I will pin this in the info room as a reference but I wanted to post this information here first as well.

Sources:

http://www.recovery-man.com/abusive/abusive.htm
http://www.namb.net/site/c.9qKILUOzEpH/b.6...ns_of_Abuse.htm

Healthy Relationships:
Non-Threatening Behavior
• Talking and acting so that your partner feels safe and comfortable doing and saying things.

Respect
• Listening to your partner non-judgmentally.

• Being emotionally affirming and understanding.

• Valuing opinions.

Trust and Support
• Supporting your partner’s goals in life.

• Respecting your partner’s right to his or her own feelings, friends, activities and opinions.

Honesty and Accountability
• Accepting responsibility for self.

• Acknowledging past use of violence and / or emotionally abusive behavior, changing the behavior.

• Acknowledging infidelity, changing the behavior.

• Admitting being wrong when it is appropriate.

• Communicating openly and truthfully, acknowledging past abuse, seeking help for abusive relationship patterns.

Responsible Parenting
• Sharing parental responsibilities.

• Being a positive, non-violent role model for children.

Shared Responsibility
• Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work.

• Making family decisions together.
Abusive Relationships:
Using Intimidation
• Making your partner afraid by using looks, actions, gestures.

• Smashing or destroying things.

• Destroying or confiscating your partner's property.

• Abusing pets as a display of power and control.

• Silent or overt raging.

• Displaying weapons or threatening their use.

• Making physical threats.

Using Emotional Abuse
• Putting your partner down.

• Making your partner feel bad about himself or herself.

• Calling your partner names.

• Playing mind games.

• Interrogating your partner.

• Harassing or intimidating your partner.

• "Checking up on" your partner's activities or whereabouts.

• Humiliating your partner, weather through direct attacks or "jokes".

• Making your partner feel guilty.

• Shaming your partner.

Using Isolation
• Controlling what your partner does, who he or she sees and talks to, what he or she reads, where he or she goes.

• Limiting your partner’s outside involvement.

• Demanding your partner remain home when you are not with them.

• Cutting your partner off from prior friends, activities, and social interaction.

• Using jealousy to justify your actions.

(Jealousy is the primary symptom of abusive relationships; it is also a core component of Love Addiction.)

Minimizing, Denying and Blame Shifting
• Making light of the abuse and not taking your partner’s concerns about it seriously.

• Saying the abuse did not happen, or wasn't that bad.

• Shifting responsibility for your abusive behavior to your partner. (i.e: I did it because you ______.)

• Saying your partner caused it.

Using Children
• Making your partner feel guilty about the children.

• Using the children to relay messages.

• Using visitation to harass your partner.

• Threatening to take the children away.

Using Male Privilege
• Treating your partner like a servant.

• Making all the big decisions.

• Acting like the "master of the castle."

• Being the one to define men’s and women’s or the relationship's roles.

Using Economic Abuse
• Preventing your partner from getting or keeping a job.

• Making your partner ask for money.

• Giving your partner an allowance.

• Taking your partner’s money.

• Not letting your partner know about or have access to family income.


IMPORTANT!!!

RED FLAGS OF ABUSE IN A RELATIONSHIP

Does Your Partner. . .

Act jealous or possessive toward you
Refuse to let you have other friends
Check up on you
Have a quick temper
Have extreme mood swings
Become hypersensitive to criticism or perceived criticism
Blame others for his/her problems, feelings, or behaviors
Have difficulty identifying feelings and communicating them
Refuse or is unable to discuss, negotiate, and compromise
Believe in stereotyped sex roles
Look at the opposite sex as sex objects
Always have to be in control
Manipulate you
Have unrealistic expectations of you or the relationship
Get too serious too fast
Refuse to accept breaking up
Abuse drugs, alcohol, or other mood-altering substances
Pressure you to use/abuse alcohol or drugs
Show little respect for the opposite sex
Pressure you for sex
Mistreat animals or children
Have a history of bad relationships
Scare you
Threaten you or others
Have a history of fighting
Own or use weapons or display them to back up threats
Break or strike objects
Become violent with you or others
Do You . . .

Apologize all the time
Willingly accept the blame for everything that goes wrong in your relationship
"Walk on eggs," watching every word you say
Rehearse what you will say to your partner so you won't set him/her off
Cry more than you used to
Repress your feelings, especially your anger
Constantly try to figure out how to get your partner's approval
Twist yourself into a pretzel trying to suit his/her ever-changing demands
Give up interests, activities, and people that once were important to you
Hold yourself back in your educational or vocational advancement
Constantly excuse your partner's behavior to yourself or others
Let yourself go physically
Gain or lose a great deal of weight
Pay less attention to your personal appearance than you used to
Find excuses not to leave the house
Hear warnings from your family or friends about your partner or hear them say they are concerned about your safety?

If you answered "Yes" to even one question, you could be at risk.