it's `going to be { BRILLIANT }, Doctor, Doctor!

[River Song]

River had just woken up not all that long ago, and to an empty TARDIS. It felt quite lonely in there, all that big space and no Doctor. Surprising how one person suddenly made it feel as though it were full, but she just supposed that was how large the Doctor's presence really was. Dressing for the day quickly, River put on a pair of black pants and some dress shoes, with a white tank top with a black blazer over it. She pulled a brush through her hair, but unless she really took the time to style it, her hair was usually a mass of untamable curls. Sighing at annoyance at them for another uncountable time in her life, River walked back through the console room, down the grating, and out the doors.

She had heard the Doctor mention that they were going to be stopping on Earth to fuel up on Cardiff's Rift. She knew Cardiff from her time, a bustling city that not-so quietly housed a Torchwood team and had all kinds of alien activity coming through. However, she had found out that while the alien activity was true, Torchwood wasn't even a name truly known amongst people in this time period. Not to mention, when she stepped out of the TARDIS' doors, the city wasn't as bustling as it was... would be, one day. Still, it had something quaint about it for here, and she looked around, smiling at an older version of Earth. There was something about the past that got her worked up, and while there wasn't any danger around here (at least yet anyway; the Doctor was here though, wasn't he?), River could still get excited about the past.

Walking forward after closing the door behind her, River glanced around, still not able to get over the fact that they could park the TARDIS so noticeably in the middle of an open space and it still not be noticed. Grinning a bit, she walked forward, wondering where the Doctor was. She figured he had been going to look up a couple of his old friends, for he had made mention a few times that he had some previous companions from this century. A couple of them were even in this more secret Torchwood, which would be housed under... there. River walked towards the tall, gray structure, knowing that something lay beneath, though it certainly didn't look it. She stopped short, realizing that she didn't know how to get down there anyway. Besides, the Doctor may have gone somewhere else with his friends, or maybe he wanted some alone time with them.

River walked in the opposite direction then, wandering a bit and enjoying the breeze that was coming from the water. She directed herself towards it, making for the railing so as to lean against it. It was comfortable here, she decided, and perhaps she enjoyed not having constant adventure from time to time. Twenty-first century Earth had a certain charm for her, at least so far. It certainly wasn't as advanced as the fifty-first century Earth had become, but it was ancient either. She was trying to decide if she wanted to roam the city a little more, but decided she wanted to enjoy the calm beside the water a bit longer.

[The Doctor]

Meeting Jack had been amazing. Amazing. Even though it hadn’t really been too long since the last visit, it was always exciting to show a new face to old friends. Still, the reunion had been a mixed bag of reactions, and eventually the Doctor had to go and let Jack get on with what he was doing. It wasn’t like the Doctor hung around for too long when he knew what had to be done. In that situation, he didn’t think that his presence would be the most practical. Plus, it was something that he would find difficult, too. No, he couldn’t dwell on it.

Returning to the TARDIS, he checked and saw that the note he had left wasn’t where he had left it. He smiled before a frown appeared. Post-it notes were rubbish. The adhesive had decided it was too hard to let the paper stay in place, so the yellow square had flittered to the grated floor instead. Great. River won’t even have seen it. And, considering what time it was, she had to be up, right?

After a brief exploration into the corridors of the sentient, living machine, the Doctor realised that River must have gone on a wander of her own. She was never afraid, that one. Yes, she had been terrified when she had heard about some of the alien races that the Doctor had talked about, but that was fair enough, considering what they had done. Especially with the Cybermen. But when it came down to it, really down to it, she never worried about just walking out, on her own, to experience the universe around her. He loved that. Loved her.

So, he left, out into Cardiff again. Instead of retracing his footsteps, he shoved his hands in his pockets and moved in the opposite direction, looking out for those gorgeous curls. How could she get so annoyed at them?

It took a little while to find her. The small amount of people that were out helped, too. Scanning around, the Time Lord couldn’t help but smile as he saw her leaning on a railing, looking out at the water, probably lost in thought. He wanted to get behind her and wrap his arms around her waist, but then he stopped himself. In a new landscape, the first time that he had taken River to twenty-first century Wales, she might get a fright. Or end up smacking him one, out of reflex. Instead, the Doctor stood on her right hand side, leaning in the same way she was on the metal rail. “Good place, isn’t it?” He looked out, following River’s gaze for a moment before turning his head to look at her properly. “You humans are amazing.”

The Doctor then stood straight again before turning around, the metal now a rest for the small of his back. His arms rested backwards too, so he could lean a little more comfortably. “Sorry. I wanted some air, and found an old friend.” Why did he feel the need to explain things to her? He had never wanted to before. He just put it down to the fact that it was River. “You’ll have to meet him. Jack. You remember I told you about him? If he starts flirting, though, you have permission to slap him. He needs telling.” The Doctor smirked. “Get enough beauty sleep?”

[River Song]

River had become quite lost in thought standing there on the edge by the railing, leaning out and starting at the water. It was quite calming, the smooth breeze ruffling those crazy locks of her a bit. The day was a little overcast, but she had to admit that she liked it to be that way sometimes. They had just come from a trip on a rather hot and sunny planet, and the change was a nice balance at the moment. She was thinking about how things had changed so much between them recently when the Doctor was suddenly at her side, breaking her from her train of thought.

"Yeah, sure is," River murmured, looking at him with a smile. He always seemed to be amazed with humans, and she was still curious of the fact. After all, he seemed to come from such an advanced race, in both physiology and in technology. Fifty-first century Earth was certainly no match for the sorts of things she had seen elsewhere with the Doctor in the future, not to mention things that he had shown her once on the TARDIS. Twenty-first century was quite a bit further behind her home era, naturally, so his fascination was a bit strange to her. Still, she could understand the interest in other cultures and different time periods - it was a shared interest between the two.

River nodded as the Doctor spoke. Jack, yes she certainly remembered him talking about this famous - infamous - Jack Harkness. Ran Torchwood here. Old companion of the Doctor's. And was quite the flirt. She remembered something else that the Doctor had mentioned of him and asked him about it. "He was the Time Agent once, didn't you say?" she inquired. She remembered Time Agents. Her aunt and uncle had actually been apart of the Agency, but they had started to help her father after her mother died and the Agency had disbanded. She knew he also had been from the 51st century, meaning that perhaps he could possibly share quite a few common interests with her.

"Yes, I'd love to meet him. Don't get to meet too many of your old friends," River went on in a teasing tone. "I get to hear all the times about all these people you've met and the places you've been... But I never get to actually see these friends of your's." She smiled, turning towards him a bit more. "And yes. He'll have another coming to him if he thinks he can flirt with me." Besides, my attention's elsewhere, she added to herself. She didn't exactly say it out loud, even though they had been much more open with each other. Why - she didn't know. The direction of their relationship was still a bit strange to her, especially after she had managed to convince herself that it wasn't really ever going to go somewhere, and then it, well... had.

River eyed his smirk out of the corner of her eye, and narrowed her eyes at him with a good-natured smile to pair. "Yes, I did, thank you," she replied, a bit of a laughing and sarcastic tone to her voice. "I find it quite necessary, with the fact that you can't seem to sit still for more than five seconds tops." She smirked herself, knowing that the Doctor would probably be fallen down dead before he would stop running - something that she certainly never wanted to see. "So," she went on brightly, turning to face away from the ocean and back towards the city. "What have we got planned for today, then?"

[The Doctor]

“Before we go, I’ll take you to meet him,” he then promised. Jack would love her when he saw her. Usually, he was a great judge of character. Plus, how could anyone fail to not enjoy River’s company? It wasn’t as though the Doctor needed Jack’s blessing; it was more of a goodbye to the past. To say that he had moved on. And he had, really. River was his future, he was certain of it, especially since the pair had admitted their feelings for each other. He then sighed, his mind forcing him to think about the Library. “I wish you could have met Donna.” The sadness in his voice was strong, even though she was in the front of such a good set of memories. “I think you would have liked her the most. Saved my life, as well as the entire universe. And now she’s living in London, back to being…” No. Not now. “Anyway. You’ll get to meet Jack. I don’t know if the others will be there, but they’re good people, too. Very good people.”

After rambling, River did what she always did and made him grin again. “Hey!” She sounded more like an annoyed wife, sick of her husband’s habits. Or maybe he was reading too much into it. “Even after everything that we do together, you’re going to complain about a bit of running?” As she turned to face the edge of the city, the Doctor didn’t ask to take her hand, instead just wrapping his fingers up in hers. As far as he was concerned, it just felt right.

Her question was a fair one, and in all honesty, the Doctor hadn’t planned anything. He had briefly looked at dates when deciding to come back to the Rift, and nothing ridiculous had appeared in the TARDIS’ memory banks, so he had chanced a peaceful stay. Not that it always went that way… like the last time he had refuelled, for a start. “Well, we’ve got about sixteen hours before the TARDIS is fully fuelled,” the Time Lord explained. “And… I haven’t even thought about what we should go and do.” That still wasn’t necessarily true. He had thought about seeing Jack, and then thought about having a serious conversation with her, but also without scaring her off. The Doctor didn’t want to lose her.

Swallowing nervously, hand still in hers, he took a deep breath. “We can go and see Jack later. But… maybe we should talk. About what we, uh, about what we said to each other.” I love you. “There’s an amazing restaurant in the city. Or we can have a picnic or something. Just me and you for a while… maybe figure out exactly what we both want.” The Doctor offered a smile. So much for The Oncoming Storm, that terrifying figure of a Time Lord. He was far too concerned about rejection at the moment. It was only fair for them to both be honest with each other, to see whether this was going to become serious, or just friends that happen to say those three words. He didn’t want to overwhelm River with information, either. It was going to be a hard call to make.

[River Song]

River nodded in response to meeting Jack later. If the Doctor wanted that to wait, well, she could go with that. He had mentioned someone named Donna a moment before, and she could catch a glimpse of sadness in his voice and eyes. It was a sorrow that she couldn't quite place, something along the lines of losing her, but he had said she was living in London. Her curiosity grew for a moment, but because of the Doctor's apprehension with the subject, she let it slide. There were times where she deemed it safe to pursue something that the Doctor glossed over, but this was not one of these times. If he wanted to open up about her and whatever had apparently happened... well, she would let him do so on his own terms.

She was glad that she could at least make him happy, and loved the way that he seemed to grin for her. She hoped that she could help him move past whatever pain he had in his life, and well, those past lifetimes of his. She was hoping that she was at least some help to him, that Time Lord with such old, telling (but never quite saying) eyes. The Doctor took her hand, and she slowly started walking with him away from what had been her post of the last little while. She smiled slightly as the Doctor said they had all this time and not exactly anything planned. That was certainly fine with her. They always seemed to find something to do anyway, wherever they went. It just usually wasn't 21st century Cardiff. Still, she wasn't exactly complaining, and she probably liked the city more than most.

As he went on to mention wanting to talk, River felt her heartbeat quicken a bit. Forcing herself to concentrate as he went on about the restaurant, she nodded her head. "Yeah, that sounds nice," she said, grinning. She was up for anything at the moment. After a calming start to her day, she felt all recharged and fueled up herself. And the mention of wanting to talk about what they had said... her heart was doing funny things now, and her mind was even beginning to try to deceive her. Her thoughts were between possible explanations of what he wanted to really talk about... Had he meant it? Or had he just said it, something impulsive, and perhaps now he meant to take it back? She herself, well, she knew she had meant it. Still, she would feel quite silly if she had told him she loved him, meaning it with her heart, and he didn't, in actuality.

Another idea was in River's mind, one that she much preferred, and that was of him wanting to talk things out... with taking their relationship further in mind. However, while she greatly desired this to be true, she was scared that this was the least likely. After all, she had come to know this Time Lord a great deal during her travels on and off with him, especially more recently. He didn't seem to want the commitment of a relationship, with the impending idea of a human's death so near and the like. She had to admit, the thought was depressing of itself, but oh... she couldn't help but want it almost more than anything right now. She wondered how selfish that made her, but the answer didn't come easily to her at the moment.

River continued walking with him, hand in hand. They were well across away from the water's edge by now, and she glanced around. "So where is this restaurant you're taking me to?" she asked, forcing herself to concentrate. They would talk, and whatever happened, happened. As much as she liked control over things at times, and to know exactly what was going to happen... well, she would find out soon enough. Some things were meant to be while others... well, they would occur as they were supposed to.

[The Doctor]

“It’s just a little way further into the city.” What was it called again? For the life of him, the Doctor couldn’t remember. It had been a lovely one, though, full of great food and better memories. Why not add something even sweeter into the mix? He could always show off again, not paying because of his wonderful psychic paper. It wasn’t that he was cheap, just that he still couldn’t understand the concept of money, even after all these years spending time on Earth, or at least with humans. It all seemed pointless. Everyone needed to work to help each other, to try and make the place as happy as they could. However, it was probably easier living in a Gallifreyan society. The work that no one wanted to do was performed by machines, and the population was considerably small compared to the human civilisation. Still, those facts didn’t ever really seem to get through to the Time Lord.

The Doctor paused for a moment, unsure how to start a serious conversation like this. Diplomacy was easy. When it came to the more personal subjects, well, that was what got him. He wasn’t used to talking about feelings, wants and needs. Everyone else had to go before him – that was how he had always survived. Now, though, well, it wouldn’t be fair to River to not get this all out in the open as quickly as possible. Either one of them could end up getting hurt if he wasn’t careful.

As he let the silence linger for a little while longer, the Doctor bit his lip. Cardiff was as it always was, and no one had even bothered to look at them. From the outside, the Doctor and River probably just looked like any other of a thousand couples, generally roaming the concrete slabs and cobbles. What gave the man courage was the fact that some other man was probably thinking about bringing up the same subject he was about to broach. “River…” Was that the best way to start, her name? They were still walking, around the looming buildings, the Doctor glancing up, noticing that they seemed to almost be listening into their exchange. “We’ve been through a lot together.” That was certainly true. “I wanted to show you the stars. So I did. And you saved my life back on Mondas.”

Sighing, the Doctor had never thought he was ever going to have this conversation with someone, like he was just another human discussing a relationship. “Those three words are the hardest words for me to say. The last person… I couldn’t even tell her before she had to go. I could never be with a human, knowing that I would outlive them. Your lives are so short, and I’ll have to see them age, and… and die.” He swallowed, taking his time, each syllable straining. “But you… I don’t want to lose you, River. And when I said it… I really meant it. If you did too, well…”

They turned a corner, and only a street or so away lay the restaurant. The white building was square, tall windows around the side as a balcony framed the outside, complete with a railing. From inside, they would be able to see the water, as well as a good view of the rest of Cardiff. The Doctor stopped, still walking, terrified of what River could say. “Well, here we are.”

[River Song]

River kept walking beside him, keeping silent and practically holding her breath in anticipation. She tried to quiet her racing mind, waiting for him to talk. She figured he would wait until they got to the restaurant, so she was just about to open her mouth to make some off-hand comments about the city and time period when he began to talk himself. She shut her mouth quickly and listening, looking around. She supposed they didn't exactly attract attention - they looked just like anyone else walking down the street. Still, she had supposed he would have waited until they were somewhere a bit more... private. She turned her full attention to him though, eager to hear what he had to say.

The Doctor began simply, just her name, and then stating how they had been through much together. She had saved his life. So, he had saved her's plenty of times as well. It seemed like something that they had taken a habit of doing. She tried not to read too deep into his starting the conversation so lightly. Her mind was determined that this meant his 'I love you' had just been something he said, but she tried to refrain herself as he went on afterward.

Her heart sunk a little as he mentioned not wanting to lose someone. She had seen that coming, too. She understand perfectly, knew that he didn't want to be hurt when his humans friends... and loves... would die. Obviously he couldn't just go back to his race to seek a lifetime love, as they were gone. She wondered if there was another long-lived race that he could perhaps go to, seeking companionship, but all his companions, at least the ones he had told her of, had seemed to mostly fall on the human side. He seemed desperately upset about losing her, and she felt a tear starting to form in the corner of her eye. She blinked, desperately hoping it didn't fall or lead to more. She felt ridiculous; she knew this all had been coming, so why was she letting it hurt her so badly?

She stopped short, though fortunately he stopped too. They were just outside the restaurant, and she had to play his words just before announcing their arrival over in her head once more before allowing her spirits to lift again in hope. "Wait a minute," she said, almost incredulously. "Did you just say... you meant it?" Her lips curved into a smile, and she followed it with a nervous laugh. She stared at him a moment, her face turning slightly serious so he understood what she was telling him. Her happiness was quickly returning, and she lightly berated herself for being so ridiculous and jumping to conclusion the whole way here.

"Of course I meant it," River replied, her voice low. She turned to face him, grabbing his other hand as she looked him in the eyes. "I love you. I really do." She smiled again lightly, eyes bright with happiness. Turning to open the door, she led him inside, hoping to continue their conversation when they sat down. Perhaps this was going somewhere after all.

[The Doctor]

It could have gone anywhere from that moment. The Doctor had been as honest as he could, and then it was only a matter of infinite seconds to see whether River reciprocated those feelings. She smiled when she clarified, the Doctor slowly nodding at her question. “I don’t joke about things like that,” he answered gravely. When she then went on to say that she had meant it too, well, his hearts felt like they could burst. Seeing Jack, and then finding out exactly what he meant to River… it was wonderful. Of course, he almost already knew what she was feeling, considering the end result, but he let that go for the moment. Too many times had been ruined by obsessing over past mistakes in his life. This was not going to be marred by those mistakes.

For the second time, River told him how she felt. “And I love you, too.” And that was the second time that he had replied. It felt liberating, like he had pent up so much, he could finally break free. With that, River didn’t become overly emotional. She didn’t cry, or get too excited. She just opened the door to the restaurant and found a table. She then sat down like it was the most natural thing in the world. And the Doctor did the only thing that he could: he followed her.

Sitting opposite her, he realised that they were only about twenty feet away from where he had sat last time, two incarnations ago. How times had changed. Before he said anything else, a waiter dropped off two menus. As he was about to leave, the Doctor pulled out his psychic paper. With a look of awe, the server had then assured the pair that everything they had would be free, so long as they recommended the food and service at their next important appointment. The Doctor nodded politely, not even checking what his paper had said. It was enough, and there was something much more important at hand.

As he opened the menu, the Time Lord rested the leather-bound pages flat on the table before looking straight at River. “So… you love me and I love you.” He snorted out a soft laugh, thinking about how silly the words sounded out loud. “I don’t know how you want to take this. And I’m not going to lie, I’m terrible at this. And, well, as far as humans go… I don’t know what you’re going to expect from me. It’s been… it’s been a long time since I’ve been in a relationship.” He kept looking, searching for the right words, but none of them seemed to fit. The Doctor’s expression became apologetic, like a nervous boy that had just ripped the hem of his date’s prom dress, not know what to do next, or even if he was totally ruining the moment. “And… it’s been a long time since I’ve said this, but… well, all I want to do right now is kiss you.”

[River Song]

As River forced herself to remain calm as well, unknowing that the Doctor was also going through some nervous inner turmoil. She had made herself turn around and enter the restaurant, knowing it would be nicer to have a bit of privacy. Stopping on the sidewalk in front of a public place to profess their love again for each other had been amazing feeling and all, but the rest of their conversation probably needed to continue inside. Her stomach wasn't exactly ravenous with hunger, but she had realized how strange they might have appeared outside. She opened the menu as well without really looking at it, instead glancing around the place out of something to do in her nervous state rather than to really see what it looked like. She decided it was a nice place, then looked down at the menu again in front of her, running her hand along the thick page of paper that featured appetizers.

The pictures and the words were really a blur to her, and her heart was racing. She berated herself, finding her reactions to be quite like that of a teen girl that was out of her first date. Please! She was a grown woman, two years under thirty, and she was getting feelings like this! River had to admit though, she had never quite been in love for real. Sure, she had dated a few guys through the years, but none had really ever lasted. Instead, she had let her work and interest in helping others dictate her life. And now that she was with the Doctor... well, everything had fallen so naturally, even if it had taken a while to actually get their feelings out in the open.

But they were in the open now. They had confessed their love all of two times, yet it really was quite a deal for them. The first had been amazing, but the second seemed to make it official and it seemed to make her expect that something was to follow afterward. What did this mean? Where would this take them now? The Doctor had decided to talk again, and River returned her attention and listening to him whole-heartedly. He mentioned not having done this in a while, voicing his concerns and his own version of anxiety that she was feeling. She had to admit, she felt somewhat better, knowing that the feeling was shared between them. She had felt so ridiculous, feeling so nervous about this, yet so excited at the same time...

River returned his apologetic smile with one of her own, nodding to show that she was following him and that she understood. "I honestly have never been this far in a relationship before," she admitted, shrugging, a little embarrassed. "I suppose that might equal out to your having been a while." She looked at him, hopeful. This was going much further than she had thought possible, so of course she didn't expect him to suddenly go domestic and want the life of a normal couple. They were there in a restaurant, though, talking about their feelings for each other, and when she thought about it, that certainly didn't seem like something she would have thought the Doctor to do only months ago, even. "And I don't have any expectations from you. I want this go as far as we both feel comfortable. I expect nothing more. Or nothing less, of course, at this point." She smiled at him, somewhat teasingly.

River laughed as he ended, her face brightening further into a grin and her heart thumping more. There, so they both were acting like silly young teenagers in love. "Well," she said in response, somewhat slowly before giving him a slightly sly look. "I'm not exactly stopping you."

[The Doctor]

River’s confession brightened the Doctor a great deal. If she had little in the way of expectation, then hopefully it would be more difficult for him to mess up, as he invariably would. Even then, the woman reassured him. The Doctor could barely believe that he had found someone like her. No wonder he had completely trusted her in his future. He didn’t need to think any more deeply into that, though. Spoilers, and all that. The face that found its way across her face lit up the room, as far as the Time Lord could tell. With every passing moment, he knew that he would never be the same without her. Sadly, although he had loved Rose, the intense feelings that he had found with her were a dying candle to River’s blinding sun. Allowing himself only a flash of guilt, the Doctor smiled back at his companion. “Good.”

When she was open, flirting shamelessly back at him, the Doctor grinned widely. “Oh. Okay, then.” Elbows then found their way onto the table, manners thrown out of sight as he leaned forward, eyes never breaking contact with River’s own. Finally reaching her, the Doctor paused for a moment. He could go in slowly, or let passion take over completely. It hit him suddenly that this was going to be their first kiss. No pressure. What he wanted more than anything else in the universe right at that moment was for River to remember this kiss forever. He wanted her to dream about it, so she would never forget him and never leave him. Not that he believed she would – not until she had no choice, and he had to go on living. For now, though, their forever would have to be enough.

The Doctor whispered. “I. Love. You.” A gentle smirk bled across tiny creases in his skin before he bridged the gap. First, he brushed his lips against River’s. Automatically, his right hand lifted to cup her cheek, caressing back stray strands of that beloved, tangled hair of hers. He then pulled away for the smallest of moments before kissing her again, this time much more deeply, like he was reaching for something she didn’t even know existed. The Doctor poured every facet of himself out to her, and every barrier fell. The walls that kept even his closest friends away from the truth fell, as did the ones in his mind, blocking out everything that he had done, every part of who he had been. He tasted River as he would allow her to taste him, the only thing hidden being that most terrible set of moments in the Library. That would be the only thing that the Time Lord would keep from his partner, his only other half. Over the years, the Doctor had had many soul-mates, but he finally understood that River was literally the other half of his being, that he had been separated from his entire life. Any amount of heartache was worth being with her, even if it were only for a day.

Finally breaking free, the Doctor didn’t feel self-conscious at his quick breath and quicker heartbeats. In fact, he let out a little laugh. He had absolutely no idea what to call River. His partner made it sound like a business deal. ‘Girlfriend’ made him sound like a teenager. They would have to figure it out, just like everything else. “I, uh…” Blushing, the Time Lord wiped his hand down his face, like he couldn’t believe that they had just kissed. Maybe ‘girlfriend’ would be much more appropriate than he had previously thought. He wasn’t exactly sure what to say. “Very nice…”

[River Song]

River watched him as he leaned across the table towards her, her breath hitching as he stopped, just before her face. She wondered was going on in that incredibly complicated mind of his, what sort of thoughts were there. God, she wanted this. Her mind could think of nothing else but him right now. He was there in front of her, with the promise of a kiss, and it took all the control she had to not close the distance between them herself. Their first kiss, and what she hoped to be the first of oh so many...

And then he was telling her that he loved her again, a little whisper with the slightest of smiles before that distance was closed and their lips touched in that long-anticipated kiss. Her senses dulled and sharpened at the same time; for instance, the noise of the restaurant was the softest of sounds in her ears at this point, but the Doctor's hand on her cheek was warmth beyond her imagination. Her opposite hand found its way up, without thinking, to rest gently on the side of his neck, unnecessarily keeping him close to her. In the second in between their first and second kiss, River found that she had, in fact, held her breath, and almost laughed at herself, feeling quite silly for yet another time this evening. She remembered to breathe this time, though found it quite hard to do so.

At last, he pulled away, and her lips were still singing from his kiss. Swallowing and trying to put her breathing back regular, River leaned back into her chair, a grin spreading across her face. Never mind that they had just experienced one of their closest moments together so far in the middle of a restaurant. She was practically overjoyed, her mind buzzing as though no thought in the world could bring her down now. Sure, all those adventures they had were quite amazing - but nothing they had experienced yet together could quite come up to par with this. River could feel her cheeks were flushed, and looked down for a second, trying to calm her racing heart.

Hearing him speak again, River looked up quickly, realizing his face was also a few shades redder, perhaps, than normal. She watched him struggle with words for a moment, trying to hold back something of a giggle. When he finally spoke, she had to fight the feeling even further. She decided that she had to go with it though, because teasing him was perhaps embedded quite into her personality at this point - even if they had just shared quite the intimate moment. "Very nice?" River asked, trying to hold her smile back a little as if she were incredulous, though failing quite miserably. "You just had your first kiss in how long - not to mention our first - and all you can think of saying is 'very nice?'"

Unable to go through with her teasing all seriously and proper-like as she normally would have, River laughed good-naturedly. Tilting her head down, she looked up at him with excitement in her eyes, grinning. "It was quite nice though," she said, as though admittedly. "If I do say so myself." River was failing to act anything more than a young girl, and it was suddenly as though the restaurant had come back into being. She glanced around, face flushing further as she seemed to retreat back into her normal self a little more. She looked back up at the Doctor, almost expectantly. "Now that we have that out of our systems," she murmured happily, toning her smile down a bit to what could practically be defined as 'normal' instead of her previous ear-to-ear grin. "I believe we were supposed to be talking."

[The Doctor]

“Well, I…” The Doctor was more than willing to start defending himself before he realising that River was just teasing him, leaving the Time Lord to laugh out loud, feeling ridiculous. He had experienced centuries, and yet he was acting like a young boy. What made the slight awkwardness much better, though, was the fact that River was more than happy describing the kiss as their first, implying that she knew it would be first of many. After the words that the pair had shared it was a given, but the sensation that it brought was something that the Doctor didn’t want to take for granted. “Good.” His smile became a little more mischievous, eyes sparkling as River admitted her enjoyment. That was what it was all about, after all.

There was no doubt that some of the other patrons on nearby tables had treated themselves to a look, but the Doctor and River looked like any other couple, so it didn’t matter. The Doctor wasn’t even on guard for any kind of alien threat. The universe owed him several, and this moment really wasn’t the moment to interrupt. Hopefully, it would stay that way for as long as they both wanted it. They still had hours left to wait, so maybe foiling some kind of evil alien conspiracy would be fun, as long as it didn’t take too long.

Still, it was River that brought their conversation straight back to business. She definitely seemed like the organised member of this paired team, making the Doctor sit up and listen for a change. Not that he minded, of course. “Um, yes. You’re right. Sorry.” He didn’t apologise for the kiss, just letting himself get sidetracked perhaps a little too much. Pausing, the Time Lord took a deep breath. There was so much to talk about, from what she wanted to be called – partner, girlfriend, mate – to the depths of the Doctor’s memories, explaining different parts of himself away. “There’s a lot about me that you don’t know, River.” The grin became a smile that then became more of an upturned mouth. “I’ve done some things that I can’t excuse. Terrible things. But I still want to tell you everything, and I don’t know where to start, or even where I can start.”

Shaking his head, the Time Lord suddenly felt a huge pressure on his chest. “I was married. I was a father. And the Time War… they didn’t survive. In my first incarnation, I stole the TARDIS to escape Gallifrey and explore the universe. My best friend became my worst enemy – then he died in my arms, in front of Jack.” The Doctor’s brilliant mind jumped from one set of facts to another, like they were all tripping over each other, desperate to be free from the confinement that he had locked them in. “My granddaughter travelled with me until she met a human and fell in love… then I left her behind so she could have the life she needed to live. I don’t know if she ever forgave me. I don’t know exactly how money and credits work because they just don’t make sense to me. When I look into your eyes, I’m not quite sure how I’ve ever survived without having you there.” The Doctor snorted a forced laugh. “And now I’m scared that if I tell you anything else, it’ll be too much, and I’ll spontaneously regenerate.”

[River Song]

River sat still in anticipation as the Doctor seemed to gather his thoughts. She wasn't exactly sure where this was going, and she was unsure if all of it was going to be easy. She didn't know if this would turn into information she'd rather not know about his past loves, or if she would find out some deep terrible secret of his. Unknowing to her yet, the latter was closest to the truth - the difference was that she would rather help him through it than have to suffer the pain for the former. Her face turned into a look of concern as he started off, her breath shortening for a few moments as he mentioned things he couldn't excuse. Her heart beat a little faster at the thought of the Doctor doing terrible things - she couldn't imagine it. Yet she waited it out so she could hear what the Time Lord had to say.

As the Doctor seemed to explode with random bits of his lives, pouring them out for her in what seemed like a long held-in confession, River fought being overwhelmed and tried to sort things out. A family? She could understand that, and while she couldn't help the slightest tinge of jealousy, she knew it was unrealistic to think that she had been the only love in his life. After all, he was centuries old, and how could she wish that he had not experienced this feeling before? A war, and no survivors. She wasn't sure about that, and then... stealing the TARDIS? She held back a grin at that. His first incarnation, that almost made it seem like when he was teenager or something sneaking out with his parents' car. She couldn't exactly blame him for that one either, of course, finding more amusement out of it than condescension. His best friend... River wondered who this best friend was - another Time Lord? And Jack... what all had they been through? And a granddaughter and leaving her to love a man... sweet, really, the intentions in the long run, though he seemed to feel guilt at leaving her behind.

River practically laughed at the end with him, but tried to tone down her smile. While he had made a joke, she knew he wasn't exactly in a laughing mood. She wondered how many people he had told all this too - but she figured her question was pointless. He was blurting it out so fast, and it all seemed so painful for him to do so, even after so many years after his first incarnation when he had stolen the TARDIS. How many confidants had he taken? Had he truly taken any? She wondered what made her so special, but that wasn't the point at hand. She felt as though he was truly opening his soul to her, but he seemed like it was perhaps just the beginning. She almost felt a bit overwhelmed herself, though she by no means wanted him to stop. She just didn't quite know how well she would be able to really understand and learn about his life. After all, he was well over 900 years old, and while she could recount the highlights of her almost thirty years of life to him, his recollections of deeds during more than 900 years of life would greatly overshadow. She didn't know how well she could truly be there for him - but she'd be darned if she didn't try.

River looked at him hard for a long moment, giving him a sympathetic smile. She reached across the table, grabbing his hand and hold it tight. Taking a deep breath, she looked him in the eye, nodding towards him. "I'm here to listen to whatever you have to tell me," she said to him sincerely. "And I promise. I won't think any different of you. I want to be the one you feel comfortable telling this all to. And I'm so sorry if it brings back pain and terrible memories. You... you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." She paused for a moment, knowing she meant the words but felt as though they didn't quite apply. He apparently thought all this was necessary, thought that they were worth something - she to him, at least, because he would not be telling all these things to just anyone. With such an outpour, she could definitely tell that to be true.

She nodded towards him, squeezing his hand a little tight. "Alright," she said, raising her chin a little. "Let's go back a little." She heard the war - they were all gone. That one had a lot of pain for the Doctor, and she was scared to come upon the subject. But she knew that might would be the best starting point, even though. "And we'll do this... together." River looked at him sorrowfully in the eyes, lowering her voice. "This... Time War. Were your people involved? You said they were all gone... Is that what you meant?"

[The Doctor]

When River held his hand, telling him that he didn’t have to say anything else, the Doctor knew that she was the one that needed to hear it. This incarnation was the earliest one to recognise that he really needed to deal with the past. Obviously, this was with someone that he trusted more than anyone else. He wouldn’t even tell Jack his secrets, or the long lost Rose Tyler either, for that matter. When he had slipped that he had been a father once to Rose, he automatically shut himself off, determined instead to get on with everything else at hand. It was too painful then, and although the pain was the same, the desire to let River past those titanium walls overpowered it. Murmuring a noise of thanks, the Doctor squeezed her hand back, glad that she said she wouldn’t judge him. Just from that, he almost believed her.

What surprised him more, though, was the fact that River was taking control. The Doctor could have carefully chosen each topic, but because he was unused to it, everything appeared out of his mouth at once, only holding back the most significant of details. Her tone changed, lowered, and then she asked the most important question, one of the ones that he feared. Those few precious hours that he needed to sleep a week were filled with nightmares, giving the Time Lord more of a reason to stay awake, pretending that he didn’t need rest at all.

Sighing, the Doctor closed his eyes. “The Time War… was between the Time Lords and the Daleks. They hated everything that wasn’t Dalek, all genetically created by one scientist from the mutated remains of a warring race. They were our enemies. They exterminated countless civilisations, and tried to take over.” The origins of the Daleks were complex and convoluted. If the Time Lord High Council hadn’t demanded that the Doctor go back in time to stop the creation of the Daleks, then maybe their hatred of the Time Lords would have made them more peaceful, of the Time War less bloody. Finally, though, they had to all be dead. His clone had seen to that. “They developed time travel, and we ended up battling throughout the whole of time and space. I was at the front lines,” he then added bitterly, “watching the Time Lords fail to defeat them. Hundreds of worlds were destroyed because of us. Species wiped from existence.”

The Doctor had been there, seen the fall of so many once beautiful and peaceful lands. He had fought on Arcadia, and been forced to fall back at the Daleks overpowered the Time Lord forces. The people there couldn’t fight back, wouldn’t be able to understand, and no one else would remember them. “Part way through the war, the High Council time-locked the war. No one can ever go back there to change the outcome.” He wanted River to know that before she knew exactly what he had done. “I… I saw the Daleks were going to take over Gallifrey. I had to stop them.” Now, he could hear them in his head, the impossible screams of exterminate! echoing through the charred remains of silver trees, red grasses bathed in fire. The Citadel’s dome had been smashed. The Academy lay in ruins. Bodies littered the ground. Carcasses of countless TARDIS were found with the burned out remains of Dalek amour.

Stony-faced, the Doctor looked down at River’s supportive hand. “I killed them. I destroyed Gallifrey. I killed billions of Daleks in one push of a button. Then I killed the Time Lords. I killed my wife, I killed my children, and I killed entire galaxies of beings just to stop the war, just to make sure that the Daleks were dead.” The Doctor took a deep breath, jaws clenched. “And the Time Lords won. Even after some Daleks escaped from the War, some of my friends helped me kill the last of them. And I’m still here, the last survivor. So the Time Lords are obviously victorious.”

What he would give to take that all away, to do something that would have saved everyone that he had loved. But there was no chance to change the past. Now, he lived with the consequences. Patience, Romana, Braxiatel, Quences… there were too many names he knew that he would never see again. “So I’m the last. And the Time Lords are just legends for most of the universe, most believing that we were old, great myths.”

With some great degree of effort, the Doctor smiled at River, running his thumb back and forth over the skin of her clasped hand. Despite the pain and the memories, he felt good sharing his torment. “The only thing left of my home is in my head. But… I want you to see where I came from.” Slowly lifting his free hand, he rested his two forefingers on River’s temple, looking straight into her eyes as he tried to open a link between them. He wanted her to see, to share the better memories with her. At first, he let the standard stock images of the mountains pass between them, and even a stray memory of him running as a young adult, only a century old or so, realising that he was late for another temporal studies class. His red, Prydonian robes were scuffed, face and hands a mess from climbing the foothills, teacher scolding him for ‘not taking an interest’. Then there was another time, at two hundred or so, sneaking in to watch the countless immature TARDIS-plants grow, complete with glowing metal as they radiated possibilities in the double sunlight. A stray thought, “Doctorate? You only managed to pass to become a doctor?!” with the young Doctor embarrassed as his friend laughed cruelly at him. “It’s not my fault Koschei, you know I tried!” “Oh, The-“ and then he realised that he was allowing his thoughts to go too far, setting up his mental barriers again.

Lowering his hand, the Doctor shivered. “I… just thought that you should see it. I’m sorry.”

[River Song]

River figured she had touched on one of the hardest topics for him out of the ones he had given. She had figured such, and had decided to dive right in for that one. Still, the Doctor perhaps didn't mind too much that she was taking charge a bit, for she was one that liked having a bit of control over certain situations, as it were. This wasn't exactly something that called for it, but she figured nudging the Doctor along might help him to go ahead and get more off his chest. He certainly wasn't a little child, but with having not told most people these things, she figured he might need a bit of help along the way.

She watched him close his eyes and took in a deep breath, preparing herself for whatever he told her. She didn't know how to take it, or what sorts of things he would tell her... She just had to be prepared to take it all in stride. And then he was telling he about the Daleks fighting his people in a Time War... They sounded like horrid creatures, and she had to admit, she was glad she had not had the misfortune of having to meet them. She took in his bitterness, followed by pain in his voice. The war sounded miserable as well, going so much across existence like that, just to fight each other. Time travelling in a war! That was a foreign idea to her, for wars seemed to just stay in one spot and happen all at once, no matter how long it took. But for a war to be all over like that... How could they properly keep up?

And then her heart sunk as perhaps the Doctor's were, as he recounted the hopelessness of the situations as the Daleks came upon what she supposed to be central areas of his home planet, Gallifrey. And then what he had done... what he had figured he had to do, killing all of his own people and what he had thought to be all the Daleks as well. All of that, just so he could save the rest of creation... but with such a horrible, terrible side effect. All his family gone, all his friends... everything he knew all his life, gone for the rest of his existence. River felt as though her own heart would break as well, sharing in the pain of the man she had come to love. She knew he had been so lonely, but she had never understood the depths of how terribly alone he had come to be. She squeezed his hand tighter, wishing she could somehow take away his pain, but knowing something of this depths would probably never be healed properly. Such a terrible sacrifice, but he had done it. And at what cost?

River returned his weak smile with one of her own, the sympathetic pain crossing her face again as it faded. He reached towards her, and she looked at him curiously as he gazed directly into her eyes. His fingers rested on her temples, and she was just about to ask him what he was doing when suddenly, images invaded her consciousness. She gasped in surprise, then shut her eyes so as to concentrate on them more. She had known the Doctor had mentioned being about to create a telepathic link with people - but he had never actually done so in front of her before, let alone to her. His consciousness brushing against her... such a foreign feeling, creating something quite intimate, much to her surprise. It was quite strange, though, something she had never experienced before. Her mind flooded with image after image as the Doctor shared with her his home planet at surface value. She couldn't stop a smile of wonder that came to her lips, these mountains, the red grass... it was all so different, and all so wonderful. "It's so beautiful," she heard herself murmuring, realizing her voice sounded so far away.

Then she saw a different him, assuming it was him in his first incarnation, realizing how young he looked. Sure, his recent and former incarnations had both made him look young physically, but it was mostly something about his eyes... those were what made him different. He gave off the air of being young and reckless, fit in red robes that she saw other students in, presumably the uniform of their... school? Academy, was it? Prydonian... She grinned seeing the young Doctor, running. Always the running. And a teacher scolding him, as though he didn't know how to be serious. And plants... some sort of plants. River gazed at him through his memories in surprise, wondering what they were, getting a vibe that they were important, extremely important. TARDIS plants... She was surprised; yes, he had told her that his TARDIS was grown, but she just hadn't expected seeing them growing like... well, like regular plants. It was so complex and everything....

Then there was someone labeled in the Doctor's mind as his friend, though he was laughing at him in an incredibly mean way, and the Doctor was embarrassed. River frowned, watching the other young Time Lord, the one the Doctor called Koschei. The memory was cut short, and River jumped, realizing the stream had ended as though the Doctor had realized it was further than he meant to. River opened her eyes slowly, gazing at him. So long a life, and all that in it... Amazement filled her; the planet, all those people, those random faces that had meanings and feelings all attached, though she had only seen a tiny glimpse of it. All that in the past... and all them dead. She wondered back to the other young Time Lord friend of the Doctor's, looking at him.

River saw the Doctor shiver and looked at him inquisitively. She furrowed her eyebrows at him, shaking her head slightly. "Don't apologize," she said quickly. "I enjoyed seeing it. Your planet... it was amazing, so incredible. And all those others...." She paused, sadness in her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Doctor. I am so very sorry that you lost them." She stopped again, swallowing and thinking back, unsure if she should ask about the memory he had cut short. She didn't know if the memory had been painful, or if there was something that had followed the conversation that he hadn't wanted her to see. She looked at him further, nodding to encourage him a little. His mixed feelings for the other Time Lord drew her to it, and she wondered what had been connected to him. "The last one, that... Koschei. Who was he?"