Bullying X.X, You just have to find the solution...

I've got a friend who cries a lot... She takes many things the wrong way and is very personal.

Not long ago, she was crying because she found that our class hated her for rattin' on them for being such a racket. Then, everyone starts defending themselves, not even thinking of the words that have escaped their own lips.

My friend is having a lot of trouble, in our high school and all, and I want to help her/tell her to suck it up. Thing is, I know WHAT to say, just not HOW.

SUGGESTIONS?

PS: I told her to consult a guidance counciler, but no luck.

I would think in order to give the best suggestion, we'd need to know the situation as well as you do. You could consider going to see a councillor for advice if she won't. Especially if you think it is serious.

In your title you said bullying...is she being actively bullied by people?

Well, she kinda is. People don't like her because she's too personal and such. Cries too much.

They're always talkig behind her back, and people are always looking down on her. She doesn't have many friends. It's really awkward when people are talking to me about it, when I'm her friend!

But this rather recent situation is simply what got me thinking about helping her. This has occured many other times, just in different ways.

And I do believe it is serious. Her family is fine, but her grades are low, yet she's really smart. I believe that she is very worried about what others think about her, being that she has been discussed in an uncomfortable and unfair manner. High school is bad enough, so I can't imagine what the real world is gonna be like...

A guidance councillor in which I would be visiting is a good idea. Thanks!

Well, it's definately different coming from my angle, being out of high school for 7 years now but I can tell you this, and for her too. ( I had a tough time fitting in in high school, was probably too sensitive and didn't get along well with some. )

Life's going to change for the better. People mature and change, and you may find you even mend fences with some you had a bad time with in high school. ..maturity will do that.
Some won't change, but the difference is that you aren't forced to be in contact with these people. You can choose your social circle, despite the fact you will always find someone who's a jerk, in work or such. Often I feel sorry for these people...life is never wholely pleasant for them. Remember Regina from Mean Girls? Her family life sucked.

Another thing is that issues that bothered you as a teenager don't seem as important anymore, believe it or not.

If that comes off as a self-righteous know-it-rant I am sorry...I've just been there.

A bit of constructive advice that might help her social situation? Find a club or group for something she likes...she'd find friends who share the same interest outside of school.

If she is not getting physically beat up I wouldn't worry about it. She just needs time to mentally mature thats all. Lots of girls in my high school were in gangs and if they had a problem with what your friend has they would just fight end of story. With that said, if you see signs of suicide within your friend seek your nearest counselor.

With all due respect, Malonslover, you are absolutely wrong about that. One thing you need to understand about girls ( teenage especially ) is the power of words. We are far more likely to say nasty things to each other ( and behind each other's back ) than to have a fistfight.
So while some vicious girls at your high school might have hated each other to the point of having an actual fight, I can assure you that HP's friend can be hurting just as badly from what's been said to her.
( He's right about seeking immediate help if you suspect suicide though. )

I hope you were serious about that dude.



Anyway, thanks for the feedback everyone, I'll go on from here.

Malonslover: What gliderpilot said was true. Words hurt just as much.


Oh, and before I forget:

THANKS AGAIN GUYS!!!

I hope this topic can continue for the youth of this forum (the official adults can, too), so we can all discuss the solutions and such for bullying. And any kind of bullying, if I might add.

I really don't think fighting would solve anything for your friend but IMO she should stick up for herself if these tormentors are calling her a B or insulting her parents. I agree with you words do hurt, but since I'm a guy people that insulted me in High School didn't phase me unless they were REALLY confrontational about it. Anyway hope you support your friend anyway you can in this dillemma. Wish I can relate more to it but I was more of a "get along with everybody if I could" type of guy and was generally content that people respected me enough to leave me alone aside from a few fist fights in boys will be boys dillemas. Currently my biggest problem is getting up to go to work every morning. Personally I'd rather be going to community college again. Much funner than High School or working full time IMO.

Actually, all that your friend should do is completely ignore the people that are looking down on her, being that they're only doing it to gain a response from her. Essentially, every time she responds to the situation, they're succeeding in achieving what they set out for. Anyway, I wouldn't worry about it too much, but I don't really think it's in anyone's place to tell her to what to do; she just needs support and reinforcement from those that are close to her. Besides... High School is notorious for hostility and immature, hurtful encounterings which are not uncommon for people to go through. That's not to say that it can't leave it's mark, but if you try to turn the other cheek and show that it doesn't bother you, more often then not the bullying will cease because they're no longer getting any fulfillment out of the situation; these people are getting a high off of putting others down, obviously, which IMO indicates that they have low self-esteems to begin with. In other words, in order to make themselves feel better, they have to in turn seek another's faults to make it seem that they are superior.