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 Ardghal Kane
Dorchadas Dearmad
Posted: May 1 2012, 06:28 PM


Vault dweller


Group: Members
Posts: 13
Member No.: 231
Joined: 1-May 12



Name- Ardghal Kane

Stats- 4,7,3,3,10,8,6

Race- Ghoul

Age- 40

Personality- Ardghal is very unsettling to most people. His habits just seem to set off some mental trigger in them that scares them off. It mostly has to do with his ever-growing insanity, causing him to act without true consideration of other people. He isn't evil, but the voices tell him he shouldn't care anymore.

He also thinks far too much. Not about what to do, but in his spare time, he thinks about the world around him and his situation so much that he damages his mind further. The thinking he does has made him want change the normal customs of things, so he takes pleasure in corrupting norms and being different from those around him.

Appearance- Ardghal has patched orange, black-spotted hair and mostly gray,blotchy skin. He is approximately 6'3", but is relatively skinny. His weight has never gone above 140lbs in his life. His eyes are sunken, with blood red covering the majority of his eyeballs, excluding his dilated pupils.

His arms are covered in scars, both from battle and self inflicted injury. His teeth are relatively intact, but were made jagged through continuous injury. His fingernails are dark black, ending in sharp, broken edges.

On his chest and back are fading tattoos of ancient glyphs and symbols, most of them are dark red with blackened outlines. On his forehead is a self-made scar, depicting a 7-pointed star.


Equipment- kitchen knife, phazer(stun), 2 moltav cocktails, tribal villager outfit


Story- Ardghal grew up in a salvaging town. It was made of restored buildings and was very modern, as far as wasteland settlements go. Ardghal was always made fun of because of his enthrallment in the school that was set up in the town, but he still strived to be the good boy his family said he should be. However, after so many years of repressed anger and emotion, his mind cracked. While seemingly the same boy to everyone else, Ardghal had begun mentaly isolating himself from everyone else, and contemplating how it was fair for the people that strived to ruin his life got the same opportunities as an upstanding child who always did right. When no answer came, he thought more, and more. After this went on for such an extended time, Ardghal began conversing with the people in his head. He ignored them previously, thinking they would get him in trouble.

The voices began showing him what he thought he needed to see, telling him what he thought he needed to hear. He had a revelation that, if he wasn't like the other people, the other people would have to change. He was done being the victim in the broken world. He began dabbling in things most people shy away from. Researching the occult, ancient religions, warfare, and torture. All the time, waiting for his chance to show the world what he was forced to become.

Soon after he started his new research, his mannerisms also changed, very sporadically. He began listening for everything around him to give him a sign, desparately waiting for something to test him. When nothing came, he set off to test others. Listening in on their conversations without their knowledge and recanting the information to them to flaunt his abilities, taking their things and leaving them in odd places, making sounds in their homes in the middle of the night, sharing his knowledge of morbid tales, all to inspire fear.

Quickly, his change in lifestyle began to disturb people. His habits scared them, and he loved it. The tables were finally turned. He gained his influence without singling people out, like his previous oppressors. He treated everyone the same. He treated them as pawns in his new, twisted game. With the pawns trudging toward their enevitable fall at the hands of 'the freak'.

Everything came to a head the day Ardghal's parents involved themselves. They wanted him to change, but that just wasn't possible anymore. He associated his parents with the others. He saw them as another obstacle in his life to be obliterated.

In the proceeding night, he stole various items from the towns people's homes and strategicly placed them around his own home. He then set the building ablaze. Killing his parents and incriminating half of the town of committing murder.

Eventually, Ardghal was chased out of society. He then took refuge in a cave within the wastes. He thought the new area was rather nice. A good place to read and think without his thoughts being muddled by the existence of the people around him. His luck wan't faithful that day, however. The geiger counter he stole on his way out of town was broken, and the cave he took refuge in was teeming with radiation. After a while, the ghoulification process started.

The transformation was actually welcomed by Ardghal. He didn't care about looks anyway. But now, he didn't have to worry about radiation. He was finally the image of peopls' nightmares.

After the change, Ardghal became akin to the boogeyman. He would steal supplies from those who traveled near his home without their notice. And if the people reminded him of those that lived in his home town, he would kill them by binding their hands and carving symbols into their bodies. He would then leave them to die of blood loss, and hang their corpses in a crucifiction pose around his home. Sometimes he would decorate the corpse filled areas with the unusable items he got from other travelers.

A short time after his residence was completely avoided be nearly everyone, and his voices told him to move on. Ardghal gave little resistance. To show his personal bond to the voices, he began refering to them as "The Brothers". As he continued his travels, he continued his legacy. Bringing the fear of the night into everyone settlement he crossed. One area at a time.


Strengths/Weaknesses- Ardghal is mentally unstoppable, when he can maintain control. Sneaking and sciences are also strong suits of his. Ardghal also enjoys creating things, but his lack of tolerance of most other people makes him irritated when he is forced to use another person's designs. His agile nature has also granted him a good proficiency with his knife. His tactics revolve around deceit, most times. Traps, back-stabs, and espionage are all things Ardghal uses to ensure his victory. If he is able to get the drop on somebody, the fight is over before it begins. He can use energy weapons, but his skill in their use is nothing special.

Obviously, his social skills are severely lacking. He can also be consumed by the voices at some times, causing him to lose all control of what he does in social circumstances. He is very physically weak and he's got very low stamina. For him to fight head to head with somebody woud be near-suicide. Ardghal also has a hatred for drugs. They cause very adverse mental effects in him, sometimes causing him to completely shut down.


Traits- Small frame, Improv Artist, Creep


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Ardghal Kane(ghoul) Level 1

4-7-3-3-10-8-6

Inventory: kitchen knife/tribal village clothes/2 molotovs/phazer(stun)
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Manbearpig
Posted: May 2 2012, 05:33 AM


The Super Cereal


Group: Members
Posts: 730
Member No.: 121
Joined: 4-January 11



We'll get someone to grade this registration soon.


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user posted image
Amos Hennigan, SPECIAL: 5.6.9.3.5.10.3. Level: 3
Peter McCullough SPECIAL: 4, 4, 4, 10, 10, 4 , 4, Level 3

Lmgthev: MBP is handsome
LonesomeDrifter23: Sometimes I think MBP is a being made entirely of satire.
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Manbearpig
Posted: May 2 2012, 12:37 PM


The Super Cereal


Group: Members
Posts: 730
Member No.: 121
Joined: 4-January 11



So let me say first that I like the enthusiasm I'm seeing here. It looks like you definitely have some potential and you've clearly read our rules which is always great to see. However, we need to work on a few things before this registration gets a pass.

Let's start with your equipment. The kitchen knife needs to be a regular blade like you would find in a kitchen today. I know you can find steak knives and other blades that are serrated but those are beyond the scope of tier 1. The tiers for melee can be a bit confusing so I don't blame you at all for making this error. As a rule of thumb tier 1 is bottom of the barrel equipment, it all goes up from here. There will be amble opportunity to mod the blade later so don't worry. The other thing I saw was that you need to state how many molotovs you are starting with.

For your story I'd like some more biographical information included. I like the decent into madness parts but I would like some more back story added. Simple stuff like, where is he? what about his parents? what did he do after he became a ghoul? You don't have to reveal everything now but a little broader picture of your character's past would be appreciated.

It's a very common problem but another thing really need is a good strengths and weaknesses section. You list being weak and a social outcast as weakness which is fine but those can't be the only ones. Take a look at your SPECIAL and see what skills apply to which stats to help give you an idea of where your character might excel or suffer. Think about what skills would be hurt if he was weak or inept socially and what can we add to these two weaknesses that logically works for this character. While you're doing this you should also get a good idea for what your character does well.

My next point is a good problem, your trait small frame gives you an Agility boost in your SPECIAL. That will change you Agility of "7" to "8(+1)" This means your SPECIAL has a total of 41 points now.

Grammatically check your commas, in places you overuse them and in other parts there aren't any where there should be. Also be careful about run on sentences. These are some minor things that will help improve the overall quality of the character submission.

I always like to end things positively because we're all having fun here after all. This is a strong submission by a new user. It always takes a little bit to learn the ropes but you show promise. Work on these points I've raised, if you need help you can come talk to us in the chatbox or PM one of the many helpful folks here. You can also look at our list of approved characters to help give you some pointers on how it should look. With a little more work we'll have you out in the wastes.


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user posted image
Amos Hennigan, SPECIAL: 5.6.9.3.5.10.3. Level: 3
Peter McCullough SPECIAL: 4, 4, 4, 10, 10, 4 , 4, Level 3

Lmgthev: MBP is handsome
LonesomeDrifter23: Sometimes I think MBP is a being made entirely of satire.
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Dorchadas Dearmad
Posted: May 2 2012, 05:43 PM


Vault dweller


Group: Members
Posts: 13
Member No.: 231
Joined: 1-May 12



Fixed some grammar, the items, and the SPECIAL count.

I think the story should be good now. My earlier correction was better, but my connection failed when I tried to save it.


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Ardghal Kane(ghoul) Level 1

4-7-3-3-10-8-6

Inventory: kitchen knife/tribal village clothes/2 molotovs/phazer(stun)
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Manbearpig
Posted: May 2 2012, 05:47 PM


The Super Cereal


Group: Members
Posts: 730
Member No.: 121
Joined: 4-January 11



I'm liking the improvements but I still have a concern. On your strengths and weaknesses can you give me a line or two talking about how your character fights. Combat is such a prevailing theme in these stories that I can't pass you without covering it in your character registration.


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user posted image
Amos Hennigan, SPECIAL: 5.6.9.3.5.10.3. Level: 3
Peter McCullough SPECIAL: 4, 4, 4, 10, 10, 4 , 4, Level 3

Lmgthev: MBP is handsome
LonesomeDrifter23: Sometimes I think MBP is a being made entirely of satire.
Top
Dorchadas Dearmad
Posted: May 2 2012, 05:56 PM


Vault dweller


Group: Members
Posts: 13
Member No.: 231
Joined: 1-May 12



Added the stuff on combat


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Ardghal Kane(ghoul) Level 1

4-7-3-3-10-8-6

Inventory: kitchen knife/tribal village clothes/2 molotovs/phazer(stun)
Top
Dorchadas Dearmad
Posted: May 2 2012, 06:06 PM


Vault dweller


Group: Members
Posts: 13
Member No.: 231
Joined: 1-May 12



Added a small portion in the beginning of the story about his town.


--------------------
Ardghal Kane(ghoul) Level 1

4-7-3-3-10-8-6

Inventory: kitchen knife/tribal village clothes/2 molotovs/phazer(stun)
Top
Manbearpig
Posted: May 2 2012, 06:13 PM


The Super Cereal


Group: Members
Posts: 730
Member No.: 121
Joined: 4-January 11



You feeling good?, because you should, you worked on the items we talked about so...

You Pass

Welcome to the wastes! Hip Hip Hooray!

This topic is going to be moved to the database in a little bit. There you will be expected to keep track of your character as their status changes due to injuries, new equipment, different appearances ect. This is also a great place to keep track of missions he's been on which will help other people find the stories he's been in easily. This topic is also a great to talk about your character and the direction you want to take him with other people.

I see that you've already got your character stats in your signature so you are good to go there. Just wait for your topic to be moved to the official character list.


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user posted image
Amos Hennigan, SPECIAL: 5.6.9.3.5.10.3. Level: 3
Peter McCullough SPECIAL: 4, 4, 4, 10, 10, 4 , 4, Level 3

Lmgthev: MBP is handsome
LonesomeDrifter23: Sometimes I think MBP is a being made entirely of satire.
Top
Run4
Posted: May 3 2012, 06:15 AM


Iron Crow


Group: Members
Posts: 1,747
Member No.: 4
Joined: 9-April 09



Moved to Character Database. PM me if you want me to purge the replies.


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user posted image
QUOTE (HenchmenF)
"Anyway. Then me and CP were like "Lul, wut?" and then Run had to step in and use his e-peen as a riot baton and then Doffa sorta left."

Caleb Wolff, Level 7 Tribal Ranger. (Inventory)
Jackal, Level 5 Glowing Ghoul. (Inventory)
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