Ask Link, The ultimate advice column!

[CrazygurlMadness]

Evening (or morning, or afternoon, of whichever), this is CM.

After much coaxing, eyelash-batting and Zelda threatening, Link --yes, the Hero of Time himself-- has agreed to post in a topic where he can answer all your questions, from "why does the nose bleed?" to "what is the meaning of life?", and he even promised

No, I did not!

Stop interfering, Link. You have your own profile. Use it, and stop typing over my shoulder.

And get your own laptop, for heaven's sake.

As I was saying, he even promised to

I DID NOT.

Oh, for pete's sake. So what if you didn't promise? They're going to ask you personal questions anyway. You may as well answer them.

No, I may not. I agreed to do this stupid thing of yours, but I refuse to answer personal questions. You can torture me for answers, but I will not answer. I will deliberately ignore

Yeah, we got it, now get off my shoulder.

Anyway. Go on right ahead, everyone, and ask Link.

(REMEMBER: ANY SPAM WILL HAVE THIS THREAD MOVED TO THE SPAM FORUM, AND THAT WOULD SUCK. KEEP YOUR MAILS ON TOPIC AND DON'T SPAM OR MULTIPOST. THAT WOULD MAKE THE JOB MUCH TOO HARD FOR LINK TO ANSWER. THANK YOU!)

[Link]

Hello, everyone. This is Link. As CrazygurlMadness brutally expelled me from her basement, I obtained a laptop for an exorbitant price at the Bazaar (shame on you, CrazygurlMadness), and so have created an account here.

So go on and ask questions. Except of the personal nature, as in, pertaining to my personal life. I refuse to answer those... I can answer questions about your personal life, however. That would be sure to entertain me.

Oh. Emoticon. I think I'm appreciating this one. It looks nice and suspicious.

And a bit annoyed.

[Lutearina]

Dear Link,

I have a very important question for you! I was talking with some of my friends, and they were *gasp* obsessing over yaoi. I realllyyyy hate yaoi, and was wondering what you think about yaoi. I don't care if they like it, but they keep trying to get me to like it! It's very annoying, and I find yaoi to be....well....sick. ^^;;; So I would like to know your thoughts on yaoi, like what you think of it.... and what I should do to get them off my case.

Sincerely,
Lutearina (A.K.A. Rachel )


Oh, poor Link....Already a yaoi question.

[Link]

A brief account of Link's history with yaoi:

Link (that's me) once stumbled onto a fanfiction site and found a Link times Ganon story. Wondering if perhaps that would be an epic tale of Link's fight against Ganondorf, the king of evil, Link clicked on the (pun not intended) link.

I think the scream that echoed in all of Hyrule that day sounded like " YYYYAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Let's just say that I would not have any type of intercourse with Ganon. My only relation to Ganon is one of hatred.

Let's also mention that I myself am very much in love with... well, women, I suppose. Not men.

Bearing that in mind, I think that it is up to every other male in question to boldly state on what side of the line their sexuality stands. Men should just speak up, as I have. As they say, silence is agreement. Perhaps their silence is a sign that they approve?

Or perhaps it's simply that they have been bound and gagged so long by cruel yaoi fans that their vocal chords have atrophied. I would not put it past consideration, if I were you.

Anyway you look at it, yaoi is a matter of choice: if you like it, good for you and stay away from those who don't, lest you terrify them with your antics.

And as per getting them off your case, just ignore them. It may be immature, but it is sure to make them go away. They should learn to respect your tastes as you should respect theirs, and then you'll both live happily in seperate worlds of varying degrees of joy.

[Lutearina]

Thank you Link. I'm glad to hear your thoughts! and your scary experiences. I'll take your advice. Thanks again! I'll definitely come for help if I need it again.

[Dirty Harry]

Link, I was wondering, what kind of life do you live in Hyrule? I mean, like, the normal, everyday life you lead when you're not going around kicking ass? It makes us a bit curious...

[Link]

Ah. Yes. I will answer you.

One might think I have a great number of hobbies, but, in truth, when I am not doing some world-saving and adventuring, I sleep.

Yes. It is as simple as that: I sleep. Just as you would if, day in and day out, you sprinted across Hyrule field trying to fulfill your quests in time, battling countless evil foes and gathering innumerable (and quite heavy) items that you have to carry around on your back.

You would sleep too, my friend, if your only other sustenance was milk and magic beans (nutritious, but slightly redundant).

I function thus: I spend all my energy in one go, then sleep for five days straight to charge up again (much like the average charge-up battery, Battery vulgaris), and then it's already time for me to go and save the world again.

Of course, I sometimes get up to eat, answer people, and interact with, ahh... close friends (one close friend in particular, not that it's anyone's business. Ahem), but mostly, I sleep. Where I sleep varies on where I last teleported to. For example, I can sleep in my minuscule Kokiri bed as well as sleep on the Temple of Time's front steps (not quite as comfortable).

Yes. That's about it. I sleep.

Any other questions?

[Paladin's Heart]

Hello, Link!

The question I am going to ask you is actually a very widely debated topic amongst all of us. It's actually a very hot topic in these forums of ours. On those countless journies (or 'journey'), I'd like to know your thoughts on the Princess' alter ego, Shiek ('s), gender.

To put it simply, do you think Shiek is a guy or a girl?

P.S: And since when did you get such a large vocabulary? It's a nice change from all those battle cries.

[Link]

Hm. Sheik. I'll admit I thought he was a transgender from the start, but then again, Impa looks pretty manly, so I assumed it was a Sheikah thing.

I'm not exactly sure whether Sheik is a man or a woman, actually. He (or she) spoke in a very lyrical way, with a very mellow voice. It'd be tough to determine on which side of the fence he (or she) stood. All I know is that Sheik was a disguise for Zelda and that Zelda is (you have my word of honour) a woman.

I prefer to regard Sheik as a disguise for Zelda more than as a seperate entity. Sure, he (or she) had his (or her) own thoughts, and used talents which Zelda only mastered to a basic level, so the disguise was more than skin deep, but overall, I believe that it was a genderless costume.

Kind of how you humans celebrate this Halloween night. One might dress as a vampire, but it's up to everyone else to determine whether it is a male or a female vampire. You can choose to base yourself off the gender of the one wearing the costume, or you can choose to think it is a completely different entity.

It's all up to your own perception. I'm sorry if I'm not solving the debate.

As per my vocabulary, let's just say that the fact that I'm not talkative does not impede on my communication skills. It just annoys Navi, and that alone is enough to justify my silence.

Keep asking. I'm getting the hang of this.

[Dirty Harry]

Hmm...Link, where do you find the time to use a laptop to answer our questions between sleeping, interacting and eating?

And as well, what do you think when you're out killing random dudes (monsters)? Do you think"Whoopee let's kick ass" or "How sad, something's dead" or something totally different?

[Link]

Well, perhaps now you understand why I was so upset with CrazygurlMadness. Her requests impede on my sleep time.

As for my emotions while killing, frankly, it depends on the foe. If it's really annoying (i.e. redead or likelike or anything very painful but easily destroyed) I'm relieved to see them go.

If it's something more challenging (i.e. Gerudo swordfighters, Iron Knuckles, big bad bosses, or anything tougher to defeat), I'm excited with adrenalin, and then I'm relieved to see them go.

I get all pumped up and twitchy when I'm about to step into a boss chamber. My insides twist up, I get all anxious and determined , and then I go in and do my usual hero thing. It's great fun, though it should not be attempted by amateurs. Might get you killed, and all. I'm a professional, remember?

[Alantie]

Dear Link

I was wondering while you were browsing around in fanfiction land, what you thought of all those stories out there that pair you up with Mary Sues. Do they frighten you? Oh silly me, the Hero of Time fears nothing! But please, be so kind as to answer my question.

~Alantie

P.S. As an afterthought, what kind of fanfiction WOULD you like to see written about yourself?

[Dirty Harry]

I wanted to add to Alantie's question; what does it feel like to be without a known family? Or do you have one...in secret? and with who?

[Link]

Ah, fanfiction. I'll admit I don't have much time to actually look at it (on account of my day job and sleep habits), but I'll admit it's very entertaining.

I'm not exactly the kind to get upset about disturbing accounts of "social" encounters between myself and any other female (or male, at times ). More often than not, what you call Mary Sues are disappointingly predictable and their stories make me seem like some perfect, heroic man.

If it so pleases the fans, by all means, let them have their fantasies.

To be quite honest, there is no type of fanfiction about me that I enjoy more than any other. Aside from those depicting me as a stupid nose-picking vegetable (which I find untrue and annoying), most fanfics will be entertaining, and, at worst, humorous and worth laughing at.

As per my family situation, I'd like to mention that I am blatantly going to ignore your insinuation about any possible founded family of mine. Not that there is any. Yet. But that is none of your business.

Although I must say that the concept of family is something that can be interpreted. I am not exactly an orphan. Yes, don't get me wrong, my parents are dead, and they are not coming back, not with all the magic in the world, but that doesn't mean I'm without a family. My parents' death doesn't make them any less parental to me. It's just that they weren't around for a while.

Still, it isn't as though I popped out of the ground. I did have parents.

Family does not have to be limited to blood either. For instance, Saria is a close friend, almost a sister to me. I mean by this that I can love her as a sister and not share the same blood as her. And Darunia, though a rowdy friend, shares a form of intellectual and respectful brotherhood with me. To name but a few.

Family is really what you make of it, so, in that sense, I am not without a known family. I do have one. It's just not quite as conventional or typical as most.

[Dirty Harry]

Hmm...here's a weird question. Have you heard of Cloud Strife? Recently, polls showed that you were considered hotter than Mr. Strife- what was your reaction, views and comments on the issue?