Welcome to Silent Castle

[Yayoi]

(yeah, that's what I figured. Post it on here, too, please!)

[+Edward Pierce+]

(LOL, i got the alert email and read it on FF.net. You've got a pretty good idea going. It's true, people don't like OCs because they can't relate and the OCs mostly end up becoming mary sues.

You've got a sloppy word choice in the first chapter and an anachronism in the 3rd. Voldy isn't taboo yet. Not in '81, anyway, before the Potters' death. )

[+Hermione Granger+]

(yes, it was. that's why the fear developped in the first place. what do you mean by sloppy word choice? and one of the main ideas (my favorite) hasn't even been introduced yet. I need to somehow maneuver the story so that I narrate the bite and the weeks following it.)

[Yayoi]

(Was it every really mentioned whether Voldy's name was taboo back then? I mean, it could really go either way: people could have been afraid to say his name even back then because he was still on his mass murdering sprees and whatever or people could have become superstitious after he went into hiding and may have stopped saying his name out of fear that it would cause him to return/notice them/whatever. So it's just up to Moony since I don't remember it being mentioned in any of the flashbacks in the books.)

[+Hermione Granger+]

(not really, it's just my theory. but i think it's more than plausible.)

[Yayoi]

(I think either way is perfectly plausible. You could argue either side easily. It's just whatever you feel is best. Btw, can I have the link to this one, too?)

[+Edward Pierce+]

(if you're coming up with an idea like that, make sure to point it out in your author notes otherwise people will get confused.
all right. as long as you keep mary sues out of the picture.)

[Fern Sanders]

(hey, elina's no mary sue! just to make sure.

The Bite)

[Yayoi]

(Okay, here's what I think:

-The thing about the deep shadows that would engulf Remus inevitably (at the very begining) seems a little weird. I think you should take out the entire last sentence in that first paragraph.

-"disapparated clumsily" is fantastic and probably describes Greyback better than anything else you said about him. That really sums up his character.

-"name their children names used in antiquity" in chapter 2 needs to become "gave their children names used in antiquity" to avoid sounding redundant.

-in chapter three, Elina calls Greyback an "SOB." This seems a little weird to me. I just can't hear it coming from the lips of someone in the wizarding world. I don't remember if they ever said it in the books, but it just seems a little out of place.

-Remus calling Elina "Mithril" out of the blue might confuse a few people who don't know about her.)

[+Harry Potter+]

(right. why don't you like the shadows thing? it's not going to engulf remus, but the flame. SOB makes the character more realistic and *less* mary sue. sure wizards cuss. jkr said she would have HAD them using actually curses had her editor allowed her (except with the ((WARNING: If an admin sees this, your post will be deleted and a warning given.)) in the last book), and right about the mithril thing.)

[Fern Sanders]

Anyway. back to the story.

-------------

Remus lay awake, listening to Elina's soft breathing beside him. The waxing gibbous moon filtered in through the shutters. Remus squeezed his eyes closed against the light but he imagined that he could still see it and flipped over angrily. Was there no way he could escape that evil light?

He remembered who he had loved the moon as a very small child. He had been fascinated by the night sky, reading every book he could on the moon and stars. Four his sixth birthday, he had begged his father for a telescope, even though they had lived in the city.

He'd had that telescope only a month before he had been bitten. And then he had turned his back on the sky, forever.

-
April 15, 1966

"Remus, come inside!" Mrs. Lupin called from the kitchen.

Six year old Remus giggled. He glanced at the door to the kitchen, then back at the gate that led into the night. With another mischievous laugh and a glance at the house, he bounded down the garden path and scrambled over the low garden wall so that his mother wouldn't hear the creaking hinges of the gate.

Once free, Remus proceeded more cautiously.

(I'll finish later. gtg)

[Yayoi]

(LOLOLOL!!!! What a *cute* little kid!!!!!)