date night, [USHRIYA!]

It was fun, eating with Esuna, even if the woman did look close to tears earlier. Riya didn't think that she or her past lives had all that much to do with Sailor Pluto. She'd always been kind of that mysterious figure with a lot of advice but usually kind of removed from the central atmosphere. And while Usagi did warn her that trusting Sailor Pluto with anything really important would be unwise, Riya had to admit it was nice to have another older friend she could look up to, sort of like an older sister.

Which was probably why it scared her so much, the thought of Esuna crying. The Outers... Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto were supposed the strong, smart ones. The ones who knew everything. To see one of them break down, well, it just might shake Riya to her very core. It was a sight neither Serenity nor Usagi had ever seen, and she hoped not to make it a first time in this lifetime.

”Oh, no, doll... Gav will love you, don't worry about that. I'm not in any danger of him missing me.”

Riya thought about the little boy who was Esuna's son. He did look pretty responsible (maybe a mite more than she was), but surely he missed his mom often. Riya didn't want to be the one to pull her away from her son, but Esuna was the boy's parent, not her, she reminded herself, and if Esuna thought that it would be okay, then it certainly would have to be. So she smiled at the older woman over her spaghetti-laden fork before popping the noodles into her mouth and swallowing.

"Okay, then," Riya replied, brightening up. She grinned at Esuna again. "I could use a lot of help..." she admitted slowly, her mind on all her schoolwork. Science and maths just weren't her thing. She wanted to do something else, but she wasn't really sure what exactly that was. Of course she knew that one day she would be have to be a leader (and the thought still scared her to death, no matter what Usagi said), but what would she be in the meantime? Maybe a teacher or something? She wasn't quite sure.

”We have an audience.”

Looking in the direction Esuna pointed, Riya saw a young blonde girl who was looking at them with interest. Then, Esuna tossed a carrot up into the air so high that it almost hit the ceiling before it landed perfectly on the tip of her tongue inside her mouth. Riya couldn't help it; she giggled and clapped.

"A perfect ten!" she praised.

Riya nodded in response to Esuna's question about her meal, and then leaned in closer, the thought of Usagi's secret on her mind. "I... get the feeling like Usagi doesn't tell me things. She tells me a lot more than Serenity, of course, but not everything. Can you fill in the blanks? Since you know everything?"

Ah, this little caterpillar had wormed her way deep into every Pluto's heart for her past three lives... In the first, it was all cut far too short. The second, she'd become that beautiful butterfly, but it too was too good to last. And this time, though she was still that adorable little caterpillar, Esuna could see the potential. Sometimes she wondered if she imagined that certain posture that reminded her of so many of the other Serenity's that she'd ever been bound to, that determination. She grinned, bowing her head and shoulders as though she was on stage.

"I... get the feeling like Usagi doesn't tell me things. She tells me a lot more than Serenity, of course, but not everything. Can you fill in the blanks? Since you know everything?"

Her teeth clacked together as she chewed on the carrot she'd caught, thinking that statement and the questions after. She wasn't going to pull that again in this life... Once she'd swallowed, she cleared her throat, slumping down so that she was closer to the girl's ear. "Okay, first thing, Sungi... I don't know what either of them has told you, or what anyone else has told you, but I don't know everything. I know a great many things, as one who never forgets does, but when it comes to the future, I don't always know. Some of you guys blame me, or her, or whatever about not warning you all about the fall, but... it wasn't because I was 'high and mighty' or just didn't want to tell you. I just didn't know. And when I found out, it was far too late to do anything." She breathed, taking a sip of her drink.

"Other than that little confession of mine, what else do you want to know?" Maybe now that she'd told the one that she should have told in the first place, there would be less blame on her shoulders. Maybe she'd be able to earn their forgiveness somehow... She fully realized that it was still her fault. She was the guardian of time, and if she was to pay enough attention, the signs were all there. She should have seen it coming - but like the rest of them, she grew comfortable in her roles. They might call her a hard ass one day, but that was a mistake that she would never make again.

Quite suddenly, the tone had turned from the bright talk of carrots and studying to the devastation that had centered in the past life. Ushriya chewed on the inside of her cheek, unintentionally looking away from Esuna. She really didn't like to talk about this. Usagi rarely spoke of it, and when she did, it was in short, clipped sentences as if she wanted to get the topic over with quickly. It was obvious to Riya that the subject of what had ended the past life was almost one that could never be broached; it was impossible to predict others' reactions to it.

"Okay, first thing, Sungi... I don't know what either of them has told you, or what anyone else has told you, but I don't know everything. I know a great many things, as one who never forgets does, but when it comes to the future, I don't always know. Some of you guys blame me, or her, or whatever about not warning you all about the fall, but... it wasn't because I was 'high and mighty' or just didn't want to tell you. I just didn't know. And when I found out, it was far too late to do anything."

For a long moment, Riya stared at the napkin holder, pointedly not replying. She wondered if she should say something, or just let things be. It was one thing talking about it with Ruro and what might happen if the other died; it was quite another to be speaking about it with Esuna, who, in addition to admitting that she was not aware of everything in the universe, had also confessed that she considered herself responsible for the end of the past life. Riya breathed out noisily through her mouth, wanting to end the subject there, but she knew she had to say something. It was rather surprising to find out that Esuna didn't know everything, but it also made the woman more human than she had been before. What was shocking, on the other hand, was that Esuna believed the destruction of the past to be her fault entirely.

When Riya finally looked at Esuna, it was clear that there was more than one emotion tugging at her consciousness, demanding attention. "It wasn't your fault," Riya said quietly. She swallowed the lump forming in her throat, feeling terrible. How many others blamed themselves for her incompetence? She was the one who had lost her transformation, her grip on the Crystal. Everyone else had done what they were trained to do, but in the end, they could not rely on her, and she failed them.

"Other than that little confession of mine, what else do you want to know?"

Riya was glad for the subject change. She didn't want to think about the end of the past lives or things that had gone wrong or any of it. Not when every mention of the subject felt like a stab in her side. It was more than she could handle, feeling Usagi's woes flow through her like poison, and to be honest, she wanted the Neo-Queen to feel better about the situation at any rate. But she knew that wasn't likely to happen, so she was happy to distract both her past self and herself with the change of topic.

"I'm not sure, really. It's just... I get the feeling that she keeps things from me. There are some things that come through clear as crystal, but others that are a lot... murkier. Most of Crystal Tokyo is like that," she admitted, shrugging. The time when Usagi realized she could no longer transform was burned into her memory, but other than a few snatches of conversation or an image of the Moon so close to the Earth or the fall of Crystal Tokyo, everything was pretty blurry.

It was quite twisted, this cycle they were in. How many of them blamed themselves? How many of them blamed each other? Truly, there was no single individual to blame... Well, there was one, but no one would go so far as to actually blame the woman aloud unless it was Ariana. And Pluto had been the one to mislead Queen Serenity... One couldn't argue the will of the Gods, so when her father told her to tell the Queen those slight... misinterpretations of the truth, she'd had to. And the woman, having no reason to disbelieve her, had acted exactly as the Gods willed. And now here they were, Pluto and Princess, sitting at a dinner table thousands of years later.

She had to wonder, if the girl beside her knew the truth, would she still continue to try to comfort her with statements like the ones she had just made? Unable to speak what she was thinking, she just made a sound in the back of her throat – it sounded a bit more like a sound of misery than she wanted to admit, but perhaps the blonde would disregard it as nothing.

Once the blonde had spoken again, she sighed. There were so many things that the Neo-Queen could be keeping from her present incarnation... Not that they'd really gotten along in the end, after her little stunt with the 'vacation,' but all the same, there were probably reasons for whatever Usagi-denka was keeping from Ushriya. She cleared her throat, lowering her voice again. There weren't many people in the place anymore, and all of the attention was off of them. ”I can't really tell you anything unless I know what you know. Gav is staying the night at a friend's house... Do you want to come to my apartment? We can talk... safely there.” And she could be sure that whatever she told the girl didn't get to... uninvited ears.

For a long moment, Riya played with her hair. It was easier, focusing on this rather childish action than contemplating mistakes made in the past life. She really didn't want to think about it, at any rate. Usagi wanted to make sure bad choices weren't repeated, and Riya was quite content not becoming a queen in the first place to make bad choices... but she wasn't sure that's what the Neo-Queen meant by choices being repeated.

She wanted to draw her knees up to her chest, a common position for her when she was feeling scared or sad. But, sitting next to Esuna, that position was nearly impossible. So instead, she allowed a sigh to escape her lips, a sigh that somehow explained all the exasperation she was feeling without being too long. She kind of wanted to go home so she could curl up with all her stuffed bunnies and pretend, for just a moment, that she hadn't ever been given a brooch to transform with or found out that she was a reincarnated queen from a different era. Riya wondered if that feeling was selfish was her, but then she shrugged her shoulders. Even if it bothered everyone else, she was allowed to have feelings.

"Ummm... sure," Riya said after a beat in response to Esuna's suggestion. Finding out why Usagi was so rigid and sad one moment, then upbeat and happy the next like some bipolar lunatic might help her to understand her prior incarnation and her decisions a bit more. "It might be helpful, to understand why Usagi acts certain ways sometimes."

A dim expression of confusion crossed her face for a minute as the image of a pink bunny crossed her mind. But then she shook her head abruptly and smiled up at her friend. "It'll be awesome getting to see where you live when you're just a regular person like me!" she exclaimed loudly, then giggled.