The Rise of Grom?

Grom the Paunch, a legend amongst goblins and all greenskins of less than orc-size, as shown by threats like “I’ll Grom ya!” and curses like “Grom’s fat belly, that hurts!” (to mention just two of the less offensive ones).

But he wasn’t always great - the legend began while he was alive, yes, but he was not so well known before his rise in power. Once he commanded not vast throngs of hordes, or vast hordes of throngs, but a tribe. Just one tribe.

This is a tale from that time.

Let’s start with a look at that tribe:

Grom’s 2500 Pts Orcs & Goblins

Grom (in chariot)
Night Goblin Great Shaman
Night Goblin Warboss ('da Boss in Yellow') with wizard hat

Goblin Big Boss on gigantic spider, light armour & shield
Goblin Big Boss, great weapon
Night Goblin Big Boss, great weapon

24 Savage Orc Big'uns, extra hand weapons, full command (‘The squid cult’)
50 Goblins, short bows, shields, banner & musician
49 Night Goblins, spears & shields, banner, musician & nets
5 Wolf Riders, short bows, spears & shields
5 Wolf Riders, short bows, spears & shields
5 Spider Riders

Goblin chariot
9 Trolls

4 Pump wagons
Arachnarock

And continue with a look at Grom(’s fat belly) …



Oh yes, a fine figure of a goblin indeed, with his golden helmet and his necklace of monsters’ teeth. This was back when Grom worshipped the Squid, of course, eating fried calamari by the bucket-load for supper every night. Yes, the slimy deliciousness of squid is to blame for Grom’s blubber. Land blubber made from sea blubber. Such was his conviction that his wolf drawn chariot flew a bright yellow banner bearing the sacred image of the squid.

Back then not everyone held Grom in respect. In fact, let’s face it, no-one beyond his own tribe did, including a neighbouring orc warlord called Kalmaro Mortiginto. So it was that his Great Gromliness decided to teach his neighbour a lesson, despite the orc’s ominous sounding name.

The two greenskin forces met at a place without a name. There was a settlement of sorts there, tumbledown, rickety huts typical of that region, but the gobbos that had ‘built’ the place had not got around to naming it. There was also a meagre stand of trees, made smaller by the fact that several had been hacked down to make the encampment and several many more to burn for firewood.



Grom arrayed his army in what seemed to his a pleasing array, almost symmetrical even though the word would have meant nothing to him. He wanted the enemy to think his forces strong, so he spread them out, yet he had the sense to keep his real fighting troops close together, and, more important still, close to him.



The savage orcs wailed in an unexpectedly shrill manner, while the night goblins and goblins tried to glare threateningly at each other without Grom noticing. The trolls were throwing rocks and droppings around, while out on both flanks an array of wildly varied chariots and pump wagons jostled for position, the latter straining and clattering their way forwards in jolting bouts of manic motion.


The foe was somewhat similarly arrayed, though the orc warlord Mortiginto had fewer small, light units in his force. Any wolf riders he had were off somewhere else, “Scoutin’ an’ that” as they would later describe it.

Mortiginto’s 2500 Pts Orcs & Goblins

Orc Warboss Kalmaro Mortiginto, Armour of Silvered Steel, Talisman of Endurance, Ironcurse Icon
Orc Warboss Jezly the Mean, Wyvern, Sword of Strife, Armour of Fortune, Potion of Speed

Orc Big Boss Clabberdodgen (Battle Standard Bearer), Armour of Destiny
Goblin Shaman, Dispel Scroll
Goblin Shaman
Goblin Big Boss, extra Hand Weapon; Light Armour
Goblin Big Boss, Sword of Striking, Opal Amulet

40 Orc Boyz, Extra Hand Weapon, Full Command
40 Goblins, Spear, Light Armour, Full Command, + 1 Nasty Skulker
40 Goblins, Light Armour, Full Command, + 2 Nasty Skulkers
40 Goblins, Short Bows, Full Command

4 Trolls
3 Orc Boar Chariots
5 Orc Boar Boyz Big'Uns, Full Command

2 Snotling Pump Wagons
Goblin Rock Lobber

The warlord seemed to have the advantage in numbers, with four regiments of 40 warriors (of admittedly varied quality). He too put his chariots and pump-wagons out on the flanks, while gathering his own boyz, trolls and fighting gobbos close to him. Jezly the Mean was a little behind on his mighty wyvern, waiting for some sort of signal from Mortiginto to send him into battle where the warlord wanted.



A mighty host indeed. Mortiginto was confident. No fat, fish-reeking slug of a goblin was going to defeat him in battle. No way.

As both armies settled into their battle lines, savouring the moments of anticipation before the bloody work began, it was Grom’s lighter units that came forwards - stealing a trick on the foe (vanguard move). On Grom’s right the wolf riders moved up …



… while on his left a strange creaking and scuttling sound came from the spider riders as they clambered over the abandoned timber huts …



Battle was about to commence.

So, who’s gonna win this one?

hmm... that's a tuffy. Neither of the armylists look superior in my eyes, so it'll be up to the players and the dice ;)

I believe Gork will win, as battle and blood is inevitable :D

Turn One

It was Mortiginto’s army that was to begin the battle proper, with a surge forwards by its four main battle regiments - the orc boyz flanked upon either side by goblins, with the yellow skinned trolls on the left flank. On the right flank there was some disarray as the wheeled machines allowed the presence of the spider riders to unnerve them and instead of moving boldly towards the foe, they higgled and piggled in an attempt not to be so easily outflanked, the terrain (of no concern to the spider riders) botching their manoeuvres.



The Big Un Boar Riders, even though they should really have been setting an example for the rest of the horde, being the hardest, meanest, toughest orcs in the army, stayed put, squabbling amongst themselves.



Not so the left-most pump wagon - it hurled itself forwards and ground into the wolf riders galloping around the trees.



Mortiginto himself had no idea what the boar riders were doing, and cared not a jot for what the pump wagon was up to - he simply glanced left and right to make sure the runt regiments were doing as he wished and staying lecel with his own massive regiment of boyz.



The pump wagon on the left tore through the wolfriders and ran them down, but its roll forwards was insufficient to carry it into the next target and it now found itself halted in front of the enemy’s flying pump wagon and one of their chariots. Perhaps needless to say, the snotling crew gave vent to a chorus of curses as they realised what was about to happen.



Mortiginto’s Shamans failed to conjure any effective magic, while his stone thrower veered off target and so only killed a measly three night goblins. All in all, not the most auspicious start for Mortiginto.

Grom’s force proved more focused on the task in hand, with not one regiment succumbing to squabbles or their own stupidity. The spider riders on the far right joined the trolls led by big boss on the gigantic spider in charging Mortiginto’s right pump wagon, which had trundled a little too far forwards in an uncontrolled surge of speed.



Nearer the centre of the field the surviving small body of wolf riders charged a boar chariot …



… while the wolf chariot and pump wagon on Grom’s far right smashed simultaneously into Mortiginto’s other pump wagon.



The rest of Grom’s warriors advanced cautiously, maintaining their line and watching with satisfaction as the huge Arachnarok tore it’s way between the two stands of trees on the centre right.



The orc warboss Jezly the Mean, sitting on his green, scaly wyvern pondered a moment, wondering whether he and the trolls could take on the enormous, monstrous spider together.



This time it was Grom’s shamans who found their magical efforts annoyingly frustrated. Although they killed three spear goblins with a vindictive glare …



…the Curse of the Bad Moon was dispelled by the reading of a scroll. Grom’s army’s shooting was even less effective, and so it came down to combat to see if the real work would begin.

Of course the pump wagon surrounded by trolls, spiders and (scorpion) spider had no chance at all.



It was destroyed easily (with the loss of only two spider riders in the process), and the scorpion riding big boss led the trolls onwards to smash in to the boar chariot (happily ensuring it could not charge them).



Near the centre of the field the little body of wolves had caught the orc boar charioteers by surprise. Although a wolf rider died and the chariot was only slightly damaged, the orcs were unnerved enough to turn and flee, with the wolf-riders following.



On Grom’s far right the enemy’s other pump wagon was dispatched, and Grom’s own wheeled war machines trundled onwards.

[i]End of turn one.

Turn 2

In typical greenskin fashion, just when Mortiginto thought he had everything in his battle line perfectly positioned to strike at the foe - his trolls and wyvern rider to take on the Arachnarok, the pike goblins to hit the Savage orcs, and so on, one on one down the line - something went wrong. The pike goblins (failing animosity) decided they would rather show Grom’s night goblins what they were made of (being closer to them by a fraction of an inch!) and so turned and moved towards them! This meant they got in the way of the orcs and every unit in the line had to rethink what could be charged!

So it was that the wyvern riding Jezly the Mean chose to charge the enormous spider-monster on his own …



…so that the Trolls could charge the Savage orcs in front of them, and so on down the line in an attempt not to leave any enemy unit able to punch through a gap. Beside the trolls the (’off-target’) spear goblins smashed into the night goblins …



… while beside them Mortiginto led his massed regiment of orcs into the goblin column on Grom’s right. (Why did I not charge Grom? Why oh why?)



In doing this, however, they got in the way of the goblin pirate mob next to them, which was attempting to charge the enemy trolls in the flank.

(Note:This is one of the RAW rules I dislike - 40 guys charge a regiment, but because four guys at the back come within 1” of a unit during that charge, the other 36 stop and the charge fails. I know it’s the rule, I just don’t know why all those guys in the front ranks act as if they are chained to the guys at the very rear! Would the other 36 even know there was some minor ‘disruption’ in the rear as they hurtled in? It seems to go against the spirit of all the other charge rules.)

This left the two boar chariots (one charging in to join it’s embattled comrade) facing the large regiment of trolls and their spider-mounted leader alone.

On the far side of the field Mortiginto’s boar riders smashed into the enemy wolf riders who had burst through the centre left of his line. Of course the goblins didn’t stand a chance and all but one were cut down. The last remaining goblin, however, found a desperate courage from some hidden recess in his green soul and chose to stand his ground (rolling snake-eyes!), thus halting the boar’s charge.



Although Jezly the Mean cut twice into the giant spider-monster’s flesh, his wyvernous mount was mortally wounded with poisonous fangs and collapsed beneath the orc warlord. Suddenly Jezly the Mean didn’t look quite so, well, ‘mean’.



Mortiginto knocked the head from the Goblin Big Boss’s shoulders and sent it spinning through the air, while his warriors laid low another 5 goblins. Only one orc was slain in response, yet the goblins had weight of numbers on their side (steadfast) as well as Grom himself at their side and so stood fast .



The goblins safely positioned in the rearmost ranks now began giggling as they pointed out to each other the two pump wagons beginning to arc around towards Mortiginto’s orcs.

Meanwhile in the little copse of trees off to the left, Mortiginto’s trolls faced a storm of blows from the frenzied savage orcs (21 attacks!), which meant that although they slew five of the green-skinned savages, one of their own died and the combat went on with neither side breaking.



Grom’s grey trolls and their spider mounted gobbo boss broke the brace of boar chariots facing them whilst barely receiving a scratch themselves, but they could not run the fleeing foe down, nor could they quite reach the large body of goblin archers ahead of them. Not yet, at least, but they were on their way.



Even more dramatically, Grom’s night goblins’ nets tangled the spear goblins, so unnerving the foe that even though the casualties were very few, they broke, pursued and slaughtered the enemy to a goblin.

Neither Mortiginto’s force’s shooting or magic had any real effect on the enemy, just a bit of itchy nuisance and a stone shot veering from Grom and killing two night goblins instead.

Mortiginto’s army was looking decidedly weakened, and the advantage swung even more in Grom’s favour as both he and both his pump wagons smashed into Mortiginto’s orcen guard, while his victorious night goblins hit the flank of the frustrated goblin pirate regiment and his trolls crashed forcefully into the goblin archers before them.



Just like the spear goblins had been, the flanked pirate goblins were also netted. Somehow, even though they suffered badly as a consequence, they found the resolve to stand, even if they could not manage to reform to face the foe.



The trolls killed fourteen goblins for the loss of only one of their own number …



… then chased them down and butchered every last one of them. They could not, however, quite reach the fleeing boar chariot.

(We mistakenly, I realised now, made the other fleeing boar chariot take a panic test at the breaking of the goblins, but of course it should not have done so, already fleeing as it was! Our mistake sent it scurrying off the field.)

Grom’s wizard hat wearing night goblin warboss now successfully cast ‘Speed of Light’ and so magically enhanced the fighting speed and skill of all Grom’s nearby warriors (WS 10 & I 10 for everyone within 12”).

Mortiginto and his boyz now learned just what could happen when a magically enhanced foe gained the initiative and hurled three war machines into the fight.



Between them, Grom’s chariot and the brace of pump wagons killed 15 orc boyz. Mortiginto did manage to damage Grom’s chariot, but not one goblin fell to an orc choppa (needing 5+ to hit didn’t help!) while four more orcs fell to the enemy’s magically boosted weapons. Mortiginto and his boyz were well and truly beaten - they broke and ran and were cut down as a consequence. So it was that Mortiginto never truly earned his name of Kalmaro Mortiginto.

One of the pump wagons rolled far enough to crash into the beleaguered pirate goblins …



… so that now they were engaged to the front and the side, with many more more foes bearing down upon them.



Mortinginto’s ever diminishing little unit of trolls were still battling away with the savage orcs, with injuries all round but neither side yielding .



On the far left of Grom’s line his only slightly reduced regiment of slavering trolls was lolloping towards the last fleeing enemy chariot while nearby some of Mortiginto’s baggage trayne watched.



“Dem trolls is ‘avin’ a right old time of it, eh, Tog?” said Hafdi the orc to the goblin at his side. He laughed, “A right old time, eh!”

Toggler rolled his eyes. “I’m glad it makes you ‘appy Hafdi,” he said sarcastically. “But dere’s summat you oughta know ‘bout dem Trolls.”

“Eeek!” squeaked Doodo the snotling from the baggage cart behind.

Hafdi furrowed his brow. “Dere you go again, assumin’ I know nuffink about nuffink! I’ll ‘ave you know I knows a lot about trolls - like how dey is eating stones to keep demselves reglar on a reglar basis, see?”

Toggler’s nostrils flared. “Very interestin’, Hafdi. Nice to know you know some stuff. But I is not talking about trolls’ culinaryicical ‘abits, mate, I is wanting to point out somefink a likkle more important dan dat.”



“Keeping yerself reglar IS important,” said Hafdi in a rather peeved tone.

“Sure,” said Toggler, “an’ I’d love to talk wiv you about it. But what I ‘ave to tell ya right now, somefink only a knucklehead like you could fail to notice, is dat dose trolls dere is not on our side. Dose trolls dere is Grom’s trolls, and now dere’s nuffink ‘twixt us an’ dem.”

Hafdi thought about this for a moment, making mental effort to put all thoughts of stones and regular motions from his mind, as well as the fact that the baggage cart’s limber had just got heavier, until finally he understood what his rather more cunning friend was going on about.

“Mork’s bottom!” he cursed. “Dat’s not good!”

But no-one heard him, as Toggler the goblin and Doodo the snotling were already legging it.

The only large fighting regiment of Mortiginto’s army left on the field was the pirate gobbos, still struggling to reform as the enemy hacked at the side of them.



In the front rank the regiment’s rat catcher wasn’t looking at the night goblins, and nor were his rats. He was looking straight ahead at the enemy coming his way.



As if more than forty night-goblins and a charging pump wagon weren’t enough trouble, nigh upon fifty goblins and Grom himself were about to join in too!



I’ll not record the rat catcher’s curse here. Suffice to say it was rather more colourful and considerably more disgusting than Hafdo the orc’s mention of a deity’s bum.

Just then, from the other side of the field, came a horrible squelching sound as Jezly the Mean was squashed by the Arachnarok.

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Game Conceded at end of Turn 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Game Note: I had lost basically my whole army, being left with two useless shamans, a regiment of goblins about to be torn to pieces, two beleaguered, slowly dying trolls, a fleeing boar chariot and a single unit of five Boar Boy Big Uns to somehow save the day.

I am still not sure what I did wrong, but boy did I do it! Maybe I should have charged the Orcs into Grom and the pirate gobbos into the night gobbos, ignoring the other gobbos on the flank?



Or maybe there are a ton of other bad greenskin generalship mistakes I made?

HAHAHA... this battle report is EPIC! :lol: :lol:

Toggler and Hafdi are my new heroes for sure!!! That conversation is legendary... I can't believe you got such a funny conversation out of something as simple as a wagon failing panic :lol:

Brilliant!

And man that was a quick game! Conceded turn 2. I've hardly ever seen that before. Bloody game! :yarr!:

That was a quick and bloody match, Those charges you "should" have made might have bmade a bit of difference but you wouldn't have been able to get at grom as it looked in the picks, those gobbos units would have blocked it.

Green won in the end so not a totale loss.