it's `going to be { BRILLIANT }, Doctor, Doctor!

[The Doctor]

“It was, wasn’t it?” He managed a smile as River was amazed by the sight of Gallifrey. Although she would never be able to see it in person, he gave her the next best thing – an experience of it. A photograph didn’t tell you how something smelled, or the movement of silken grass, but a telepathic link could. He could show her everything without speaking a word. It made the memories better, sharing them with someone who didn’t quiet understand. It wasn’t River’s fault: she didn’t know every nuance in the background. Knowing that he would be able to eventually explain everything just made the Doctor be able to bring himself together.

Annoyed at himself for allowing his barrier to slip, the Doctor thought that he might as well explain. The unspoken agreement he and the Master shared was broken now he was dead. “He was my best friend. And he was the complete opposite to me in every way.” Snorting at the memory of a young Master, the Time Lord shook his head. “I didn’t realise that he was mad. You see, at the age of eight, all young Time Lords were sent to look at a rip in the fabric of space and time – the Untempered Schism. It was said that the child was either inspired, sent mad, or terrified, needing to run away from it. It was cruel, testing them like that. They were only eight – just little ones.” He had recounted that story once before, when Jack and Martha were there, the trio trying to work out how to bring down the Master when he was almost at his peak. It had been just as disturbing then. “He went mad. Heard drums, he told me, drums that called him to war. When I stole the TARDIS, he was the one that the Council sent after me, and… well, he just snapped. I had to trap him in a black hole. And then he called himself ‘the Master,’ and we ended up fighting ever since, with him trying to kill and enslave. Survived the Time War, but then he refused to regenerate just because I’d have to keep him locked up in the TARDIS for the safety of the universe.”

Despite the friendship that the pair had once shared, the Doctor had managed to pick up the pieces and move on. It didn’t hurt as much as it had, burning the Master’s body on a pyre right at the end of the universe. Even after everything that the other renegade had done, the good, earlier times vastly outweighed the terrible ones. Even including the Year that Never Was. What had made their relationship even more complicated was the fact that they never shared the other’s name with anyone else. They never called each other the names that they were born with, or anything else. Underneath it all, they had needed each other. Now, the Doctor realised, the Master had just needed the drumming in his head to stop more.

They must have looked odd, because not long after the telepathic link, the waiter returned and almost huffily asked whether the pair of them were ready yet to order. The Doctor then noted that they still hadn’t even ordered anything to drink. Waving the man away after pointing to one of the wines, the Time Lord knew that he wasn’t paying attention. He had no idea what he had even asked for, really. Then, after brief moments, the Doctor and River were left alone again. The Doctor, for one, preferred it that way.

Maybe it was time for some happier memories. “I was Time Lord President once, you know,” he then smirked. “Oh, yes. And honestly, I don’t know why this incarnation feels best in darker coloured clothes, but you would have hated it when I was younger. I did all kinds of things to stand out. Had a stupidly long scarf, and then wore cricketing gear with a vegetable pinned into a lapel… an umbrella with the handle in the shape of a question mark… I don’t know what I was thinking.” It was definitely a huge jump away from his black suit and the grey shirt that he was wearing now. The eccentricities were still there, just under an extra surface instead of lying free on the baseline.

Glancing up, the waiter seemed to be on the verge of returning. “Ah. We probably should decide on something to eat,” he grinned for the first time since the trawl through memory lane. “We don’t want to get thrown out, do we?”

[River Song]

River listened attentively as he explained his old best friend. She raised her eyebrows as the Doctor mentioned showing that young of a child - not to mention by Time Lord standards! - this... whole of time and space. She couldn't even imagine ever being able to look in it, let alone doing it as a young child. She could understand why he would go mad. However, it was just quite unfortunate that he had taken it to the level at which the Doctor was describing. They must have been close at one point in their lives, though, or this Master wouldn't have fallen so easily into the Doctor's random memories that he had shown her. His old friend, having gone mad and to a point that she could see etched in the Doctor's face that brought him pain to remember.

She wondered how anyone could possibly escape a black hole, and realized this man must have had some sort of cunning if he could manage that. Drums, in his head? That certainly was strange and begged to be labeled with insanity. Of course, she supposed that made him all the more dangerous in actuality. Someone who was insane enough to think beyond normal thought, with the abilities and genius of a Time Lord, who was mad and bent on taking over everything? If that was how he really was, and River hadn't just carried it further from the small horror stories that the Doctor was sharing, River knew that that one was best left alone. She shivered, but then perked up as she heard the last bit. Survived the Time War?

River tucked that one away for the moment to focus on what he had said next. Refused to regenerate. So that wasn't something that had to be done. She just figured it was an automatic thing with them, but apparently it could be decided. Her mind was wandering back to the whole last part about the Doctor saying the Master had survived the Time War. Surely the Doctor had considered the possibility of others having done the same thing. How would he be able to find them? Would he feel them? But he hadn't felt the Master, so perhaps others were like him, out there hiding somewhere...

The waiter came back up and River felt as though their space had been invaded. Of course, it was a silly though, because they had been sitting in this restaurant doing nothing but talking instead of ordering their food. She watched as the Doctor waved something random off to the waiter, smiling slightly. She gazed him, almost unsure whether or not to believe him about his crazy-sounding past incarnations. Of course he wouldn't lie to her, and if she didn't believe him, well, he would probably show her some of his memories or something again to prove her wrong. Still, she found it almost hard to believe, looking at his black on today with gray. So monotone, she couldn't imagine the question-mark umbrella and the vegetable on the lapel. It was almost comical sounding, and she had to hold back a giggle.

River looked up as the Doctor noted the waiter returning, looking back to him just in time to see a real grin spread across his face. Her mouth slowly turned into a smile, and then a grin of her own to match. He could certainly be contagious sometimes - infectious even, but that was for another time. She picked something random of the menu that had the prospect of tasting good, unsure exactly what a couple of the ingredients were or if things had changed greatly over the years. If not well... it wasn't the end of the world or anything. Half the fun of travelling with the Doctor like this was throwing herself into things, unsure what the outcome would be. She waited for the Doctor to give his order as well, then looked back as the waiter left, feeling better that they were alone again. She raised her eyebrows at him and grinned. "Our blissful night was starting to go a little sad on us. Any happier memories to share or things to talk about?" She laughed a little, taking a sip of the wine the waiter had brought out before taking their choices. At least the Doctor's random pick had turned out fine with the drink.

[The Doctor]

River was right. The time they were sharing was beginning to look rather sombre, and he didn’t want to give the impression that absolutely everything was terrible in his life – far from it. The waiter deposited the wine, pouring both glasses with a forced smile before taking their orders and leaving as swiftly as possible. How they must have looked. The Doctor was too old to be considered a teenager in love, although he certainly felt like it. “Well, I met you, didn’t I?” he grinned, taking a drink from the arbitrarily chosen wine. It wasn’t the best that he had ever tasted, but it was good enough, considering neither of them were exactly going to be concentrating on it. “Oh, River, the things that I’ve seen. Things that I’ve done. The universe was made for it. I could never stop travelling. I go wherever the TARDIS takes me, and I always get so excited before I open the doors.”

Even after so many years of travelling, the Doctor’s hearts raced at the thought of a new world, a new civilisation to meet and explore. “I’ve met so many historical figures, been a part of so many important events. I wouldn’t change it for anything. Even things I’ve experienced before, when I take someone with me… oh, it’s a million times better. When I see the look on your face, it makes me relive everything. It’s wonderful.” The Doctor’s smile was bright, eyes sparkling at the notion. Although his companions believed that he was the one doing them a favour, the Doctor taking them on wild adventures wasn’t just for their benefit. He was a lonely creature, and he experienced more when he had someone there to explain things to. Humans especially made the journeys more exciting, being one of the most fascinating races in the entirety of existence.

“You know, I didn’t like humans to begin with. I just happened to choose Earth randomly to hide something to use against the Daleks.” He smirked at the thought. He had originally intended to stay for a little while, fixing up the TARDIS until Susan had wanted to go to a human school. “I was exiled from Gallifrey, and it was the first place that I came to – Earth in the 1960’s. Ever since then, I’ve been fascinated by you. I’ve seen the planet created, what caused life, how it’ll all end… and you never stop. I ended up seeing right at the end of the universe – further than I’d ever been before – and humans were still there, trying to see whether they could find a way to survive. Absolutely… amazing.”

It was strange to think that one tiny species in an entire universe of different beings had made such a huge impact on the Time Lord, but humanity was both his strength and his weakness. There was something about the human imagination that was so illogical and un-Time Lord that it was unparalleled. The Doctor had his own plans, his own ideas, but his imagination had only evolved because of his own learning and experience around his human companions. “The others could never understand it. Honestly, I couldn’t stand the majority of them. Life was decadent and decaying. They hated the fact that I actually went out there and got involved. It was the most important rule of our society: watching was fine, but taking part… well, I was put on trial for it. Got off, of course. Exiled again.” The Doctor grinned, almost pleased with his accomplishment. “You know… I’ve never just… just talked like this. It’s odd. And it’s even more odd that I really don’t mind telling you things. I’ve never done this before.” Unable to contain himself, the Time Lord then leaned forward again, giving River a chaste kiss. “I must admit, I’m rather enjoying myself!”

[River Song]

River smiled as the Doctor began to happily talk about the things he had seen and done. Now this was more like it. While she was certainly wanting to help him in whatever way she could and wanted to hear everything he wanted to spill to her, it was still nice to have this end of the conversation too. She liked hearing about all these other times the Doctor had met these people, or had come to this planet, or when he had to run away from so and so creature. Those were all the best, most exciting stories. And she couldn't help but get excited along with him. After all, his voice rose and fell, and his eyes sparkled with the excitement that he must have experienced while actually taking part in the events themselves.

The 1960's, then. The Doctor must have just been coming and going since then. She knew that he certainly did that during this time period, even though she had a feeling that in the last few years, his visits to this particular era was slowing a bit. She figured it had been because of the loss of his friends (though she still didn't know the whole - or even most of - that story). She found it interesting, this seemingly ageless and death-defying man coming to Earth to watch it progress over five decades and more, just seeing what it would and rescuing it countless times - not to mention all those other planets out there. His fascination of humans interested her as well. Why not some other species? Of all the ones that she had met out there, surely there were some more interesting than humans. But she supposed she thought that just because she was human, and didn't find them as exciting, being her own race.

River grinned at the Doctor as he seemed to take joy in the fact that he had been banished from his home planet more than a few times. Not that he was trying, of course. She kissed him back as he leaned across the table, reveling in the feeling of how careful they were feeling tonight. Their relationship at this new level... it was incredibly wonderful for her, and she couldn't help but feel near blissful with him right now. After all, they had just had their first few kisses, and obviously weren't ashamed to share more. And in the middle of a restaurant, even more unusual for the pair of them. "Well, I'm glad you can," River said with amusement, looking at him with excitement in her own eyes as well. She loved seeing the Doctor happy, of course, and it was a nice change from how sad he had gotten upon reminiscing about his home planet and the death of his people.

River glanced up to see the waiter returning already with their food from the kitchen. Surprised at the speedy service, she raised her eyebrows to the Doctor. Taking her napkin, she spread it across her lap. She could imagine her and the Doctor enjoying a nice meal out and her managing to spill some sort of sauce or something onto her outfit to make her look silly. She sat back while the waiter sat the food before them, thanking him before he left. She looked over some sort of chicken something or another that she had ordered, hoping that it tasted as good as it looked. "You know, you can take the time to enjoy yourself more if you like," River said, with a teasing glint in her eye as she picked up her fork to test the waters, so to speak, with her food. "Things can be quite nice that way, you know." She laughed a little, waiting for the Doctor's retort and to see what he had next.

[The Doctor]

“Thanks for the observation,” he snorted, “I would never have guessed. You know, I don’t go around looking for trouble. It just… happens.” The Doctor shrugged innocently. There was always some kind of coincidence that he happened to end up slipping into, where something awful was going to happen. And, well, if he could save lives, then he wasn’t exactly going to abandon the innocent, was he?

When the food was put out in front of them, the Time Lord then grinned, left elbow resting on the table as he used the fork in his right. He was that relaxed that he didn’t really care about manners too much. It wasn’t exactly him being rude, but, well, manners were tiny in the great scheme of things. He said his pleases and thank-yous, and that was all that he believed mattered. Plus, they weren’t exactly in the Ritz. Glancing at the plate, the Doctor saw a beef lasagne – wonderfully messy. He really should have started using his knife, but he was just about graceful enough to avoid an accident. Anyway, if he wasn’t as careful as he predicted, he had a number of the same clothes that he could slip into. That was never a problem in his impossibly big wardrobe.

So… this was supposed to be a date. It wasn’t exactly officially called that, but the Doctor wasn’t daft. What did humans talk about on dates? He had countless stories from around all of time and space, but… well, they also conjured up some of the things that he wanted to avoid. And he had promised himself that he needed to talk more to River, to explain more about himself. Where was the best place to start, so she could add in her own experiences? “So… education. May as well start somewhere else a bit more basic.” He paused, taking a bite from his lasagne. Humming his approval, he swallowed, using his fork like he was a conductor of information. “Like any other child, I went to the Academy when I was eight, stayed there until I was about… six hundred or so. Took all the usual subjects, like I had to. Theoretical astrophysics, quantum mechanics, temporal studies and engagement, electrochemistry… sorry, you know. All sorts.” He then grinned, leaning in and suppressing a laugh. “For my great major study, I spent over a century specialising in this section of Mutter’s Spiral – sorry, the Milky Way – learning the history of a number of planets. Including Earth. My professors thought it was all pointless, not seeing what you younger species could be capable of. And now, I’ve ended up here, time and time again – excuse the pun.”

Sighing, he took a moment to eat a little more. “I let everyone down with my… well. I only passed my exams second time around. That’s why I only have a doctorate – it’s nothing, really. Everyone else in my classes ended up with professor-ships, master’s degrees and specialist levels. Hence… you know.” That particular failure had made such an impact on the Doctor’s life that he had taken it as his pseudonym to remind himself to always strive for what he needed to achieve. What made it a little sweeter was the fact that just because exams didn’t happen to be his strongest suit, he was the one that the High Council had always needed. Where were all of the professors then? No, it was the knowledge and experience of the Doctor that was called for. The failure was no longer a failure, and the Time Lord knew that he was better than it. “Go on. University. School. Tell me about you being the most popular and beautiful girl all the way through.” That grin really was infectious.

[River Song]

River grinned, feeling satisfied that he had followed up with her teasing, as usual. They seemed to work together, him and her, quite the pair. She secretively watched as he ate the messy lasagna, figuring she might would be able to spot a bit of sauce on his suit here and there later if they were closer. She knew the TARDIS had a large wardrobe, and it certainly wouldn't be the first time he made a mess, even if this time it was with food. Still, there was something endearing in how he seemed to enjoy the messy food and didn't care if he spilled some on him. She smiled slightly, looking down at her own food, cutting it with a knife as it wasn't easy to cut with just the edge of her fork, and then took a bit. She nodded her own approval for the meal, glad to find that she hadn't ordered any old off-the-wall sort of item on accident.

She looked up at the Doctor as he began recounting his education. Simple enough, and still something she did indeed know quite little about. Even after all this time travelling with him, going all this places, this Time Lord was still so mysterious. He never talked about his past - and suddenly, with this new step, he seemed willing to open up about almost anything. Well, so far at least. The Time War had seemed to be a pretty off-limits topic, those of his people and what had happened to his home planet. Tonight, however, he seemed a lot more willing to speak - almost gratuitous, even, to get it off his chest to her.

River started when he mentioned going to the Academy from eight to six-hundred. All that time, in school! She couldn't imagine doing that, all those years in the same place. By the time she had gotten out of her secondary education, she had been more than ready for the university - not to mention getting out of the university. All those subjects sounded incredibly complicated too, of course. But she expected that, she supposed, for being a Time Lord, and as incredibly genius as they apparently were. Or at least the Doctor was, and he acted like it was so normal that she assumed they all were like that and more. She wondered what had made him want to study Earth, but it seemed sort of like he was just drawn to doing it more than anything. The other Time Lords apparently didn't have much to do with it, the way he made it sound. She wondered vaguely why it seemed to take so long for everyone to have recognized Earth as a somewhat important planet.

River looked at him somewhat compassionately as he mentioned having let everyone down. Only a doctorate. By Earth standards, that was certainly going beyond the call of duty and it took discipline and will to get such a degree. Apparently it was much different with Time Lords. The memory of the Doctor's involving the Master popped back into her mind; he had made fun of him for getting what was apparently a lower standard. She felt sorry for the young Time Lord, for it seemed like he would have had a lonely childhood, one that was plagued by the ridicule of some of the other students as well as teachers that held him back from his true desires. So that was how he had taken the name - she had always wondered. And then, for the millionth time since she had met him, River wondered what his real name was. If he was opening up about so many other things, would he reveal that to her as well? Just as she was about to ask, he went on to ask her to tell him about her own academic life.

She smiled simply, closing her mouth from her unasked question. She shrugged slightly. "Well I certainly didn't have six hundred years of school," she said dryly, looking at him. "And I wasn't exactly the most popular. I had plenty of friends though, but I haven't kept up with any from before uni. I suppose I did rather well in school all my life. I went to university for archaeology - obviously. I mean, you met me whilst I was there, so there's not much you don't know much about concerning it." She sat back, smiling in memory. "I liked history a lot. Always like study those social studies and all that. But history has always been a favorite." She nodded at him, going on. "Which is one of the reasons I love travelling with you. In addition to you, yourself." She grinned back at his contagious smile, raising her shoulders slightly.

River paused, deciding to go on with the next subject, seeing as her schooling life was much shorter than his and not quite as interesting. "How about family next?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. She glanced back down, remembering her food again, chewing one more bite thoughtfully before taking her turn first this time. "That was what shaped a lot of my social and academic life at school anyway. My parents always pushed me from the beginning. I was the first, so they could be rather strict with me at times - but never angry or overwhelming, always just right." She smiled for a moment in memory before continuing. "Mum always watched me do homework at the kitchen table whilst she was cooking dinner. She would give me bits of what she was making and quiz me for tests." Her smile faded and she looked down. "She died when I was ten. I still miss her so much. I can still remember her face." Her smile returned, though much sadder, and she looked back at the Doctor. "I started taking care of my younger brother and sister. Tari and Andrew, their names are. Tari just became a teacher. Andrew's at uni to become a doctor." She winked at him.

"My aunt and uncle - mum's brother - started coming 'round after mum died. They had just gotten married after the Agency stopped - they were Time Agents in it. Uncle Joseph and Aunt Mara. They were around a lot, helped dad take care of us. Also helped push me through school and whatnot. I think they helped us turn out rather well." River smiled again, picking up her fork to continue her meal. She paused after she stabbed a new bite of the chicken, looking up at him again. "Still see them sometimes when I go home, you know. We're all still close, just not as much as we were back whilst we were growing up, all together after we lost mum." She nodded towards him, taking her bite. "Now it's your turn for the family bit."

[The Doctor]

“Lucky you,” the Doctor jumped in. Six hundred years… it didn’t take a genius to work out one of the reasons that he was so desperate to leave Gallifrey behind. Then again, he wouldn’t have the advanced intellect that his race demanded if he was allowed to only go ahead with the exceptionally short human education system. Time Lord brains were hardwired differently – any simple scan would show that. There were millions of extra synapses, and the neurons that humans leaned on to link everything together just weren’t good enough to make a Gallifreyan’s grey matter. Instead, it was a horrifically complex structure, the brain matter being even more dense. The Time Lords used their minds at a much higher degree, not relying on nature to let them become geniuses. They pushed all of the time, although they did find it easier to pick things up. Apart from their own complicated languages, alphabet and writing, most Time Lords knew most of the languages in the universe. The translator circuit in the TARDISes allowed any other language to be translated telepathically just in case, which made it handy for all of the Doctor’s companions. However, the Doctor chose to actually speak the different dialects instead of relying on that one set of circuitry. It was much more intimate, allowing him to experience everything properly, in his opinion.

River then went on to answer his question. He couldn’t help but smile as he pictured her in his mind, sitting down, desperate to do her work as quickly as possible so she could escape homework. Her mother standing, testing, teasing when she gave an incorrect answer. It sounded idyllic. Her parents genuinely wanted her to do well, helping her every step of the way. The Time Lords weren’t given that opportunity, of course. Family commitments stopped them from working to the best of their ability, so… the Doctor thought that humans were right in that aspect. He nodded, eating as she spoke, obviously enjoying that trip back in time, so to speak.

At the sound of her mother’s death, the Time Lord’s smile faded. “I’m so sorry, River,” he offered, hurting because she was hurting. She was able to go on and talk about her siblings, though, His smile returned at her brother going ahead to become a doctor. Not interrupting, he hummed approval instead. Glancing at his glass, the Doctor had no idea how he had emptied it without realising it sooner. Filling up the glass, he topped up River’s straight away afterwards. She seemed to be enjoying the food, too, making everything as perfect as it possibly could be. Arrogantly, the Doctor was pleased with his choice. He wasn’t about to admit that Jack had been the one to suggest it the first time that he had come here.

“It’s always hard. And mothers are usually supposed to be the ones to keep everything together,” he murmured. It couldn’t be his turn already, could it? And it was a great deal more difficult for him to admit to. His eyes told her something that he didn’t want to admit. The last time that he had uttered the names of his family had been back during the Time War, trying to find out if they were alive or dead. He had answered himself when Gallifrey was destroyed.

Clearing his throat, he tried the human ‘Dutch courage’. Taking a gulp of wine, he matched River’s smile. “Well, the last time I saw my parents was when I was eight. I said goodbye to them when I was taken to the Academy. You couldn’t see your family because it distracted you from your studies.” He then paused at the thought of admitting something else. “Time Lord parents don’t usually have a great bond with their children. You see, we, ah…” Better just spit it out. “For the past… I have no idea, actually – the Time Lords were cursed with sterility.” Himself included. “Technology got around that, though. Two prospective parents get permission to have a child, or children, and then the child is Loomed. Two sets of genetic code randomly mixed in a machine, and then… there you go.” The Doctor smiled at the thought. So many species just died out when sterilisation appeared, but oh no, Gallifrey worked their intellects around the problem. “I remember my father being hard on me. My mother was always researching. Um, I had a younger brother. Irving Braxiatel. He added the ‘Irving’ later, I think. We weren’t really that close… he preferred art from around the universe. Bit of a conman, really. But he was a good man underneath it all.”

That concluded the basics of his original family. “I… I married when I was at the Academy. She was called Patience. Suppose she needed a lot of it with me… I wasn’t the best husband.” He sighed at the memory. Although he had been angry at the time, he could understand her a little more now. “I thought I loved her, but all I wanted to do was get away and travel. She could never understand me wanting to leave Gallifrey. So… I stayed. We had a son, Yuxildar. Oh, he was amazing. Amazing. Then it was his turn to go to the Academy, found himself a wife, I ended up with a granddaughter… and I knew that I just had to leave.” The Doctor knew that he needed to get this bit out of the way as quickly as possible. “So, I stole a TARDIS. The Ma- Koschei was chosen to track me down. Eventually I had to go back, and then I was exiled. I had chosen to call myself ‘Doctor’ so I could escape them… and they punished me by erasing my name from every part of Gallifrey. Only my granddaughter… well, she demanded to go into exile with me. She was my family – my everything. And she fell in love with a human, so I left her with him so she could be happy.”

To hide the lump in his throat, the Time Lord went straight on to eat more lasagne, to drink more wine. “And that’s that, really. Nothing else really to tell. The TARDIS is my family now, and I can accept that. But I’m glad you see your family. You know, whenever you want to go, we’ll go. I mean, I’ll take you there. Maybe one of these days I’ll start and tell you how to work with the controls. You can take us somewhere.” The Doctor’s grin flourished, thinking of all the fun they could, would, have. “I bet if I asked nicely, the TARDIS would start showing bits and pieces in English as well as Gallifreyan on the screens… she really likes you, so it shouldn’t be too hard!”

[River Song]

River gave the Doctor a tight-lipped smile, reaching for her glass after resting her fork against the side of her plate. "Thank you," she murmured, in response to his apology about her mother. "But she's been dead for years, so it isn't really necessary." Still, she certainly appreciated the sentiment that came along with the Doctor apologizing. She didn't know yet what family life was like for him, but at least he understood the importance of a mother in human culture. It had been especially difficult as a girl as she reached her teenage years - she had learned to trust her Aunt Mara more during that time, but still, a mother would have been nice. Yet that was all in the past, and she had seemingly turned out well enough.

River took up a sip of her wine, watching as the Doctor did the same before starting his conversation about family. He seemed slightly hesitant with it, and she somewhat understood - especially after he began. She winced at the thought of having no family whatsoever in one's life during school. She found that hard to believe, but it seemed that the Time Lords had been rather strict involving their rules and whatnot at their Academy. As he came to the part about how Time Lords had children, River couldn't help but feel a slight blush come to her cheeks in addition to the Doctor's hesitancy about coming out with it. When he mentioned 'looming' though... well, she had to admit, she was shocked. They didn't actually have children? That was strange enough, but when it got down to it... Well, she had to go a step further (and blushed even more in the process) to realize that she was also shocked to here their species was sterile. The Doctor had been here talking about taking their relationship further, and she was finding out random things that she would have just taken for granted, would have just assumed... She certainly didn't just expect to start a family or anything with the Time Lord at the moment, but she had to admit, she was curious what else exactly he couldn't do...

River forced herself to concentrate on what he was saying, practically ashamed at her thoughts. He was talking about his wife, their children. Despite his having said that they didn't bond much with their loomed children, he seemed to be proud of his son. And then he had a granddaughter. River knew these facts already, but it still seemed weird hearing them again. Here she was, recounting small events from her tiny twenty-eight-year-old, inexperienced life, while he was trying his best to sum up over 900 years of his life. She took another sip of wine at that though, nodding her head as he continued. Leaving his granddaughter behind must have been difficult, but she figured that he had thought he was doing the right thing. Well, of course it seemed it, and she certainly wouldn't be one to argue it. It was certainly sweet of him to give up his last family to allow her to stay with the one she loved - even if it seemed like abandonment. She wondered what had happened to her. Perhaps she could still be alive as well, since she might not have participated in the war?

River looked back up at him, attention back a little fuller from her distracted thoughts from earlier as he mentioned maybe teaching her some of the TARDIS controls and it perhaps translating some of the complex Gallifreyan for her. Raising her eyebrows, she lowered her chin to look at him. "Do you think she would really go that far for one of your companions?" she asked, grinning. "If I were her, I'd rather be jealous as this point." She winked at him, remembering that she had left her chicken alone since he had started his part of the family conversation, particularly the looming part. She reached back for her fork, going back to her meal. "I do think I would love that though," she said, grinning back up at him.

She pushed the thoughts from her mind, but the ones involving Koschei and his granddaughter came back up. She had a few other questions burning her mind - the one involving his own name (he was using Koschei instead of his title, after all) as well as the one that had formed at the end of the looming bit. However, the latter wasn't exactly fit for a restaurant, and she wasn't even sure she could manage to bring that one forth whilst alone - but perhaps their relationship wasn't even heading in that sort of direction anyway. Still, the question she could ask was back at the front of mind again. "Doctor," River said gently, gazing back up at his eyes. "I'm sure you've thought this before but... with your granddaughter just being left behind and you finding the.... Koschei again, couldn't your granddaughter and some of your other people still be alive? What if they hid or something all these years after the war?"

[The Doctor]

The Doctor paused, River taking a slightly tongue-in-cheek route about what the TARDIS would and wouldn’t allow. Yes, he had to admit, the sentient machine was finding the relationship that the Doctor and River had difficult to accept, but that was only because she had never witnessed something like that before. Rose was, well, Rose. The flirtation was there, the desires were hidden under the surface, and no question of teaching Rose to pilot her. This was an entirely different situation. “One of my companions?” The Doctor watched River carefully. “No. You’re not just one of my companions, River. I care about every single one of them, and I’ll never forget them… but you mean the whole of time and space to me.”

Then, it was decided. Once they returned to the TARDIS, River could do whatever she wanted whilst he tinkered on. Maybe there would be some way for the TARDIS to translate the Gallifreyan directly into her mind, just like every other language. Still, the thought was risky. If her head couldn’t handle the translation of so many individual letters and combinations of text, then it might hurt her. It would probably just be a better idea to make the Gallifreyan script smaller, and then have the same in English also written on the screen. As another gesture, the Doctor could start writing his post-it reminders in English too, just to make her feel a bit more at home. They were only small things, but hopefully River would see them for what they really were. As long as she was comfortable, so was the Doctor.

As his mind was busy thinking about the different ways to get the screens showing English translations naturally, the Doctor didn’t expect River to start talking about other Time Lords surviving. “I thought about it,” he ventured slowly. “Koschei abandoned the War. He fled to the edge of the universe and turned himself into a human just so the Daleks wouldn’t be able to find him. Susan…” Where was Susan? Was she still alive? Could he ever find her? “All of the Time Lords have a telepathic link to each other. If one of my people regenerated, even in a new body I would find it easy to recognise him. Or her. In my head… I can’t feel anyone. There’s just… nothing.” That was one side of the argument. It was also the side of the argument that had failed when the Master reappeared in the universe. “And if, if they all used their chameleon circuits to change their bodies, well, that’s something different. I’ve used the chameleon circuit before – there was a set of aliens that wanted my regenerative ability, so they would live forever. When I became human, I had to give myself human memories. Martha Jones had to look after me, and I almost abandoned her. I had the opportunity to live out the rest of my life as a human – aging and dying like you, leaving the rest of myself behind.”

That human part of him, John Smith, still missed Joan, and what could have been. The Time Lord ignored that tiny part of his mind now. “You just need to understand. If some of them, say, are in human form, then I can’t feel them in my head. They’re technically not Time Lords any more. Unless I happen to stumble upon them, or they happen to find the stopwatch containing the power to return them to their Time Lord bodies, then they’ll live and die like humans. And I’ll never know.” The Doctor drank some more wine, filling up his glass again, and then River’s. Sadly, the bottle was almost empty. “It’s easier for me to come to terms with the idea that they’re all gone. I can’t live out the rest of my life running around the universe, desperate to find people who may or may not be there. I honestly don’t think I could take it. And I miss them. I hated most of them, but I really miss them. It’s difficult.”

Allowing a snorting laugh, the Doctor grinned. “Well, that was all nice and happy, wasn’t it?” he teased, desperate to have them laughing again. “Look. Susan had her own life. And… and I’m not ready to try and find her yet. One day, one day I will, but the possibility that I’ll find she’s dead… no. I can’t do that. I’m not ready.” The safer thought was back on the TARDIS, imagining River helping him pilot her.

But there was something else that would show her how committed he was to her. During the time that he had been alone, the Doctor had sat and thought about it. He had spent hours examining it, and then he had done something that he never thought he’d do. He rebuilt it. Brand new, slightly sleeker, the new sonic screwdriver had a red setting, a dampner setting – and a remote-controlled TARDIS return device. He needed something like that, in all honesty. But… he kept it for her, for River. The ‘ghosting’ machine was also still included.

“I’ve… I’ve got something for you.” Reaching into his pocket, he kept a grin on his face, happy to let her believe that it was a gift. It was for her future, but… well, he didn’t want to think about that. He loved her, and he couldn’t bear the thought of losing her now. He pulled out the sonic screwdriver – the mark seven, if he was correct – and handed it over to her. “The most important bit is this blue little button. If you’re in trouble, and you press that button, you’ll send me a message, and the TARDIS will find you.” Clearing his throat, the Doctor looked up, not knowing what River would think of it. “Is it alright?”

[River Song]

River couldn't help but think that the Doctor was being rather defensive about the whole finding the others thing. She wondered curiously why he didn't exactly seem to want to go find his granddaughter - Susan, he called her now. But he said it wasn't time for him to want to do that, so she would obviously not push the subject. She wondered if he was scared of it. Had he grown so used to being alone, with companions coming and going, that he didn't want to have her back again? Or was he scared to look for her, more afraid of what he would find? Perhaps he wouldn't be able to find her, or maybe he would find out that she was indeed dead when he had hoped she'd be alive. The others being hidden however, with this 'chameleon circuit'... well, it was quite unfortunate that they wouldn't be able to remember themselves at all, or for the Doctor to be able to find them.

But the Doctor seemed to think that the TARDIS would help, at least some. Perhaps he didn't know how well the TARDIS would work with her, seeing as she was different from his other companions. As he had said so earlier, River's smile had brightened (in addition to the previously-acquired blush that had been spreading across her cheeks). She really meant that much to him? While his telling her he loved her and acting so domestic of late with her had certainly made her feel special, just hearing that she was something different from his other companions had truly made her feel unique to him. And while he had said he had been married before... well, that was such a long time ago. She didn't know how many other people he had truly loved, and he wasn't exactly putting that on the table at the moment, but she truly felt important to the Time Lord; especially after he said she meant the whole of time and space. From a Time Lord, well... that was something.

River watched as he seemed to ponder something, gazing curiously at him as he reached down into his pocket to pull out a sonic screwdriver. Raising her eyebrows in shock, she reached out to take it from him, surprised at the gift. He had made her a sonic screwdriver? Of course, she had seen him use his own countless times, but now he was offering her one of her own. She looked at him curiously before gazing down at the sonic scewdriver, taking in its differences. Newer than his, obviously, a little bit bigger, but perhaps it had more features than his. Why would he give her one of her own that was better than his? Did he make one for himself as well? She wondered if he had spent his nights and times whilst she was either not with him, or asleep if she was with him, creating this for her. She had no idea what would give him the idea, but it certainly was a great one. It could help her to help him. And not to mention, the idea with the TARDIS call type button was pretty genius.

She looked back up at him with a grin, nodding. "Of course it is!" she said, running a finger along it, and then realizing it was a random gadget-looking item that probably seemed out of place in the middle of a restaurant. She gave him an 'oops'-typed look at having kept it out that long, then slid her hands from the table top to continue looking at it in her lap. She glanced around, making sure no one was paying attention, then turn her own gaze back to the screwdriver in her lap. "It's nice, really," she said, nodding, turning it over in her hands. "You're going to have to tell me how to work all the settings of course." She grinned, looking back up at him. "I love it. Thank you. But what exactly gave you this idea?"

[The Doctor]

Time was a funny thing. What had he said before? Wibbley wobbly, timey wimey. Unless specific periods were time locked, then everything was easily changed, details added or taken away due to anyone playing with those elastic strands of time. The Doctor understood that. As far as River was concerned, he could have told her not to ever go to the Library, to her death, but that would have sealed the fate of thousands of innocent people. It would also create a paradox, as the Doctor would possibly never have gone there, and never known not to allow River to go there… it ended up as a cyclic nightmare. So, he had to do the worst thing, and know that he was sacrificing her, as his own future happiness. That was something that he could never change, no matter how much it hurt him.

What could be changed, however, were the details. In River’s future, his past, she had told him that the visit just before she had gone to the Library, he had taken her to Darillium to see the singing towers, and given her that sonic screwdriver. Instead, he had decided to make it for her as quickly as possible, giving it to her to show exactly how much he loved and trusted her. Details, details, details. That last night would be traumatic enough without making sure that he was worrying about that piece of technology, too. It would alter his past a little, but it was just a sentence. They could still go and see Darillium, he wouldn’t change that, but he knew now that she would be safe between now and then.

“Obviously,” he smiled. “We can go over it later.” As far as the idea behind it was concerned… well, the Doctor didn’t want to have to lie to her, but he had to. “Well… I… just want you to be safe. And I wanted to make you something. Something special. Really, I need to update my screwdriver, but… I wanted to prove to you exactly how much you mean to me.” That was true. What meant even more was that she was obviously pleased about receiving the brand new sonic screwdriver.

The Doctor would do anything for River. If he could, of course. “When I first saw you, I knew you were special, you know.” Well, technically it wasn’t the first time that he saw her, but the second. That wasn’t as important. “I know it sounds a bit… you know… but I’m good at seeing that in humans, for some reason. I think it’s just because I’m so, well, amazing.” Winking, the Doctor looked down and realised that he had already finished his lasagne. And that he had managed to stain one of his lapels. “And apparently I’m also amazing at embarrassing myself,” he snorted, picking up a napkin and wiping his mouth with it. “Can’t take me anywhere, I suppose.”

Poor River, having to deal with a messy Time Lord. Across the table, she looked so young, so innocent about what lay ahead. All that mattered was the future that they could share, the times that they could have together, and everything that the Doctor could remember for years afterward, for the rest of his life. He had never known happiness like the happiness he had when he just spent time with River. Yes, just watch them run.

[River Song]

River smiled at him, truly appreciating the gift from him. The fact that he had made it different from his had been important, after all, just showing that he did care about her, as he was saying. She would remind him later when they had more free time (as if the man ever slowed down!) on the TARDIS whilst he was tinkering with things to update his own sonic screwdriver, or perhaps build another with some of the updated features of her's for his own. If he had included those features anyway, then surely they could be of use to him as well as her.

River tried to hold back an almost goofy grin as the Doctor practically complimented himself. Of course, she had known him to take his brilliance to heart - or hearts, if you prefer - but she almost couldn't blame him. She normally would be annoyed with the cheekiness on another person, but on the Doctor, well... it fit right. Besides, in the same spiel, he was also telling her that he had always found her special. That had apparently turned into something else - or it could at least be assumed, from them sitting at this table now like this, talking about them. Their present, their hopeful future. River figured they had the whole of time and space, and whilst she wouldn't live nearly as long as the Doctor, she could spend whatever life she could give him at his side, showing him her true feelings, and hopefully, he would continue to return them.

She rolled her eyes, playing along with him as he noticed the spill on his lapel. "Seriously," she said, sighing heavily for dramatic effect. "Whatever am I going to do with you?" She winked at him, chuckling a little. She had almost commented earlier on not leaving out the napkin in his lap as she had earlier, but she supposed that wouldn't have necessarily changed anything about the small splatter that high up on his suit. She didn't particularly really mind, so she shook her head slightly, shrugging her shoulders up a bit. "Really, Doctor, I don't mind too terribly." She grinned, nose squinching up slightly as she did so.

She glanced down, noticing there were a few bites left on her plate. It wasn't much, and she had finished most of the meal. It seemed as though she could never really finish a full plate at these kinds of places anyway. The chicken-whatever-it-was had still been rather good, though, and had enjoyed it. She took a sip of her wine, washing it down. River leaned slightly on the table, looking up at the Doctor. She still was quite amazed about how it had all suddenly come to this. When he had told her he loved her the first time not that long ago - well, she had certainly been in shock. And now... well, it was getting quite past that.

She looked down, grabbing her fork and pushing the remainder of her food around her plate, almost childishly. As she realized what she was doing, she sat the fork down, looking up, embarrassed a bit. Smiling softer at the Doctor from her previous grin, she suddenly felt like getting up and walking. With his previous act of his psychic paper making the bill out of the way, they were really free to go whenever they wished. "Fancy desert?" she asked, raising her eyebrows a bit. "Or are you ready to take a stroll again?"