Hating a Parent, Is it horrible of me?

I have always hated my father. Why you might ask? Our personalities clash, he's a jerk, thinks guys are better than girls, is obsessed with sports, and he has spent most of my life ignoring me. My parents divorced when I was young, and my birth father allowed my present dad (the one I hate) to adopt me. Then he and my mom had my two brothers and got divorced (confusing, I know)But he might as well not have bothered to adopt me since he never pays any attention to me. I am always second to my brothers in his eyes. I hate him. I really do. I can't help it, even though I know it makes me a horrible person.

Hating isn't horrible.

Well, pretty much, from what you tell me he sounds like a bastard to me. However, I won't jump to conclusions. So, thus, let us look at other things.

For starters, do you live with him? This is just a random question.

Maybe, one of the real reasons you hate him is because the environment he creates around you makes you feel uncomfortable and the tension that you feel between you and him causes a real clash from your perspective. For all you might know he could also be thinking "Why can't I just try and get her to understand what I want as well?"

Since I've never met either of you, my analysis will probably be off. As I said, hating him doesn't mean you're a horrible person. Hating someone isn't horrible. Just don't go and act anything out. That's all.

Here's a question. I know how old you are. Why don't you move out? If he's so bad, why not move out? Sure, if you complain to someone, and they say, stick it out, and it;ll get better, well, say it again. Because it hasn't gotten better for the last so many years.

It comes down to a question of either A) proving to him that he's wrong-and believe me, it might be worth it B)Writing to Doctor Phil-tell me when it broadcasts in Australia, 'cause I have to see what you look like! C) Submitting to him, though I don't see a point, since you've done that for so long and nothing seems to have changed or D) Just moving out. Basically, you've got to prove your own independence to him.

Sorry for the rant...it's a bit weird. And it's advice! Seek out a professional psychologist before you go and do anything! I'm not anyone important!

Lol, well, okay, to answer your question, no, I do not live with my father. He and my mom are divorced, so I live with her. I used to go see him every other weekend, but I stopped doing that because I despise being around him. In fact, the only time I ever see him any more is for my birthday and Christmas and when he comes to pick up my brothers. No worries, I'm not going to go out and kill him or anything! I just feel guilty for hating him, you know? It's the feeling I get when I'm around him, that I'm not as important to him as other things, that he never expects me to amount to anything. Oh, a side note on what a creep he is: He wouldn't help my mom get me a car so she had to get me one herself. But now that my brother is 16, guess what happened? He got him a car. Not just any car. An older Mustang. Mustangs are my favorite car. A$$!!!!! *takes a deep breath* It's just things like that that he does. I don't know, maybe it's just childish of me.

Well I'll assume that he has favouritism. As a theorised psychoanalyisis; maybe he wasn't in control of his life when he was young, and girls always seemed to boss him around, so he feels he has to prove his superiority and how good boys are in the face of girls? I don't think its that though; it's a theory, just doesn't add up, because in some ways he seems to devalue you. Though, if he knows you like Mustangs, and then gets your brother one, but not you, the theory does soryt of fit.

In terms of guilt; think of it like this. Why do you hate an enemy? Because theyhurt you. Why do you hate him? Because he's hurt you. And on a side note, the basic response of a person is that they're expected to feel comfort from parents (I think ) however, possibly because he's not your real father, the obligation to feel any empathy toward him is understandable. Well, let's ssee...I'm not being clear. What I'm tryign to say is; it's not hardwired into you to expect comfort from him, because he's not your real father. Or at least you didn't spend your very first few years with him I assume. Thus, because he hasn't shown you any true comfort or anything, then as a result you dislike him, and the guilt you're feeling could be a representation of a need to feel comfort from a male parent? I dunno. I'm spouting random crap now.

No, no, its not random crap, it does make sense! I think your right though, and it does make me feel better about things. Its his loss though, if he doesn't treat me right, right? Thank you for your wise words

Me? Wise? OMG! And now other people must talk. If they want to offer more good advice.

My dad is the same way,my real father hated me, cause he wanted a boy so he left, my mom remarried to someone and he adopted me, so I'm no different besides I don't hate my stepdad (besides the day he destroyed my Photoshop ) so yep all father's can be big assholes me and my mom don't get along much either lol, infact we had a fist fight the other day

I see how that works; possibly you might even feel more attached to your stepfather because he might provide you more comfort than with your mom and real dad, because the expectation of comfort you feel for them has been totally ruined. Theories...

I know what you mean. I don't like my father too, but I can't hate him. Why ? I don't know, I just can't. For him, my mom moved to Labrador ( He worked there) because he wanted to be around her. I was like 6 months at that time. My mom despised this place because she didn't understand or talk english. For her, it was like hell, but she wanted to be around my 'dad' too, to make him happy and so he can see me if he wanted. In the end, well let's say that my mother discovered something horrible about my father, he was seeing someone else for already a year by now. And well, now I live with my mom, sister and brother and I did not have contact with my dad for ~ 10 years. Now he's calling and he just speak with my mom, he doesn't have interest in me and I know. I should be happy to have a birthcard because that's only what I have from him...

I'm not sad about it, I don't know him, so I can't juge him completely. So I'm with you Alantie

[/QUOTE]My dad is the same way,my real father hated me, cause he wanted a boy so he left, my mom remarried to someone and he adopted me, so I'm no different besides I don't hate my stepdad (besides the day he destroyed my Photoshop ) so yep all father's can be big assholes me and my mom don't get along much either lol, infact we had a fist fight the other day [QUOTE]

Really? Wow, I feel so much better now! All of my friends have always thought that was really weird and confusing, so I'm glad to know that I'm not the only person who's had this happen to me!! From my experience, yes, fathers are HUGE a$$ holes


Dred~

Oh wow, that must have been so hard to go through, and even harder when your father has no interest in you. How well I know that feeling!! If it weren't for my step mother reminding him, I'm sure he would forget my birthday and stuff too.

And on another note, just because it fits what we're talking about, my birth dad died about two years ago. He sent me a letter and everything, but I had a hard time feeling sad about it, because I never knew him. I mean, this is the guy who didn't want me, who I never knew, so how can I miss him or be sad, you know? It's funny, but I don't know how to feel about him. He treated my mom horribly, cheating on her and stuff, and he apparently tried to kidnap me, so I guess I hate him for the way he was to my mom, but I don't know what to think about the way he was to me. Its so confusing!

Well it's okay ^^, and I know what you feel. He came back this summer for a week-end and said that we have to talk, to get to know eachother ( I'm sure it's my mom who make him do it though ) And well, I had this uneasy felling around him that I didn't wanted to know again. I didn't want to talk, to know him, I didn't even want to have him around me, because I was feeling so uncomfortable and when my mom said that I have to go take a walk with him alone, well I started to panic and I locked myself in my room, screaming that I didn't want to go, I even cried. Later, when I came out, my mother said that I was, well, how to choose the best word, something like horrible to do this to him, that he went for a walk and that he was surely crying now. I just wanted to scream again ' And what about what he did to you !? What about what he did to me !? I don't want him in my life ! ' But I just stayed quiet and when my father came back, I was feeling worst then the begining and returned to my room.

Oh well, that's good to talk so freely about it I never say so much about my feeling , thank you

Yes yes. Tell the *practicing psychologist* crazy person here.

No, I'm not crazy. At least not yet. By the time I reach forty, I could be a serial killer; who knows? Random tagline I made up. Anyway...

It's really good that ure talking. I mean, some things are better out on the table, then closed away. This is one of them.

Now we need more than one or two people here. Where's Aerith?

Hmmm......Well, let's see.


Since we both be LDS (HIGH FIIIIIVE xD) I shuppose I shall swamp you with our religion. xD

Even if he is a freakin' jerk, I suppose the least you can do is be civil towards him. Love thine enemy, no? And, I think you should also pray for him, that he may have a change of heart, and that you will be able to get along without being stuck on the matter.

Just me being philosophical, I suppose. ._.



'Course, I suppose I wouldn't know, having the best father in the universe, but....Well, whatever.

My dad is funny, nice, awesome, and still serious and works hard.

His only problem is OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) which makes him think he's bad, or get's depressed, and ladida..... things at different times and stuff....*read up on it* so, yeah, that gets on my nerves, but he's doing better, and I wuv him.

My stepmom is cool, too.

And so ish my mom. xP

What's LDS?

Yeah. I agree. Praying actually stimulates mind. Equals good. Ish too ired to help now. Someone else comment. And you sound like you have a nice dad, lute.

LDS is the church of Latter Day Saints, just for your info DH.

Yes, be glad for an awesome dad Lutey. It truly is a blessing to have a father who loves you and appreciates you no matter what.

You know something that bugs me Lutey? You being LDS should understand how much this hurts me, but my Dad didn't baptise or confirm me when I was eight. But the rest of my siblings he made sure he did. Just another one of those things that he does that makes me feel underneath all the other kids. And something else. . . my dad rarely ever becomes emotional or cries. . . but I've heard him become emotional over all my bros and half sisters. . . but never for me. ITs just depressing. I should get over this, since I sound like a spoiled little whiney brat. It's just something I've felt ever since I was young. . .