Da Big Wooden Fing wot Gork Yelled at Us to Make Quick-Like!
“No one particularly knows what drives greenskins to create likenesses of their gods or to what specifications and what reason. Some may be made out of boredom in between raids, while others might be hewn from rock carefully over many months. The materials can range from boulders to defaced statues of other races and even to mounds of steaming dung! However, it seems as though even the greenskin deities have some semblance of standards for their effigies. The obviously slipshod and hurried monument cobbled together by scrawny goblin hands and clumsy orc design seems to crackle with a malevolent green energy and seething red eyes. Woe betide anyone who falls under the gaze of this towering and shoddy behemoth!”
Gork has gone mad! At the start of every Magic Phase, the wooden construct comes to life and belches out the Gaze of Gork spell from the Lore of the Big WAAAGH! Using two dice, the statue casts the spell as if it were a wizard, and may fail to meet the casting cost or have the spell dispelled by any player before the direction of the missile is chosen. However, instead of any one player choosing which direction the spell shoots off at, roll a scatter die and use the direction indicated on the arrow as measured from the center of the statue’s base.
However, if the statue happens to cast the spell with Irresistable Force, the skies suddenly turn a brilliant shade of green as an ear shattering WAAAGH! echoes from the heavens. Instead of casting Gaze of Gork, the statue instead chooses the Foot of Gork at its higher level as detailed in the Lore of the Big WAAAGH! In an effort to destroy the offending statue, Gork’s great, warty feet begin to trample the battlefield, though it may take a few attempts before he smashes the effigy. Instead of the table used in the Lore of the Big WAAAGH!, the players use the table below on a d6, alternating with each roll starting with the player whose magic phase it is.
1-2 IT WUZ YOU WUZN’T IT? – Gork’s foot comes down upon the units on the side of the player whose magic phase it is. Treat the statue’s arc of vision as if it were parallel to the side of this person’s table edge and randomize the foot’s template on any unit within the statue’s arc of vision. Roll again on this table.
3-4 WAAAGH! IT WUZ YOU, EH?! – Now Gork’s foot comes down on the side of the player whose does not control this magic phase. Treat this result the same as IT WUZ YOU WUZN’T IT?, though facing towards the opposite player’s table edge instead. Roll again on this table.
5-6 FINALLY KRUMPED DAT FING! MAKE IT GUDDER NEXT TIME! – Gork’s foot finally finds its intended target and smashes it to pieces. Center the Foot of Gork template over the statue and resolve the hits accordingly. Then remove the statue as the skies begin to clear leaving the wreckage of Gork’s warpath on the battlefield. The spell then ends.