"Well Bob it's that time again... Dig out your foam finger and your fungus brew hat... it's Wyvern Joust season!"

"That's right 'Chasa. Only one week to go until the first match of the season. The whole of 'Deadfire' pass is quivvering with anticipation. Can anyone top 'Mad' Gnasha's unbeaten streak of 42 jousts? Will we see a repeat of the famous double fatality match from two seasons ago? Will anyone try anything as stupid as the Whizzit brothers pedal-powered paper machee Wyvern from last years Soopacup? There's only one way to find out and we're bringing it to you live and uninterrupted, here on the ORCNN network. Don't touch that dial!"

"Who are you talking to Bob? What's a dial?"

"Shut up 'Chasa...."

--------------

Some of the real Warpath fossils may remember my first Wyvern joust which seems to have been lost in the forum ether. This one will follow a similar format. The entrants have a set points limit to purchase a Wyvern, a rider and some kit (cunningly designed to force you into difficult choices). The competitors are paired up and joust to the death with the winner advancing to the next round.

In the past I rolled all the dice and reported the results as pieces of fluff, but this time I will be getting the competitors involved a little as well. Not quite sure how yet, but probably asking them to write a 50-100 word bit each round and awarding the best one a bonus.

This will be kicking off towards the middle of next week after the monthly contest fever has died down. So roll up one and all, and join Bob the reporta grot and 'Stormchasa', the hall-of-fame Wyvern jouster for Wyvern Joust XLVII.

Sign up below (or make an X if yer special).

Ooh I remember this! I was pwned right away! :yarr!:

Anyways I want to try my luck again! :ph43r:

I'll try it! I enjoy my warlord on wyvern I use now.

By Gork'n'Mork, brilliance! I'm in!

“ Looks like there’s a commotion over in the west stand, and this time it’s not the crowd rioting”

“Yes Jim, If I’m not mistaken we have another competitor. I can see a jouster walking their wyvern into the arena. Well at least I think it’s a wyvern”

“ Ha Ha, yeah, I know what you mean. More of a flying pear than the sleek, dangerous snakes of the sky you normally see. Mind you, the rider ain’t much better. I know it’s been while since last season but some orcs have really let themselves go.”

“Word, that’s certainly a heavy weight team, and for all the wrong reasons. I’m just glad the whole financial irregularity with the league president has been cleared up so we’re able to bring you the new season here on ORCNN”

“Just good common sense if you ask me. It was obvious to everyone that President Hatchett had simply forgotten to declare the 56 million gold crowns they found in that Albion trust fund. I know the guy personally, and apart from his penchant for naked witch elves and the gambling addiction the guy’s a saint. Absolute saint I tell you!”

“You forgot the drink driving conviction, but I’m with you dude. Hey look, team Hippo are taken a breather. They're sitting down and they haven’t even got past the orccornTM stands yet. Do you think they’re even gonna get airborne?”

“Not unless an earthquake opens up a fissure and they fall in. I’ll bet you a beer they don’t get past the first round.”

“You’d have to be a fool to take that bet Jim.”

“So we’re on?”

“We’re on.”


This is a genius idea. I'm in.

I'm in...I think...

Ill try my hand at it

AHEM! Fossil?!?!?!?

It is the return of Bob and the other git Chasa! Woot! I remember this contest, Draig. Good show! If you recall, the mighty Goomb was in the stands for it. I might have to join dis ere un!

Oh, and the old version was deleted in the Infamous Haxor Attack on April Fool's Day. Bugger git!

Goomb

Well 'Chasa now i've seen everything. Team 'Da Big Boss Made Uz Do It' is fielding 'Ol Blind Io, the winning Wyvern from the Worldz Cup seven years ago! I thought he had retired. Or died. I certainly thought he was blind...

Nah see that's a myth Bob, meant to lure the....

<The sound of screaming and crunching can be heard from the west stand as the obviously blind Wyvern veers off into the terraces, munching on anything within reach>

Good contribution there 'Chasa

Shut up Bob

=====

It's almost time! With the monthly contest voting closed I want to kick this off soon. We currently have 7 people signed up below (assuming Goomb and Skarz are still interested?) I'd love 8 for neatness - that way I can do Quarter Finals, Semi Finals and a Best of 3 Final. If no one else is interested I'll enter a rider myself to make up the numbers.

Points limit and rules incoming in the next day or so!

Draig

seems like fun I'm in if there is still room for me :)

greets,

Doom

There is indeed. That's 8 assuming Goomb and Skarz are still in? If you two could let me know sometime in the next day or so I'll get things moving.

Yeah I'm in. :) I don't want to hold things up.

Well it seems as though Goomb is MIA, probably on a work trip so I'll get this rolling and if he pulls out I'll enter a rider myself. Look for the points limit to be up later tonight once I get my grubby paws on a rulebook.

Da Wyvern Joust Roolz

The 8 jousters will be divided up into 4 pairs who will fight to the death.

The winners will advance to the next round (semi finals)

The final will be best of 3 jousts. All other rounds will be single elimination.

Attacks will be resolved in order of initiative.
Where there is a tie, I will dice off.
Mounts and their riders will test seperately.

Riders will attack riders and mounts will attack mounts.
If one rider kills another, any extra wounds will be assigned to the mount.
If a mount dies, that player looses, even if his rider is still alive (remember, you'll be half a mile up in the air, if the mount dies your won't be alive for long!)

I will put up a points limit tonight. From this you must buy:

1) A warboss (Comon Goblin, Night Goblin, Orc, Savage Orc, Black Orc)
2) A Wyvern (obviously)
3) Magic Items (following the usual restrictions)

Between rounds you may reallocate up to 50 points of your magic item budget.

Once the point limit is up please PM me your character build and a name for both your rider and your Wyvern. Once I have everyone's details we'll get this show on the road!

Any questions, post em here!

If I can be in, I'd love to. I missed the first joust, but greatly enjoyed reading about it.

Klaw

Only 50 pts for magic? Oh, well...

No, no the full 100. What I meant was that you can change up to 50 points of your items between bouts.

Of course that's only applicable if I make it through the first round :)

I'm assuming if a rider kills the other rider then they attack the wyvern on subsequent turns?

And are we going to be typing fluff for bonuses or not? I do like cheesy commentator speak.

Having thought about the points limit on the ride home I have decided to go back to my original plan. A total points value will be assigned from which you have to buy everything. So if you buy a goblin warboss you will have more points to spend on items but a less effective character to use them. An exact figure will be scientifically kalkulated (ie i'll make it up at the last minute) soon.

Mostyn, yes indeed. If the rider polishes off his opponent he can attack the Wyvern.

Yes indeed! Before the first round Bob the reporta grot will send everyone a few questions to answer. Whoever fluffs up the best response gets a bonus. Whoever makes me laugh the most gets something suitably gobliny from our chief sponsor 'AKME Goblin Engineering.'

Have no fear I'll repost the rules in a clearer format once I get them straight!

Aah awesome! 1 goblin comming up then! (They're much sneakyer! :ph43r: )

Sounds good...What happens if the hero dies but the wyvern through whatever means ends up killing both the other wyvern and hero....does the hero come back from the dead or does just the wyvern move on to the next round?

Your team manages to find another 'willing' rider in time for the next bout ;)

Goomb hasn't got back to me, so if I haven't heard back from him tonight, you're in.

Da Wyvern Joust Two Fousand n' Ate

Jousters

Snotstaff, Grozenit, Dragoneye, Mostyn
Skarz, Fauthsie, Goom / Klaw, Thadoom

Roolz

The 8 jousters will be divided up into 4 pairs who will fight to the death.

The winners will advance to the next round (semi finals)

The final will be best of 3 jousts. All other rounds will be single elimination.

Attacks will be resolved in order of initiative.
Where there is a tie, I will dice off.
Mounts and their riders will test separately.

Riders will attack riders and mounts will attack mounts.
If one rider kills another, any extra wounds will be assigned to the mount and in all subsequent rounds the rider will attack the mount.
If a mount dies at ANY time, that player looses immediately, even if his rider is still alive (remember, you'll be half a mile up in the air, if the mount dies your won't be alive for long!)

Your points limit is 375

1) A Warboss (Comon Goblin, Night Goblin, Orc, Savage Orc or Black Orc)
2) A Wyvern
3) Magic Items (following the usual restrictions)

Between rounds you may reallocate up to 50 points of your magic item budget. This means you can swap your magic items for others as long as your character is still game legal.

>>>>>>>Please PM me your character build and a name for both your rider and your Wyvern asap. Once I have everyone's details we'll get this show on the road!<<<<<<<<<

Oh, and befoe each round Bob the reporta grot will be dispatched to ask each rider a few 'kwestions' for ORCNN, the TV network covering the event.

Whoever provides the best answers (in character) to the questions I set will get a bonus magic item for that round!

Following on from this whoever makes me laugh the most gets a bonus 'triksy treat' from AKME inc, our Goblin sponsor, to use in the next round only.

(Blimey thats an intimidating wall of text! Sorry!)

Any questions, post em here!

Will on use only items "regenerate" each round?

No

but presumably I could buy a "one use only item", use it then replace it with another (but different) magic item for the next round correct? I can almost hear mischeivous plotting in the air!

I'll have the build to you buy tomorrow at the latest (tonight if I can distract the wife for long enough to let me pour over the rule book for half an hour :) )

What about great shamans?
Night goblin g. shaman ftw!

Can I post a picture of my rider in this thread? :unsure:

Yeah I though of that too! Well I've already sent mine.

No comment ya sneaky git ;)

Not sure I could balance shamans with the time I have available, sorry.

Absolutely! Bonus points headed your way if you do ;)

Eeek! Better get down to GW and but a wyvern tomorrow morning! Those things can't take that long to paint....

My cunning plan has been sent. I've even got a devilish one for later rounds should I get there Muuahahahahah!!!! :yarr!:

Can I get extra points for a model with an invisible wywern!? (that's so imaginative!) :ph43r:

My not so cunning plan is in effect....wahahahah

Unfortunately, I do not have a camera to post a picture :(

sadly no wyvern, just the rider. :blink:
Anyway, here's Gatlag Grotslayer:



See skarz's blog for pictures of him on a boar.

Cheers, :lol:

Skarz

Sorry, boys, I have been a-camping (which keeps coming out as "campaign" when I type it) with the scouts over the weekend and suffering from a nasty cold. I just woke up after a 4 hour nap, so I have to catch up. Klaw, are you ready with your character?

Goomb

I have yust send in my character now lets hope he also comes out :)

greets,

Doom

No rush Goomb, the spot is yours unless you don't have the time or the inclination. Hope you feel better ya git.

Beware, beware, the flashing eyes, the floating hair! Arghhhhhhhhhhhh!

You can come out from behind the sofa now 'Chasa, the opening ceremony is over.

Ah. Yes. It's those dancing Squigs you see, it's not natural....

Course not 'Chasa. Well folks, on the other side of the stadium it looks like Gitgit Snikgit the president of the Dishonourable Association of Jousters has finished his pre-tournament speech.

The crowd tore into him Bob...

They sure did 'Chasa. Literally. They don't seem happy, the snack cart must be out of Dwarf-onna-stick - I think you better lock the door.

What are you saying Bob? This isn't a beard. Face fungus is the latest fashion....

Sure it is 'Chasa, sure it is. So with this year's tournament about to start care to make a prediction? I think that's what we pay you for...

Well Bob, there seem to be a lot of Goblins this year. They might be small but don't count them out. Your average Goblin is a lot cheaper than an Orc so those teams can afford to spend the extra cash on equipment. Keep an eye on Fungus Mundungus. The Night Goblin has looked good in training but his charity work has won him a lot of enemies already.

Will do 'Chasa, those 'spawned again religious types always get on my nerves. If you're a betting man don't forget Arr' thog Fasthitta - he's been in the news for all the wrong reasons and that might be a distraction this close to the competition. Did you see the photos in the 'Evil Sun News' of him and a bevvy of nubile young cave squigs?

Um... no... honest. What are you looking at me like that for? Er, the Orcs are always a threat too Bob don't forget that... er, Dontozz da Boozer, Grozlor Mightyaxe and the ever dangerous Gat... er Gat..lag Grotslayer...

You're just reading from the list of entrants 'Chasa....

Shut up Bob.

=========

Just waiting for riders from Grozenit and Goomb if he's entering. If not first alternate Klaw stands ready!

Draig.

:lol: :lol: :D
The competition seems to have a thing for Squigs. Dese weedy gitz should be sum kind o' speed bump fer da mighty Dont...hic...Dontozz da-shay, dis stunty booze ain't 'arlf bad. :yarr!:

The din of the crowd was temporarily silenced as the solid oak and iron doors creaked and groaned as they fell forward, falling onto the playing field and creating a massive plume of dust. A deep rumble sounded within the tunnel leading to the playing field, bringing the crowd to their collective feet in anticipation. Anyone who made this kind of entrance had to be worth seeing!

As the dust cloud cleared, there stood a solitary warboss, flanked by a body guard of massive khaki and red clad orcs. The warboss held a massive tarnished axe in his left hand, and a massive rusty chain in his right. The warboss glared in silence at the amassed throng of slobbering greenskins in the stands. He recognized some of them from his battles across the old world and on other continents and islands. His mind numbed as he remembered the last battle in the Great Forest during the Nemesis Crown Campaign and his wanderings ever since their final defeat. Where had these gits fled to? Why had they shown themselves as weak gits in the face of their sworn enemies?

With a defiant smirk, he spat into the cracked clay and raised his great axe in defiance. Goomb would kill these lesser greenskins and exact his revenge on them all! The crowd did not understand his actions, but they roared as this challenger joined the battle!