Iím your tumor. You donít know me yet, Iím only a few weeks old. Youíre going to find out about me soon, though, I promise. Let me tell you some things about me. My name is John, and Iíve got beautiful brown neoplasm and black cancer cells. Well, I donít have them yet, but I will when Iím malignant. Iím going to be your only tumor, and youíll call me your one and only. Iím going to grow up without a daddy mostly, but we have each other. Weíll help each other, and love each other. I want you to be a doctor when we grow up.
You found out about me today, Mommy! You were so hysterical, you couldnít wait to tell everyone. All you could do all day was cry, and life was perfect. Youíre beautiful when youíre crying, Mommy. I whispered into your inner ear that things will be okay. I know youíre listening, Mommy. I donít have any vocal cords, but I can communicate through the disrupted neurons Iíve manipulated. You know it already.
Today was the day you told Daddy. You were so hesitant to tell him about me. ÖHe wasnít happy, Mommy. He kind of got sad. I donít think that you noticed, but he did. He started to talk about something called brain damage, and brain cancer, and death, and stuff I donít think I understand yet. You were still alive, though, so it was okay. Then he did something scary, Mommy. He kissed you. I could feel you falling for his words, so I made your hands fly up to protect me. I was okayÖ but I was very sad for you. You were crying then, Mommy. Thatís a sound I like. I know it means you love me. He said heíd get help, and he hugged you again. You like him, Mommy, but Iím not sure if I do. It wasnít right. You say he loves youÖ why would he want to hurt me? I donít like it, Mommy.
Finally, you can see me! The X-rays came back today. Iím a little bit bigger, and Iíve rewired your brain so that youíre so proud of me! You went out with your mommy to buy new clothes, and you were so so so happy. You sing to me, too. You have the most beautiful voice in the whole wide world. When you sing is when Iím happiest. And you talk to me, and I feel safe. So safe. You just wait and see, Mommy. I will make you proud, and I will love you with all of my heart.
I can spread my cells now, Mommy. I do it because you put your hands on your head to feel me, and I giggle. You giggle, too. I love you, Mommy.
Daddy came to see you today, Mommy. I got really scared. He was acting funny and he wasnít talking right. He said he didnít want me. I donít know why, but thatís what he said. And he hugged you again. I got angry, Mommy. When I grow up I promise Iíll keep us away from him! I promise to protect you. Daddy is bad. I donít care if you think that he is a good person, I think heís bad. But he hugged you, and he said he didnít want me. He doesnít like me. Why doesnít he like me, Mommy?
You didnít talk to me tonight, Mommy. Is everything okay?
Itís been three days since you saw Daddy. You havenít talked to me or touched me or anything since that. Donít you still love me, Mommy? I still love you. I think you feel sad. The only time I feel you is when your nerves contract. You sleep funny, kind of curled up on your side. And you hug me with your hands when you double over and cry out, and I feel safe and warm again. I need to start making you do that when youíre awake.
Iím 21 weeks old today, Mommy. Arenít you proud of me? Weíre going somewhere today, and itís somewhere new. Iím excited. It looks like a hospital, too. I want you to be a doctor, Mommy. Did I tell you that? I hope youíre as excited as I am. I canít wait.
ÖMommy, Iím getting scared. Your heart is still beating, but I know what you are thinking. The doctor is talking to you. I think somethingís going to happen soon. Iím really, really, really scared, Mommy. Please tell me you love me. Then I will feel safe again. I love you!
Mommy, what are they doing to me!? It hurts! Please make them stop! It feels bad! Please, Mommy, please please help me! Make them stop!
Donít worry Mommy, Iím safe. Iím in heaven with the angels now. They told me what you did, and they said itís called cranial surgery.
Why, Mommy? Why did you do it? Donít you love me any more? Why did you get rid of me? Iím really, really, really sorry if I did something wrong, Mommy. I love you, Mommy! I love you with all of my heart. Why donít you love me? What did I do to deserve what they did to me? I want to live, Mommy! Please! It really, really hurts to see you not care about me, and not talk to me. Didnít I love you enough? Please say youíll keep me, Mommy! I want to make you involuntarily smile and watch the clouds that arenít there. I donít want to be here, I want you to love me again! Iím really really really sorry if I did something wrong. I love you! But the fact that youíre hearing this proves that some of the cells I manipulated are still in your brain, still growing. Silly doctors! They can try and get me with radiation, but Iím holding on tight.
I love you, Mommy.
Every tumor removal is justÖ
One more heart that wasnít stopped.
Two more cells that will never duplicate.
Two more hands that will never touch things that arenít there.
Two more legs that will never lose their feeling.
One more mouth that will never speak to unknown voices.
If youíre against a cure for cancer, re-blog.