Da Holderz

The Holders Series is kind of old news, and kind of bores me these days...they're so formulaic, redundant and over the top that it felt like they quickly lost all their impact.

Nevertheless, I liked them enough at one time to write three of my own, adhering strictly to their formula and their rather eye-rollingly trite narrative style. I'd forgotten I ever did these until someone on TVtropes brought them up, and cited my first one as the most disturbing! Yay!

So, while I think they're embarrassing, here's my three Holders entries:

Compassion - this is the one that creeped out the tropers, I still rather like it.

The Worm - some gross-out horror and parasitism.

Lost Possibilities - looks like they eventually took this one down from the official "canon" list and it is pretty bad...just more gross-outs. I was already bored by this one.

The thing about the Holders is that every single one gives you an "object," but a lot of people decided the "objects" should be all these insane physical modifications like a liquid metal arm and a gigantic mutant cock. I believe if someone actually collected them all, as implied to be necessary. they would just be a chaotic mish-mash of nonsense. Another thing about the holders is how many of them are retarded. Including mine!

Wow, I see why. The Compassion one was fantastic - over the top, but it worked. It felt like an increasingly unbearable psychotic episode.

petshop from the 40k universe

I never herd of the holders series. Compassion is kinda funny in my opinion.

This was the original:

http://theholders.org/?The_Holder_of_the_End

People kept doing their own versions, like the SCP series, which kept getting longer and more elaborate. There are some ten times the size and scope of my "Compassion" one....there was one that had like a giant brain monster with skeleton hands and one with a shark-demon leviathan thing and all sorts of ridiculous hubbub.

Honestly, I love the concept of the Holders, but the formulaic quality gets really really irritating, especially the "Go into any X, in any town in any country. Ask to see the Holder of X. You'll be lead down a door/corridor/whatever." I vaguely remember there being some that were very different, but those were few. Also the fact that so many of them are just ridiculous, and so many of them include "don't x or you go nuts, and you'd best hope that the guy doesn't x or you get a fate worse than death." I mean, insanity is way overdone as a side effect in scary stories, and having each quest based in part on luck seems like kind of a cosmic dick move.

Also I've wondered if it's possible for Legion's objects to go back into "circulation," either through theft, or by becoming Legion and somehow abandoning them. I mean, the ones that will let you abandon them, of course.

both a "I see what you did there" moment and only thing that gave some sort of positive emotional reaction.

Wortcov? Happy? Surely this is a sign of the apocalypse.

I never said it made me happy, just less bored then the rest of the stories.

Close enough :T

Gotta catch em all!

I am actually the Holder of Centipedes, but my Object is pretty easy to get; you just have to conga dance with the person next to you until you can conga dance no more!

Oh, and if you fail at this task you will receive rubber ducks in the mail. FOREVER!

Go to any message board or forum on any browser. Locate the admin and send them a pm saying "wher is teh forumla". For they will pm you back saying they have no idea what you're talking about. Continue to pm them and they will continue to say this.
The fifth time you pm them, however, they will still say this, but this time you will get banned from the site (number of pms may vary). If you end up not banned, send another pm saying 'fcuk you' and delete your account on that site, or else you will be a member there forever.
You must then go bang your head against a wall for three hours to gain access to 9gag, where you will find numerous people trying to be funny. Browse the site, but do not let any of the 9gaggers see you, for if they do, they will attempt to recruit you to join 9gag, a veritable fate worse than death.
After searching for long enough, you will find a single person who posts a lot more than the rest. You must find a way to talk to them, and if you do, they will do one of two things; either they will make a tasteless joke about a recent tragedy (in which case your quest is failed), or they will whisper into your computer the url of deviantart.
You will then have to go to that URL search in the bar for 'scythemantis'. If anything besides pictures of monsters and bugs come up, you have failed your quest. If you do see bugs and monsters, go to their poster's profile and click on the link to his website he has there.
You will be in a place known as bogleech. From their you will have to navigate to the forums. if you fail to find the tab for forums, you will have to go back to elementary school. When you enter the forums, you must go to see who's online.
If somebody named Admiral_aorta is online, your quest has failed and you will be analyzed for all eternity. If you see xolta is online, your quest is failed, and you will be endlessly sawed in half by a blue chainsaw while a shadowy figure compliments you on your trachea.
If scythemantis is online, you must pm him and ask for the holder of obscurity. Should he not pm you back within 24 hours, your quest has failed. If he does, he will say, "what do you have to offer me?"
Offer your mainstreamism.
Scythemantis will send you a final pm, which will contain a gif file of a skeleton constantly spinning around. This gif is item 1 out of some number that exceeds 500.
The items can never meet.

Love the part about pestering the admin. You can just imagine how these quests would go if people tried them in real life.

By the way, every time I think of this thread I recall the "Holders of Power" boss music from Ys I and II: