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1) | QUOTE | Wand: 15inches/Essence of Phoenix Ash/Purpleheart
(This wand is crafted from beautiful Purpleheart and has a light-reflective Swarovski Crystal tip. Another faceted crystal is set into the wood at the top of the wand...creating a realm of perfect balance for the user.
Purpleheart signifies royalty and works well for exposing compassion and generosity. The purple itself has been said to emit ultraviolet frequencies of magic.) |
All we need is the length of the wand, the core, and the wood type. Please remove all that extra information.
2)
| QUOTE | Species: Elven
Blood Status: Halfblood
He is in the military which makes him a Muggle. Her mother is the Witch in the family. |
She can't be elven if she is a half blood. Please make her a human if you intend to keep her a half blood. If not, then please redo her entire history and blood status to reflect her as Elven.
3)
| QUOTE | +Ballroom Dancing - Ever since she was 11, she has been taking professional dancing lessons. Just the way your allowed to move when your doing the Tango, Cha Cha, The Fox Trot. They are all wonderful dances.
+Singing - When she’s alone by herself she loves to just break into song. Though when she is in front of people and asked to sing she freezes up and its really hard to concentrate.
+Music - Along with dancing and Singing she can also play a variety of instruments that she learned as a younger child and never forgot how to play them. (Clarinet, Flute, Piano)
+Fencing - One of her favorite things to do with her free time. Her mother is a professional fencer so she usually during the summer is always fencing with her. |
Wow, she seems really good at a lot of stuff... A little too perfect. It's highly unlikely she'd be really good at all of that stuff at sixteen. Think about it, ballroom dancing, plus a good singer, proficient at three different musical instruments, plus she knows how to fence? Please limit what she's really good at.
Example being, maybe she knows how to fence and can ballroom dance? Or maybe she can play piano and sing?
4)
| QUOTE | Dislikes:
-Pushy People - You know what kind of people I’m speaking about. The people that usually like to get what they want without any care what anyone else things.
-Talkative People - I can’t stand it when people talk way to much. They go on and on about themselves and juts don’t care what anyone else does or how they feel.
-Meat - I’m a vegetarian….self explanatory
-The Colors (Grey and Orange) I think that they are the ugliest colors and if anyone wears them…eww…just eww take them off.
-Vampire - Well its not that I hate them just they scare me because they will do anything to get blood. Like kill…so yeah. |
Nothing really wrong here. Only thing is that you wrote that particular section in the 1st person, and we do applications in the 3rd person. So please edit.
5)
| QUOTE | | Guys find her very sexy and girls envy her. Some would say that she is a descendent of Helen of Troy, she says otherwise but let them say what they will. |
Again, this makes her seem a little too perfect. Please remove this from your app.
6)
| QUOTE | | Appearance: Briseis is always one of those clean and well groomed people that some are usually jealous about. Her daily routine in the morning is getting up, takes a shower (cleaning from head to toe), always puts some sort of lotion (softness comes first), brushes her teeth, then picks out her daily clothes. So as you can see she takes a lot of time on the way she looks. Her hair can sometimes be curly or straight depends on the time that she has to straighten it. Most of her makeup she wears is Covergirl or M.A.C. With her eye shadow, during the day she likes to go really light and during the night pretty dark. She isn't much for dark colors on her lips because it doesn’t match her complexion, so its usually a like pink. The clothes she wears are those from Hollister, American Eagle, or Abercrombie and Fitch. Sometimes she likes to be lazy though and just throw on a pair of blue jeans, a band t-shirt and a pair of high heels and she sets for a night out on the town. She an full out high maintenance girl and if people don't accept her that way then that’s their problem and their lost. |
Once more, this makes her seem just too perfect. You have to admit, every has their bad days. So what does she look like on a bad day? Or when she's sick? And also remember that she must wear her uniform at school.  7) Her history is a little vague, in that we know nothing about her before she goes to Tally. Also, the moment she turns ten is not when she realizes she has magical potential. Symptoms begin when a child is younger than ten, so please edit that in your history, as well as add more to it. Overall, I think you need to take another look at Creating A Character Mousie Will Love as well as Death To Mary SuePlease post below when you have made all the changes requested, so that we can take another look at your app.  ~Lachlan
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  Thanks for the banners Marielle and Lisa. Nice work. |
