surprise!

June 7th 8 AM

"C-c-call R-raen."

Raen hated Palavers. No, seriously, she hated them. She was psychic - why did she need one? She'd thought it would be worthwhile, travelling to the other planets. That had been the only reason she'd agreed. And then they had all told her she wasn't even allowed to go to Mercury, and Venus had just been... awful. And with Mars next, there was the need to find Phei... so maybe it had a use after all. If it was the only reason she was allowed to travel, then so be it.

But she still wasn't used to the way it would blare in her head whenever someone called her, startling from her place up in the tree she and Dei had been sharing. "Uh, answer." The older Martian held up a single, slim finger to her newfound sister and dropped back to the ground. She stumbled, an unusual action for her, still rattled by the loudness of the call. Psychic conversations were always so much calmer, spoken like the other person was at the end of a long tube as opposed to shouting directly into her ear. "Ushriya? Hi."

Riya was sitting on her bed, as she had the last few hours, with the positive pregnancy test laid out on the sheets before her. Telling her everything and nothing at the same time.

"R-raen?" The sound of her sister's voice made her sob. It was a familiarity she needed right now. "Did you know about... about Chibiusa?"

She froze. What else was she supposed to do? She could lie, and say no, she hadn't. And then maybe the ache in her chest that came along with Risa and Hikari, always brought up when ChibiUsa or any of the other kids came to mind, would flicker and fade. She was grateful she couldn't be seen then, free to actually let her conflict show as she grimaced at the bottom of the tree, clapping a hand over her eyes.

"I..." She just had to say no. Say no, and maybe the bitter taste would go away, or she'd hurt less. It was selfish, she knew it was. But... but she couldn't do this. "I don't, sorry. Was she someone important?"

The image of her pink bunny filled her head. Small Lady in her fancy court gown, Chibiusa in normal clothing, staring at her as if she'd just said something remarkably stupid. The thought of her past life daughter who had died so tragically made Riya sob harder. She curled in on herself, hugging her knees to her chest. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to the bright little girl who'd never had a chance to grow up.

"She was... she was my daughter," Riya spluttered between sobs. "Raen... I-I-I-I.... I'm pregnant." She took a shaky breath, thick with her tears both shed and otherwise. "I... I don't know how to feel."

Pregnant.

She took a moment to breathe, thankful that Ushriya couldn't hear that or her racing thoughts and heart. Her chest ached, familiar with the empty pound of a muscle that only caused her grief. She didn't bother sighing, or doing anything but briefly rubbing her left shoulder, the only comfort she was going to allow herself here. "But how..." Because she'd been negligent in her care of the other girl on Venus.

Immediately ashamed, she bowed her head, the only thing that could squash the other emotions back down to their proper place within her, not out where everybody could see. "Have... have you told anyone else?"

Crumpling into a ball, holding her knees to her chest, it somehow made her insides feel less empty. But nothing could remove the pain. Riya wanted to touch the little girl who never grew up, to hold her in her arms, to make her live again, somehow, but that was impossible now. Chibiusa had died as Chibimoon. She'd died. The horrible ending to a dark fairy tale. And she, Usagi, had been unable to do anything. Unable to transform, unable to protect Small Lady... Entirely useless.

"N-no," Riya replied, her voice wavering. She knew she ought to tell Ruro, but that he'd kept this from her, this daughter that she had every right (and yet, somehow, no right) to know, nearly cut more deeply than the pain of realizing she'd been a mother in the past life. She buried her face in her hands, her face that was dry now. She couldn't muster the tears anymore. "Should I?" She left the question at Raen's door, unable to make her own decisions anymore. All she wanted to do was snuggle under her covers and stare at the wall.

If it was her, would she be acting any differently? Probably not. Maybe handling it worse, actually. Raen was pretty sure she wouldn't have been able to tell anyone. It was a lot like how she couldn't tell anyone about Risa and Hikari, or the two unborn children that plagued her dreams and had since March. March, and here they were in June. She rubbed at her forehead, agitated.

If their positions were reversed? She'd just get rid of it. Martian genetics weren't built to last. But this wasn't her, and she wasn't about to order her sister to do anything she didn't want to do. "Only you know that," she tried, unwilling to push in any given direction. She couldn't have opinions. Not here, not anywhere. She knew that. She couldn't have feelings, opinions, memories -

Even if everybody else did.

A very small, childish part of her wanted to keep it secret, as if it was some sort of horrible revenge against Ruro for keeping Chibiusa from her. She knew the reasons, of course. The why. It was the same reason that Usag had waited as long as she did to tell her... and even then it had been accidental. So Riya sighed, irritated with herself and with Ruro and with Raen for not giving her a definitive answer.

"I think... I think I'm going to stay home today?" Even to herself she sounded uncertain. Another involuntary sigh escaped her lips. And suddenly, when she spoke again, her voice was pleading, almost whiny. "Can you come over?" She really needed her sister right now.

Coming over kind of... put a wrench in her plans.

She spared a glance upwards, at Dei, and frowned. She was supposed to be taking care of her, but... how was she supposed to take care of Ushriya, too? Maybe she'd taken on too much. Raen had never really been all that great at recognising when she was overextending herself. "Um... yes, I can, but it's going to take me a few hours. I just... need to make sure Dei has food, or she might get hurt." It was only half of a lie. The other part of her needed to decide what she was going to do about Ruro.

"Is... is that okay?" Because right about then, she was pretty sure she was going to kill him. Months and months of rage about this, losing kids, and it was all going to be on him. If she couldn't yell at Amina for not talking to her about it, she could certainly yell at him. And kill him, for hurting her foster sister. That was the important part.

At the mention of Dei, Riya felt selfish for asking Raen to come over. Raen had other things to do, of course. She should have realized (again) that the world didn't revolve around her...

"I'm... sorry, Raen. I forgot," she said lamely. "About Dei." She shrugged even though Raen obviously couldn't see her. "Take your time. I can... wait."

Truthfully, she wanted Raen there now. To sit beside her so that they could sort through this together. But Dei was just as important as her, and she couldn't expect Raen to drop all of her plans just because she had finally remembered Chibiusa. It wasn't fair. But that didn't mean she didn't want Raen with her any less.

She knew what Ushriya wanted, and yet... she couldn't just abandon Dei for her. She guessed that was the line. She couldn't have chosen between their mother or her foster sister either, if presented the choice. She fell first and foremost with her family. If things were different, if she had her own apartment? Maybe. But that wasn't the case. They were living in the park, up some tree Dei had liked. She was going to have to do something about her, of course.

But first, she'd need to do something about Ruro. "I'll be there as soon as I can," she tried, hoping to soothe as she forced something other than her usual monotone. It was all she could do. "I'll start getting ready... and I'll talk to you later."