Cassius Oris, My first character on the chopping block

[Cassius Oris]

Personal Information
Name/Handle:Mark/Cassius Oris
Age:16
Gender:Male
How did you find us?:Googling

Have you read the rules?:Keywords Accepted - Kovak

Character Information
Name:Cassius Oris
Nickname/Alias:Cassius
Gender:Male
Age:27
Species:Human
Home world:Corusant
Force Sensitive:Yes

Body Information
Clothing Outline:
Cassius wears a black trench coat made out of rancor hide. His trench coat goes down to his knees. He has a black colored blast vest under it. He also wears gray pants underneath, with combat boots on his feet.

Face Outline:
Cassius has a rounder shaped head, and has a clean shaven face most of the time. He has a dimple in his chin. His dark brown hair is fashioned in dreadlocks often floating behind him. His dark skin is not very blemished. His eyes are a shady brown.

Body Outline: Cassius is in decent shape, with muscles that
make his arms and legs look large.
He has very dark skin. He is very muscular, being at an above average for humans in the galaxy.
Physical Build:Muscular
Height:6'2''



Combat Information
Faction:Neutral
Rank:N/A
Class:Spy/ Trader
Weapon:

• Q4 Hold Out Blaster
• Fiber Cord Whip

Spaceship:Firespray-31
Skills:

• As an infiltrator he has learned the art of bluffing, telling lies, and making them
  seem believable, even sometimes with evidence pointing that way. He knows how to use his face to sell a lie.
• Cassius's wicked tongue helps his abilities to keep out of trouble and is used almost always, he is very persuasive when he talks.
• Cassius's academy training and his father both taught him how to fly without getting himself killed which makes Cassius a mediocre pilot
• Cassius learned how to hack security systems, especially on Corusant, because of his experience as a C.S.
• Cassius has mild experience at avoiding detection.
• Cassius is trained in C.Q.C. from his academy training. He has a good idea of how to go around corners, get through doors, and maneuver in urban environment and not get hit by blaster fire.
• Good Huttesse training from the academy
• Basic Trandoshan training from the academy
• Basic Mandalorian training from the academy

Additional Items:

Grappling Spike Launcher
Blast Vest

Additional Information
Personality:
Cassius always seems calm, with a sense of optimism always pushing him forward towards his goal. He also is very talkative when he is around people, sometimes a little too much, he gets off topic even in the most serious of situations.

He often is a little more friendly then the average human in the galaxy. He also tries to strike conversations with everyone. He also likes playing lady killer when he gets a chance, also getting him into trouble, and in the most serious situations.

He also seeks a lot of random little pleasures, some considered vices such as drinking, gambling and he often has a small victory pipe filled with a tiny amount of spice in it. he also has a great sense of humor although some would consider it a little crude.


The trader always seems to be looking for a way to gain profit, either through his role of trader, or when he is getting information to sell. He isnt obsessed with money, but does like to indulge his pocketbook.

He lies pretty often and it doesn't seem to bother him. He has no feeling for a need to be truthful. He doesnt believe in any code of honor, unless he is paid to play by certain rules. He prefers not to kill, but is brutal when he decides its necessary. He is very racist, he has dislikes to various non-human races. Some more then others, some he has learned to respect, some examples are he hates hutts, there slime is nasty, and he has little respect for them.

He also feels its important for him to be in the best possible shape, he works out on much of his free time.


History:

The trader known as Cassius was born on Corusant 28 years and 3 months ago. His mother Amy died during child birth, so Cassius lived with his father on Corusant.
His father James Oris lived as a Corusant Security Officer. Cassius was sent to a basic security academy, his father hoping that Cassius would like working in the same line of work.

Cassius grew up going from class to class, not seeing his father much, and spending his free time on the darker streets of Corusant.. Cassius wanted a bit more excitement then his father liked. Cassius’s childhood wasn’t very exciting, He remembers liking Holo-Comics as a child. One of his favorites was about a smuggler known as Sam Solo, who flew around escaping police, authorities, and traded spice.


Cassius continued with his life at the academy, favoring psychology, languages, and close combat centered classes.
He started to hit his junior and senior years, he took classes in infiltration. Cassius thought he had a knack for it, as well as his father.
Cassius also learned about commodities from local traders, and thought that the
whole trader thing would make great cover for an intelligence officer.
His father soon was promoted to Sector Captain, and had a bit more free time on his hands. Cassius started to bond with him, as they made a few vacations to Naboo on his fathers old Fire-spray. They both enjoyed playing sabbacc together. His father soon retired on Naboo. James left Cassius the Fire-Spray, a trench coat, and a blaster.

Cassius graduated out of the Academy on his eighteenth year there graduating with honors in infiltration, and language courses. He was a grown adult of twenty, 2 years earlier then most, and started acting undercover in some of the many criminal organizations on Corusant. Cassius personally helped take down one of the larger spice routes to Corusant. He himself traded spice as a cover. Cassius soon fell into his character, a spice trader from Nar Shadda. He didnt like the cruelty of criminals, but liked the style of life, the freedom, the fun. He wanted that freedom, he didnt really have his father pointing him in the right direction. Cassius was also known for bending some of the rules at the academy, as well as while he was part of Corusant's finest.

Cassius traded a lot more then the Corusant security permitted, and actually kept the money. He was considered a bad cop, as you would say it. Cassius sold back the contraband spice that he had confiscated.

He was discovered on the 3rd attempt and fired. He used his outstanding work, quick tongue, and his pocketbook to keep him out of prison. Those three things managed to save his name in the galaxy. The money he gained through his dirty work went into the Academies new east wing.
Cassius soon stopped working with the law and started seeking to do something with
his life. He started trading back and forth, and has gotten a knowledge of commodities, and needs of certain planets. He is often trying to specialize in rare commodities both legal, and illegal but more legal then illegal. He mainly tries to specialize because his ship is to small to carry large amounts of normal supplies.
He also likes to try his hand into infiltration jobs, when he gets to the chance. The last couple years he has been earning his name as a trader, selling rare items to almost all sides of the war, but he favored the alliance, maybe because he liked the whole underdog thing. He has been looking for a way to find lightsaber crystals recently, knowing he can sell them for quite a bit. He imagined himself, one of the few that sells lightsaber crystals in the galaxy. It also would give him a way to get to know sith and jedi.
His search has been very much a failure though, but he didnt really explore that venture all that much.

RP Sample: Link to the whole RP

Wolves Of Cygnus
Done last mid summer about when I started roleplaying so I have improved since then. I play as the character known as Lucifer who is an average human. At the end people left the roleplay unannounced, and I couldnt make heads or tails of it.

Lucifer sat there and listened, He almost understood what they said, it seemed that these wolves were highly intelligent. They looked civilized, and well kept, but they were like all sentient life, somewhat violent.

Lucifer kept listening in, following the one known as Mibu but kept his distance, he tried to follow close enough to listen to him. Lucifer figured out how they spoke, it wasnt quite common ,but it was close enough he could catch a word they said pretty often. Lucifer figured out their were 2 types of them pretty quick, as they had different coats of fur on. He also figured out they were like wolves, with ranks, and alpha males. Lucifer figured out one of them was the "Shadow" and the other "Light fang". Lucifer didnt understand everything, it sometimes just sounded like growling to him.

Lucifer stood straight up, and swung his slinged rifle to his side, and kept his 2 hands near 2 different gunpowder pistols. If they reacted violently, Lucifer would pull out his guns, and shoot at Mibu and the wolf creature on his right. If not Lucifer was going to slowly start to hand Mibu the crest in his pocket hoping it would mean something, like offering friendship. He didnt know what it was, it wouldnt hurt to give him this thing. Lucifer would then speak slowly, thinking that it would be hard to understand him.

Lucifer slowly talked" Hello, Im Lucifer, I wont start a fight"

Thats all he would say, hoping all these weapons he had on him wouldn't provoke them. He chose his words as if he were choosing a set of chess moves. He wanted to show he had a back bone, unlike other humans, and he was polite.

Lucifer pondered whether he should tell the city about these wolves, warn them about a new threat, but, also knew that if he informed them of them that hunters would find a new prey to go after. Sort of like hunting bears for the thrill, boy it was quite a thrill with a gunpowder rifle. These creatures would be hunted for there amazing furs, and absolutely for a great thrill. Lucifer knew they didn't deserve that they weren't just animals.
Lucifer still might tell some of the higher ranking militia members, as a precaution.

This post has been edited by Cassius Oris on Nov 23 2009, 08:00 PM

[Lysander Odakota]

Hey Cassie! Good cop admin here to be all nice and helpful. It seems like you don’t have as much experience as some of us around here do, but that’s okay, we’re willing to work with you and give you that experience if you’re willing to work with us. So, let’s have at it. I’ll give you a quick rundown of what we need to see improved. There might be more after I’m done with you, but I’d like to at least get you off to a good start and up to snuff.

1. I know that you can technically add things to the application, but adding the voice description--a one word description at that--to the application seems a little bit pointless. We’ll probably get that fact through the roleplay itself, and I don’t really see the need, so I’d remove it.

2. There are some minor grammar/caplitization errors that need to be fixed up. Also, you seem to drop words here and there--important words, at that. I do this a lot myself, so it’s no big deal. I suggest you go through your app again, probably reading it carefully out loud to see where you’re missing stuff. There are bits of the application that don’t quite make sense because of these errors. Also, try and right out numbers instead of using the numerals (like say third instead of 3rd and twenty instead of 20) it just flows better, as numbers don’t ‘read’ really well.

3. I’d like to see his personality expanded. What are his vices, exactly? I understand the fact that he sometimes talks too much--does this get him into trouble, or does he always fall back on his bluffs to get him out of any tight situtations? Basically, if you could elaborate a bit more, that’d be awesome. I like what you have, but it doesn’t seem fleshed out as much as it could be.

4. I’d also like to know what he might be like to those he isn’t necessarily lying to. Beyond lying, does his code include anything about killing and the like? You don’t say anything about him being particularly ruthless or cold, but without a code of honor, I imagine he’d have to have one. I’d like to see any darker side of our optimistic, talkative trader explained.

4. Starting onto history, how long was he at the acadamy? And what was life like for him as a young child, before the acadamy?

5. What made Cassius to start dealing ‘dirty’ as it was, and keeping the money from trading spice while under cover? We don’t get much indication from this history that that’s going to happen, as it seemed previous to then he’d been living up to his father’s expectations.

6. If he was fired from being security, there’s no need for him to quit soon after, as I assume he has no job to be quitting.

7. A little more detail on his current jobs and exploits would be good, as well. Is he still dealing dirty at all? Is he being successful?

8. With how much experience he’s had, it might not be a bad idea to have him a little older than twenty-two, but I favor older characters, so that’s up to your discretion unless another mod demands an older age.

Basically, don’t be afraid to get all wordy on us! Elaborate the details and make us know Cassius. I think he really looks solid and has a good base to be an awesome character, but the application is a little too skeletal. We hold a pretty high standard around here and you just need to reach a little higher to make it.

As soon as you work on that stuff, we’ll just post here saying you did, and we’ll look at your fellow again and review further.

[Cassius Oris]

I have added or changed what you have asked, plz look at again