My Personal Sitcom??, Speak up!

This forum is slowly falling into silence. We mustn't let this happen. Revolt against fate!

To give this thread some life, let's say we all post personal stories that, in retrospect, couldn't possibly happen in real life, but that did.

We all, at some point or other, have experienced things that made us wonder if we're not just part of some alien sitcom, that martians watch to distract themselves.

Sometimes there are excerpts of life that belong in a soap opera. I know I have plenty of 'sitcom moments'. Times where things implausible or too dramatic happen to me.


Example:

My closest childhood friend, a guy (whom I'll call Alex, for anonymity's sake) that I met in kindergarden and spent five years of my young life with, suddenly disappeared from my life when I changed schools. For seven whole years, he was but a memory that I kept wondering about.

A year ago, I come out of my workplace and see him sitting on the sidewalk, waiting for the same bus as I. Yes. That's right. Alex was there. I couldn't believe it. I struck up a conversation. I was so happy! Seven years and he's right there!

He hardly answered me. He remembered, of course. But he just didn't give a damn anymore.

I met him the week afterwards, on the bus again. I tried to strike up a conversation once more. He shot me down, claiming he was too tired. I was really insulted now. A month afterwards, I go to the restaurant with my family. GUESS WHO HAPPENED TO BE OUR WAITER?

That's right, Alex.

HE WAS ALL OVER THE PLACE. So alarming!

But I wouldn't be nice to him, this time around. I snubbed him right back, the sucker. He didn't look too proud of himself, either. Hey, I was all pudgy back in preschool, and now I'm slim and pretty good-looking. It's not like I depend on him. I'm not clingy or whatever. I have my new circle of friends (hi, Project Boy!), and they're way cooler than him.

Though, come on. What happened to old times sake?

He goes to the same college as me but I gave up on him. I gave him plenty of chances, but it's his loss.

(He's grown ugly. Hah. Serves him right!)


If someone tells me their own sitcom moment, I might tell you about the face-off that happened two years ago in my classroom. It started with a joke and turned into a war. IN THE CLASSROOM. IN FRONT OF THE TEACHER. Great times.

Random things that happened on band camp; (PS: Martians I am not here to poke at for your enjoyment; grrr)

1) The Massive Gong smash; We get to play Pirates of the Carribean! And I get to hit a gong! And it makes a lot of noise! For those of you who do music, the marking for the song is fortzando;very loud. However, that DOES NOT mean go over the band. Unfortunately I had a very heavy stick; and guess what?

BOOM! Everyone went and turned toward me. And wondered wth was going on. It was scary. And pretty funny. You trying hitting a gong and here it go at around the same volume as a rock star playing guitar, see how you like it.

Are your eardrums still intact?

Another sitcom moment:

Two years ago, we had this really cruddy class called Ethics. I wouldn't have minded much, but the teacher was insanely moronic. She used to work at a prison for juvenile deliquents, and since such a traumatic environment can be harmful to the mental stability of the caretakers, she came over to our school to work with 'normal' teens, for once.

The thing is, in our class, there are nutcases. Real ones. The biggest one is a guy whom I will call, for anonymity's sake again, Jing. He's Asian. His parents are work freaks. I mean by this that they're so insane for work that his mother threatens him with suicide (she's a drunkard btw) if he doesn't get good grades. His dad is pretty abusive too, mentally and physically.

Obviously, this can mess with a guy's brain pretty badly.

Actually, no one knew about Jing's familial problems. All everyone thought was that he was completely nuts and that he was a lost case. As a person, he's unable to differentiate sarcasm and jokes from true insults. He also takes everything in the strictest sense of the word. Example, you say, "Jing, lick my boot," and he actually bends down until you tell him, "Hey, it was a joke, man."

Mostly, he was just annoying and loud and nobody knew why he was so crazy.

Another Asian guy in my class, "Cal", is his total opposite. He's smart, organised, rich, and pretty much a total jerk. He wouldn't help you out if you asked him for it (you'd have to beg). He has his teasing moments, but he's mostly cynical.

And, finally, (this is the last introduction for today, I promise), "Josie", one of my friends, is a fiery seperatist patriot at heart. She also loves calling Cal names. He usually loves returning the favour. For some reason, they manage to still be friendly and they know how to laugh together.

One afternoon, in Ethics class, the following scene happened:

Teacher (sitting at her desk and smiling at us like we're simpletons): "Alright, everyone, now let's talk about your internal conflicts."

Cal (as a joke directed at Josie, and also to mess with the teacher's brain): "I have an internal problem with Josie. She always calls me names."

Class: *lol*

Teacher (worried for Cal and reproachful to Josie): "Really? Why is that? What does she call you?"

Josie (laughing because Cal and she are on good terms today): "I call him names because he's a bastard."

Cal (faking indignation): "She calls me racist things. She says I'm an ugly piece of Asian shit."

Josie (laughing because they had elaborated this insult together during recess): "Well, you are."

Jing (suddenly leaping from his chair): "YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ASIANS, JOSIE?"

Class (annoyed because he interrupted the good laugh we were getting): "Sit down and shut up, Jing."

Josie (obviously thinking that Jing needs hyperactivity management pills): "I call him Asian shit. I didn't say anything about you."

Jing (still standing, still furious): "What do you know about Asians, huh, Josie? I don't insult you! You have some sort of racist feeling towards us?!?"

Josie (annoyed): "Did you hear what I just said? I called Cal an ugly piece of shit. He's not insulted or anything."

Jing (raving out of control): "You stupid piece of Quebecer crap! You think you're all high and mighty, huh??"

Josie (now VERY annoyed and insulted): "What did you just call me?"

Jing (takes up the challenge): "I said you're a piece of crap!"

At this point, Josie and Jing are standing face to face, nose to nose, seething. I swear. It was way Oka Crisis.

Suddenly, Jing breaks into tears and falls to the ground, curling up into a little ball. Seriously. Like a mental patient. The teacher, still in shock that we're not THAT normal, runs over to ask what the heck is wrong.

That's how everyone heard about Jing crazy life.

I swear. It was like a soap opera and everything.

The Teacher went back to her juvenile delinquents. At least they were predictable.

Any other sitcom moments you want to share? Go on. It happened to all of us.

OMG. Wow. You don't hear that everyday.

Hmm...Sitcom moment...

Thinking...thinking...

This is just weird.

There's a little girl in my year, shortest girl, I think she's like 1m 20cm high or something. She is that short. She's a great piano player, and she also does mallet percussion. Thus, one day, on an open day, we all were playing in our Year Ensemble for music.

Our music director announces some of the scholarship winners for our year (and she is one of them) so he points to her, and he's like,

"Annie (for annomity's sake), stand up." He says. "Annie?"

And no-one could see her. Then, someone's like "She's already standing up!"

And we all cracked up. And said, "Awww...poor Annie..."

I spoke to the hottest guy I'd ever seen yesterday, even though I didn't know who he was, where he came from, and didn't have any form of acquaintance with him whatsoever beforehand.

I just walked up to him and started talking to him. My friends could not believe my guts.

Well, what? I have a thing for hot blonde/blue-eyed bespectacled nerds who study all alone in the sunlight streaming from big bay windows.

He COULD be my soulmate, who knows???

(Read my blog for the full story. It was just too good to pass up on.)

Wow! That was you?

(just trying to make myself feel special- )

Hmm...what to put in...

c'mon, someone else write in here! I dun't have nething good to write about in my life!

I was at a friend's today, and we were tweaking some voiceovers for our english assignment. So I'm doing my part, (and this is Lord of the Flies, mind) and my part's like "Hahahaha! You will never be free of me!"

So I said the word monkeys! Really loudly, just for the heck of it. Then I wanted to record it, see what it sounded like, after tweaking. So, we went and tweaked it ('cause my part we tweak it so that all the wavelengths are reversed) and we had this really creepy voice saying, "Hahahaha! You will never be free of me!"

Then I said "Monkey!" into the microphone.

We ended up with a really creepy voice, playing the part of the Beast, saying "Monkey! You shall never be free of me!"

We also had another one about Duff beer. I'll save that for another time.

MONKEYS! Cute. We had to do Lord of the Flies stuff too.

Except we were kind of grossed out by the sexual connotations of murdering those piglets. Seriously. Just, ew. Oh, and Piggy's death. YUCK! Too visual.

Here's more.

Last summer, three friends and I went camping alone in the woods for three days. The idea was to be independant and all that.

So we took a massive tent, packed a van full of supplies, and went camping.

We set everything up on the first afternoon. It was a chilly day, so we built a pyromaniac's dream of a campfire. And ate tons of sugar. It then started drizzling. We were like, 'Aw, geez!', and entered the tent for the night.

Except it didn't stop drizzling.

The storm broke out around midnight. And when I say storm, I mean, tropical sized storm. If we hadn't been in the woods, it's likely our tent would have been blown away. Thank goodness for the trees. Thunder cracked right over our heads ALL NIGHT. The rain was pelting down on the plastic so hard that we couldn't hear ourselves.

I moved, and the friend closest to me at the time screamed, "ARE YOU AWAKE?" over the impossible chaos. There were never-ending lightning flashes and constant thunder on top of the rain sounds, so even though she was screaming, I was struggling to hear her.

I answered, "WE'RE GONNA DIE."

Which of course caused us to laugh good-humouredly.

The next morning, we weren't laughing as much. It was still drizzling (it had calmed in the early hours of the morning). And we were hungry, cold, and wet.

That's when the three others decide they're gonna go biking in the woods. I said no thank you. I hate biking. I'd rather walk, thank you very much.

So instead, I stayed at the camp. It started raining again, half an hour later. I was like, fuck. I'm alone to mind the camp. So I put all the not-yet-dry stuff away, and I pack as many things as possible back in the van.

The three girls come back. They're like, "There's too much mud."

And then it begins pouring.

I don't think waterfalls can imitate quite how much water came down on us that afternoon. The ground under our tent filled with water. It was ankle high. ANKLE HIGH in water!

So we strip our shirts and shorts off, because they were already soaked and because we were wearing our bathing suits under them, and we start digging holes around the tent to evacuate the water.

That's when Josie (yes, the one who likes insulting Cal), throws a handful of mud at Kitty.

Thus ensues a mud-n-screech fight of mighty proportions. I have no clue how the neighbours withstood us. The mystery is complete.

After some time, we were too exhausted to dig or fight, so we stood under a steady rivulet of water and washed off. Free shower, no quarters lost.

It stopped raining after that, but I think the clothes I wore then are still soaked beyond repair. My shoes will never be the same either.

Best. Camping Trip. Ever.


Come on, people. Share! For sure you have stuff to talk about. DH and I can't be the only ones with sitcom moments!

Alright, here are some sitcom-y things for you! Well, they're not so much sitcom-y and more of an embarrassing look at my lapses of judgment, but, whatever


The first one was in my grade 10 English class. We were doing some sort of creative writing thing, and for reasons I cannot fathom, I handed in a freaking Gundam Wing fanfic. And it wasn't even anywhere near decent (I nearly cried when I re-read it a few weeks ago, it was so bad >_<). But the stupid thing was that I got an A+ for the damn thing @_@

Later on, in grade 12 Biology, we were each to do a report on a cancer of our choosing, and everyone had to do a different cancer. Being the [sarcasm]sensitive soul[/sarcasm] that I am, I choose colorectal cancer so I could title my report "Cancer of the Ass". Which I did. And I handed it in to the bloody teacher that way. I swear, when he saw the title of my report, he laughed so hard that I thought he was going to die or something (he was one of those very straight-laced, robot teachers that they probably plug in every night. I blew me away that he had any kind of emotion at all x_x). Despite the title, I got an A+ on that too...

Also in grade 12, but in English again this time, we were split up into groups, and each group read a different book. Mine got 1984 by George Orwell (which he may have well titled "This Is Your Future, Bitches!" for the way the world has turned out). Anyway, we read the book, and then we had a discussion about it with the teacher. I can't remember exactly what was said, but that somewhere in the discussion I said something to the effect of "We're all going to die one day, so what's the point in life?" but in a sort of happy, up-beat kinda way. Not surprisingly, the teacher looked at me like she thought I was some sort of nutcase ^-^;;

Hmm...I wouldn't have minded being there. Not only for a mudfight.

Okay, now my pervertedness shall stop. I have a deluded and sick mind sometimes. Please excuse me for a second.

*insert Tellytubby sounds to cancel out the smacking noises*

Hmm...

The Duff Beer one was like, "You shall never be free of me! And the Duff Beer!"

Let's see...interesting things...

I was at a friend's bday party, and we were all walking in the city. My friends were across the road, and I was talking to them.

I turned around, and walked straight into a lamp post.

See? Isn't that funny?

My brother once ran into a glass door of a Blockbuster's because he didn't see it. Shook the whole front of the store, practically! One of the cashiers came out and asked him if he had a concussion or anything. I laughed XD

Oh! I had something like that happen to my cousin once! When we were kids, my Aunt's house has this big sliding glass door leading out into their beautiful backyard. So then one day my Aunt must've gotten some really good glass cleaner because I could've sworn the door wasn't there. Then my cousin says, "Come on! Let's go outside!" and runs right past me.

...and crashes into the door with a big 'thud'!

Well, it would help if the members could help getting the forums out on the interwebs. We've also had a suggestion of getting our forums out but we're still deciding it (plus the main Admin of these boards hath abandoned us). The interwebs are seriaz business, kthx.

Hmm, a sitcom moment I had in my life...

I'll have to think about that one xD.

OH MY GOD, I totally know what you mean about the perfect scores in class. I have an amazing talent for bullshitting my way through, so I can say whatever the teachers want to hear with a big smile, even though I don't care, and I always get a 100% grade.

I smacked into a pole too, once. It was a stop sign. And boy did I stop right there. Ouch.

Here's another one:

For our prom last year, we had chosen this ultimate ultra-rich hotel on the lakeside with chandeliers and stuff. Nice place and everything. The food was kind of gross, though.

I was sitting a table for ten with a couple of friends, and between Kitty and I was Mimi, a girl who has some slight personality problems. She's not a bad person, but she's definitely weird.

Anyway. For the main dish, we were supposed to have stuffed chicken. It was disgusting, and by that time, none of us were really hungry.

That's when Guy drops by, wearing his tux and everything. He's like, "Hey, everybody. I know you think the chicken's gross, so hand it to me. Scoot over, Mimi."

Mimi looks up, and says, "I don't have enough space to scoot over." She glances at Kitty, who was running out of space. "Find some other place to bother people."

But Kitty and I, being on good terms with Guy, insist that he stays for a little while. We were getting bored with the crappy animator, and Guy was sure to distract us. So Guy goes, "Well why don't you take my spot at the other table, Mimi? You're not eating your chicken, and I'm done with mine. Plus, the people over there would be glad to have you."

This may seem like a pleasant way to get Mimi to move. In fact, she nearly flushed with pleasure and almost immediately stood, moving away from our table. Guy, Kitty and I watch her walk away.

Calling after her, Guy says, "You won't be a bother!" He then turns back to us and says, "The people at my table will hate me, but whatever." He sits between Kitty and I and begins eating Mimi's chicken.

I go, "Wait. You didn't actually warn them you'd be swapping places?"

Guy looks at me like I'm crazy. "Hello. If I told them I'd be sending Mimi over, like hell they'd have let me go. Hand me your chicken pieces."

As Kitty and I drop our chicken into his plate, all the while wondering how such a thin guy can possibly eat so much without getting fat, Guy continues, "You know, I realised something."

He says this as he looks around at the gathering of all the people we spent years with. Kitty, expecting him to say something significant and sensitive, asks, "And what is that?"

Guy takes a massive bite of chicken and says, "You know, Mimi didn't even realise I insulted her. I think it's a talent of mine."

Oh geez, Kitty and I think as we glance at each other.

Guy turns to me. "I swear. Don't make that face. I have a knack for insulting people. I can say whatever the heck I want, and invariably, they won't hear me. For instance, I can say, 'Kitty is a total moron', and she won't hear me."

Kitty flatly deadpans, "I heard that."

Guy, losing his serious face, breaks into a grin and says, even as he continues eating chicken, "Yeah, well. I did that one on purpose."

Keep sharing. Sharing sitcom moments is always fun.

Hah, ironic, I had my prom in a hotel too

About a year ago, I had a movie night with some friends (let's call them Elle and Emma). Emma and I were all sprawled out on the floor in sleeping bags, and Elle was in a big fat armchair. Anyway, Elle had just put a movie in, and it was going through the previews, when somebody said something in them that just got Emma laughing. I asked her what was so funny, but she was laughing so hard that she couldn't answer, and then that got me going, and in something of a chain reaction, we ended up absolutely screaming with laughter into our pillows for fifteen minutes while Elle sat there wondering what the hell was so funny XD

Did you find out what it was, though, that made her laugh?

I remember when a group of friends and I went to see X-Men 3.

Usually, I go to the movies with three or four people tops. That night, we were twelve, I think. Cal, Mimi, "Eva", Kitty, "Alex", and a couple others. I was sandwiched between Eva and Kitty, at first, but then Eva turns to me and whines, "CM, Alex keeps telling me all the spoilers! Make him stop!"

Being on good terms with Alex, I offer to change places with Eva so that I'll be like a barrier between Alex and her sensitive ears.

Indeed, Alex spoiled most of the movie to me, because he likes being a jerk. But I didn't care since I'd seen the comics, so whatever.

I think the people in the theater wanted to kill our row (yes, we filled a whole row) by the end of the night. Because I was laughing at Alex's antics, Eva was insulting the characters onscreen, Kitty was trying to make us shut up, and Cal, from the other end of the row, was calling back to Kitty to make us shut up.

When we came out of the theater, Alex lost his pants, because he wore them so low, and because he was jumping around. This caused us to be extremely amused.

Great times.

No, we never did. Apparently it wasn't even that funny, but it just struck a nerve, I guess

A few Halloweens back, I was going to go trick-or-treating with Elle and a fiend of ours called "Jay". We had arranged to meet behind our school in this water park some time after dark, and I got there first, and Elle came a while after that. Jay, on the other hand, was taking forever, so we went over to his house, which was just a stone's throw away from the school (literally a stone's throw away. I stood on his yard and threw the stone myself).

So we get there, and his little sister answers the door, telling us that he's just getting ready. We wait a couple of minutes, then finally his door opens, and out he pranced (yes, pranced) wearing white face paint with red on his cheeks, schoolboy shorts and a dress shirt over a pillow wrapped around his waist to make him fat (he's one of those freakishly skinny types), what appeared to be a king's robe and a Raggedy Ann wig. He stopped in front of us, did a little pirouette, and in what I can only assume to be a Swedish, singsong accent said, "Sorry to keep you waiting!"

I swear, I died laughing.