Assylum, Double song fic

[bludst@ndrozez]

hiya. Okay... im not gonna write this just yet, because its getting late and im tired. But i will breifly summarise.

This is a song fic (yes, i know. I am the QUEEN of songfics!! BOW TO ME!) (besides Demi, because shes a cow and is much better than me... hehehe no im just kidding LOVE YOU REALLY!!!)

ANWAYS.

The point is... this song fic is different than all others. It is not just one song. It is, so far, TWO WHOLE SONGS! in one fic. there may even be more. yes. i know. Im amazing. You dont have to tell me.



ANWAYS...

I'm gonna post the songs up here and now, 1) so i dont forget them, and 2) so that you can see them. And acknowledge that they are some of the best songs written.

"Thoughts Of A Dying Atheist"

Eerie whispers
trapped beneath my pillow
won't let me sleep
your memories

and I know you're in this room
I'm sure I heard you sigh
Floating in between
where our worlds collide

scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see
and it scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see

and I know the moment's near
and there's nothing you can do
look through a faithless eye
are you afraid to die?

it scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see
and it scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see

It scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see
and it scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see

Credit for this song goes to MUSE. It's from their newest album, Absolution.

Unwell
All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell
Credit for this song goes to Matchbox 20. These lyrics are COPYRIGHTED... but not by me, by them. So, for matchbox 20's sake... dont take the lyrics without giving them the credit they deserve for this amazing, brilliant, beautiful, genius song. Thank you. *steps down from podium to thundorus applause*

*cough*

ok... im also debating whether or not to put a few more songs in there... but, i'll figure it out... 2morrow. Im going to bed now.

[ElenSila]

Post, darn you!

Oh. Yay. I'm a cow.

Actually, according to one of my friends, I am a dead fish. Observe:

"Tu est une poisson morte."

"Oui. Je suis fatigue."

Yeah.

[bludst@ndrozez]

hehe... poisson morte. hahah. cute.

ANYWHO. Story... coming right up. and then, i promise, i will get to writing the begining of First Impressions (pride n prejudice thing... lol)

CHECK IT OUT PEOPLE!!!

[ElenSila]

Ha ha. I dug out my Pride and Prejudice book. I'll write chap 2 on my vacation, kay?

[bludst@ndrozez]

Disclaimer: The songs in this fic are NOT MINE. I wish i had the talent to write them but i don't. None of the characters mentioned do i own, besides Lyra, who is my alter ego and therefore my own creation. This story, besides the lyrics, is entirely MINE. MY CREATION! So please, if you want to steal it, don't. Its just not fair.

Rating:13+ for obscene language and possible reference to sexual activities (haven't made my mind up yet)

Info:I'm going to mix up the lyrics from these songs. Confusing, I know. But so that you know which is which, I will color code the lyrics. "Unwell" (Matchbox 20) will be in green. "Thoughts of a Dying Atheist" (Muse) will be in blue

Assylum

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Elijah rolled over in bed. He hadnt done anything all day but sit in his chair, occasionally watching the tv or picking up a book, but after a few minutes casting it aside. Nothingness was more entertaining than the phony stuff that crowded the market and people's minds and lives these days. Complete and utter boredom, mixed with deppressive and sad thoughts, drove him to see things that weren't there. The shadow of the coat stand in the corner became a walking talking person, and the footrest became a shaggy dog, playful and happy yet at once sad and lonely. He closed his eyes, bloodshot from lack of sleep. Twisting around again, he attempted to get into a comfortable position so that he could drift off. A small voice was talking to him telling him that there was hope, tomorrow might alter from the norm. But it was becoming very quite over time, squashed and muted by the repeated monotonous days and lonely nights.


Eerie whispers
trapped beneath my pillow
won't let me sleep
your memories
As darkness enclosed on his eyes, pictures flashed across his brain, and no matter how he tried, he could not block them from coming. Pictures of curly brown hair and green eyes, bouncing around a room, lying on the edge of a lake, sitting on the edge of a familiar bed. He could see her happy face and perfect body, and could almost taste her lips on his.


and I know you're in this room
I'm sure I heard you sigh
Floating in between
where our worlds collide

It was as if she was back again, lying beside him, her smile reaching her eyes and her voice in the dark. If he believed in that kind of thing, he would have thought that maybe she was thinking about him too, and the thought connected their two worlds, because the feeling of being watched was so strong. But it was a ghost of a possiblitly, a phantom of reality, hovering in the semi-consciousness of his mind. He let the song of the wind lull him to an uneasy sleep, dreading the morning but hating the night even more.


Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why
Waking up, the first thing he saw was his blank white wall. As usual, it filled him with a sense of dread of the day to come, unexplicable, but strong. Throwing the covers off, he shivered in the cold, and quickly put some clothes on. Running his hands through his hair, he deemed himself ready to face another day of meaninglessness.
------

right... thats the first part of it. Id write the whole thing but my dad thinks its too late to be on the computer (Its only 1 30 in the mornign but w/e. hes mad cuz i dont spend enough time with him and too much time asleep. . Like, really mad. dunno... hes odd.) So... more tomorrow. If my dad dont freak out on me.

[ElenSila]

*love*

*love*

*adore*

*love*

Gawd, you're wonderful.

[bludst@ndrozez]

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

Some people thought he was mad. Loopy. Insane. Discombobulated. He used to see it in her eyes as she looked at him. Where love once was, concern had taken it's place. She'd look at him, and he could feel her yearning for something that she thought was lost. Lost to what? he'd ask. It was all there. And sure, over the past months he'd gone quiet, almost silent, and completely reclusive. When she left him, he was completely alone. And no matter how he tried, he couldn't crawl out of that shell. Shyness, perhaps, or the knowledge that he would be shunned no matter what. Just a little more time... that was all it would take. People should have patience, he thought. Though he'd tried, she wouldn't listen, wouldn't give him the time of day. She'd stopped caring, apparently. Like a black hole, the loneliness had sucked him in, and he'd given up. Somewhere in his heart he knew he shouldn't have given up; if he'd have kept at it, she might have talked to him again. But his mind was telling him that it was best to trust to time. If she would ever take him back, it would take time. Eventually... she'd start thinking about him. And who knew? Maybe she'd come back. And then he'd have to come out of his shell...


scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see
and it scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see


He shook his head violently. He couldn't face the world outside, could never come out of his protective shell. Too much pain, sorrow, sadness. He longed for happy times, but it seemed that they weren't worth the price paid. Lifting the corn flakes out of his bowl, he stared at them, and then dropped them back in the bowl, swirling them around in the milk, fascinated by the movement. Nobody understood him, nobody ever would. He was powerless, like corn flakes in milk. Only, he was like the onces that stuck to the side of the bowl. Longing to get into the swirl, but too scared to leave their shelter.


i'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind

He hated the subway. All those people staring at each other, silent. And then they'd look at him, and it seemd that everyone started talking. It used to make him angry, why couldn't a guy go to work without people staring, whispering, laughing? What was so different about him? So odd? They'd had misfortune too... why was his such a big deal? Maybe he really was crazy. Maybe that's why he'd lost his family, his girlfriend... his life. Maybe... maybe he really was worthless... crazy... just another lunatic on the street. He tried his hardest not to be seen, or noticed. But in the end... it never worked.


and I know the moment's near
and there's nothing you can do
look through a faithless eye
are you afraid to die?

Flopping down on his bed, he fought back tears of exhaustion, frustration, and just plain boredom with life. He slammed his hands on his ears, trying to block out the memories of the day, trying not to hear the words said. He was weak, and thin, and exhausted... sick from lack of sleep. There wasn't anything left for him here. She was gone, and she wasn't coming back. He had no job to speak of, no life worth living. His existance was told by the white walls he lived in. And if it all stopped?An eternal sleep? Peace at last? Would that be worth it. Nothing to live for... nothing to die for. He started at that thought.

Nothing to die for. It drove all thought of death from his mind, to be in death as he was in life... didn't bear thinking about.


it scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see
and it scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see


It was a scary thought, an enticing thought, and a sad thought. But it didn't bear thinking about. It scared him shitless, nothing to die for. Nothing to live for. He was living death. Walking death. Talking death. And he did it every day. Unknowingly. And he wished it would end.


But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

He wasn't crazy. He'd told himself enough times to believe it. No one else believed him, but at least he had faith in hiself. It'd take time, but the shell had to go. He missed Lyra like hell on earth, but he had to let her go. For now. He wasn't crazy. Just sad. Very sad. And lonely. Loneliness was an injury that had disabled him until now. And though nobody cared anymore, they would eventually notice him. Talk to him. And maybe, life would go back to normal.
~*~*~*~*~*~
okay... thats all for now
im going to bed.
Ill finish this tomorrow.

[TearsHaveFallen]

wow. that was really good. post more!

[TearsHaveFallen]

lalalalalalaaaaa!

[TearsHaveFallen]

wow. that was random... *points up*

[bludst@ndrozez]

... oof. Week of uninspiration this has been. I hate that. yuck. Consequently this story is NOWHERE near as good as it could have been. Infact... i dont like it. at all. which also sucks. well... the first part was good but the second part was WAY too forced. which i HATE!!

big capitol letters HATE!

ok. im done. ill try n write the rest tomorrow... and maybe salvage it and post it again... a better version, later on. dunno.

This is just to letcha know that there will be more coming.

-Heidi

[ElenSila]

Load of bloody foking tosh. It was not crap, if you must know. And it didn't seem forced, either. Give yourself some foking credit. SO THERE!


I love you!

[bludst@ndrozez]

haha.

lol i was in a bad mood last night. but cmon u gotta admit this isn't up to the usual standard. bleh. i dont even know whats going on in my own story. weird.

OI i posted more on confessed love and did yuo read it? nooo...

nah im kiddin yaz. LOVE YOU TOO!

- - - - - - -

I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
Restless in a halfwaking sleep, he ran from demons chasing him in his dreams. The same demons as always before, but every night they came closer. He couldn't see their faces, but their shapes were outlined with the shadow of fear, and he knew that every night they came closer to consuming him, body and soul.

It scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see
and it scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see
He woke with a start as a shaft of light covered his face. He paced about his bedroom as quickly his weak body could, sometimes putting a timid hand up to swat some bad memory or shadow away. He knew deep inside that if he didn't change soon, his body would crumple from exhaustion and hunger. But he didn't want to die. He didn't want to die and have noone grieve, or die without a cause. He didn't want it to just be over, with no story to tell. He stumbled out of his house, half delirious, dressed only in pyjama pants. He didn't see the stares he got from people, he stumbled along down his street, stopping at each street lamp to hold on to it, to keep himself from falling over. Then he'd start back up again, clumsily walking down the street, swatting bad thoughts away. Suddenly, he found himself on the floor, looking up at a face that his eyes knew, but his brain was too slow to recognize.

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

She had tears in her brown eyes, and she looked down at the crying, shivvering figure with pity and care.
"Elijah?"
His bloodshot blue eyes stared in front of him. She bent down and picked him up; he was light and thin as a feather.
"Shhh... it's me, Elijah..." Still, he looked at her face with no sign of recognition, his brain screaming at him that this was someone he knew, someone he loved. It hit him, suddenly, and he gave a small scream.
"L... Lyra?" Tears rolled down his face.
"Shhh... its ok. I'm here."
"Lyra,.. I'm..." She wiped the tears from his face and then held a finger to his lips.
"shh... don't try and talk."
"No! I'm not crazy! You left me because you said I was crazy Lyra. I'm NOT."
"Shhh... I know, baby, I know."
"And... and... it's been s.. so long. An...and Lyra you LEFT me an.... they keep getting closer... don't w...wanna die, Lyra" He grabbed her shoulders. "Don't let them get me. Please. Don't let them t...take me." Tears ran down her face. She had no idea what he was talking about, but to see the pain she had caused in this man's life was unbearable.
"I won't Elijah. I'm here now." She guided him back to his house. What she had been doing on this street was long forgotten, she was just glad she was in such a hurry and had bumped into him.
She led him to his bed, but he shrunk back at it. Looking at her sharply, he seemed frightend.
"No... Lyra... I'm not crazy. Just... sick. Lyra help me." He crumpled in a ball of tears, hugging his knees to his chest and sheltering his eyes and face. She saw it then. He was nothing but skin and bone, and his bright eyes were dim and bloodshot from lack of sleep, underlined by big black bags. She started at the realizaton that he didn't have long to live like this.
"Elijah, look at me! When was the last time you ate?"
"I... i don't remember." She ran into the kitchen, seeing many untouched bowls of cereal, and grabbed the phone. When all she got was the beeping noise of an unconnected line, she rummaged in her purse and found her cell phone.

Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell

Opening his eyes, he found himself in a large white room, with many beds in it, and a needle sticking out of his arm.
"Elijah?" He looked over to see Lyra holding his hand with tears coming down her face.
He didn't speak, only took in her face, amazed to find that his eyes didn't hurt any more.
"I'm so sorry. Elijah... you have to believe me." He took his gaze away from her, and looked at his arms. They'd gotten a little bit fatter, he couldn't see the bones any more.
"I kept wanting to come back and see you, but I thought you'd have moved on, and wouldn't want to see me."
He looked back at her in disbelief as she said this.
"I know you're not crazy, I always did. But you scared me Lij. Understand that? Please? I'm back now, and if you want me to I'll stay."
Bright blue eyes filled with tears.
"I love you Lyra. But you did this to me." his voice was dry and crackled, and his words shaky.
"I understand... I'll... I'll just go then." She got up to leave, gathering her purse and starting to walk towards the door.
He closed his eyes, tears leaking out between his dark lashes. He didn't want this.
"No. Lyra."
She turned around.
"Stay awhile. I need you, if I'm going to get better."
She smiled, tears seeping out of her eyes.
"Give me time though."
She nodded, smiling, and crossed the room back towards his bed.
"I won't leave you again."
He closed his eyes in a smile, just wanting now to go back to sleep.
"I love you, Lij"
It was the last thing he heard before drifting into the first peaceful slumber in a long time.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

HA. IM DONE!!!

WHOOT!

hm... hope that was okay.

[ElenSila]

AAAHAHAHA. I did SO read the more you posted in Confessed Love. So there!

This was great, and it ended up happy! That makes me happy! HAHA.

[bludst@ndrozez]

yea well... i couldnt bring myself to kill lija off. So i made it happy.

gonna go post this somewhere else see what otha people say.

toodles.