Greetings fellow Pasta Creeps!
Okay, this is a true story that I have never told anyone ever before, but which I have decided to tell the entire Internet today.
I once knew a man who we'll call...Max, to preserve his identity. Max lived in a city much like any other generic East Coast city, except that this city was a lot quieter than most. Most of the people who lived in the city were too busy with their day to day white collar office work to notice the absence of road crews, schools, hospitals, specialty stores, government buildings and the like. In fact, most of the non office buildings were fast food places.
Max was heading to work one day on the unusually quiet roads when his car broke down suddenly. Cursing, Max took his automobile over to the side of the road, near a manhole.
While Max was inspecting the damage, he suddenly heard a loud torrential sound behind him, and felt something hot land on his white shirt. He cried out in alarm when he discovered it was warm blood. Turning around Max saw the street was full of blood and severed body parts, all of which were surrounding the open manhole on the street.
Max's first inclination was to call the police, but thinking about it he realized that he had never seen any police in this city. With nobody else around, Max called his office to tell his boss that he would be late.
"Max! How are you!" It was Mr. Stevenson, his boss.
"Mr. Stevenson, I'm sorry I'll be late today..."
"Oh that's terrible. You're still stopping for lunch before you come here right?"
"What? Oh, no, I don't think I'll have time for that. I've got to change my shirt, and get my car fixed-"
"Max! Don't you dare skip lunch! Lunch is the most important meal of the day! If you don't bring your lunch to the office, you can kiss your job goodbye!"
"Okay sir! I'll get some lunch!"
"Good, call me back when you have it!"
Max hung up. Now that was weird. No time to think about that though. Max walked over to the nearest fast food place. As usual there was no staff, just a wooden mannequin with a long pipe feeding into a hole in its stomach. Max sighed.
"One lunch please."
Max waited for a moment, then groaned when he realized this place was self-serving. He grabbed the mannequin's left arm and began to rotate it. A thick bubbling mass of organs mixed with a delectable mayonnaise was churned out of the mannequin into a large bucket on the floor. When it was full, Max left some money on the counter, picked up the bucket and phoned his boss."
"Okay sir, I have a lunch!"
"Fine Max fine. Now, be a good man and drop it down that manhole."
"Uh, but why sir? You won't be able to-"
"JUST DO IT YOU TASTY LITTLE MAN!"
Max walked up to the gore splattered manhole. Without getting too close, he tossed the bucket of guts into the hole. He heard his boss chewing over the phone.
"Mmmm why this is-Hey Max, where did you get this lunch?"
"Oh, it's from one of the old self serve places. Good mayonnaise huh?"
"YOU FOOL! I'M ON A DIET!"
Suddenly the road began to convulse around Max. Cracks formed in the pavement, and out of them blood bursted upwards in hot geysers. Max lost his footing from the sudden earthquake, and fell on his back. He looked upwards to see the buildings were also splitting apart, revealing massive spires of flesh covered with veins quivering in the noonday sun.
"Oh boy." Max thought to himself as he started running down the street. Around him the ground was falling away to reveal a great pulsing red-hot pit.
Out of breath and unable to run any further from the advancing pit, Max suddenly noticed an abandoned car in the middle of the street. Running towards it, he found the key was still in the ignition. The car even had gas!
Max turned on the engine and drove as fast as he could down the street, never looking back. Eventually the sound of groaning agony ceased as Max drove past the city limits. It was only then he hazarded a look back, and saw that only a crater remained of what was the city he had lived in for so many years.
At least, he thought he had lived there for so many years. Now that he thought about it, he couldn't remember the details of his life there at all.
Max still works at an office, and sometimes he talks about his old boss. His new job is not so different from his old one; Max has always worked in human resources.
Oh man, I'm so glad your friend made it through that ordeal! His tragic tale deserves at least six Wobbufetts. :wobbuffet: :wobbuffet: :wobbuffet: :wobbuffet: :wobbuffet: :wobbuffet:
I should tell you about his honeymoon.
When I first saw this thread, I thought it said "City of ORGONE"!
Anyway, reading now.
I have no idea why, but this story reminded me a lot of Fight Club.
I love this story so much forever.
Your friend sucks for forgetting that his boss was on a diet.
Anyway, liked the story. The endings are almost always the best part, and even though this had a pretty awesome ending, the rest was the best.