My Personal Sitcom??, Speak up!

[CrazygurlMadness]

Yesterday, in Philosophy class, two girls were chattering with Project Boy, but not very loud so they weren't bothering the class.

The teacher, this immense woman with a slightly manic-depressive tendency, suddenly stops her explanation and screams (she never does that, which made it all the more shocking), "You two!" She points at the two girls, who had been laughing at something Project Boy had said. "You keep bothering my class and the others can't focus."

Which wasn't true, since, as I said, they were quiet enough that it didn't matter if they talked. There were far more annoying people in that class than them.

The two girls just sit there, bewildered. The teacher goes on, "I don't want any more disturbances! Get out!"

Stunned silence. One of the girls, hesitantly, asks, "Um, are you serious?"

"How are we going to do our test?"

"You'll come see me in two hours."

They still can't believe she's having them leave. One of the girls, unsure, starts packing her things quickly and leaves, shooting the teacher a 'what the hell?' face. The other, whose temper tends to flare more, starts slowly packing her things, fuming all along.

There's a dead silence, broken only by her slow packing. She suddenly looks up.

"You know, you can go on with your class."

The teacher, looking like she has been eating something sour for the past fifteen minutes, just says, "I can wait until you're gone."

Sarcastically, the girl answers, "Well, that's too bad. I wouldn't want to waste anymore of the others' precious study time."

The teacher looks like murder, but she says nothing. Finally, the girl is done picking her things up, heads towards the door, opens it quietly, walks through, and SLAM.

There's a total silence. All eyes are on a stunned Project Boy, who, while not being the instigator of the girls' chattering, was still part of it.

At the end of the class, I walk out with him and we're joined by Guy. The conversation quickly turns to 'why didn't she kick you out too, PB?'

Of course, he says, "It's because I'm subtle. No one notices that I talk."

Guy, who has the same teacher as we do but isn't in our class, suggests, "I think she's sexist towards girls."

I think he's right. It makes me wonder, y'know.

[gr33n_sl33ves]

What a lovely teacher you have, CM

Last weekend we had to go visit the grandmother, who lives in a town that's a two hour drive away from her own. The trip and visit itself were fairly uneventful (the only fun things that happened were when my brother and I shot at things with a b.b. gun, and I managed to play Zelda's Lullaby on the grandmother's piano). When it came time to head home, it was just after sunset, so we knew the return trip was going to be dark. We had stopped by a corner store to pick up drinks for the road, and because of a recent bout of insomnia, I decided to get this massive can (it looked like a giant battery) of Jolt Cola Blue (because they didn't have a green one).
So we're driving along, and the lack of sleep is starting to get to me, so I start drinking the caffeine rich drink. Now, maybe it was the lack of sleep coupled with the mass influx of caffeine, but I started hallucinating. And not just any hallucinating, no, I was fangirl hallucinating. In the top left corner of my vision, I could freaking well see a heart and magic meter. In my deluded state of mind, I thought that every time a car went by, it would paralyze me with its headlights and hurt me as it goes past, like a ReDead or something, but without the screaming. I started panicking as my life meter got lower and lower, and I thought I was actually going to die because I didn't bring any fairies (I know, WTF, right?), but then I remembered I still had my Jolt Cola Blue, and in my dementedly fangirlish state, I got it into my head that it wasn't actually and energy drink, but a Blue Potion!
I went and downed the rest of my drink (forgetting that the headlights of passing cars were supposed to be paralyzing me, it seems), and I think I kinda passed out then, because the next thing I knew, and hour had passed and we were that much closer to home.
So, yeah, I'm never having anything that high in caffeine when I'm that tired, ever again!

[CrazygurlMadness]

That is the funniest yet creepiest thing I ever heard.

I once dreamed that I was playing Twilight Princess and finding out plenty of plot turns. Like that Midna was Ilia and weird stuff like that. It went on for hours inside my head. I woke up the next morning and I was like, "what? No Twilight Princess?"

I just hope the plot twists in TP don't turn out to be like the ones in my dreams for two reasons: 1) they sucked and 2) there won't be any surprises anymore!

I know. I have very peculiar concerns.

[gr33n_sl33ves]

That would actually be kinda freaky if the game did actually turn out like your dream, though Maybe you have psychic powers without realizing it?

I don't actually remember this, as I was three at the time, but when my mom got pregnant with my brother, and my dad told me of this, my reply was apparently, "But you're my daddy!" which got him all teary-eyed and such

[CrazygurlMadness]

Awwwwww!!!

On Friday night, four of my friends almost died. I found out this morning.

They were driving a new car. The guy driver had just gotten his license. They were coming back from a restaurant, and were at a stop sign, when suddenly this completely drunk guy came crashing into the rear right side of the car.

My friend Josie, who had been sitting in that particular seat, got pretty badly injured. The car itself even skidded sideways ten feet because of the sudden impact. Everyone else's necks snapped sideways (figuratively).

No one died, but they called the police and an ambulance for Josie. She had to be immobilized and transported to the hospital immediately. They were afraid that she would be paralysed or something. The drunk driver (a young man of 23, as they always are) was arrested and will probably be doing a couple years of prison.

The car was completely wrecked.

As for Josie, I heard the story from her this morning. She temporarily can't move her shoulders and spine. Like the stubborn mule that she is, she still came to school. But she's strung on narcotics and muscle looseners: the muscles in her back and neck are partially ripped. She'll be fine in a week, but she was supposed to stay home.

But whatever. Josie's a stubborn girl and nothing really stops her. Not even a life threatening accident.

[Dirty Harry]

Hmm...yikes ouch. Not nice...

I think I bashed someone once for stealing my drink bottle. Or half bashed...

It's like, my trademark. It's my thing, my calling card. It defines DH. And they stole it. And I got really annoyed. Short fuse...

[CrazygurlMadness]

Oh. I bash people without reason. But I bash them in a non-violent way. It's my trademark.

[gr33n_sl33ves]

Bashing people is ever so much fun! *is suddenly British for no reason*

A few winters ago, we actually got a decent snowfall where I live (we mostly get rain all year, so snow is a treat). Some friends and I went out into the forest, wandering around and behaving childish and all that, when we came to a clearing and decided we were going to do "death scenes". We would take turns at "slashing", "stabbing", or "shooting" one another, and try to "die" in a very dramatic way.
Anyway, it was Emma's turn, so I "slashed" her across the stomach with my "sword", and she clutched her "wound", stumbled backwards a bit, then slowly fell backwards. She had landed in front of a sapling, and a beat after she "died", all the snow fell off the sapling and onto her face. She lay there for a moment being dead while the rest of us laughed our asses off XD

[CrazygurlMadness]

Snow and winter bring back fond memories. Back in 1998, there was the ice storm. It brought down all the electric poles in the province, along with the pylones and relay towers. The weight of the ice was just that great. There were roughly ten centimeters of ice over everything in sight. Some houses roofs even caved in.

The electric outage lasted for weeks. People were fighting for water and gas; generators sold out; and some houses burned down because people tried to make fires with rapidly decreasing stocks of wood.

We lost the electricity for two weeks. We were lucky, since we live in a rich neighbourhood, near the city. But lost villages had trouble with that for a month and a half.

Anyway. My uncle's place still had electricity (by some miracle), and so the whole family (cousins, aunts, grandparents, all twenty of us) found refuge at his place. Except his house isn't exactly the biggest of all.

As a child, I couldn't realise how uncomfortable it all was. I thought it was like a massive slumber party, so my cousins and I totally enjoyed it.

We'd stand at the window at night and watch the pylones collapsing in the distance with big green flashes. *sigh* Such fond memories...

[gr33n_sl33ves]

Later on in the same forest romp where friends and I were "killing" each other, I nearly died for real.
Like I said before, we don't usually get snow where I live, but we happened to get a week of really heavy snowfall. So heavy, that trees were breaking from the weight of snow.
There's this path that meanders through the wood, and we were walking along that, when I stopped and bent over to re-tie a boot. Next thing I know, there's a cracking sound over my head, and I'm deluged in a mass of snow, and I look up to see half a tree trunk hurtling straight at me. Call it luck, but I managed to dive out of the way of the tree an instant before it hit me, and the only injury I got was a bruised elbow.
I have a piece of the tree that nearly killed me hanging from my wall now XD

[CrazygurlMadness]

Survival trophy, or merely a way to mock the gods and Fate?

My mother retold this story to me, because when it happened, I was too young to remember.

In my room, there was wallpaper. It was yellow and white, with stripes and stuff like that.

Being of an artistic nature, I one day must have figured, "Hey, there's paper on the walls! Let's make use of it!" Because when my mother came in, the whole room was full of scribbles and drawings.

My mother, stunned (surely by my genius talent), asked, "CM, what have you done?"

Suddenly realising that perhaps this wasn't my most brilliant idea, I said, with the straightest and most innocent face, "The wind did it."

Cue curtains blowing in the wind.

My mother, instead of berating me, just turned to my dad and said, "Congratulations. Our daughter has managed her first lie."

Which of course caused my dad no end of hilarity.

They still bring it up today. And I still claim the wind did it.

[gr33n_sl33ves]

Ah, to be young and able to get away with anything

All my life I've been told how much I look like my dad. Except for clothing and hair length, in our baby pictures we look like we could be twins. Somewhere between the ages of two and four, I somehow got it into my head that since everybody said I looked so much like my dad, that meant that I had a beard like his. So, it what I thought was a good idea at the time, I decided that I was going to shave my beard off >_<
Needless to say, it got a little bloody, but my parents learned to keep sharp metal things out of my reach. And to assure me that, no, I did not have a beard

[CrazygurlMadness]

Scary yet hilarious.

People always mistake me for my mom on the phone. And when telemarketers call our place, they think I'm the 'lady of the house'. Which leads to a lot of fascinating conversations:

TeleMarketer: "Hello, is this the lady of the house?"
Me: "Um. Sure."
TM: "My name is Bob Jones, and I work for the blah blah blah blah"
Me: *trying to figure out how to get him off the line*
TM: "And so we're wondering if you'd be interested in a new security system!"
Me: *still trying to figure a way out* "Uh. Wait. Are you the ones who call every week at 6:02 on Friday?"
TM: "Huh? Um... Maybe?"
Me: "Ooh... 'Cause it's really annoying. We're always eating supper at that time. You piss my mom off."
TM: "Wait. You're not the lady of the house?"
Me: "Well, no, but..."
TM: *annoyed* "May I speak to the lady of the house?"
Me: "Well, I'm a lady. And I live in this house. Does that make me irrelevant?"
TM: "Are you in charge of the alarm system?"
Me: "No. Are you?"
TM: "Well, I sell alarm systems. May I speak to the one in charge?"
Me: "Well, I'm the one in charge of the phone right now."
TM: "I mean the one in charge of alarm systems."
Me: "You know, I don't see why you keep calling every week at the exact same time. You always call, and we always tell you we already have one."
TM: "You already have an alarm system?"
Me: "Yes. Like I told you last week when you asked for the lady of the house."
TM: "And, uh, you're not interested in a new alarm system?"
Me: "If we did, don't you think we'd be calling a company instead of waiting around like idiots for someone to call us?"
TM: "Well, that is... I..."
Me: "See you next week." *hangs up*

This conversation actually happened. My family was cracking up. They called the week after, with irate responses from my mother. I don't know if they took us off their list, like we asked them to. We'll see next Friday.

[Dirty Harry]

Hmm...there's not enough guys in this forum to appreicate a balls one. So I won't say one. Only that it hurts.

I had a headbutting spree once. I headbutted a group of people. That was funny...

now...

what's a good sitcom moment...

This is really annoying...

but I have a bad habit of passing wind during a test.

We're always concentrating really hard...

and then there's this PPFFFTT!...

and I'm just busy looking at my paper, doing my best not to look up and laugh my head off...

[gr33n_sl33ves]

I briefly worked in a tech-support call-in center once. Briefly, because the mass influx of stupid people calling was more than my already fragile sanity could take ('cause sex-ed pop-up books broke my mind and all).

Anyway, one of the stupider calls I got was from somebody who had a Windows 3.1 computer (3.1 came out around 1992, so it's extremely outdated). Their problem was that they were having difficulty installing Windows freaking XP on their 3.1. Software wise, that's like trying to fit an elephant into a Hot Wheels car!

Another person I told to right-click on something, and there reply was, "I am writing 'click' on it!"

Someone else phoned in because they didn't know how to do laundry. Yeah, I don't know why either >_<