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Posted: Oct 22 2011, 06:30 PM
Relentless Seeker Compulsive Daydreamer Insane Worrier
Member No.: 1
Joined: 2-July 04
Got some good episodes, and got some so lame I just pass them over.
Episode 1 and 2 Children of the Gods
Tilk: "I never met you before, but I assume you'll know how to use our weapons when I toss mine to you. I'm sure I can then take another one from one of these other guys, even bare handed, I'm just that awesome." And then after the battle where the enemy kept shooting the unarmed people running from them, while ignoring the two guys that were shooting them dead one after another, they decide to leave, without first gathering up the weapons of the dead. Wouldn't that be something useful you'd want to bring back with you?
Episode 3 The Enemy Within.
I lost interest, it just obvious and lame.
Episode 4 Emancipation
An alien planet where women seen without covering their faces must be killed instantly. Uh huh. Watched a bit of this, thought it lame, didn't bother with the rest of the episode.
Episode 5 The Broca Divide
Half the planet is always in light, and the other half in darkness. Virus turns some crazy, so they drive them into the dark side using slings to hurl stones at them, and then act surprised when they keep coming back to the light side to kidnap women to gang rape. Seeing them about to gang rape a woman, they actually had to stop and discuss whether to help her or not, despite the fact they all had machine guns, and the rapist had no weapons whatsoever.
Episode 6 The First Commandment
Even see those shows where the woman has a gun aimed at a former abuser and instead of just shooting him, she waits the longest time while he slowly moves to her, and takes the gun away from her? Yeah, they did that. And despite being military, she ignored the order of her captain and went down to talk to the guy, and ended up getting captured. One of the SG teams goes insane, despite only being out there for a short period of time, the leader deciding to declare himself god. "I am your god, here to help you, by forcing you to work to death building a temple for my ego!"
Episode 7 Cold Lazarus
A magical crystal duplicates the captain, clothing and all, and no one notices he isn't speaking at first, and then acting strangely. Not that bad of an episode really.
Episode 8 The Nox
Aliens who believe we need to give up our weapons, and learn to live without them. Uh huh. And then your enemy will of course wipe you out, like the many planets that have exterminated or enslaved. So these aliens aren't so advanced after all. "So, you want us to give up our weapons, but you won't give us your invisibility technology you use to hide? Oh, but the greatest enemy to both of us just learned it from you, so they'll have it now, and be able to more easily murder and enslave."
Episode 9 Brief Candle
There are nanobots that make everyone age on this planet, so that the people live for 100 days, aging a year each day. The children somehow learn to speak in that time period also. The captain gets infected by having unprotected sex with a woman he just met. With all the gear they give these guys, condoms and common sense aren't included of course. So, he starts aging super rapidly. At the end of the episode, they determine that turning off the nanobots will revert him back to his normal age despite that making absolutely no sense at all. Does that mean all the people will revert to their natural age, none of them more than a 100 days old? Do they shrink back to infant size, and then die because they only adults left them? When they wake up a year older, their clothing expands to fit, and food and alcohol and drugged cakes appear out of nowhere.
Episode 10 Thor's Hammer
They find something very useful. At the end of the episode, they don't just blast a hole in the wall to get Tilk through safely by going around it, but instead destroy the thing itself.
Episode 11 The Torment of Tantalus
Apparently they activated the Stargate in 1945, sent one guy through, and then abandoned the project. After spending over 50 years alone in this other world, in a building which had been there for thousands of years apparently, they find it just happens to be falling apart now. They manage to get out just in time, of course.
Episode 12 Bloodlines
Episode 13 Fire and Water
Took them all a very long time to realize someone had done something to their minds, despite them knowing they had lost a few hours time when they returned. The fish alien was wondering what happened to his mate, which had left thousands of years ago to help save Earth from the bad guys. It turns out she died, thus the reason she didn't return. He had just sat around doing nothing for all that time. After the first thousand years you'd think he'd give up waiting and find a new girlfriend.
Episode 14 Hathor
Oh look, one of our enemies has been sealed away for thousands of years, and now kills those that dug her up in South America, and then somehow walks all the way to North America, able to sense where the Stargate is from there somehow. Using mind control on the men to take over. Thought it lame, stopped watching after a few minutes.
Episode 15 Singularity
A good episode overall. Not giving away the ending like the Wikipedia article for season one does. Ruins it for anyone watching.
Episode 16 Cor-Ai
They arrive on a planet which Teal'c says he has been to before, and that his group raided regularly for humans to kidnap for slaves and parasite host. All the people run and hide of course, seeing him. Oh, and he forgot to mention that last time he was here, he killed a crippled old man. That old man's son is peeved, and puts him on trial.
Episode 17 Enigma
We desperately want to steal their technology. But we give it back to them, even though we have no idea what it does, and they are being total jerks to us. Find out "we once shared some technology with a neighboring planet, and one day later, they blew themselves up, and pulled our planet out of orbit, forcing us to evacuate everyone using spaceships. We could've just sit a time bomb or fired from orbit, but instead we left 20 people behind to destroy the gate, and despite being so advanced and superior intellectually, we forgot to bring protective mask. Also, despite being able to walk through walls, people, and everything else, we didn't think to phase out and walk through all the volcanic ash that was poisoning us." Instead of letting them stay on Earth, we apparently didn't have room for the 10 survivors, despite the advance technology they had and the fact that one of them was already seduced by a woman here and sure to talk, and instead treat them like crap, and try to find another planet to take them.
Episode 18 Solitudes
They encounter a group that had enough sense to have armed guards at their Stargate! Wow, not all aliens are stupid.
Episode 19 Tin Man
An alien uses a device to scan the SG-1 in such detail, that even their memories are copied, with some new ones added, into robotic duplicates. Despite finding a cooperative alien with advanced technology to share, they decide to leave, telling them to "bury the gate", sealing off all future contact. Making stronger and superior duplicates of loyal soldiers to send off to fight, able to easily replace them with a new batch without them ever knowing what they were even, seems like a good thing to have from a military standpoint.
Episode 20 There But for the Grace of God
Oh no! We ran out of ideas, so we have to do the super lame alternate reality bit, that other science fiction series always use. Our enemy wiped out an entire planet, but left some items in a room near the Stargate, one of which is a magical black mirror which can pull someone into an alternate universe, and then back again.
Episode 21 Politics
A clips episode! Why would they do that? Did they run out of money? Just needed something fast and cheap to make? A politician objects to billions being spent on the Stargate, while having no trouble spending hundreds of billions of dollars a year on the rest of the American military budget. Knows the aliens are real, believes they do have spaceships able to attack from orbit, but believes God is on their side and that somehow we'll defeat them with our current weapons if they come. Uh huh. In charge of the military budget, and he is just that clueless. The government spends billions on energy weapons already, so funding a project which captures and brings back alien energy weapons to reverse engineer shouldn't be a problem.
Episode 22 Within the Serpent's Grasp
The last sane human being in a world gone mad