So I went on one of those chatbot things today, and it was like a video of Captain Kirk, and he literally spoke to me. It was so awesome, I just had to copy my conversation and share it with everyone.
Spud: My name is Spud.
Kirk: Our newest crewmember, Spud.
Spud: Awesome! I'm so excited, Captain Kirk!
Kirk: We have a success. You're needed everywhere, Spud.
Spud: OH MY GOD, EVERYWHERE?
Kirk: Difficult to be precise? 7,824 to 1?
Spud: Wow, that's some bad odds you got there
Kirk: Am I addressing the Spud?
Spud: Yes, you are, indeed.
Kirk: Kirk to Enterprise.. What about Landru?
Spud: What about him?
Kirk: He's staying, Spud. Kirk out.
Spud: You're leaving me?
Kirk: Thank you. Now what have you done with the medicine?
Spud: I drank it all.
Kirk: I'm sorry, Spud.
Spud: It's okay, I forgive you.
Kirk: The regulations are very clear about taking on passengers.
Spud: Are they?
Kirk: We could use some more, if you don't mind.
Spud: Nah, go for it.
Kirk: Spud! Where are the tribbles?
Spud: In North America.
Kirk: Tell me.
Spud: Tell you what?
Kirk: Listen to me. Listen to me!
Spud: Okay, I'm listening.
Kirk: Spud, run an atmospheric analysis.. What I am about to tell you is the truth.
Spud: The whole truth and nothing but the truth?
Kirk: What's the nearest concentration of life forms, Spud?
Kirk: Vulcans are similar in appearance to humans. The main physical differences are their eyebrows and ears.
Spud: I know. So is your mum.
Kirk: You wouldn't mind telling us? Kirk here.
Spud: Yeah, Kirk there, Spud here, we're EVERYWHERE!
Kirk: Energise, Spud.. Perfect. Tyree's camp's a quarter of a mile away.
Spud: I've got too broken legs and IBS, I can't make it that far!
Kirk: Coloured gelatin.
Kirk: Total reply if attacked. So that's the answer. Klingons.
Spud: I guess so. I didn't realise Jello was made of Klingons. Ew.
Kirk: This is mutiny, mister. All right, Spud, let's have it. Do you find it troubling?
Spud: No, not really. Mutiny is kind of fun, actually.
Kirk: Spud, will that present any problems for you?. Extreme magnification, Spud. Something, Spud?
Spud: Dude, you totally lost me with that one. Retrace your steps.
Kirk: We have two days to find them. I'm not sure, but I think we've been insulted.
Spud: HAHAHA! Not sure? We HAVE been insulted, yes. It was Spock. He did it!
Kirk: At ease, Spud. Captain Kirk to the Enterprise. Captain Kirk to the Enterprise. I understand. We'll arrange a rendezvous schedule. Kirk out. Maybe it's decided to fight. Phasers ready? Engineering.
Spud: No! You can't fight Spock! He's one of us! MAN OUT! FALL BACK! SIT THE FUCK DOWN!
Kirk: (to security men) We'll enter as soon as the doors open. Go on my command. You must save the life of our friend. Then watch him. Hang on to being a human for one minute longer. Spud. Spud, do you read me? Kirk to Spud. Come in. Energise. We don't use that kind of language on my ship.
Spud: NO! Stop! Don't give any commands! He's not completely human, he's half Vulcan! Sorry, mybad, no bad language from now on! (salutes) But really, STOP TRYING TO ATTACK SPOCK!
Kirk: Alter course to Vulcan. Increase speed to warp four. You're programmed to obey the orders of your creator. Spud! I gave you an order, Spud.. Looking us over. We're dead as far as he knows. Time we faced the unpleasant facts.. And the images we've been seeing are. Why not?
Spud: Because he's too logical! He'd see right through that facade!
Kirk: Kodos is dead. I'm satisfied of that. Is there nothing you can do?
Spud: Really? Since when? I guess I could... No, that wouldn't work... Nothing, Captain. Sorry.
Kirk: Computer don't kill a half million people. In the 21st Century. If you help me, we won't die. I promise you that. Anything on your scanners?. (sending them off in different directions) Spud. Spud. And you? (clunk as grate closes). Spud, I believe I'm in love with Spud.
Spud: Awww, that's so sweet of you. It's only because we're all going to die, isn't it? You didn't love me yesterday! YOU LIAR!
Kirk: Then a small boy, and a very naughty one at that. Ship to ship. No. I have nothing to gain by lying.
Spud: Oh, kinky. Honestly, I'm not into little kids, though.
Kirk: Kirk here. I trusted you.
Spud: I never let you down. Don't guilt trip me.
Kirk: Neither have I. It could be a mirage. They could exist in our minds.
Spud: Where?! I thought that planet was in Firefly, not Star Trek...
Kirk: Ten feet away from me. Spud?
Spud: No, eleven and half.
Kirk: Now, Spud. hard a-port!. Do they live here with you?
Spud: Yeah, they're my cousins. Sorry, they won't be in the bathroom for long.
Kirk: Spud.. There are no previous records to Anton Karidian prior to twenty years ago. Spud, I believe I'm in love with Spud.. They'll be forced to accept it.
Spud: Who, my parents? Oh no! They won't go for that, sorry.
Kirk: Landru. Have you tried all hailing frequencies? If my guess is correct, they won't have to. Stand by.
Spud: (stands by)
Kirk: It isn't really, you know.
Spud: Oh, damn. I thought it was.
Kirk: Here. In this body. What did she see?
Spud: A... Cat?
Kirk: Spud, I'll find out.
Spud: Okay. Well I've gotta go buy a DVD from JB Hi-Fi. Beam me up, Scotty. Spud Out.
Kirk: Spud, Spud, come with us. Good. Now, Spud. Transport Spud wherever she wishes to go. Gentlemen, I suggest you beam me aboard.
What's bad is that when he was like "Miranda!" you totally said exactly what I would have said.
You need to share the link to this thing so we can all fuck with it.