Texts From Last Night, oh god

It's simple. Go here and post something your character would say via text.

Example?

Raen:

(219): The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.

(+44):

Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.

(709): By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.

(732):

Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.

(262):

Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay.

(972) : I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.

(505) : You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"

(785) : I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag

(727) : It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.

(434) : This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.

(614) : making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy

(843): To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.

(602): Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duct tape owes me new leg hair.

(774):

I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed

Riya and Raen, really.

(304): What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
(859): i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.

(618): So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.

(856): I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.

(304): I love you more than champagne and correct grammar


(323): He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.

(765): Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?

(214): you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.