TA Multiple-Writer Story Project, Pretty much a flop now

If you don't know already, this is the project discussed in Literary Discussion and hosted by Kirug - a continual story written by a selection of voluntary members of The Archives. I am the initial writer, followed by nine others, and then followed by another cycle of the same ten. The title is undetermined as of yet, but will be created by the entire group later on, when the story progresses enough to allow it.

Remember that everytime it's your turn, you must write two chapters. That means you will write a total of four chapters of the entire story. Four chapters per writer times ten writers is a grand total of forty chapters, which is decent for a good story.

The Great Order:
Gandy
ShinyCube
Kirug
Arion
Kimojuno
Juli (Did not write)
Dragonfire
Hyperfried (Did not write)
Dart060 (Did not write)
The Union Leader
Darkness 22
Gandy
ShinyCube
Hyperfried
Kirug
Arion
Kimojuno
Juli (Did not write)
Dragonfire
Dart060
The Union Leader
Darkness 22


NOTE: Due to a few minor problems, Hyperfried has been moved down the list. And I'm a bit concerned about some of the people who are a bit inactive, like Dart060 and a few others. Post in the topic in Literary Discussion to show that you are still active, please.




Without further ado, I give you what you've been waiting for for a long time...



Chapter One


Nothing but the crunch of dried leaves underfoot could be heard as a young ranger stalked through the dense forest of Igli, clutching his smooth oak bow in his right hand and a short dagger in his left; a gift from his grandfather. He could feel its cool ivory handle, engraved with ancient Elven symbols, even though it had been held for nearly two hours by his warm hands. It was a gift from his grandfather – a skilled knife-maker and merchant, who had given him the dagger on his death bed. Although he couldn’t read the symbols carved on the handle, the boy knew it had something to do with him, and he kept and guarded it like his very soul.

Suddenly, Vaeldir stopped. Like a flash, he placed the knife handle in his mouth, reached behind his back and pulled a long, bone-tipped arrow from his quiver. He set it on the string and drew back, aiming carefully. Very slowly, carrying the intense weight of the bowstring on his first and second fingers, he crept forward toward his target and let loose. Watching the whizzing arrow fly through the air, he satisfyingly saw it lodge deep into the abdomen of a wild boar. The large animal let out a loud cry, the sound reverberating around the trees, sending hundreds of birds scattering into the early morning sky. Its scream quickly turned into a gargling squeal, and the dying boar slowly slumped over and fell silent.

Vaeldir removed the knife, placed it in its small leather waist sheath and smiled, having for the first time killed an animal in one shot. He looked around the silent forest, trying to see if the boar was with a pack of others, in which case he would have to either quickly shoot them all or run, depending on the number. He decided that if there were, the boar’s scream would have driven them off anyway. Slowly yet determinedly, he walked toward the open-mouthed animal, crouched beside it and removed the shiny crimson arrow, wiping the blood off on the beast’s hide.

“Good kill, Vaeldir!” someone shouted from far behind him. Vaeldir quickly stood and turned to see who it was that followed him.
“Thank you,” said Vaeldir in reply to his older brother Rett, who was pulling a wooden cart behind him. “Why are you here?”
Rett reached him and the boar and set the cart down, stretching his back. “Father instructed me to follow you,” Rett said. “He thought it was for the best. And I brought a cart lest something like this should happen.”
“Something like what should happen?” Vaeldir asked.
“You scoring a kill with no means of bringing it home,” Rett smirked. Vaeldir knew this, even before leaving home, but he decided not to take a cart because he truly didn’t believe he would get anything, and if he did, it wouldn’t be worth taking home. He never expected to come across a plump boar in the dense center of Igli.
“Well, I am glad you –” Vaeldir started, but was stopped short as the ground gave a large rumble, followed by a bone-rattling boom, vibrating everything around them and seemingly knocking the earth off its axis.
“Wha –” Rett began, but was cut off as another deafening boom sounded, paired with another, larger quake that shook the very trees.
Suddenly, all was silent. His ears ringing, Vaeldir steadied himself and quickly looked around for the cause of this shocking occurrence.
“What was that!?” Rett repeated through heavy breaths, reading his brother’s mind. Vaeldir could only shake his head.
“Let us get back home, and fast,” Vaeldir said, his heart racing. “I don’t want to experience something like that again.” Rett nodded, and moved to lift the boar onto the cart, but suddenly stopped upon seeing something very out-of-place in the distance.

A large airship similar to the kind commonly seen in the more civilized parts of the world was sitting in a clearing not a mile away. It had the features of any regular, middle-class ship, except that it was painted a glossy black and silver, quite different to the pale-brown wood and cheery colours featured on most airships. To most local entrepreneurs and general townsfolk, black airships were not a friendly sight, but not unfriendly enough to be evil; they certainly weren’t welcome.

Other than its unnerving black colour, the airship seemed odd in a kind sort of way, and continued to appear so as it fired its engines with a surprisingly low rumble and ascended just above the height of the trees. However, this harmlessness abruptly shifted to dangerousness; a large trapdoor opened in the bottom of the ship, its two panels spreading slowly and allowing a pressured stream of violent purple gas to spray downward and engulf all plantation directly below. As it dumped the strange vaporous stuff down into the trees, the airship slowly moved forward, heading directly for the two boys.





Chpapter Two


Vaeldir was in disbelief. What is happening?! What will become of the great Igli?! He turned back to Rett, who was also staring up, slack-jawed at the ship and yelled, “Forget the cart! RUN!” The brothers immediately bolted off the way they came, hopping over old, fallen trees and ducking under low branches. Vaeldir’s bow was clutched in his right hand and Rett’s glinting sword, previously sheathed, in his dominant left; they were now prepared for anything unfortunate enough to get in their way.

* * *

Captain Thyred Julien stood in the enclosed cabin atop the RASF Goldar III, his personal favourite ship of the entire fleet. Its shiny black coat reminded him of a stallion; strong, proud … devastating when in the wrong hands. He dearly loved standing on the bow, letting the ground pass quickly underfoot. But this time he couldn’t be anywhere outside the airtight cabin; this time was different.

What was happening before his eyes did not please him at all. The great forest of Igli, of which he has heard countless legends and tales of its greatness, was being quickly eliminated under his control … That is, the ship was under his control. Standing smugly beside him, with hands clasped behind his back and protruding his massive chest proudly, was Ecological Systems Controller R. Trennyr, who was ultimately in charge of the destruction (and, on occasion, restoration) of forests, waterways, parks and most other natural wonders of the world. Captain Julien wanted nothing more than the opposite, but was ordered to commandeer the ship by the RASFs higher-ranked personnel. Thus, he had no choice but to guide the ship that was to end the great Igli forever.

“Ah …” sighed ESC Ruelien Trennyr. “… The scent of progress.”
The Captain looked at the Controller, startled. Shortly after, he did sense a slight odour and worried that the gas was entering the cabin.
As if Trennyr could sense Julien’s worry, he said calmly, “Don’t worry, Captain. You can smell it, but it is impossible for this confidential chemical to enter the air-tight ship; well, impossible for enough to affect you to enter.”
Julien only nodded. As of yet, he found it impossible to speak to the Controller without desperately holding back a stream of vulgarity. When shaking Trennyr’s hand in greeting on the airship docking bay, the Captain put all his energy into not accidentally crushing it.
“Ah, what do we have here?” inquired Trennyr slowly, leaning forward to peer through the large front window. Julien also looked out ahead of the ship and saw two small figures racing through the trees side-by-side away from them. The Captain brought a small telescope to his eye and trained it on the figures.
“People,” he grunted quietly. “Young people.”
“Let me see,” Trennyr said, and snatched the telescope from Julien’s hands. He looked through it and said: “Yes … That is a shame.”
“Excuse me?” blurted Julien. “A shame?”
“There is nothing we can do about it,” droned Trennyr as he lowered the telescope, truly not caring whether these people lived or died.
Julien shook his head open-mouthed, paralyzed by Trennyr’s inhuman decision. He was about to argue it when the heavy-set Controller started and raised the small golden telescope to his eye again.
“Except … ” he begun slowly.
“Except what?” said Julien, glaring at Trennyr.
“Except that they have weapons, which we can consider dangerous to the continuation of our purpose here,” Trennyr said professionally.
It was now Julien’s turn to snatch the telescope back. He held it to his eye and peered through the window. The two people did, in fact, have a weapon each; a bow and a short-sword.
The old Captain folded up the telescope and set it back in his breast pocket. He leaned toward a round brass piece set in the control panel and pulled a level next to it.
“This is Captain Julien,” he spoke clearly into it. “Stop the ship now, and do not ask why.” He then walked down to another lever and pushed it up, followed by two more next to it.
Behind him, Controller Ruelien Trennyr smiled slightly to himself. If Yvai is good to me, the following events should prove to be much to my delight and not in the favour of Mr. Julien here, he thought.


----------------------------------------


This was originally one chapter, but I couldn't write more, so I just divided them. Everyone comment while the second person writes the next two.

Edit: Changed main character's name from N'thaeniel to Vaeldir.

Gandy

This post has been edited by Dragonfire on Sep 26 2005, 05:27 PM

I think these are great first chapters. Just like you said, you went Tolkein first and then Final Fantasy

Well, ShinyCube is next. Now that I've actually started the project, it looks a lot better than I thought it would!


EDIT: Oh, and Gandy, if you could, put a line through your name so people know where we are. Thanks

This post has been edited by Kirug on Jan 29 2005, 09:02 AM

Ooh! Methinks were off to a pretty good start. You've set the bar high, and so we must achieve! Also, the chapters aren't very long, so, well, we don't have to write like maniacs for days and days on end. There's one thing that I found wrong with it, however...

Your first main character, N’thaeniel. YOU TOOK MY CHARACTER'S NAME! You only altered it with the apostraphe thing, which I did in the N'emar and Pe'eman. BAH!

One question I have: Are all of the chapters supposed to be roughly the same length? I'm just asking because, well, that was... short. It's just that if we tried to keep all the chapters that short, it might present a problem when we get to the more interesting stages of the story. *Shrugs*

I also can't believe you didn't sticky this. A forum-wide project with this many members... yeah, well, it's stickied now. I also crossed out your name on the list as Kirug requested.

It's certainly off to an interesting start. I must say, though, I'm glad I'm not second on the list; I'm not entirely sure if I would be able to come up with anything good plot-wise. Thankfully, that job is ShinyCube's, and by the time it gets to me the plot should be well-established.

Another question: Do both the chapters have to be posted at the same time? Just curious about that...

Well Dragonfire, you could post the chapters separetly, but it might be easier to do the first one, read it through and find and errors and see where the plot line is going, then write the second. If you make them together, it'll be able to show you errors in the plot and other stuff, because if you post a part then edit it, no-one will notice because people don't usually read a part twice, unless their turn is next

Oh, and thanks for the stickey, I was meaning to ask for that. Well, I might as well stickey the topic in Literary Discussion, because we wouldn't want to spam up this thread talking 'bout it. Oh, and it gives me an excuse to actually do something Mod-ly for a change

This post has been edited by Kirug on Jan 29 2005, 10:20 PM

Kirug: Thank you for the comments. I didn't think it was written well enough, but I was pressed for time. I'm glad to see that I was wrong.

Hyperfried: Thank you too for the comments. Regarding the length, as I mentioned in the post, that was all initially all one chapter, but I had to divide them as I was kind of pressed for time. The rest of the chapters can be as long as you want (probably should be longer than these two). As for the N'thaeniel thing, I'm changing it after I post this. Not only because you're apparently using it, but because it's not a very good name.

Dragonfire: You should probably make them longer than this. And sorry for not stickying it. And yeah, both chapters should be posted at the same time. Less clutter and confusion, I suppose.

Grrr.... *Makes you dead*

Just letting everyone know I AM indeed working on my portion of the story, but since I am working with already established characters I find myself taking a bit longer since I have to make sure everything is consistant and so forth...yup I tend to be anal like that. So yeah I have about one paragraph done and I have the whole idea for my portion mapped out in my brain so hopefully I will be able to get it done on schedule.

Good luck, Cubeh. Can't wait to read it.

Oh, sorry Hyperfried... I meant, uh, not good for this story... yeah...

Chapter Three

Julien pinched the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger as he let his heavy lids close over eyes that had seen too much and didn’t want to see more. He sat purposefully with his back to the window. He didn’t want to see anymore.
His hand dropped to the top of his desk as a incessant beeping sounded from his comm. He hit the button to answer like one would swat a fly such was his irritation. “Captain here, go ahead.”
Prime Engineer Betthal stood before a vast amount of machinery down in the bowels of the ship one hand fisted against her hip the other holding a multipurpose tool. “Captain we have a problem.”
“Those aren’t words I like to hear Engineer,” was the curt response born out of frustration and weariness.
“One of the injectors is malfunctioning,” never one to mince words she calmly went on to explain the problem, “It is still releasing gas.”
A muffled oath was the initial response before the Captain’s calm reasserted itself, “How much damage is it going to do?” I should never have agreed to take this mission. I should have retired when Kiara wanted me to. I have only reaped what I have sown. He sighed as he glanced down at the image recorder on his desk that held the smiling image of a woman. He knew she wouldn’t be smiling now if she knew what he had done.
“One injector holds 165 cubits of gas and given our present location, the rate of diffusion, and current wind velocity,” she bit her lip as she did calculations in her head, “I estimate one sixth of the forest will be destroyed mostly in the northeast direction.”
“Can we move the ship to minimize damage?” His mind was running various scenarios like a simulator might, trying to find a way out of this situation. In all his scenarios thus far the two people below had no chance of escape since they fled in the direction of the gas and could not out run it.
“Since you abruptly ordered an emergency full stop rather than following proper procedures the engines have cooled and it will take no less than an half a unit of time to get them running again,” her voice was as accusing as it could be when addressing one’s superior officer.
“What about the injector? Can you fix it?”
“Yes, I can fix it, but even for someone as skilled as me it will take a minimum of a full unit to fix it,” Prime Engineer Betthal had no qualms about being boastful about her skill because as she saw it she was one of the best in the fleet and when you were one of the best it wasn’t bragging and there was no place for modesty.
“Then get your team together and start those engines and fix that injector. When we are flight able again move us to the safest possible distance the computer extrapolates.”
“Yes Sir, but the Command isn’t going to be happy about this,” she felt obligated to point out, “Prime Enginner Betthal out.” The comm buzzed again as the life went out of it.
No, I can’t image anyone is going to be happy about this except Controller Trennyr who will finally get his wish when they drive me out, but at least I wont have more blood on my hands.

***

Prime Engineer Betthal ordered a group of lower engineers to see about restarting the engines while she quietly cursed the Captain, a Captain cannot be ruled by his emotions and someone who has achieved his position should realize that coming to an emergency stop leaves the entire ship vulnerable. His duty should be to the mission and only the mission. She scoffed as she purposefully and confidently strode across the engineering subdeck with bold strides as she jammed the tool she had been negligently holding back into its holster at her side.
The fierce expression she wore on her face sent engineers scurrying out of her way like rats fleeing a sinking ship. She strode to the Sterilization Chamber and typed in the command code for the repairs she would be making so the automated sterilization process would perform the required tasks to prepare her for gas injector maintenance.
The light, impenetratable doors slid open with a whoosh as a commanding masculine voice ordered in monotone, “Before entering the Chamber for gas injector maintanece preparation please remove your clothing and put them on the tray,” another whoosh followed as a tray slid out from right of the chamber doors, “where they will immediately be treated with gas protectorate.”
Betthal always smiled as she stripped out of her standard issue periwinkle jumpsuit since she was the reason that such safety protocols had been instituted when performing maintenance on any part of the gas machinery. In fact she had been upgraded to Prime Engineer for inventing the protectorate that would be sprayed on her clothing, too little too late some would think, but she thought she paid a small price for advancement in a male dominated career.
She absently rubbed her right arm just below the shoulder and above the elbow where her skin was scarred from contact with the gas. It was puckered and pitted and had been eaten away in some places to the very bone. Her flesh and a lot of the muscle had been devoured, eaten away and she still after extensive surgery did not have full motion in the arm, but like the pragmatist she always had been she was thankful she was born in the minority, her left hand was dominant.
Carefully she folded her clothing and rested it upon the tray then hit a button that sent the tray retreating into the chamber where the processes of applying the protectorate would begin. She glanced down at her arm and wish she hadn’t as she closed her eyes for a moment.
She could still smell the stink of her own burning flesh rise up to choke her and fill the back of her throat with bile. It was a stench you’d never forget worse than anything the senses could even conjure. She inhaled slowly and than exhaled heavily.
She stood for a moment, mentally preparing herself, savoring the cool climate controlled air of the engineering subdeck that caused Goosebumps to chase up and down her arms before she proceeded into the chamber.

Chapter Four

Vaeldir’s chest was burning as he wove in and out of the trees. It felt as if a fist was closed around his lungs slowly squeezing and he feared they just might pop from the pressure of fleeing the unknown that stalked them. Now the hunter knew what it felt like to become the prey, but there would be no out smarting a gas, for there was no where to hide from it. Nowhere was safe. Their only hope was to run and so they ran.
The trees were impossible to completely avoid for their long branches reached out and grabbed at him, scratching and tearing at clothes and flesh alike, leaving behind bloody streaks and snagged clothing. Vaeldir felt none of it. Not the sting of the trees that longed to embrace him or the burning of his chest. All he felt as he ran was the fear that drove him. He didn’t even turn around to assure himself that his brother still ran beside him like he longed to do for he feared if he turned his head even a fraction to the side that he would slow down and that it would mean the purple haze would engulf him, devour him and that he would never see the sun rise over his beloved forest haven again.
He could hear the faint heavy breathing of his brother somewhere to his right and that was all the comfort he would allow himself as he sharply turned to the left in a forest he had often traversed, but only with joy in his heart until that moment they had seen the gas descend upon them like a omnipresent beast.
Vaeldir nearly stumbled over a tree root as thick as his forearm that laid across the path he was blazing through the woods and for a moment he tried valiantly to stay on his feet, but ultimately gravity claimed him as he fell to his needs amid the leaves and harsh forest floor cover.
He saw his brother hesitate and then stop beside where he had fallen. Vaeldir longed to call out to him, urge him to continue on without him, but the words were trapped somewhere in the fire of his chest and would not come as he sprawled on the ground, dazed.
“The lake,” his brother gasped between harsh breaths as he grabbed Vaeldir’s forearm and tugged him to his feet, “Our only chance is to make it to the lake.”
Vaeldir didn’t understand, but his eyes sharpened because he knew if they were wasting precious moments having this discussion it must be important.
“Remember the bees!” his brother yelled as he gave Vaeldir’s arm a squeeze once before darted between two trees and heading in the direction of the lake.
Vaeldir only hesitated for a moment before running after his brother. At least now they had a plan. Jumping in the lake was the only thing that saved me that day.

This post has been edited by ShinyCube on Feb 21 2005, 11:28 AM

Wow, Shinycube, you put that out quicker than I thought. I liked those 2 chapters, as they explained stuff and set up scenes for other writers. The one thing I have to post some negativity about is the fact that you missed a lot of commas, and some sentences were rather long. But other than that, this story seems to be getting on fine

This seems promising. Although it went in completely the wrong direction I had anticipated, I was pleasantly surprised about it. I had thought that the ship and the gas would stop then they would land and confront the boys. Julien's men (and women, so you have written ) would be overtaken/mostly killed by Trennyr's men, then they would attack the boys, who would fight back and escape. Also, I get a feeling that Julien is the main character. Of course, there's nothing wrong with that, but I had thought Vaeldir (N'thaeniel ... I changed his name before you posted) would be the main character. He very well may still be, but that just goes to show you how dramatically a story can change directions when being passed on to another writer.

I like it. As Kirug said, you missed a few commas and the spelling of a few words, but it's nothing to gawk at. You spit this out pretty quick, too. I wasn't expecting it for a while yet.

I'll change N'thaeniel to Vaeldir in your chapter. Everyone please take notice that I changed the (possibly) main character's name to Vaeldir. Thanks.

Your turn, Hyperfried.

Yeah I went for expediency rather than take the time being totally anal about editing....and so you all know up front I am NOTORIOUS for missing commas and my writing style is often equated with dickens becuase I tend to have a lot of descriptive run ons. sorry about that.

As to the direction of the story I tend to like going in depth on characters and it seemed from the portion you gave me that Julien had the most to work with in that regard. I suppose I invision it all sorta intertwining so that it interweaves into one rather then two locales and the main characters (?) of Julien and the boys end up somehow interacting together...lots of fodder for the future writers.

GAH! Nooo! 'Tis my turn... And I'm often kind of lazy when it comes to writing. I might not be able to over the weekend (going to grandparents' house)... So, be forewarned: I may not have it in for a week or something like that.

Well, you have a week and a half. And if it goes longer, don't worry, we won't kill you right away, just after you've posted your part.

By the way, discussion of the actual story belongs here, and general discussion of the project as a whole belongs in Kirug's topic in Literary Discussion. Just laying the groundwork.