Bogleech -> Quoting a Post in Under your bed

Last 10 Posts [ In reverse order ]

(>^-^)>Pookey

Posted on Oct 30 2012, 08:29 AM

Epic <3

and 4 lol sakes

Pyro-Gibberish

Posted on Jun 24 2012, 10:08 PM

The biggest one I noticed was improper puncuation. As Aorta mentioned, your first sentence is a paragraph-long run-on. Also there were a lot of spelling errors.
I do like the idea behind this a lot though.

Rugnor

Posted on Jun 24 2012, 09:01 PM

If someone could tell me the biggest mistakes in my grammar I would be grateful, maybe it will help me become better

Rugnor

Posted on Jun 22 2012, 01:44 PM

Thank you for your help, the grammar problem comes basically from the fact that English is not my first language and that I wrote it five times triing to get it to look like it was writen by the monster but probabily just made things worse .

Mecha-GREGOLE

Posted on Jun 22 2012, 05:39 AM

The idea behind this is pretty solid. I'm a sucker for a bit of turnabout, and the idea that the monsters under the bed are just as scared of you as you are of them is an intriguing one. It's been done before, but any concept can still be explored further than it has.

The best part, I think, was the narrator laying down the rules of the game. In a weird sort of way, it makes sense. Why else would a closet monster obey some unspoken rules regarding when it is and is not okay to act? And it does make you wonder just what it's like for them, stuffed under a bed or into a closet, or hidden in a corner.

But I think the writing style really hurt it. I know you were trying to make it look like it was written by something not quite human, but that doesn't really come across. It comes across like every day bad grammar.

There's certainly more than one way to stylize the prose to look like a monster wrote it, but as a general rule, you should always spell your words correctly, unless you're going for a very thick accent.
I'd focus less on the grammar and more on the thought process. You're definitely thinking about how the monster herself would think, but you need to focus on that first, and not so much on the style.

Rugnor

Posted on May 13 2012, 10:47 AM

Yeah, the long sentences were not intended I usually write this way without noticing

Admiral_Aorta

Posted on May 13 2012, 10:13 AM

QUOTE

Hello my name is Alba, I'm seven years old and I'm writing this as I hope that They don't find memost time of the day I don't have to them because, then, They sleep, but I know that They are just waiting to get hold of me the next day, because, for a few daily hours when They can wander arrond , I have reasons to fear them as I hide under the bed or in the wardrobe, feeling my warm tears slide down my face frozen in a rictus of dread I think most adults have devoted all of theis willpower to erase from their memories in a deperate atempt of keeping their sanity, as I know that they are seeking me with thir lights.

this sentence is running a marathon, goddamn

Rugnor

Posted on May 12 2012, 11:53 AM

QUOTE

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purple

? I know it's quite bad( I just wanted to make it clear that she wasnt human and didn't know how) but why purple?

About rictus, I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this

OuthouseInferno

Posted on May 12 2012, 11:37 AM

The only 7-year old that knew the word "rictus" is probably in Mensa.

Young kids write in very short and simple sentences, you may want to start with that.

Spivsy

Posted on May 12 2012, 11:36 AM

Until the day I too try to fight back i will be hour after hour crouched under the bed, weeping as my red eyes get flooded by tears as black as the blissful night that stain my long and pale arms, as my talons make my hands bleed and my lipless mouth move in silence as I utter a prayer to a god I dont't understand asking to reamin alive one more night.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purple

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