Mosquitoes, I was inspired at 3 AM...

[leesamfish]

(this is less scary and more heebily jeebily, and will require lots of reworks. I just got freaked out by the idea of this late last night, and it seemed like a good creepypasta subject.)




I hate mosquitoes. So much. I mean, I don't know anyone who particularly LIKES them, but I emphatically hate them. I never used to have any grudge against them, more than any other person who doesn't want itchy red bumps or little insects flying around them spoiling a perfectly good summer evening. But something happened.

I don't know why it's happened to me. I don't think I have any particular bad karma from killing insects, I was never one of those kids to burn ants or pull wings off of flies. But, like everyone else, I watched out for mosquitoes. If I see one on me, of course I'm going to smack that little fucker, and I've only flexed my muscles to make them explode a couple of times, just to see if it worked. And I used OFF all the time, because no one wants to be bothered by mosquitoes. I didn't like go around spraying DDT all over the place or myself. And until relatively recently, I never really thought about the little bugs that much.

Now that I'm about to write it down, this whole thing seems ridiculous and paranoid, but--well, you know how sometimes when you get into your car and you're unlucky and a mosquito flies in? So there's just this one mosquito buzzing around in the small space with you, and you're trying to either squash it or send it out the window, and you just always keep an eye on it and can't ignore it because you know that as soon as you do he's going to bite you?

I have that. All the time. It started in about April, when I noticed a mosquito buzzing around in my dorm room by the desk where I was working. I thought it was a bit early for mosquitoes, but I shrugged it off; it was a small one, not one of those huge suckers. I swatted it and went back to work.

But then I started getting mosquito bites. I'd go to sleep and wake up the next morning with three or four new itchy red bumps. And I started to notice them flying around. I'd be in class or studying, when I'd hear buzzing from my ear and instinctively swat at the mosquito. Or I'd see the glimpse of dark shadowy insect in my peripheral vision, just to go flying off again out of reach.

I hate the way they fly. They meander and float around slowly and always get stuck in corners, but as soon as you try to swat them they zip quickly to the other side of the room, as if on accident. They always seemed drunk to me, and that sort of nonchalant "oh dear am I bothering you?" way of flying always pissed the hell out of me. Of course, I didn't realize it until I was seeing their flight patterns regularly.

I should specify, though: it's not that there are swarms of mosquitoes around me, that's not the problem. The problem is that there is ONE mosquito that always bothers me. I have no idea where they come from, or why they only bother me and not anyone else. But no matter where I am, there's always that moving shadow in the corner of my vision, and I know that another one of those fuckers is trying to find a landing site on me.

As the summer continued, they kept getting bigger. I'm no expert, so I don't know if they're different species of mosquitoes or if the mosquitoes just get bigger through the season. But by May I was regularly slapping away huge guys, and it was like they were invincible. Literally I'd hit it against the wall four or five times with my fist, and it would just stagger away again like "now why would you do that to me?"

The worst part of this though: it seems that as soon as I kill one, another one starts buzzing around and pestering me. I've tried everything: wearing long sleeves (they bite through the cloth), those little bracelets that supposedly repel mosquitoes by making bat noises, spraying myself head to foot with repellent... and it seems like it does work... at least, somewhat. At least, people around me comment how there seem to be fewer mosquitoes. But not for me. It's like, you know how there's always that one incredibly stupid or brave or strong mosquito that's the superfit individual that's not phased by citronella candles or whatever? That guy always seems to find me. No one else, just me.

And the worst thing is that they don't just bother me by flying around. I can't keep my defenses up all the time, so they bite me. All the time. I've started wearing gloves so that I don't scratch and infect any of the bites, but it's ridiculous. I have mosquito bites in places I didn't even realize could get mosquito bites, like the skin on my elbow and behind my ear, and a little one on my lip. That's the other thing: the bites aren't all huge nasty welts that swell up, there's also little tiny ones, like four or five right by each other, just small enough to have the reaction and be itchy, but not large enough for me to be able to see exactly where they are.

I'm getting really worried, though. I know West Nile is basically under control, but it just can't be healthy for me to have all these mosquito bites. I stopped counting when I had twenty five on my left forearm. And it seems like as soon as one stops swelling, another one appears like a millimeter away from it. I don't think mosquitoes can actually suck anyone dry or cause blood loss, but if I have to deal with the constant itching and swatting and buzzing and applying ointments for the rest of the summer... I just really hate mosquitoes.

[Revereche]

. . . I kept waiting for a payoff that never came. :<

[Cosbydaf]

The writing is very nice. The narrator is a believable character and the situation is set up well. But the story never really escalates past "mildly creepy".

[Nematode]

Good story, but it'd only be scary for an entomophobe. Which are a non-entity here.

[Wrinkledlion X]

I love the premise, and I like the voice of the narrator, but emotionally speaking it never progresses beyond "Ah, man, that would suck." It doesn't venture into the supernatural or anything. There have been times in the past where I would wake up with fifteen different mosquito bites, so I can definitely relate, but only to his annoyance.

Maybe try elaborating on the idea of blood loss? That's creeping and subtle, like the mosquito bites themselves, but it's weird to the point where it can actually be unnerving. You could have him try and seek help from a doctor who doesn't believe his explanation, but hooks him up for a transfusion anyway because he clearly needs it. Have our protagonist watch as mosquitoes cling to his blood pouch, and a while after his surgery, hint that they may have laid their eggs in it. He can go crazy with the idea that their little mosquito larvae are swimming around inside him.

That's just one suggestion, but there are a lot of good directions this could go. I don't know what you want exactly, but you ought to take it over the edge to somewhere stranger than where it is. It's just too mundane at the moment.

[leesamfish]

Thanks for the suggestions, guys! I'll work on this more when I get the chance.