Hello my name is Alba, I'm seven years old and I'm writing this as I hope that They don't find memost time of the day I don't have to them because, then, They sleep, but I know that They are just waiting to get hold of me the next day, because, for a few daily hours when They can wander arrond , I have reasons to fear them as I hide under the bed or in the wardrobe, feeling my warm tears slide down my face frozen in a rictus of dread I think most adults have devoted all of theis willpower to erase from their memories in a deperate atempt of keeping their sanity, as I know that they are seeking me with thir lights.
I think I can remember one time I culd look at one of Them from insede the wardrobe, it's eyes were shining upon me with a color colder than frost as it waited for the moment it could get me by suprise and leap from it's hideout under the bedsheets to get me, I konw it could see me but I'm still puzzled by the rason that prevented it from attacking me, I guess it was funnier to leave me with the deadful situation of knowing that it could get me any moment.
Luckily if you follow some rules you can be safe from Them for some time, at least until the next time they are loose and craving for your flesh, the first of these rules it to be quiet as the slighest whisper could lead to horrible consecuences, the second of the is even more important, dont make any sudden moves, movement atracts them.Finally, the last and more important rule is to hide in the shadows as they need their light to see you.By following these rules you have a slight possibility of seeing the oon again.
Sometimes an adult forgets about these rules and sees one of them, this always ends with them becoming dangerous for everyone or try to attack them, these are never seen again.
Until the day I too try to fight back i will be hour after hour crouched under the bed, weeping as my red eyes get flooded by tears as black as the blissful night that stain my long and pale arms, as my talons make my hands bleed and my lipless mouth move in silence as I utter a prayer to a god I dont't understand asking to reamin alive one more night.

It may not be very good but is what I have, I tried to make it looks as written by a little girl but I don't know how to do it well,criticism is understood

Until the day I too try to fight back i will be hour after hour crouched under the bed, weeping as my red eyes get flooded by tears as black as the blissful night that stain my long and pale arms, as my talons make my hands bleed and my lipless mouth move in silence as I utter a prayer to a god I dont't understand asking to reamin alive one more night.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purple

The only 7-year old that knew the word "rictus" is probably in Mensa.

Young kids write in very short and simple sentences, you may want to start with that.

? I know it's quite bad( I just wanted to make it clear that she wasnt human and didn't know how) but why purple?

About rictus, I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this

this sentence is running a marathon, goddamn

Yeah, the long sentences were not intended I usually write this way without noticing

The idea behind this is pretty solid. I'm a sucker for a bit of turnabout, and the idea that the monsters under the bed are just as scared of you as you are of them is an intriguing one. It's been done before, but any concept can still be explored further than it has.

The best part, I think, was the narrator laying down the rules of the game. In a weird sort of way, it makes sense. Why else would a closet monster obey some unspoken rules regarding when it is and is not okay to act? And it does make you wonder just what it's like for them, stuffed under a bed or into a closet, or hidden in a corner.

But I think the writing style really hurt it. I know you were trying to make it look like it was written by something not quite human, but that doesn't really come across. It comes across like every day bad grammar.

There's certainly more than one way to stylize the prose to look like a monster wrote it, but as a general rule, you should always spell your words correctly, unless you're going for a very thick accent.
I'd focus less on the grammar and more on the thought process. You're definitely thinking about how the monster herself would think, but you need to focus on that first, and not so much on the style.

Thank you for your help, the grammar problem comes basically from the fact that English is not my first language and that I wrote it five times triing to get it to look like it was writen by the monster but probabily just made things worse .

If someone could tell me the biggest mistakes in my grammar I would be grateful, maybe it will help me become better

The biggest one I noticed was improper puncuation. As Aorta mentioned, your first sentence is a paragraph-long run-on. Also there were a lot of spelling errors.
I do like the idea behind this a lot though.

Epic <3 :wobbuffet: :lol: and 4 lol sakes :maggot: