[Drama/Angst] After, WonTon - Chapter 7 FINALLY Posted [6-28]

Title: After
Rating: PG13
Author: JaeSeung
Notes: I really have no idea where I'm going with this...but its fun to write anyways. Yay for angry!Jae Won? I wanted to write him happy, but I can’t seem to write anything but angst. And sorry for the run-on sentences…it’s a bit of a bad habit of mine.



‘Every time. Every single fucking time.’ Jae Won balled his hands into fists and planted them firmly on either side of the sink to prevent himself from punching the mirror. It just barely worked. He wanted to break something, desperately, but with great effort stood there motionless, with his head bowed low and every muscle in his body trembling with the need to move, to do anything except stay frozen in that position.

It was an hour before he had to leave for the airport. This time he had to go to the United States for god-knows-what with a stop in Japan on his way back. At the meeting he had stopped listening the moment someone mentioned he would be flying somewhere. ‘Don’t they remember the last time they flew me anywhere? Or the time before that? Or every single time I’ve flown since H.O.T was still together? Don’t they remember the panic attacks, the four hours I spent locked in that filthy airplane lavatory so no one would see me crying, or the times I would have given myself alcohol poisoning if the flight attendants hadn’t cut me off?’

The sound of his cell phone ringing brought Jae Won back to reality for a moment. If the ringtone was anything else, any song but this one, he would have just ignored it, but he just wanted to make it stop. The problem was that the silence ringer button, and pretty much everything else on the phone for that matter, had been broken since shortly before his last airplane adventure, when he had thrown his phone against the sidewalk in a childish temper tantrum. And that incident had happened all of two days after Tony had shown up unexpectedly at his apartment for a visit and decided that the best way to get Jae Won to answer his phone was to change his ring tone to a song he could have gone the rest of his life without hearing again and been perfectly content.

Candy.

“Dan chi neor sa rang hae…” The muffled, low quality recording of “their” song echoed off of the tiled surfaces around Jae Won and made him want to scream. In his mind he pictured punching Tony over and over again in that smiling, feminine face of his as pulled the phone out of his pocket and calmly answered.

“Hello,”

“Jae Wonnie? You sound like hell.”

“Don’t call me that. “

“What? You mean ‘Wonnie’? But I’ve been calling you that for years.”

“And I’ve been telling you to stop calling me that for years.”

“Aw, you’re no fun.”

“Sure, whatever you say. Why are you calling, Tony?” Jae Won’s lips were drawn into a tight line and his fingernails were cutting into the tender flesh of his palm.

“No need to sound so angry, Jae Won!” Tony tried to laugh it off, but there was an undercurrent of concern to the cheerful sound. “I heard you were going on a trip and I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m going on a trip, why would I not be okay?”

There was a long pause and Jae Won could picture what Tony was doing so clearly that the other man might have been standing in front of him. Eyes closed, head hung ever so slightly, pinching the bridge of his nose with the thumb and first finger of his right hand, while the phone was held to his ear with his left. Breathing slowly and deeply, waiting until he felt like he was about to faint before letting out a long sigh and taking another breath. He was probably wearing a white shirt and somewhat tight, girly jeans while pacing back and forth in his living room. The amazing part of that deduction is that Jae Won was, in fact, right on all but two points. First, Tony was wearing a blue-gray dress shirt with his ‘somewhat tight, girly jeans’. Second, Tony wasn’t in his living room.

“Answer your door, Jae Won, I’ve been knocking for the last ten minutes and everyone on the floor has stuck their head out except for you.”

“Why do you assume I’m at home?”

“Where else would you be?”

The phone went dead as Jae Won threw it down onto his bathroom floor and stomped it into oblivion beneath his boot until he was sure there was no way to reassemble it. Only then did he actually notice the knocking. Apparently his former bandmate hadn’t gotten the message that he really didn’t want to be bothered. Years of experience had taught him that Tony was ludicrously persistent and in all likelihood wouldn’t stop trying to break down the door until it was opened in one way or another.

“Fine! Shut up, I’m coming.” He hollered as he made his way towards the door. Ever since he moved into the apartment, his deadbolt hadn’t worked properly, but he hadn’t bothered to submit a maintenance request. The longer he stood there and tried to get it unlocked, the more frustrated he became and it culminated with a heavy kick to the door. It was yet another one of those times that Jae Won was thankful that he wore heavy boots most of the time. “God.”

“Jesus Christ!” Tony’s startled yelp carried through the door. “Everything okay in there?”

“No.”

‘Why are you asking? Why can’t you just leave me alone?’ After another several moments of struggling with the lock he managed to get the door open, only to be faced with an extremely worried An Seung Ho.

Behind his narrow, wire rimmed glasses, Tony’s eyes were wide. Even though his clothes were immaculately pressed and his hair was perfectly styled, as always, he still managed to look disheveled. It shouldn’t have been possible.

“About time you answered.” The smile and cheerful voice could only do so much to hide the worry in Tony’s eyes. The thick layer of foundation could only do so much to hide the sickly pallor of his skin.

“Why do you keep showing up like this?” Jae Won was beyond caring about Tony’s concerns, he had his own demons to deal with and really didn’t have the time or energy to spare for a friend, even someone he had known for over a decade.

“What do you mean?”

“Without calling first.”

“I did call you.”

“When?”

“Last night. It was strange that you didn’t answer.”

“I must have been in the shower. You know I don’t listen to my voicemail.”

“What happened, anyways? Why did you hang up on me?” Tony eased his way past Jae Won into the small apartment. It was obvious that Jae Won didn’t want him or anyone else there, but, being the stubborn type, Tony decided to just not pay attention to that.

With an angry sigh Jae Won motioned behind him, “Go see for yourself. Its in the bathroom.” Without looking at Tony again he shut and locked the door before flopping gracelessly into his ugly brown recliner.

:meow: keke~ supirse~ Im the first one to comment haha ^^

waaa.. ;_; you write so well!!
really, so awesome!! ^^

and i really wonder what will happen net!! ^.^
thanks so much for sharing this! ^__^/ :glee:
lol..Im so not used to see wonnie in a main roll XD *fightong* X3

Ugly brown recliner? That's gotta go well with everything...!

This is really interesting.

Awesome~ Can't wait for more!

@Kenni: I had a feeling you'd be the first to reply. *laugh* Wonnie deserves more time as a main character, really.

@ShadowsNeverDie: He also has a dilapidated green armchair, a beanbag chair patched with duct tape, and a couch that used to be white and is now a strange shade of grey-brown. =) What a great furniture selection.

@Rhith: There should be another chapter up tonight. I'll probably spend most of my class writing because its a 4 hour lecture. x_x

Thanks for the replies everyone. I'm glad you're enjoying it so far...or at least finding it interesting. =D

WonTon!!!! Awesome!

Great story so far, I look forward to more!

It took me a bit longer to get this written, but I spent most of class having a loud debate with my teacher, so it didn't leave much time to write.

And I'm sorry that I'm just posting in 1000-word bursts, but it might actually get me to finish the story this way. ^^;

Chapter 2:

Both he and Tony knew it was a lie that he had been in the shower during Tony’s call the night before. It was a bad cover because unless Jae Won’s habits had changed drastically since they stopped sharing an apartment as JTL he only showered upon waking in the morning. In all the time they had known each other, he had never once taken a shower after sundown. But Tony didn’t bother to ask any questions or pry into Jae Won’s business. In all likelihood he had just left his phone at home while he went to a club or something.

The apartment was immaculate. No clutter anywhere except for around the computer desk in the corner of the living room, and even that was just a few empty soda cans and a book. No trash, no clutter, no dirty laundry, no dishes piled in the sink. Even though his furniture looked as if it were fished out of a dumpster, everything was neat and put away, so it would have been startling for anyone to find the bathroom floor covered with fragments of plastic and metal.

“So you decided to get a new phone in the middle of our conversation?”

“Interrogation.”

“Whatever.”

“Why are you here, Tony?” Jae Won pulled his knees to his chest without bothering to take off his boots. Even as the other walked back into the room he didn’t look back up, preferring instead to stare blankly at the leg of his coffee table.

“I’m worried about you,” Tony said from somewhere in the direction of the kitchen. “Where is your broom?”

“Just leave it. I’ll clean it up later.”

“No. Where is your broom?”

“Fine,” He sighed, caving in. It was pointless to argue with Tony; he was a nice guy, stubborn as all hell, but a nice guy. “It’s in the gap next to the fridge.”

There were small sounds from the other side of the apartment as Tony fumbled with pulling the broom and dustpan from it’s storage space, as he tried his best to sweep up the broken pieces of what used to be a phone, as he dropped the dustpan on his way to the trashcan and had to sweep it up all over again. When he finally got everything taken care of, Tony sat down carefully in the olive green armchair across from where Jae Won was seated. He carefully avoided the couch which had been in JTL’s apartment and had been thoroughly desecrated by each of them at one point or another…and probably by Kang Ta or Hee Jun at other points. Jae Won had taken it because he didn’t want to be bothered with buying new furniture when they all moved into their own apartments, even though he knew probably no one in their right mind would ever want to sit on it.

“I can’t believe you still have that thing,” Tony laughed. There had been a running joke between all of them that no one should sit on that couch because, regardless of gender, they would become pregnant. Sadly for Jae Won that couch hadn’t seen any action in quite a long time.

“Why? It’s a perfectly good couch.”

“Its just,” Tony cut off and thought for a moment. “I don’t know.”

“Anyways, why are you here? Or rather, why are you so worried about me. I’m fine.”

“Quit lying, Jae Won,” Tony was firm, but not angry. “I’ve flown with you before, remember? There was that time I had to practically sit on your lap to keep you from getting up and starting a fight with the guy serving drinks. And then that other time I spent four hours trying to convince you to get out of the bathroom. And what about that time when-“

“Enough!” Jae Won shouted and hid his face in his hands before his voice dropped to almost a whisper. “Enough, enough, enough. I get the picture.”

“How were you going to do it this time? I heard you were flying alone.”

“How do you even know? It’s not like I told you, but you always seem to know whenever I’m going anywhere.”

“People tell me I should work for the government. I find out things that people try their damnedest to hide.” Even though it was essentially the truth, he tried to play it off like a joke.

“Then why do you bother to find out stuff about me?”

“Because I’m your friend, idiot,” Tony smiled. “How were you going to do it, though?”

Without saying another word Jae Won stood and stretched before walking into the bedroom to retrieve his carry-on. ‘It’s rather strange,’ he thought. ‘Not even a half an hour ago I wanted to beat his face in...why do I just want to cry now?’ When he returned, he plopped back down in the chair with the plain looking black bag in his lap.

“This is how I was going to do it,” A small bottle was suddenly tossed in Tony’s direction, but he reacted to slowly to catch it, so it bounced off of his chest and fell into his lap.

“Temazepam? What the hell?” Again Tony’s eyes went wide, now he was not only concerned, but confused.

“Sleeping pills, essentially. My doctor proscribed them. I was going to spend the flight drugged into oblivion so I didn’t have to think about things.”

“What? Jae Won I...What?” Tony stammered for several long moments. “You used to travel fine before. What happened?”

“Time goes on, things change. People change.”

“You’re being cryptic, please just talk like a normal person for once.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Jae Won tossed the bag onto the floor next to the chair and curled up again, resting his forehead on his knees. He looked so helpless, almost like a little kid.

The two of them were silent as they both tried to gather their own thoughts. Tony sat rigidly on the edge of his chair, still holding the pill bottle in his hand, watching Jae Won with concern as the younger man trembled and his breathing became increasingly ragged. The only indication that Jae Won gave that he was crying was the heavy, uneven breathing.

Aww~ So sad yet...I dunno!
Can't wait for more though!

Yay crack? *laugh* I'm really glad you like it so far. I should have a new chapter up tomorrow, if not tomorrow then Friday.

:QAQ: Jae Won no...

I love Jae Won in this, hes so moody lol

I meant to post a new chapter today, but I've spent most of the last 24 hours in bed with a migraine. Thanks to my meds and the postdrome my brain is so shot I can hardly string words together. Hopefully I'll be able to get it written tomorrow. I'm sorry, everyone. T_T


@Anrui: Poor Wonnie. *sobs* I didn't mean to have him cry...it just kind of happened.

aw ;___;
:QAQ:
wonnie..T_T poor uy ><;

kya~ you write so awesome really!! ^w^
cant wait for he next chapter~ *-*

This is the shortest update yet, but I might have another part done before I go to sleep. I just didn't want to leave this hanging for another day.

Chapter 3

Jae Won hiccoughed. He hated crying, but more than that he hated people seeing him cry. The more he tried to stop, the harder the tears came and the more difficult it became to breathe. Or maybe he was just trying to suffocate himself without fully realizing it; trying his damnedest to not take a breath because the moment he did the almost silent sobs would once again wrack his body.

Crying was a disgusting, messy, embarrassing ordeal and he despised it. He despised himself for needing to do it.

The louder the sobs became, the more Tony wanted to walk the few paces to the chair and comfort his friend, just to give him some reassurance, but he couldn’t seem to make himself move. It wasn’t fear that was paralyzing him, he was just startled. Jae Won wasn’t like this. When H.O.T was together, when JTL was together and even afterwards, whenever their magnae would cry he wouldn’t let anyone see. He would bite his lip and clench his fists and then, as quickly as possible, find a secluded place to barricade himself until once again he felt up to facing other people. Never once in their decade of friendship had Jae Won willingly shed tears in front of them. There were, of course, those times on stage or during speeches or various, similar occasions where he just couldn’t escape, but Tony refused to count those. They weren’t by choice.

‘Something must have happened,’ was all that Tony could think. What that something might have been, he couldn’t begin to imagine, but it had to have been something big.

By the time Tony convinced his legs to stand, Jae Won’s sobs were interspersed with heavy, painful sounding coughs and strangled gasps for air. The bottle of medication was tossed onto the coffee table carelessly as he rushed to his friend.

“Jae Won,” He said quietly, his voice full of concern. Gently he placed a hand on the younger man’s shoulder and coaxed him to unfold his limbs and rest against the back of the chair. “Sit back, it’ll help you breathe.”

‘What if I don’t want to breathe?’ He thought bitterly, but his body went lax under his friend’s gentle hand. His fingers loosened their grip and without their intense, bruising hold his arms and legs fell limply away from his torso. Beneath his fingernails were tiny tracks of skin he had dug from his elbows and forearms with his fierce grip before Tony had come to his “rescue”. Even the fiery glare he wanted to send Tony’s way refused to mold to his features, instead he just looked pained. His lips were curled back in what looked almost like a deranged smile as his body tried to gasp, cough, and cry at the same time. Desperately he wanted to close his mouth, to grit his teeth and just try to get over it, but he couldn’t breathe through his nose and it was fast becoming impossible to breathe through his mouth. Once, twice, three times he coughed up a mouthful of mucous only to swallow it again simply because he had no place to spit it out.

“C’mere,” Tony did his best to heft his friend into a standing position after the fourth time Jae Won’s breath hitched for him to swallow. It was difficult and it only got harder when he realized he had to half-drag the taller man to his bathroom, but he managed even though Jae Won was nothing more than a trembling dead weight. Getting him there was the hard part, thankfully. The moment Jae Won collapsed to his knees in front of the toilet he spat mouthful after mouthful of clear, slippery liquid into the basin before him.

Completely and utterly spent, Jae Won just let himself fall to the side, trusting his shoulder to catch the edge of his bath tub and prop him there. His eyes were still watering with tears that wanted to be shed, but his breathing was slowly coming back to normal. At very least now he wasn’t choking. Tony took that moment to kneel down next to him with a box of tissues and set about carefully wiping his face clean, taking extra time around the corners of his mouth.

Neither of them said anything. Jae Won didn’t want to make the effort and Tony wasn’t sure how Jae Won would react to anything at that moment. He didn’t want the younger man to start crying all over again. Instead Tony flushed the toilet and rooted around in the medicine cabinet to see if he could find anything to patch up the unpleasant looking scratches left by Jae Won’s fingernails. They weren’t bleeding very much, but they weren’t all that pleasant to look at and if they weren’t cleaned they would probably get infected. After a moments search, he found everything he thought he needed: peroxide, cotton balls, antibiotic ointment, and bandaids.

“Aah,” Jae Won yelped. His slight lisp was worse than usual, either from all the crying or just because he stopped paying attention to his speech. “That fucking –hnh – hurts.”

“It could be worse,” Tony tried to reassure him. “I’m not trying to cauterize them with my lighter.”

“Why – hnh – do you have – nmh – a lighter?” He was still gasping slightly, although not from the sting of having his wounds cleaned.

“They’re handy.”

“You’d better not – unh – be smoking.”

“Me? And ruin my beautiful voice? Never” Tony put on a scandalized expression in an attempt to goad his friend into laughter. In truth he had never thought about smoking, he just enjoyed playing with the lighter while he was thinking.

“Good.” For just a moment his lips twitched into a small smile before returning to the bland, expressionless stare.

They sat in silence again as Tony finished bandaging the scrapes, neither wanting to broach the subject of Jae Won’s impending departure and current state of mind.

aw, poor Won T3T
I wonder what had happend ^w^~


=_=; it would be nice if tony really wouldnt smoke :shine: keke~

Aww Jaewon...Good chapter though!
Can't wait to see what happens.