Sigh No More, hotaru

[Raen Mars]

((Rei was nineteen, downtown Juuban, some bus stop or another. Summer. It's hot, sun. Midday.))

People were staring - she hated it when they did that. Part of it was that sometimes, occasionally, someone recognised her. She was either that girl from university, captain of her archery team, or her father's daughter. When it suited him, the man himself would even claim as much. When it suited him. Their latest discussion had been something to the effect of how her boyfriend was ruining her image as a respectable young woman, along with several of her decisions with her wardrobe as of late. He had opinions galore, and just the mind and mouth to say them.

For her part, she had refrained from mentioning how awkward his existence in her life was making her political sciences class, or how the professor worshipped the ground he walked on so much that Rei wasn't even sure she deserved the mark she was going to get in that class. She hated knowing that she was some product of ridiculous half-fame when her life had been dedicated to hiding in a shrine or some private school. It was different now, now that she had had three years in the public school stream through university with the other girls. She wasn't as sheltered, and it lead to the occasional problem. More so than walking around in a TA Girl's Academy uniform might.

But it also afforded her the freedom to ensure the safety of her friends and Princess at all times, a valuable tool that she might have lost her mind without, now that it had been given to her. How she had survived the years apart from them, even just for those few hours every day, still baffled the brunette. It wasn't that she needed them to survive - she was positive that she had had life before them, and could have had life outside of them, if the situation called for it. After all, she had a boyfriend who had made it his mission to ensure there was a part of her none of them could ever reach.

Yuuichirou being almost as possessive as she was grated on her nerves like no other. He glared at men on the streets if they bothered to glance her way, and he'd taken to staring down Minako if she bothered to come around, like some part of him knew what they'd done, or what had been said, or how it made Rei feel, and the part of him that knew was going to do everything to prevent it from happening again. She was fine with that. She held no interest in other men, and held even less interest in falling back into Minako. Nevermind that the thought of her being possessive didn't make her want to scream, like her boyfriend's jealousy did, and often.

It was just easier not to compare them. It would have been easier still not to pine for things she couldn't have, mind you, and she had failed at that lately. A lot.

She decided then that it was going to be a guitar day, humming a bit to herself at the empty-at-a-glance bus stop she had found shelter beneath, waiting for a ride back to the shrine. She had never learnt to drive, for whatever reason. It could have been because she didn't have time, but if nothing else, Rei was Queen of Making Time. It was more likely that she enjoyed being able to spend time with her friends when the occasional ride was offered to her. As little as she and Haruka-san had in common, as an example, she still enjoyed being on the back of her bike or feeling the wind whip through her hair from time to time.

She grinned a bit at the thought, a stark contrast to the sweltering summer day they had been faced with. Poor Grandpa had been complaining all through the heat snap that had hit Juuban, the whole Tokyo region lighting up like someone had set it aflame. Heat scarcely bothered her, though. She was used to heat - she was heat. And it usually kept Yuuichirou out of her bed, which was also a plus. The hickey on the inside of her thigh would prove that she hadn't been so lucky the night before, as would the one on her collarbone. She'd issued a few choice curses that morning, trying to employ what she knew of makeup to cover the marks.

Hopefully, the heat hadn't rubbed it off. She sighed, and left it at that. Still sore. Still waiting for the damn bus.

Outfit!

[Ota Xi]

It wasn't often that people had the balls to ask her about her parents. But today it seemed like people were trying to embarrass her. Victoria's Secret was a store that she enjoyed – “Girls wear pretty underwear and it makes them feel pretty.” She wasn't sure which one of her parents had told her that, so long ago, after she'd found a particularly lacy undergarment in the laundry – all the same, she still liked to shop there. The outlets here in Japan were cheaper (amazingly) than ordering the items online and having them shipped from the United States.

But today, when she'd been checking out, the sales clerk; a middle aged woman with one of those knowing smiles; had started talking about how her mothers had come in a few days before. Apparently she hadn't caught Hotaru's oh dear God please look before she started talking about the pair loud enough that others heard. Having famous mothers who were by all social means one of the hottest pairs of lesbians in the media wasn't always good – it got her a mixture of 'poor girl' and 'I bet she's a lesbian too.' looks. She really didn't know what to think about that last assumption. She'd had boyfriends. Hell, she had one right now. She and Shingoro had been dating for a while. It was mainly just a friendship type dating thing, but she was slowly noticing that he was hinting at more. She didn't want that. Not with him.

It was an awkward situation. One that she'd probably want to talk to one of the Inner Senshi about – her family would cause chaos over it. And she couldn't just break up with him without telling him why, because that might make Usagi-chan wonder too, and it the older girl thought it was a bad reason... would she be angry with her? She had technically dragged her younger brother on for nearly a year and a half now... She felt awful about it. He was such a sweet kid, and he was fun to be around, and he was an awesome guy... But she's started realizing that he was still so much less mature than her. She couldn't see herself spending the rest of her life with him – and that had been one of the rules when she'd started dating. 'If you don't see yourself walking down the aisle, break up with him.' So all she had to do was figure out how.

Bags in hand, she walked around the corner, her other hand wrapped around her phone as she checked the time. When her eyes rose again, she caught a glimpse of Hino Rei.

Oh, dear. That was another problem that she had – she was what Setsuna-mama called 'smitten.' The girl that was standing in front of her was one of the most beautiful she'd ever seen. Minako-chan was also very beautiful as well. Ami-chan was beautiful in a different way, just like Makoto-chan had her own brand of beautiful as well. All of the Senshi were beautiful. But Rei-chan... She was more than beautiful. She could see the reason why she was so attractive to the general public. She was gorgeous.

”Rei-chan!”

She waved the hand with the phone in it, walking forward with a skip in her step. Rei-chan would be a great excuse to get her mind off of Shingo and her mother's lingerie. She had been heading for the bus stop anyway – why not keep the mysterious, brilliant, fiery, very appealing miko company, if she'd have it?

[Raen Mars]

Her phone vibrated in her pocket, drawing a small frown from the miko as she sighed and glanced down at her frame. She hated feeling so connected, and she hated technology about as much as any girl who preferred sweeping steps and feeding ravens to watching a television might.

It hadn't always been a horrible thing, she knew. There had been years where she had been content to watch old black and white films with her mother, understanding that they were Grandpa's favourites. On the days when it was raining too hard to justify doing anything but staying inside, she would crawl up on her mother's lap and they would sit and cuddle on the couch and watch the same movies on repeat. Casablanca, The Maltese Falcon... classics, her mother had called them when a far younger version of herself had requested 'oldies' back then.

But in the years that had followed, it had gone from shared comfort to something else. Her father seemed to like to manifest in her telephone alone, the ringing at the shrine never actually from him, but from too-proper-sounding aides and the like who were calling on his behalf. Secretaries with nothing better to do or young men and women alike who admired him, wanted to someday take his job. The television turned into something where she could see his face, and come eleven, she had had enough. It was easier to be disconnected from the whole world than it was to be connected to just him. She didn't want to watch a campaign that he loved more than her anymore. She didn't want to watch him preach about family, or worse, catch the reruns of the few events he had hauled her to. She didn't want to see herself become a liar so young, just like him.

It was probably a testament to their relationship, that Yuuichirou didn't know her well enough after three years together to know that she didn't have a cell phone for all those reasons and more. But what was she supposed to have said? He had looked so proud when he'd presented the thing to her, pink case and all (it had since been replaced by something purple and a bit more fitting to her needs). He was practically the only one who called her - in fact, he was the only one who called her, because he was the only one who had her number. Rei stood hard by the statement that if her friends wanted to talk to her, they could do it in person.

It also made avoiding Minako that much easier.

The buzzing stopped before she could reach her phone, fingers fumbling to slide it open. Text message, then. Two new ones - she wondered vaguely when the first had been sent, before choosing not to care. The first was fairly typical of him, some small thing he had seen that reminded him of her. The second wanted to know when she would be coming back. She hurriedly tapped out a reply to that one, expressing that she was just waiting for a bus before slipping the little gadget back into her bag with a grumble. She hated technology. Hated it.

The miko raked her fingers through wind tousled hair, suddenly not as impatient for the bus to come as the breeze died and the heat comforted her again. She'd had enough sex to last her the month, and she wasn't keen to have to snuggle, or cuddle, or do other... couple-y activities. What she wanted to do was meditate, do chores, maybe start looking into finding used books for her upcoming semester online. Normal things.

Amethyst eyes widened slightly at the sound of her name being called, Rei's hed whipping around to spy a positively bouncing Hotaru coming her way. The corners of her lips tugged upwards en lieu of beaming at the girl, offering a vague wave of her hand in return. "Hotaru-chan, nice to see you. Is Haruka-san coming to pick you up?" She almost hoped not. Awkward crush or not (she was more than painfully aware of how the younger girl stared at her by times), she liked the girl's company.

And that bus still wasn't anywhere in sight.

[Ota Xi]

She didn't even know how long she'd thought so highly of Rei-chan. Probably shortly after the whole Galaxia incident had blown over and life had begun once again – around her 'thirteenth' birthday. That was odd to think about, now that she actually did. She'd had what Setsuna-mama had called a 'girl-crush' for so long... Even with the boyfriend. He'd told her a while ago that she got super distracted whenever his sister's friends came in the room. He typically just thought that she was easily distracted, because every time they went anywhere, she always seemed to run into one of the inner Senshi. And where one of them was... Sometimes, there was always that possibility... that one of the others would follow, if not all of them. So her eyes always scanned them, both in greeting to her friends and in searching.

Always searching for one of them in particular. Something in the back of her mind hated that fact. More than anything else that had ever happened in her life. More than her actually killing herself to stop Mistress 9, more than the ache of being inevitably feared. She still hadn't put a name to that person in her mind – it was kept secret. She did know that it was more than likely the entity that was the Princess of Saturn – whatever her name had been was a mystery to the girl, but Setsuna-mama had told her to start paying more attention to the figment of her mind. She usually did as her mother said, even if it seemed pointless and cryptic. And what she'd noticed thus far about the Princess was that she hated Rei-chan and adored Usagi-chan.

Rei's question reached her ears and she shook her head, smiling lightly. ”Not today. Haruka-papa is busy, so I figured I could just ride the bus home. What brings you out today?” Her bags were light in her hands – there was never much that she bought when she had to carry her own things. Having Haruka-papa there to carry things made it much more fun – and also, when she wasn't spending her own money, that tended to help her cause as well.

She tried not to make it obvious that she was looking at Rei-chan. To her knowledge, only Setsuna-mama knew about the situation that she found herself in. She had a boyfriend. As did Rei-chan. And she even knew that there was no hope for this little 'fling,' as she'd once told Setsuna – there was no way that Rei-chan, in her intelligent, rational, realistic mind, would ever even consider her. She could still dream, though – and that she did. She smiled at the older girl, awaiting a response as she rocked back and forth on her heels.

[Raen Mars]

On the one hand, this seemed like a great excuse not to have to go back to the shrine or Yuuichirou just yet. On the other, it seemed like a lot of people would probably perceive her trying to avoid her boyfriend as a bad thing.

It wasn't so much that he had done anything to be particularly annoying. She was just tired. Tired of his clinging and his wanting and how everything he did seemed like too much. And frankly, she still felt guilty. The last time Minako had visited the shrine, he had stared at her the whole time. She could have sworn... but no. He wasn't that perceptive, and he had been gone when it'd happened. He couldn't have figured it out on his own, and anyone else who might have certainly wouldn't have told him.

She wondered for a while if Minako herself had, in an effort to follow through on whatever scheme to get more sex out of her she had. But it seemed wrong to think of her supposed best friend in that kind of light (more wrong than being in love with her felt, somehow), and she had abandoned the idea quickly. Rei had promised herself months ago not to dwell on it. But it came up nearly every time her boyfriend did. It was like having a nagging mother constantly reminding you of your failure. How she'd been the one who hadn't been faithful, not the scruffy boy - man she'd chosen to date.

She knocked the thought of it away like the bad memory it was, turned her focus elsewhere. It was a beautiful day - and now she had company. She could get in some decent conversation, enjoy the sun, and then... then maybe pick up a cool soda or something on her way back home. Her pocket buzzed, the fire goddess shooting a scathing glance down her own body at the insistent memory of the cellphone stuck there. She ignored it. Some positively gooey text message about how every second apart was absolute torture just... wasn't her style.

"I confess, I was hoping you'd say that," she stated, grinning a bit as she got to explore honesty again. It felt good after months, years of lies. "I was shopping," she started mysteriously, no bags in sight as she shifted her weight from one hip to the other, "I see you were out doing the same?"

Jewellery shopping was easy enough, and plastic bags that would stick to her skin in the heat were the last thing she wanted. Most of the things she'd bought were easy enough to stick into her purse, which suited her just fine. Her lips moved to form her next question, and she regretted the words even before they left her mouth. But it was like vomit - there was no stopping them as they happened, and they were going to come regardless of how prepared she was for the conversation they might bring. "How are things with Shingo-kun?" Oh, bother.

[Ota Xi]

She had always thought very highly of Hino Rei. She always seemed to demand respect, and it was a different sort of respect than Haruka-papa or Michiru-mama seemed to get. Rei was just that incredible. She smiled, shrugging her shoulders in a stretch as she listened to the older girl's confession with a brightening smile. So the older girl had wanted her to stay – that made her incredibly happy. The conflicting feelings that she'd been having about Shingoro had vanished as soon as those words had left the beautiful girl's lips – she wanted her company. It was like her birthday and christmas and every holiday between all at the same time. Hino Rei wanted to actually spend an amount of time with her alone.

She was mysterious and beautiful and strong and impressive and such a wonderful person. Hotaru lived under the impression that Yuuichiro-san was one of the luckiest people in the history of ever; including herself, even with her awesome parents. She had long since accepted the fact that Rei-san was not a lesbian – that was unfortunate. That had been the only reason that Hotaru had started dating guys, after that first disastrous girlfriend in Junior High. That was one of the years that Setsuna-mama had enrolled her in public school.

That hadn't lasted long at all. It had been two months before Hotaru had found out that her girlfriend was sleeping with some other guy. At fourteen. It was enough to end that relationship quickly. She'd shortly after gotten into a relationship with a guy – that had worked better, but ended. And the last one was Shingo-kun.

As soon as she'd thought that, Rei had said his name. She'd been listening intently, but the conversation she was having in her head was important as well. She grimaced lightly. ”Well... He's alright. I just... I feel like it's not going anywhere.” She shrugged again, this time for realistic purposes. ”He's kinda immature, and, well... I dunno.” She made a face. ”But never mind that. How are you and Yuuichiro?” A far more interesting topic of conversation, in Hotaru's mind. Of course, this was also the girl that thought anything to do with Hino Rei was the most interesting thing going on.

[Raen Mars]

Rei quirked an eyebrow, some emotional combination of confused and sceptical washing over her then. "Not that I exactly have any experience in this area," she started carefully, fully aware that she perhaps had more experience than she would have cared to share, "But if you aren't that into him, perhaps it would be kinder to end things before he gets too attached?"

She wondered then what made it different, Shingo and Hotaru, versus herself and Yuuichirou. Perhaps it was simply the knowledge that the Soldier of Death and Rebirth could do better, and that the only better she was interested in was unattainable. She had spent hours trying to calculate the odds of being able to do something, anything about the Minako situation before coming up with a big fat zero. Sleeping with her had only hurt things.

Maybe she should have been leading by example, dumping the boyfriend she was admittedly not in love with after three years together and even longer still of him following her around like a lost puppy, starved for her affection. It seemed cruel, keeping him when he was old enough to start considering settling down with someone who would be able to love him back.

She shifted from one foot to the other, practice the only thing keeping her discomfort from becoming obvious as she mentally slapped herself for having bothered to ask. Of course Yuuichirou would come up, with her asking about Shingo. She smiled just a touch, something hollow that didn't reach her eyes as the fire goddess shrugged. "We've been together over three years now. I suppose that's saying something." If it wasn't, then she honestly had no clue as to what anything was supposed to mean anymore.

And there was the guilt again, some horrible beast wrenching apart her stomach as Rei tried to swallow back the thoughts of leaving him. He was still so angry about Johannes on Skype, he even looked at Minako like he knew, but he was staying with her. She should have been grateful. She should have accepted that this was someone who could and did love her unconditionally. He didn't need the sex (liked it, but she had taken it from him before without consequence beyond her feeling more guilt after the fact), he didn't need anything but her. And she did like him.

"I don't think I'm in love with him," she verbalized, some little secret for the other girl to hold as she felt that fake smile from before twitch and falter just a touch, amethyst eyes meeting a shade similar to her own briefly. "But it's comfortable now. He's what I know. I think... I know I'd stay with him, even if I managed to find someone better for me." It had been true thus far, though the argument stood that perhaps a certain Soldier of Love wouldn't necessarily be better for her. "If you're unhappy, you should talk to him. And if things don't change, you should get out. The longer you do it, the harder it becomes to get away. Time changes things."

Somehow, she knew that this conversation wasn't leaving the pair of them. And she could appreciate that without needing to vocalize it, leaning a bit against the breeze and sun as she tried to let the summer warm her suddenly chilled bones.

[Ota Xi]

Rei's words practically stung her. Not that the older girl had said anything offensive, but the lack of anything offensive being said startled her. She'd been afraid that there would be something awkward coming from that conversation – What, isn't he good enough for you? Are you that much of a snob?

She had to remind herself often that she wasn't the same Tomoe Hotaru that had been so furiously bullied through school that first time. She'd been given a second chance – she'd become a lot better at not thinking that everything someone said was an insult (especially inside the workings of the Senshi – these girls were her best friends and her family) and receiving compliments with grace. That had come up a lot in her dancing – people had tried to compliment her on one thing or another and she, being young and still stuck in that painfully uncertain part of her life, had turned them all into insults. That had taken a long talk from her parents to get over – why she had assumed that Rei-chan would get angry.... She'd never understand herself sometimes.

She nodded several times, resolving herself to making a real decision about it before the weekend. This wasn't something that could be dragged out forever. Rei-chan continued, and Hotaru felt herself watching the other woman's face with a mild interest. There was so much there, just beneath the surface – she'd always thought that Hino Rei was a very expressive person, but watching her now, it seemed like there was more that wasn't being said than anything else. And then it changed, the conversation melting back into her own situation. It was true, she knew – the longer she kept it going, the harder it would be.

She'd recently adopted the idea that Shingo would have been a better brother than a boyfriend. The things they did together – video games, prank wars... They'd been together for quite a while and they'd kissed so few times that she could count them on her hands. Not for lack of ability – he was actually a good kisser – but it just didn't feel right.

”I realize that this might not be my place, Rei-chan, and I'm by no means an expert... But... isn't the best part of living getting outside of your comfort zone to find the things that truly make you happy?” She immediately regretted speaking. It wasn't her place, it wasn't. This wasn't some heartbroken girl that had confided some dark secret in her during those few years she'd been in public schools. This was Rei, the girl that she'd idolized for as long as she could remember, this was the past Princess of Mars, the goddess of passion and flames. She knew what she wanted and what she didn't – it wasn't her place to try to tell her otherwise. She blushed. ”I'm sorry, that wasn't my place to say... I apologize. Please don't be angry.” If Rei was truly comfortable in her relationship, than that was all that mattered. She bowed briefly, biting on the inside of her lip.

[Raen Mars]

It would probably have been hard for her friends to believe, she gathered, that she had once been the bullied kid through school. She certainly didn't fit that part now, nor had she by the time most of them had met her. But before she had hit puberty, there had been worlds of awkward between her and the rest of the world. Top that with the fact that even after she'd stopped looking so off she'd been considered 'weird'... well, suffice to say that Hino Rei knew what it was to have people tease or be downright mean.

Not that she couldn't do the same, depending on the situation. But Hotaru was a friend, and if nothing else, she saw a lot of herself in the younger girl. The responsibility of Sight wasn't totally comparable to the ability to end worlds, but in their lives? Yes, she felt closer to her than most of the others. They'd both lost their mothers young, they'd both been sick and different to their peers. Careful listening and patience throughout the years had told her what the girl before her wouldn't, as had some inadvertent mind-tumbling from time to time when her powers grew beyond herself.

She'd known what the other brunette had been expecting, if only because it was what she herself might have expected. Her father's world was one where any slip misstep resulted in a media storm of harsh criticisms, and though her own life was far simpler (by choice), she took the lesson of his world with her wherever she went. Normally-cautious Rei did not talk to people about things like not actually being in love with a boy she'd been dating for years.

Not with people who didn't need to hear about it, anyway.

That said, it wasn't unexpected to have her advice turned around on her. The older woman smiled a bit, tense and full of things she couldn't or perhaps simply wouldn't say. None of them angry at Hotaru, mind. Some of them angry with herself, though. "Never apologise for saying what you think, Hotaru-chan. And I know it's hard to understand," she started carefully, thinking of Minako in her bed a year or so ago telling her that she loved her and trying not to break and agree with the other girl, "But even if I don't love him, he does make me happy. Things are easy with Yuuichirou."

Easier in the sense that it meant she didn't need to deal with coming out or admitting that maybe she had been wrong, for once. It was more than just pride, though. It was knowing that if she didn't love him, he couldn't break her heart. Not like certain others could. She pushed some hair over her shoulder, spying the bus rolling up over the hill with a short grin. "This one's mine. Are you going my way?"

[Ota Xi]

She was fully prepared for the girl in front of her to be angry with her. To yell, perhaps even to just totally ignore her for the remainder of whatever conversation she tried to salvage. But she honestly hadn't expected words of encouragement for her statement, advice from her idol. She nodded carefully, trying to take it to heart – how many times in her life had people gotten angry at her for speaking her mind? Granted, she'd died, been reborn, and grown up again since it had actually happened with someone that she cared about, but still.

It was probably something natural in her, she thought, trying to please everyone. Papa had said as much of her. She tried so hard to make everyone else happy. She nodded again, this time with more energy. Rei-chan wasn't afraid of what people thought of her – why should she be?

She gave a shrug at the other girl's admission – sure happiness was nice, she supposed. She could be happy with Shingo. But at the same time, knowing that there was a potential for something more out there, something beyond was she knew she was able to reach with her current boyfriend... That was something that would have driven her mad. Happiness, ease... For some reason, she was almost certain that she would throw it all out for a chance at something greater.

She followed the other's eyes (so like hers, and yet so different) towards the bus, nodding. ”Yup. Papa is supposed to pick me up later, so I'm just kind of wandering around the city, finding things to entertain myself.” She was also avoiding Shingo, but she wasn't exactly telling anyone that.

[Raen Mars]

She shot a grin back at the other girl, no longer lost in her own thoughts or scowling about her idiot boyfriend back home as she grabbed for Hotaru's hand. "Come on, then, on the bus." It wasn't a question, really. If she had to go back to the shrine, she could at least bring a friend. It'd give her something to do that didn't involve her clothing coming off, or her on her knees. At least, not until her friend was headed back home.

The miko raked a hand through her hair, expertly flipping it over one shoulder. She absorbed heat, true, but that didn't mean she didn't enjoy a cool breeze on her neck now and again, shivering as the blast of air conditioning hit her fevered skin. She remembered to let go of the girl behind her, shooting her an apologetic look before finding them a pair of seats together near the back. Though the pair of them were generally silent, or so she felt, she did her best with it, filling the short ride back to the temple with mindless chatter.

Mindless things, after all, were becoming her fortι. That certainly explained why she'd gone ahead and hopped in the sack with her best friend. Mindless, careless. Some combination thereof. "So, I bought these really cute earrings today..."