towards the hangar where the Lucidity was berthed. Maybe I can't find you, Ly-Ly, she commented in the general psychic 'direction' of her unresponsive best friend. But I know someone who can.

While Kai had reached her full adult size by now, she still possessed a puppy's eager energy. The vornskr scurried out of the courier as soon as her owner lowered the landing ramp. Out of consideration for her fellow Jedi and any potential discomfort they might feel, Shay often left her pet in her ship while occupied by other duties when there was no one around willing to supervise the rambunctious animal. Today Kai was in for a real treat, though.

Presenting the wrinkled tunic to the canine, Master Marin waited while the animal acquired a good sniff. "Find," she commanded next in Old Corellian, one of the words Mac had taught her for training her pet. Barking in understanding, Kai sprinted off in search of her reluctant packmate. Shay followed after at a more sedate pace. She paid little mind to the startled reactions the sight of a vornskr running down the hallway produced in those she passed, mind focused with laser intensity on her goal.

In theory Force could do anything, but so far as the Sentinel knew no Jedi had ever developed the ability to repress their scent. Lysander was about to have this point driven home by his big sister with a vengeance.

A bit over half an hour of searching brought human and vornskr to the rock strewn edge of the plateau. Kai whined in frustration, knowing her quarry had gone down here but smart enough to not try her luck at descending the sharp slope. "Oh, he is so going to get it now," Shay muttered to the empty air. No real rancor lay behind the tone or the thought however... only deepening concern. Okay, and a little bit of frustration. That man can be so damned obstinate about refusing to follow his own advice.

Another backtrack then, this time to requisition an airspeeder. While the idea of floating her pet down the cliff with the Force produced an amusing mental image, she found no reason for such 'showing off' when a simpler and safer option existed. Not to mention I doubt the poor girl would take the experience well. More frustration surfaced at how many delays she'd faced in coming to her brother's aid, but Shay set the emotion aside as unproductive. She would find him soon enough, and she would be there for him as long as it took to make things better.

Yes... whether he liked it or not.

After parking the 'speeder in the closest clearing she could locate amidst the trees, Shay directed the vornskr to resume the hunt. Kai needed no encouragement, enjoying both the opportunity to roam about in the wilderness unleashed as well as the prospect of greeting her packmate. Catching a much fresher scent of him than before, the canine started making a beeline for her quarry's position, barking happily all the while.

[Lysander Odakota]

The first indication Lysander received that he’d been found was a sharp staccato barking that rang through the trees. Initially the sound was met with a sharp spike of alarm on his part, which was quickly dampened by a flood of suspicion instead. Turning briefly--without stopping his journey forward--he studied the trees. He knew that bark. Or at least he hoped he knew that bark. While he was certain no wild vornskrs roamed the surface of Shedu Maad, that didn’t rule out other wild dogs, and he didn’t fancy meeting any.

But given the fact that the canine sounded quite excited--less hunting and stalking and more ‘I’ve found you!’ in nature--and the fact that he expected Shay’s pending arrival as much as he resisted it, he felt he could rather safely assume it was Kai. Just to confirm, he finally allowed himself to reach out with the Force, touching first the vornskr and then the woman following her.

Part of him--the most sincere part of him--was comforted by the presence of his sister’s spirit so near. If he were listening to that part of himself, he would have stopped to listen to her. As it stood, he was listening to a part far less rational, and kept moving forward, ignoring the growing noise of a Kai drawing in close. He didn’t hurry his pace, knowing they’d catch him eventually, but that didn’t mean he was going to just stop and let himself be cornered.

Feeling the insistence in his sister’s mind that he stop and talk to her, he resisted. Unable to put the words ‘go away’ into her mind without feeling guilty for snubbing her so openly, she would instead get a distinct emotional impression essentially begging her to leave him alone. The sensation was only made more desperate by the fact that he knew it would avail to nothing. She was as stubborn as he, and he knew were their situations reversed, he’d not give up on her either.

Not that she’s quite stupid enough to pull a stunt like this. There’s a reason she’s your superior in most every way, he reminded himself darkly as he pushed through a slightly thicker copse of trees, hoping to slow Kai down. He was pretty sure by this point that if he turned around he’d see her sleek dark form bounding along the path he’d just forged.

[Shay Marin]

Shay couldn't help but feel a bit heartened when she detected the touch of Lysander's mind against her own aura. He was at least acknowledging her presence now, instead of trying to go on pretending she didn't exist. That was something... not a big something, perhaps, but enough firm ground to build hope on. The Sentinel refused to despair over her best friend. They would work through this together and find his peace again.

Then her brother sent a wave of dark sentiment her way, making it clear without directed thought he did not welcome her company. Again Shay found herself feeling hurt by his behavior, but she pushed the selfish reaction back out of her mind. He didn't mean to cause her pain, she knew that, knew him far too well to ever believe him capable of even the slightest hint of cruelty. His reaction stood akin to that of a wounded animal snapping at the hand which reached out to tend them.

::No.:: Master Marin could make her intentions no clearer. No matter how far he tried to run or how well he tried to hide, she would not stop following him. Never would she give up on him--or let him give up on himself. He'd come close to doing so seven years ago, and she remembered well the agonies her little brother had put himself through. In the end her efforts and steadfast devotion had helped him discover the path back to the light. She would do so again; Shay would accept no other result.

After some more stubborn pursuit, Shay drew close enough to hear the noise Lysander made as he tromped through the underbrush. His pace sounded hurried just short of an actual run. The Sentinel fell into a jog in the hope to catch up all the faster. She soon lost sight of her pet, Kai bounding over all obstacles the forest presented far easier than a human could.

Clawed paws scrabbled on fallen leaves and dirt as the canine arrived within pouncing distance of her prey. Quite pleased with herself, the vornskr bounced in circles around the Guardian. She'd learned this packmate didn't enjoy being jumped on, so the animal restrained herself that much. When he tried to keep on walking, Kai positioned herself directly in his path, dark eyes gazing up at him with the most pathetic "Pet meeeeeeee!" look she could summon up.

Shay smiled a little as she picked up the happy resonance of the vornskr's aura. However, Lysander's mental shielding remained locked down tight. ::Ly-Ly, you need to stop,:: she insisted via telepathy. ::Please?:: The Investigator did not slacken her pace, bound and determined to get within physical sight of the man at last.

[Lysander Odakota]

::No.::

Such a simple word, but so blunt in this particular situation that it shook the man’s resolve somewhat. How could he run from that? He knew he couldn’t, and perhaps that’s why his steps faltered for a moment. Her opinion held so much weight on him it was hard to resist her insistence that this wouldn’t end in him getting lost and her going home. But after a moment he redoubled his efforts and continued forward, compelled by his own misgivings. He was being driven deeper into dark before he was going to find his way back. By his own actions, things were going to get worse before they got better.

His reaction in the situation was so poor it was almost as if he were doing this to himself on purpose. Some part of him, perhaps, aimed to teach himself a hard lesson, punishing himself for what he perceived as flawed. No one else would reprimand him for his negligence or inform him that he was a failure, so he was going to have to do it himself. But in doing so he only wounded himself further.

Suddenly, behind him came the vornskr, and she bounded around him with a puppy’s enthusiasm. Doing his best to ignore her, he didn’t falter in his steps and continued forward, knowing Shay would be close behind. While he knew she’d catch up eventually, he wanted to delay it as long as possible. Maybe in that time he could begin to get a grasp on his own mind, he didn’t need to be seen like this.

But Kai put herself right in his tracks, and to get beyond her would require him to go right over her. He debated doing that when Shay reached out to him again.

::Ly-Ly, you need to stop. Please?::

The insistent plea stopped him finally as he realized what he was doing with more clarity than he had previously. He was running from someone he trusted more than he trusted himself. Why would he do that? Despair caught up in his throat and he sank to his knees in front of the animal who was so simply happy to see him. He found that if he couldn’t keep going that standing was something he didn’t have the willpower for. Running had been his driving force, and now he was vulnerable without that goal.

Frustrated and perhaps slightly confused now, he pressed his thumbs to his temples, trying to alleviate some of the mental pressure so many negative emotions caused in him. He heard Shay coming now, could feel her drawing close even through his shielding. Running was no longer an option, even if he changed his mind. He was already caught.

Dropping his hands, he looked back bleakly to where Shay now came towards him through the trees. He felt as if he should say something, but words refused to form and he simply let her come without greeting.

[Shay Marin]

The vornskr's excitement spiked sharply when she caught up with her second favorite Jedi. Up ahead Shay could hear the sounds of thrashing limbs tearing through the undergrowth in accompaniment to the emotional reaction. In her mind's eye she could easily picture Kai's happy dance around Lysander. After all, she had been greeted in a similar way many times by her pet.

At last the Investigator caught up to her target, quickly stepping into view... and just as quickly stopping in her tracks. The look on her little brother's face broke her heart. Since his shields were still up and their mental connection still blocked, only now could she truly see the depths of his despair. The pain reflected in those steel blue eyes made her own chest ache in sympathetic response. The shadows beneath them spoke of a dire lack of sleep.

"Oh, little brother..." Booted feet started moving again, bringing her to Lysander's back. She joined him in kneeling on the ground, then wrapped both her arms around his waist and rested her chin against his right shoulder. This way she could embrace him without him feeling uncomfortable in having to face her. Eventually she would make him meet her eyes, for his own good, but right now she felt it far more important to pull him back from the emotional brink.

The Sentinel opened her own mind to her best friend, broadcasting her own deep-set feelings of love and concern. She did so 'loud' enough that he could not avoid 'hearing' it, no matter how much he tried to hide from her caring. Shay offered no words right now, only emotions and mental impressions of comfort. The impulse to start rocking him a little, as she used to do when he was a child, flitted across her consciousness. Tempting as the nostalgic gesture might be, however, she didn't want Lysander to think she wasn't taking the reasons for his upset seriously.

For a good long while she remained silent, holding onto him with both her body and her heart. He'd not be running away from her again; she wouldn't allow it. "You know..." she spoke up at last, a light wash of sibling teasing coloring her voice and aura. "I seem to have this issue with loving men who always try to run away when I want to help them." Needling him about his occasional similarities to Mac would usually draw at least a hint of rueful amusement out of her brother. Right now she hoped the small bit of humor might help distract him from his self-abuse obsession.

[Lysander Odakota]

"Oh, little brother..."

Lysander knew that he was hurting her, however indirectly. It was just one of those things that came with the territory--he hurt every time she hurt, too. That was one of the hazards of a bond like theirs. Much as it was a gift, it also could be something that could make things go very badly in the wrong situation. Of course, it also meant Shay knew how to handle the situation. She was in no way blind to his feelings, even with his desire to keep her that way.

He sighed in resign at her embrace. Any impulse he had left to run disappeared completely. There was no point to even considering that anymore. Even if he wanted to--which he never did--fighting her would have been impossible in his current state. He was distracted to the point of being easily overcome. Still, despite his giving into this fact, he couldn’t relax. It would take a lot more than the warmth of his sister’s embrace to unwind him from this, and they both knew it.

He closed his eyes, attempting to find his center, to find a place in his own head that wasn’t currently wrought with thoughts best unthought. He clung to the proclamation of love and concern, accepting it despite his need to deny it. With a mind full of contradictions, actual meditation to clear his mind was out of the question. But at least contradictions were a better place than a mind set solely on destroying itself.

After a long time of silence between them, she did finally speak, breaking the slightly catatonic and ultimately useless state he’d let his mind fall into while trying to cope.

"You know... I seem to have this issue with loving men who always try to run away when I want to help them."

His eyes opened, a rueful twist to lips as he turned his head slightly to look at her in their close space. “Less your problem, more ours,” he corrected. At least he was talking to her now, it seemed, though words felt awkward to him. And he had to note that as far as he knew, Mac was doing far less running these days. So why was the brother still doing it? Even he didn’t know.

He sighed again, this time more heavily, and actually relaxed a touch in her embrace, as if simply forcing himself to talk to her had made all the difference. He mulled over what else he might say for a moment before he added, “Guess I’m just lucky you love me. Not much other reason to think I’m worth the effort of coming after.” He doubted anyone else on this rock of a planet would have known how to stop him in the first place.

[Shay Marin]

“Less your problem, more ours,”

One of the lessons Gandon Vir had imparted upon his former Padawan had been that so long as you were able to see the inherent humor in life, you could survive anything it threw at you. Two plus decades of adult experience on Shay's part had proved the old man correct regarding many a subject, including this one. For this reason, the small suggestion of a smile on Lysander's face offered the Sentinel another slender thread of hope to hold.

The stiffness of his posture softened some, firm muscle unclenching. Another welcome change, another lifeline to grasp. Shay no longer felt as though she were hugging living rock.

On further examination, Master Marin decided that particular metaphor didn't fit her best friend at all. Stone was a static substance; Lysander was anything but. Metal worked better. He bent instead of cracked. A damaged sword could be repaired and reforged to reclaim its full strength again, whereas no amount of work would ever turn a pile of pebbles back into a boulder.

“Guess I’m just lucky you love me. Not much other reason to think I’m worth the effort of coming after.”

Now it was the big sister's turn to sigh. "Stop that," she chided gently, tightening the grip of her arms around him. "You know better, or at least you should." Many 'mere mortals' would no doubt be quite amazed to learn members of the Order were not immune to bouts of self-doubt and depression. Training in emotional discipline helped a great deal, of course, but Jedi were still living beings and not droids with Force powers. Everyone stumbled on the path sometime.

She turned her head enough to deliver a sisterly kiss to his cheek. "I love you because you're a wonderful person, Lysander." She did not intend this as flattery, only sincere opinion. Yes, Shay knew herself to be incredibly biased when it came to her little brother, but his being an intrinsically good man bore the 'blame' for said bias. "The others who love you do so for the same reason. You're never going to convince us otherwise, so you might as well accept it." The teasing lilt had returned to her voice, but she meant the words no less seriously for the tone.

The nearby vornskr, feeling more than a little ignored at this point, trotted up towards the pair of Jedi with the plan of liberally applying her tongue to the Guardian's face. Surely that would make one of her favorite people feel better, right? Recognizing what her pet was up to, Shay brought Kai to a halt with another quick command in Old Corellian. Falling back onto her haunches in obedience, the black-furred canine began to whine in discontent.

"Oh shush now," Master Marin told the animal, both a little exasperated and a little amused at the vornskr's behavior. "You'll be fine, you silly beast." She found it interesting how quickly she'd picked up the habit of addressing her pet as though it were a fellow sentient being. "See, Ly-Ly? Kai loves you too." Another tease, its occurrence both spontaneous and calculated. Force, but she wanted to make him smile again. The expression usually came so easily to him, so its absence in the present felt especially profound.

[Lysander Odakota]

"Stop that. You know better, or at least you should."

The chide was neither unexpected nor unwarranted. He knew full well he was being childish, but that didn’t change how he felt. With others he might have at least tried to hide it, to deny the thoughts in his own head, but with Shay there was no point. At least she wasn’t willing to let him get away with it. Right now he might have wanted to have his self doubts confirmed for his own self destructive mode, but he certainly didn’t need it.

"I love you because you're a wonderful person, Lysander. The others who love you do so for the same reason. You're never going to convince us otherwise, so you might as well accept it."

The reminder--and even the words Shay chose to use--reminded him all too well of words he’d spoken to Constance on a number of occasions. As much as she tended to be convinced she wasn’t a good person, he always insisted otherwise, and loved her for it. The fact that he refused to do the same in taking Shay’s word for it made him feel distinctly hypocritical. This unusually pessimistic outlook didn’t help him feel much better, even as he knew he was forced to accept the fact that he was well loved, despite his faults.

"See, Ly-Ly? Kai loves you too."

His gaze moved up to the vornskr who was busy vocalizing how much she didn’t want to listen to reason either. At least Kai has better trained to listen to an unwanted order in comparison to his inability to listen to a reasonable request. Animals and their simple minds had it so much easier when it came to getting over things.

“Stupid animal,” Lysander stated, though his tone was one of grudging affection. He shifted in Shay’s grip, removing himself from her embrace enough to finally look at her completely. With no intention to run in his mind, it seemed Shay was willing--though possibly reluctantly--to let him go that far. In doing so, he dropped some of his mental shielding, the effort officially not worth it.

He met her eyes, his countenance anything but light. “It’s not that I didn’t want to see you,” he informed her. “Don’t mistake my running for being anything personal against you.” He didn’t think she really would, but it had to hurt, having him bolt like he had. It wasn’t the natural way of things between them. “It’s just... I don’t want to be fixed.”

He went to explain further but managed only a frustrated sigh and grumble for a moment, his gaze breaking away from hers again as he tried to explain something he didn’t fully understand. Or maybe he just didn’t want to understand. It seemed a day for confounding wants. “I mean, I know you could. And you should. But I don’t want to let this go. I don’t want to forget about what he did, and I definitely don’t want to let it go.”

He pushed himself to his feet, agitated and needing to do something other than just sitting there like a fool. He folded his arms tightly over his chest, any relaxation he’d attained disappearing again. “I want to hunt him down. Worse yet, I want to want to.” He’d never felt like that before. Even in the past when he’d nearly lost himself to similar feelings, he hadn’t wanted to. He wasn’t sure what to make of this, and it only made it worse. Self aware as he had learned to be over the years, this lack of understanding seemed the apex of his emotional state.

[Shay Marin]

“Stupid animal,”

Despite the seriousness of the situation, amusement flared bright in her aura for a few seconds. Her little brother appeared bound and determined to keep clinging to the pretense he didn't care for her pet. No matter how much he tried to hide the truth, however, Shay knew he'd moved past his instinctual dread of canines when it came to Kai. She supposed the vornskr's common presence in her vicinity had acted as a desensitizing mechanism for his phobia.

When Lysander moved to place some space between them, the Sentinel needed to fight down the urge to hang on all the tighter. She'd spent so much time running her best friend down that an irrational fraction of her heart feared he'd attempt to escape again. Thankfully, her better sense took command before the emotional impulse could be expressed. Physical restraint wouldn't solve anything here, and she could 'read' no intention in him to run away.

That said, the fact remained she didn't want to let him go. Lysander needed comforting, and to her mind words alone could not be enough to give him such. So while she did not try to cling, Shay made it clear with her body language--and her thoughts--how little she liked him breaking free of her embrace.

Then the walls of his mind began tumbling down without warning. A small and involuntary breath escaped Shay as she dealt with the sudden rush of emotion not her own, which soon became her own due to the intimate nature of their bond. Even with all her decades of training and her life-long friendship with Lysander, the Investigator found herself a bit taken aback by what she felt. The pain, the self-doubt, even the fear she'd expected and understood... but not the wrath.

“It’s not that I didn’t want to see you. Don’t mistake my running for being anything personal against you.”

Still adjusting to the sheer potency of his passions, Shay only offered a nod in reply. No, she hadn't thought he'd intended any sort of slight or insult against her. He was hurting, and when he hurt he wanted to hide. Lysander had been that way since they were kids. Sometimes the more things change, the more things stay the same, to coin a phrase.

“It’s just... I don’t want to be fixed.”

The skin between Shay's brows furrowed, perplexment darkening amber eyes to brown. What in the galaxy was he saying? Alright, I know what he's saying, but... how could he say that to begin with? The concept of not wanting to recover from emotional damage was as alien to her as celibacy would be to a Zeltron. Their Jedi training had built them differently than that.

“I mean, I know you could. And you should. But I don’t want to let this go. I don’t want to forget about what he did, and I definitely don’t want to let it go.”

There came the anger again, resonating along the threads of the Force which connected them. The Dolomarian stifled the echo of same within her own heart. Shay could tolerate much on her own behalf without her calm ever wavering, but hurt one she loved and... well, the last time she'd felt fury had been when she'd seen Mac shot by that damned pirate. This reaction was less immediate, with the danger now well past, but seeing her brother like this awoke every protective instinct she possessed.

Master Marin remained on the ground when her soulmate rose to his feet, more than willing now to give him the physical space he felt he needed. Their thoughts and feelings kept them closer than any touch could anyways. Hiking up her knees, Shay rested her elbows atop them, hands held clasped before her out of a lack of anything else better to do.

“I want to hunt him down. Worse yet, I want to want to.”

For him to truly mean those words--and she knew without question that he did--disturbed the Investigator. Yes, the both of them had killed before in defense of others or themselves. However, while causing death was sometimes necessary, it was never something to be sought out, to say nothing of preferred. Yet here he--they--now stood, wishing for the murder of another sentient being to come to pass. And more than that... wishing they themselves could be the hand holding the blade which took the life.

Realizing the temptation for the danger it was, Shay drew and released several long breaths to better focus herself. This also gave the Councilor time to work out what the frack she could possibly say to bring order to this chaos they both felt. "That's why you can't do it," she came up with at last, her tone quiet but firm. The big sister expected resistance from her younger sibling, so she pre-emptively dug in her own heels. "You can't be the one to go after him. I won't let you."

Another wave of violent emotion buffeted her composure in response. "Not while you're like this," came the quick qualifier, an attempt to redirect the Guardian's frustration. "As a threat to the galaxy he needs to be eliminated in due course, but it has to be done out of justice, not vengeance. You... we... can't draw that clean line right now, and you have to see that." Telling him no meant telling herself the same thing. They'd both have to struggle with the choice.

[Lysander Odakota]

He’d hoped that saying this, admitting it to her would make it better. He’d hoped he’d get a grip enough to realize that he didn’t need to do the wrong thing to feel better. But it wasn’t working. As Shay fell into a somewhat shocked state of silence, trying to figure out how to deal with their emotional turmoil, he paced. Letting his sister know what was wrong seemed to only make things worse. He felt his own fury resonate in her and it seemed to only rebound back on him, solidifying the state.

He paced in the silence, the shifting of earth beneath his feet the only sound in the clearing other than the soft panting of Kai. It wasn’t an easy silence, one borne of worry and confusion. He’d said his part, and now it was on the Investigator to figure out what to say in return. He found himself feeling guilty for putting her into this position, but not enough so to stop him from intending to make things worse before they got better. He wasn’t going to let this go easily, despite how much he knew he should. He hadn’t felt so rebellious towards his own duties... well, possibly ever.

She took calming breaths, much like he should have himself, but he’d been feeling this feelings for too long now to behave in such a rational manner. He did at least stop pacing for a moment, mostly turned away from the woman sitting on the ground, his hardened gaze going out through the maze of trees.

"That's why you can't do it."

He turned back around quickly at the sound of her voice, gun metal blue eyes flashing at the expected response. Much as he’d known she was going to tell him ‘no,’ it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He wanted to have his feelings justified so he could head straight for a starfighter and start the hunt.

"You can't be the one to go after him. I won't let you."

She wouldn’t let him?! He felt indignation as well as frustration flare again in his gut and opened his mouth to openly protest this decision of hers, but found himself headed off at the pass, unable to speak his mind without a qualifier or two thrown his way. The idea of logic being used against him now didn’t make him feel much better, however.

"Not while you're like this. [...] You... we... can't draw that clean line right now, and you have to see that."

A few quick steps brought him much closer to the Sentinel, and his darkening gaze now turned on her. He was exhausted and all sorts of turned around, so his desire to fight something turned itself on his big sister. He had control over almost nothing he wanted control of right now, so he’d be damned if he let Shay take away his choice of when and how to hunt down his Padawan’s would-be-killer.

“This can’t wait,” he insisted heavily, removing one arm from the fold across his chest to point at the woman he addressed. “He’s out there. Right now. Until he’s taken care of I can’t rest. I won’t. He has to be brought to justice, and he has to be brought to justice right now.” He clearly didn’t care that vengeance and justice seemed to be hand in hand right now, the former tainting the latter with its dark coils.

“I’ve already made up my mind on that.” But if that was the case, why had he come out here? Out here, where he had effectively cut himself off from any path to Hush. He had purposely delayed himself from doing something rash, and yet he could see no other path than giving into what he perceived as the inevitable. He scowled, his gaze turning away now as the expression was directed at himself rather than her.

“You can’t stop me,” he insisted, voice quieter now, the anger simmering again instead of boiling over. “You don’t have the right.”

[Shay Marin]

Lysander took her words akin to a gauntlet thrown down between them. He strode back from where he'd been trampling down undergrowth with his pacing, steel blue eyes burning with resentment. He didn't like her saying no, not one bit. Shay had expected as much, but she'd known she'd had to make her stand up front.

“This can’t wait. [...] He has to be brought to justice, and he has to be brought to justice right now.”

In the face of his stabbing finger of accusation, the Sentinel braced herself for the upcoming confrontation. It was clear now returning her brother to rationality would be an uphill battle, steeper than she feared. She not only had to fight Lysander's dark desires, but her own whisper of temptation to agree with his opinion. Why should they hesitate to get rid of an insane murderer, after all, whatever the motivations behind the act? He was right on one point; the one who had maimed Tari did need to be brought to justice...

Stop that! Gritting her teeth, the Dolomarian pushed off the damp leaf-strewn ground and returned to her feet. This couldn't continue, from either of them. She hadn't let herself go down this path when Gandon had been slain, and she refused to allow Ly-Ly to step on it either.

Perhaps she should've taken her turn to pull away from her best friend, retreat to a safe emotional distance rather than leave the psychic channel between them wide open... but she couldn't. That would be a rejection of him, she believed, not just his feelings. They both had to conquer his desire for retribution, lest actions were taken which would lead to regret.

“I’ve already made up my mind on that.”

He spoke truth and falsehood in the same breath. Part of him, the primal protector underlying his personality, believed what he said without question. It wanted nothing more than to take up the sword of what it perceived as righteousness and slay the wicked. However, there was another part of him which knew acting on that desire would be wrong. This had made him find reason to wait, consciously or not so, until someone else could try and talk some sense into him. Another reason to hold out hope.

The intensity of his anger abated a small amount then, Lysander recognizing the truth of his behavior at the same time she did. Who had originally figured it out would remain a mystery, but either way Shay was glad for the change. She wanted to dampen the flames, not stoke them.

“You can’t stop me. You don’t have the right.”

Without meaning to Shay ended up mirroring Lysander's posture, arms crossing across her chest, weight evenly balanced on both feet, chin lifted to a defiant angle. Another one of those 'occupational hazards' for those who'd formed Force bonds with others. "I can, and I will," she declared, doing her best to make her words sound more like a promise and less like a threat. Under normal circumstances the Sentinel had no difficulty meeting confrontation with serenity, but facing off with an enraged Lysander wasn't anything approaching 'normal' even by the eccentric's lax standards.

"As far as having the right, I have plenty." Force, don't let this turn into a matter of pulling rank on my little brother. I've never had to do that before and I don't want to start now. "You'd do the same in my position, to save me from myself whether I wanted it or not." Much as she feared it may not work, Shay felt obligated to attempt logic before she started pulling out the big guns in her social engineering arsenal. Surely Lysander hadn't devolved so far into irrationality that he wouldn't recognize basic facts.

[Lysander Odakota]

"I can, and I will."

Being so blatantly countered made the Guardian’s eyes flash in warning. Obviously, giving into him wasn’t a good idea as he’d just walk over the top of her if she did. But challenging him like this also wasn’t ideal, as he was quite determined to defy her wishes. What it came down to was the fact that there was going to be no easy way to get him off of the track, no matter the angle Shay chose to come at it from.

Still, at least by putting herself in his path meant Lysander would have to at least fight to get what he wanted, and in doing so he might simply wear himself out. Then, maybe, she could make an impact of meaningful proportions.

"As far as having the right, I have plenty. You'd do the same in my position, to save me from myself whether I wanted it or not."

The logic stuck in his throat and left him momentarily without reply. She was right, of course, and the fact that was right bothered him more now than it ever had before. Still, that didn’t change the facts. Much as she was right, he didn’t feel it should change what he wanted--needed--to do.

He didn’t care what happened to himself at the moment. He would deal with that when the time came. What mattered right now was taking care of an evil, and protecting his Padawan. If he could just keep Tarissa safe, then maybe, just maybe he could pretend he had done well in keeping her from harm. He had to make up for what had already happened to her. This could be about him and his own sanity.

The often said the third time was the charm, but in this case, it was quite the opposite. This was the third time he’d watched an apprentice come to harm, and he was simply not going to stand for it. Given the frequency with which ill things had befallen his charges, he was clearly the common denominator, and he would not be a denominator which sat back and did nothing to take itself out of the equation or at least change the numbers involved.

With that decision in mind, he dismissed his sister’s words with a muted hiss under his breath and a sparse statement of, “I don’t care,” and then he promptly moved to go around her. She had effectively put herself in his path, but he angled off and stepped quickly, bound and determined to get past her, back to the plateau, and out space in record time.

[Shay Marin]

“I don’t care,”

Shay blinked in astonishment. She'd never thought to hear those three words spoken in that order out of her little brother. Lysander always cared, almost to a fault. He was the most giving and selfless person she knew--and considering she'd grown up in the Order, that was saying quite a lot. He never wanted to hurt anyone, always sought to lend a helping hand. As much as he could be incredibly hard on himself, the idea of him going so far as to give up on himself and the people who cared about him... it made her feel sick inside.

Or was that his own disgust seeping into her subconscious? Force, it was getting harder to tell the longer they continued this conversation. Their minds connected on too many levels, and she cared too much to cut off the psychic ties which bound them. Even if Ly-Ly would prefer I would. Maintaining her own peace of mind meant nothing in the face of Lysander's pain.

Still reeling on a mental level from his blunt declaration, the Sentinel did not react immediately when Lysander made to maneuver around her. Before he'd taken more than a few steps, however, she hastened to catch up to him. Shay's hand caught hold of his forearm, trying to pull him back to her in more ways than one. No more chasing after him; they had to deal with this, and she wouldn't let him leave until they did. "I do."

Before she could say more, her best friend yanked his limb free of her grip with no care for her own balance. She rocked back a half step, staring at him in stark incomprehension. He didn't even look at her as he kept moving on, and that action hurt worse than anything else he'd done today. Kai started whining again, picking up on the pair's upset through their body language, but Shay didn't have time to pay mind or give comfort to her pet.

Amber eyes narrowed as determination replaced confusion. She didn't stride after him again, but her arm reached out and made a grasping motion in the air. A telekinetic tether wrapped around Lysander's arm, this grip one he couldn't pull free from through bodily strength. His frustration shoved back at her through their bond as he tried anyways out of reflex. In this particular arena she held the advantage, and while it pained her to use the Force against her soulmate, she felt she had no choice. He had left her with none.

"You're not leaving." Still holding him fast to that spot, Shay began to close the distance between them with slow steps. "I am not going to let you go." Time to pull out all the stops. Guilt trips are acceptable for big sisters to use, right? "Because if I did, I'd have to tell Tarissa her master ran off on a quest for vengeance because of her. Just how do you think that would make her feel, Lysander? Do you actually believe for one second she'd want you to throw your whole life away on her behalf?"

[Lysander Odakota]

"I do."

Of course she did. If not, she would have joined him. Together this would have been even easier, this not caring. They could have eliminated Hush rather simply, and while it might have cost them something to do so, Lysander wasn’t thinking of the price they would have to pay. He knew what he wanted.

And to get what he wanted, he had to get away from here, and unfortunately that meant turning his back on someone he much preferred to be allied with. He pulled free from Shay’s grip, breaking holds almost a second nature to him and his combat orientation. He might have set her off course more by countering to throw her completely off of her stride, but he wouldn’t strike his sister. At least not now.

He felt her confusion and used it to just spur him further, wanting to be away from that sensation even though he knew distance wasn’t the key to being free of Shay’s feelings on the matter. Across an entire galaxy, he couldn’t truly escape her or her influence. Not for long, and certainly not for as long as he’d need to to do this.

Still, he was going to make a break for it and--

He felt himself suddenly halted and frustration screamed in his chest again as he realized what she’d done. It wasn’t often he found himself under the involuntary touch of the Force and the sensation was unwelcome. A strain against the hold on his arm told him very quickly that he wasn’t going anywhere, but he refused to relax against the psychic hold. Eyes and body held forward as if he intended to keep walking that direction the moment Shay gave into his desires, he could not deny the fact that Shay was now drawing close again.

"You're not leaving. I am not going to let you go."

He scowled, feeling increasingly worse for all her attempts to stop him. Irrational felt like it hardly even began to cover his state of mind. Now that he was so focused on his goal and determined to see it through, processing other information was becoming difficult. He knew he was slipping and did nothing to prevent it.

"Because if I did, [...] Do you actually believe for one second she'd want you to throw your whole life away on her behalf?"

Even knowing Shay’s investigative techniques did nothing against preventing them for being effective. Of course Tarissa wouldn’t want that. The guilt she’d feel if he got killed or fell on her behalf would rival his own guilt at failing her. That truth didn’t elude him, though it did make what he intended to do all the more difficult. It seemed no matter what choice he made in the end, it wasn’t going to be easy.

For a moment, he cursed the life of a Jedi he’d led for so long. He wanted things to be truly simple. Just once.

But there was a reason that Tarissa’s disappointment in him wasn’t enough, and the decided to explain it to the one who held him fast, approaching slowly. He turned his eyes on her again, though she didn’t need to see them in order to know precisely how he felt. “Of course she wouldn’t,” he managed, voice rife with usually unheard emotion. “But you don’t understand. He intends to hunt her. Her! Specifically. I don’t know what it is, but he’s determined to take her life, and I won’t let him! I’m going to get him first. It can’t be any other way. If Tari can’t... appreciate that, that’s just something I’m going to have to live with. Or not. Whatever the outcome is...”

A deep breath, his head turning away again, another strong strain against her telekinetic tether. “I just don’t care,” he reiterated. “I don’t have the luxury.”