This forum is slowly falling into silence. We mustn't let this happen. Revolt against fate!

To give this thread some life, let's say we all post personal stories that, in retrospect, couldn't possibly happen in real life, but that did.

We all, at some point or other, have experienced things that made us wonder if we're not just part of some alien sitcom, that martians watch to distract themselves.

Sometimes there are excerpts of life that belong in a soap opera. I know I have plenty of 'sitcom moments'. Times where things implausible or too dramatic happen to me.


Example:

My closest childhood friend, a guy (whom I'll call Alex, for anonymity's sake) that I met in kindergarden and spent five years of my young life with, suddenly disappeared from my life when I changed schools. For seven whole years, he was but a memory that I kept wondering about.

A year ago, I come out of my workplace and see him sitting on the sidewalk, waiting for the same bus as I. Yes. That's right. Alex was there. I couldn't believe it. I struck up a conversation. I was so happy! Seven years and he's right there!

He hardly answered me. He remembered, of course. But he just didn't give a damn anymore.

I met him the week afterwards, on the bus again. I tried to strike up a conversation once more. He shot me down, claiming he was too tired. I was really insulted now. A month afterwards, I go to the restaurant with my family. GUESS WHO HAPPENED TO BE OUR WAITER?

That's right, Alex.

HE WAS ALL OVER THE PLACE. So alarming!

But I wouldn't be nice to him, this time around. I snubbed him right back, the sucker. He didn't look too proud of himself, either. Hey, I was all pudgy back in preschool, and now I'm slim and pretty good-looking. It's not like I depend on him. I'm not clingy or whatever. I have my new circle of friends (hi, Project Boy!), and they're way cooler than him.

Though, come on. What happened to old times sake?

He goes to the same college as me but I gave up on him. I gave him plenty of chances, but it's his loss.

(He's grown ugly. Hah. Serves him right!)


If someone tells me their own sitcom moment, I might tell you about the face-off that happened two years ago in my classroom. It started with a joke and turned into a war. IN THE CLASSROOM. IN FRONT OF THE TEACHER. Great times.

Random things that happened on band camp; (PS: Martians I am not here to poke at for your enjoyment; grrr)

1) The Massive Gong smash; We get to play Pirates of the Carribean! :D And I get to hit a gong! :D And it makes a lot of noise! :D For those of you who do music, the marking for the song is fortzando;very loud. However, that DOES NOT mean go over the band. Unfortunately I had a very heavy stick; and guess what?

BOOM! Everyone went and turned toward me. And wondered wth was going on. It was scary. And pretty funny. You trying hitting a gong and here it go at around the same volume as a rock star playing guitar, see how you like it.

Are your eardrums still intact? :lol:

Another sitcom moment:

Two years ago, we had this really cruddy class called Ethics. I wouldn't have minded much, but the teacher was insanely moronic. She used to work at a prison for juvenile deliquents, and since such a traumatic environment can be harmful to the mental stability of the caretakers, she came over to our school to work with 'normal' teens, for once.

The thing is, in our class, there are nutcases. Real ones. The biggest one is a guy whom I will call, for anonymity's sake again, Jing. He's Asian. His parents are work freaks. I mean by this that they're so insane for work that his mother threatens him with suicide (she's a drunkard btw) if he doesn't get good grades. His dad is pretty abusive too, mentally and physically.

Obviously, this can mess with a guy's brain pretty badly.

Actually, no one knew about Jing's familial problems. All everyone thought was that he was completely nuts and that he was a lost case. As a person, he's unable to differentiate sarcasm and jokes from true insults. He also takes everything in the strictest sense of the word. Example, you say, "Jing, lick my boot," and he actually bends down until you tell him, "Hey, it was a joke, man."

Mostly, he was just annoying and loud and nobody knew why he was so crazy.

Another Asian guy in my class, "Cal", is his total opposite. He's smart, organised, rich, and pretty much a total jerk. He wouldn't help you out if you asked him for it (you'd have to beg). He has his teasing moments, but he's mostly cynical.

And, finally, (this is the last introduction for today, I promise), "Josie", one of my friends, is a fiery seperatist patriot at heart. She also loves calling Cal names. He usually loves returning the favour. For some reason, they manage to still be friendly and they know how to laugh together.

One afternoon, in Ethics class, the following scene happened:

Teacher (sitting at her desk and smiling at us like we're simpletons): "Alright, everyone, now let's talk about your internal conflicts."

Cal (as a joke directed at Josie, and also to mess with the teacher's brain): "I have an internal problem with Josie. She always calls me names."

Class: *lol*

Teacher (worried for Cal and reproachful to Josie): "Really? Why is that? What does she call you?"

Josie (laughing because Cal and she are on good terms today): "I call him names because he's a bastard."

Cal (faking indignation): "She calls me racist things. She says I'm an ugly piece of Asian shit."

Josie (laughing because they had elaborated this insult together during recess): "Well, you are."

Jing (suddenly leaping from his chair): "YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ASIANS, JOSIE?"

Class (annoyed because he interrupted the good laugh we were getting): "Sit down and shut up, Jing."

Josie (obviously thinking that Jing needs hyperactivity management pills): "I call him Asian shit. I didn't say anything about you."

Jing (still standing, still furious): "What do you know about Asians, huh, Josie? I don't insult you! You have some sort of racist feeling towards us?!?"

Josie (annoyed): "Did you hear what I just said? I called Cal an ugly piece of shit. He's not insulted or anything."

Jing (raving out of control): "You stupid piece of Quebecer crap! You think you're all high and mighty, huh??"

Josie (now VERY annoyed and insulted): "What did you just call me?"

Jing (takes up the challenge): "I said you're a piece of crap!"

At this point, Josie and Jing are standing face to face, nose to nose, seething. I swear. It was way Oka Crisis.

Suddenly, Jing breaks into tears and falls to the ground, curling up into a little ball. Seriously. Like a mental patient. The teacher, still in shock that we're not THAT normal, runs over to ask what the heck is wrong.

That's how everyone heard about Jing crazy life.

I swear. It was like a soap opera and everything.

The Teacher went back to her juvenile delinquents. At least they were predictable.

Any other sitcom moments you want to share? Go on. It happened to all of us. :P

OMG. Wow. You don't hear that everyday. :o

Hmm...Sitcom moment...

Thinking...thinking...

This is just weird.

There's a little girl in my year, shortest girl, I think she's like 1m 20cm high or something. She is that short. She's a great piano player, and she also does mallet percussion. Thus, one day, on an open day, we all were playing in our Year Ensemble for music.

Our music director announces some of the scholarship winners for our year (and she is one of them) so he points to her, and he's like,

"Annie (for annomity's sake), stand up." He says. "Annie?"

And no-one could see her. Then, someone's like "She's already standing up!"

And we all cracked up. And said, "Awww...poor Annie..."

:lol:

I spoke to the hottest guy I'd ever seen yesterday, even though I didn't know who he was, where he came from, and didn't have any form of acquaintance with him whatsoever beforehand.

I just walked up to him and started talking to him. My friends could not believe my guts.

Well, what? I have a thing for hot blonde/blue-eyed bespectacled nerds who study all alone in the sunlight streaming from big bay windows.

He COULD be my soulmate, who knows???

(Read my blog for the full story. It was just too good to pass up on.)

:rolleyes:

Wow! That was you?

(just trying to make myself feel special- :D)

Hmm...what to put in...

c'mon, someone else write in here! I dun't have nething good to write about in my life!

I was at a friend's today, and we were tweaking some voiceovers for our english assignment. So I'm doing my part, (and this is Lord of the Flies, mind) and my part's like "Hahahaha! You will never be free of me!"

So I said the word monkeys! Really loudly, just for the heck of it. Then I wanted to record it, see what it sounded like, after tweaking. So, we went and tweaked it ('cause my part we tweak it so that all the wavelengths are reversed) and we had this really creepy voice saying, "Hahahaha! You will never be free of me!"

Then I said "Monkey!" into the microphone.

We ended up with a really creepy voice, playing the part of the Beast, saying "Monkey! You shall never be free of me!"

We also had another one about Duff beer. I'll save that for another time.

MONKEYS! Cute. We had to do Lord of the Flies stuff too.

Except we were kind of grossed out by the sexual connotations of murdering those piglets. Seriously. Just, ew. Oh, and Piggy's death. YUCK! Too visual.

Here's more.

Last summer, three friends and I went camping alone in the woods for three days. The idea was to be independant and all that.

So we took a massive tent, packed a van full of supplies, and went camping.

We set everything up on the first afternoon. It was a chilly day, so we built a pyromaniac's dream of a campfire. And ate tons of sugar. It then started drizzling. We were like, 'Aw, geez!', and entered the tent for the night.

Except it didn't stop drizzling.

The storm broke out around midnight. And when I say storm, I mean, tropical sized storm. If we hadn't been in the woods, it's likely our tent would have been blown away. Thank goodness for the trees. Thunder cracked right over our heads ALL NIGHT. The rain was pelting down on the plastic so hard that we couldn't hear ourselves.

I moved, and the friend closest to me at the time screamed, "ARE YOU AWAKE?" over the impossible chaos. There were never-ending lightning flashes and constant thunder on top of the rain sounds, so even though she was screaming, I was struggling to hear her.

I answered, "WE'RE GONNA DIE."

Which of course caused us to laugh good-humouredly.

The next morning, we weren't laughing as much. It was still drizzling (it had calmed in the early hours of the morning). And we were hungry, cold, and wet.

That's when the three others decide they're gonna go biking in the woods. I said no thank you. I hate biking. I'd rather walk, thank you very much.

So instead, I stayed at the camp. It started raining again, half an hour later. I was like, fuck. I'm alone to mind the camp. So I put all the not-yet-dry stuff away, and I pack as many things as possible back in the van.

The three girls come back. They're like, "There's too much mud."

And then it begins pouring.

I don't think waterfalls can imitate quite how much water came down on us that afternoon. The ground under our tent filled with water. It was ankle high. ANKLE HIGH in water!

So we strip our shirts and shorts off, because they were already soaked and because we were wearing our bathing suits under them, and we start digging holes around the tent to evacuate the water.

That's when Josie (yes, the one who likes insulting Cal), throws a handful of mud at Kitty.

Thus ensues a mud-n-screech fight of mighty proportions. I have no clue how the neighbours withstood us. The mystery is complete.

After some time, we were too exhausted to dig or fight, so we stood under a steady rivulet of water and washed off. Free shower, no quarters lost.

It stopped raining after that, but I think the clothes I wore then are still soaked beyond repair. My shoes will never be the same either.

Best. Camping Trip. Ever.


Come on, people. Share! For sure you have stuff to talk about. DH and I can't be the only ones with sitcom moments!

Alright, here are some sitcom-y things for you! Well, they're not so much sitcom-y and more of an embarrassing look at my lapses of judgment, but, whatever :P


The first one was in my grade 10 English class. We were doing some sort of creative writing thing, and for reasons I cannot fathom, I handed in a freaking Gundam Wing fanfic. And it wasn't even anywhere near decent (I nearly cried when I re-read it a few weeks ago, it was so bad >_<). But the stupid thing was that I got an A+ for the damn thing @_@

Later on, in grade 12 Biology, we were each to do a report on a cancer of our choosing, and everyone had to do a different cancer. Being the [sarcasm]sensitive soul[/sarcasm] that I am, I choose colorectal cancer so I could title my report "Cancer of the Ass". Which I did. And I handed it in to the bloody teacher that way. I swear, when he saw the title of my report, he laughed so hard that I thought he was going to die or something (he was one of those very straight-laced, robot teachers that they probably plug in every night. I blew me away that he had any kind of emotion at all x_x). Despite the title, I got an A+ on that too...

Also in grade 12, but in English again this time, we were split up into groups, and each group read a different book. Mine got 1984 by George Orwell (which he may have well titled "This Is Your Future, Bitches!" for the way the world has turned out). Anyway, we read the book, and then we had a discussion about it with the teacher. I can't remember exactly what was said, but that somewhere in the discussion I said something to the effect of "We're all going to die one day, so what's the point in life?" but in a sort of happy, up-beat kinda way. Not surprisingly, the teacher looked at me like she thought I was some sort of nutcase ^-^;;

Hmm...I wouldn't have minded being there. Not only for a mudfight.

Okay, now my pervertedness shall stop. I have a deluded and sick mind sometimes. Please excuse me for a second.

*insert Tellytubby sounds to cancel out the smacking noises*

Hmm...

The Duff Beer one was like, "You shall never be free of me! And the Duff Beer!"

Let's see...interesting things...

I was at a friend's bday party, and we were all walking in the city. My friends were across the road, and I was talking to them.

I turned around, and walked straight into a lamp post. :D

See? Isn't that funny? :D

My brother once ran into a glass door of a Blockbuster's because he didn't see it. Shook the whole front of the store, practically! One of the cashiers came out and asked him if he had a concussion or anything. I laughed XD

Oh! I had something like that happen to my cousin once! When we were kids, my Aunt's house has this big sliding glass door leading out into their beautiful backyard. So then one day my Aunt must've gotten some really good glass cleaner because I could've sworn the door wasn't there. Then my cousin says, "Come on! Let's go outside!" and runs right past me.

...and crashes into the door with a big 'thud'!

Well, it would help if the members could help getting the forums out on the interwebs. :whistle: We've also had a suggestion of getting our forums out but we're still deciding it (plus the main Admin of these boards hath abandoned us). The interwebs are seriaz business, kthx.

Hmm, a sitcom moment I had in my life...

I'll have to think about that one xD.

OH MY GOD, I totally know what you mean about the perfect scores in class. I have an amazing talent for bullshitting my way through, so I can say whatever the teachers want to hear with a big smile, even though I don't care, and I always get a 100% grade.

I smacked into a pole too, once. It was a stop sign. And boy did I stop right there. Ouch.

Here's another one:

For our prom last year, we had chosen this ultimate ultra-rich hotel on the lakeside with chandeliers and stuff. Nice place and everything. The food was kind of gross, though.

I was sitting a table for ten with a couple of friends, and between Kitty and I was Mimi, a girl who has some slight personality problems. She's not a bad person, but she's definitely weird.

Anyway. For the main dish, we were supposed to have stuffed chicken. It was disgusting, and by that time, none of us were really hungry.

That's when Guy drops by, wearing his tux and everything. He's like, "Hey, everybody. I know you think the chicken's gross, so hand it to me. Scoot over, Mimi."

Mimi looks up, and says, "I don't have enough space to scoot over." She glances at Kitty, who was running out of space. "Find some other place to bother people."

But Kitty and I, being on good terms with Guy, insist that he stays for a little while. We were getting bored with the crappy animator, and Guy was sure to distract us. So Guy goes, "Well why don't you take my spot at the other table, Mimi? You're not eating your chicken, and I'm done with mine. Plus, the people over there would be glad to have you."

This may seem like a pleasant way to get Mimi to move. In fact, she nearly flushed with pleasure and almost immediately stood, moving away from our table. Guy, Kitty and I watch her walk away.

Calling after her, Guy says, "You won't be a bother!" He then turns back to us and says, "The people at my table will hate me, but whatever." He sits between Kitty and I and begins eating Mimi's chicken.

I go, "Wait. You didn't actually warn them you'd be swapping places?"

Guy looks at me like I'm crazy. "Hello. If I told them I'd be sending Mimi over, like hell they'd have let me go. Hand me your chicken pieces."

As Kitty and I drop our chicken into his plate, all the while wondering how such a thin guy can possibly eat so much without getting fat, Guy continues, "You know, I realised something."

He says this as he looks around at the gathering of all the people we spent years with. Kitty, expecting him to say something significant and sensitive, asks, "And what is that?"

Guy takes a massive bite of chicken and says, "You know, Mimi didn't even realise I insulted her. I think it's a talent of mine."

Oh geez, Kitty and I think as we glance at each other.

Guy turns to me. "I swear. Don't make that face. I have a knack for insulting people. I can say whatever the heck I want, and invariably, they won't hear me. For instance, I can say, 'Kitty is a total moron', and she won't hear me."

Kitty flatly deadpans, "I heard that."

Guy, losing his serious face, breaks into a grin and says, even as he continues eating chicken, "Yeah, well. I did that one on purpose."

Keep sharing. Sharing sitcom moments is always fun. :thumbs:

Hah, ironic, I had my prom in a hotel too :P

About a year ago, I had a movie night with some friends (let's call them Elle and Emma). Emma and I were all sprawled out on the floor in sleeping bags, and Elle was in a big fat armchair. Anyway, Elle had just put a movie in, and it was going through the previews, when somebody said something in them that just got Emma laughing. I asked her what was so funny, but she was laughing so hard that she couldn't answer, and then that got me going, and in something of a chain reaction, we ended up absolutely screaming with laughter into our pillows for fifteen minutes while Elle sat there wondering what the hell was so funny XD

:D Did you find out what it was, though, that made her laugh?

I remember when a group of friends and I went to see X-Men 3.

Usually, I go to the movies with three or four people tops. That night, we were twelve, I think. Cal, Mimi, "Eva", Kitty, "Alex", and a couple others. I was sandwiched between Eva and Kitty, at first, but then Eva turns to me and whines, "CM, Alex keeps telling me all the spoilers! Make him stop!"

Being on good terms with Alex, I offer to change places with Eva so that I'll be like a barrier between Alex and her sensitive ears.

Indeed, Alex spoiled most of the movie to me, because he likes being a jerk. But I didn't care since I'd seen the comics, so whatever.

I think the people in the theater wanted to kill our row (yes, we filled a whole row) by the end of the night. Because I was laughing at Alex's antics, Eva was insulting the characters onscreen, Kitty was trying to make us shut up, and Cal, from the other end of the row, was calling back to Kitty to make us shut up.

When we came out of the theater, Alex lost his pants, because he wore them so low, and because he was jumping around. This caused us to be extremely amused.

Great times.

No, we never did. Apparently it wasn't even that funny, but it just struck a nerve, I guess :P

A few Halloweens back, I was going to go trick-or-treating with Elle and a fiend of ours called "Jay". We had arranged to meet behind our school in this water park some time after dark, and I got there first, and Elle came a while after that. Jay, on the other hand, was taking forever, so we went over to his house, which was just a stone's throw away from the school (literally a stone's throw away. I stood on his yard and threw the stone myself).

So we get there, and his little sister answers the door, telling us that he's just getting ready. We wait a couple of minutes, then finally his door opens, and out he pranced (yes, pranced) wearing white face paint with red on his cheeks, schoolboy shorts and a dress shirt over a pillow wrapped around his waist to make him fat (he's one of those freakishly skinny types), what appeared to be a king's robe and a Raggedy Ann wig. He stopped in front of us, did a little pirouette, and in what I can only assume to be a Swedish, singsong accent said, "Sorry to keep you waiting!"

I swear, I died laughing.

I have the most embarassing one.

I shat myself. Like, literally. Shat my pants.

I forgot to go toilet. I felt urge at bad time. I ran to toilet. Premature release.

Very messy. Clean up. Felt like crap. *funny, it was crap*

And so, I went home and showered, and got rid of shit. By God that was bad.

No-one except my parents knew. AND NOW YOU DO TOO! :angry: I'm warning you...

Oh. :lol: Don't worry. I once barfed on a tram in a foreign country. I got off as soon as they stopped. It was right next to the driver too... :blehh:

I dressed up as Jack Sparrow for Halloween! Complete with corsair boots and sexy bandana! The only change in the costume was that the collar had to be sown a bit higher, because I, unlike Johnny Depp, cannot afford to show my chest.

Here's one from last Friday:

A guy from my old high school (let's call him "Starr") has a rather deep voice, but he can change his registry and make really high-pitched sounds. In fact, he can imitate the laugh of a little girl extremely well, but only if it's really loud.

Anyway, I was sitting with Starr, "Vince", "Slim", Guy and "Phil", guys whom I've known since high school and who all attend my college now, and Starr was sitting a bit further away from us. The entrance hall was actually quite bustling at the time, but we had hogged all the chairs for our own selfish purposes.

That's when Guy turns to Starr and asks, "Hey, do that laugh thing."

Starr goes, "Are you kidding, man? That's dumb shit."

Slim suggests, "Pretend that Guy did it."

When the rest of us plead with him, Starr rolls his eyes.

And then, he lets out the loudest girly laughing shriek you can imagine.

Slim, Vince, Guy, Phil and I were bent over with laughter, while a complete silence falls over the entrance hall. Everyone kept looking in our direction in a what-the-f*ck sort of way.

Amazing stuff.

That's when Vince asks him to do it again.

And Starr, once he is assured that everyone is back to their normal conversations, lets out another girly shriek. Shockingly, this time he is chorused by Guy, who also has a knack for the sound.

The silence was twice as stunned.

My sides still hurt thinking about it. :lol:

Lol.

I actually can do pretty good British accents. And I can hit falsetto and high register. I feel proud. :D

Once, there was a guy in my class that was pissing the FUCK right out of me. As a guy, I shall swear. It is only natural, when you live in Australia.

So we're in the middle of class, and he's just talking and talking and talking and pissing the shit out of me. So I yell at him, in front of whole class, "**** Shut up!" **** for anonymity's sake.

And everyone's looking at me. He quietens down. Then afterward, he starts up again. And I yell the same thing at him. And he got sent outside. And I wasn't in trouble. Isnt' that cool?

Hah, nice! I had a similar experience in grade school, except it was a girl who sat next to me, and she kept stabbing me in the leg with a pen for some reason. And instead of yelling at her, I punched her in the face and knocked her clear out of her desk. And unlike you, I was in detention for a month ^-^;;

Annoying people deserve punishment.

Yesterday (yes, yesterday), I got my vengeance on one of the guys who had bullied me verbally during elementary.

Let's call him Greg for now.

Greg was the king of my elementary school. His word was law, and you didn't disagree with him. EVER. He was the one who could kick the soccer ball the farthest, okay? You don't mess with the kid who can kick the soccer ball the farthest. Especially if he's cute and the cousin of the bitch-posse, whose power was undeniable.

I, on the other hand, was everything Greg was not. A girl, for starters, an awful soccer player, and I was actually smart. That is to say, my grades were generally the highest of the level. I always got prizes and everything. This caused me to be alienated from just about ever social group. I could get into this in detail, but that's a waste of time. Fact is, I was a reject, because I actually had excellent grades in everything. In third grade.

Because of this, I was the obvious and best target for mockery and bullying. I was a crybaby back then, too, so you can guess how defenceless I was. I grew a spine afterwards, upon changing schools, but back then, I was at the mercy of Greg and his even harsher cousin.

Things stayed at what would seem like a statu quo for roughly eight years. I never expected a change to come around, and so resolved to push those embarrassing years to the back of my mind. I had friends now, good ones, and I had become rather attractive, if I do say so myself, and my life was good.

I come into French class at my new college with a friend. The teacher calls us out to find out who chose to skip the first class of the session.

And he calls my name. A guy turns around. His face is thin, a bit bony, with a most ridiculous haircut. I ignore him.

Until the teacher calls his name and I find out he is Greg.

Well, I consider. Look what time has done for us both, Greg. You've remained a moron (who stopped doing sports and started smoking weed), and even became ugly. I, on the other hand, am hanging out with more (attractive and fun) friends, including guy friends, than you could ever hope to know, and have lost my baby fat, and have remained smart.

I chose not to bother with greeting him. I was still unsure if he actually recognized me, and if he deliberately ignored me, whatever, it was his loss. I was glad, even, to ignore him and live my life. Like bullies could ever have their hold on me again. Hah!

Yesterday, I come in with two friends (HI, PROJECT BOY! I HEART YOU!) and hurry to get the teacher's approval for my writing assignment plan, so that the three of us can scram as fast as possible.

"Hey, CM," I hear someone call. I turn. Lo and behold. If it isn't my childhood bully. "Can I see your plan for a sec'?"

Sure, bastard. For five seconds, so that you can't copy on me like you tried to do during our earlier years.

I smile at him prettily. "Sure." I hand my plan to him.

He hands it back almost immediately, and turns to return to his place. Whoa, cold son of a...

He turns back to me. "So, uh," he smiles a smile that would have been handsome if I had ever cared for him, "do you remember me?"

I grin back, knowing that he broke before me. "Yeah. I was wondering who would break in first and talk to the other. Turns out it wasn't me."

He looked a bit taken-aback. Can you blame him? The CM he used to know grew a spine and a nice bod'. Which, I thought to myself as I caught up with my two guy friends, he will never, ever, ever get to know personally. B)

VICTORY TO THE BULLIED NERDS!!

Hmm. Hot nerds. Damn, I'm jealous of the guys at your school. Sorry. I just don't socialise a lot.

Well, let me say...sitcom, sitcom...

Come to think of it, we were doing soap operas. And I was suppoed to be the guy looking a girl up.

Now, poor, naive, innocent I, is very inexperienced in these things. I spent half the lesson learning how to look a girl up. I failed miserably. Remind me to cry. :ph43r:

It could have been worse. You could have crapped your pants while trying to look a girl up.

Oh, here’s something sitcomy! In grade 8 at my school, everyone had to take this sex-ed course. Being that we were all 12-14 year olds, it was all really mortifying. It didn't help that the sex-ed teacher (who was either a really butch lady, or a very girly man, I'm still not too sure) went and handed out condoms to everyone at the beginning of the class. And showed us, with a wooden model, how to put them on x_x
The most embarrassing part, however, was when he/she was explaining some of the workings of the male genitalia, it pulled out a book to show us pictures of what it was talking about. And instead of a biology book, like everyone expected, it pulled out, and I kid you not, a pop-up book. I'm sure you can use your own imagination to guess what exactly was popping up >_<

:funny: FUNNIEST POST EVER.

Our Bio teacher (a man, no doubt about it) once took out a condom and said, "Alright guys. Now let's go over the facts, shall we? Condoms are never too small for you. No one," he puts four fingers into the condom and stretches it to, like, twenty inches of diameter, "is as large as this." When everyone's eyes bulged at the possibilities, he adds, "Therefore, ladies, do not listen to a smartass who is trying to have unprotected sex with you because his dick is too large. It is impossible. Also, I assure you there are no bedroom legends in this school."

This last bit, of course, lead to a lot of :blink: questions.

From who may I ask? If you would be so kind as to give me names, and descriptions, so I may laugh with my vivid imagination.

Oh yes. Now, I need somethign that says my post is the most disgusting post ever.

We also had a sex ed class. It was all about NOT HAVING SEX. Isn't that a joy? Not really, but anyway. So, here we all are, and they're telling us, condoms can't protect you from everything, there are some diseases that oyu just can't avoid.

And, mind, we're watching a very clear power point presentaiton. Click.

Up comes a massive picture of a male genital. Complete with genital warts. Same with a female genital. And another for thrush or syphillis. I was so scarred, I can't remember the rest.

Oh, and we were watching a film in Indonesian the other day.

*in Indo*

"Hey, have you been circumcised yet?"

"Uhh, yeah..."

"Can I check?"

"Huh? Are you crazy?"

"If you don't have it cut, you'll get into trouble."

"Fine..."

At this point, one of the males drops his pants, and we can see it sticking out. Then the other guy drops his pants. We can see it sticking out too. Embarassing. Co-ed classes. Makes me laugh.

We just had Biology classes. No sex-ed. They assumed we were smart enough to know better. Meh. Fact is, no one from my high school ever had problems with their sexual life. Usually, it shows in their general attitude, but there was nothing to signal.

There was one of my ex-friends who became a nympho, but that had nothing to do with sex-ed. She was just mentally unstable from the start.

Actually, she's the only one I know from my high school whose sex life might endanger the rest of society. Everyone else (including good ole Jing) knew better than to sleep around like a sl*t with people they didn't know. Which, you know, is a relief.

In fact, one minute she's all 'stupid guys and their d*cks', and the very next day, after sleeping with a guy for the first time in her life she's like, 'hm, d*cks'. And started hitting on every guy within a forty mile range.

I was actually impressed that most guys didn't jump at the occasion. Most of them just shoved her off in annoyance and proclaimed she was carrier of some unspeakable disease.

To quote a guy friend of mine, 'There's something wrong with girls who want sex so much that their libido is more overpowering than my own. And that's a lot of libido.' :lol:

Gotta love my chums. :thumbs:

XD :funny:


A couple of months ago, I was at a restaurant with Elle, Emma and her fiancé "Will". We were celebrating how he proposed and everything. Anyway, we'd ordered our food and such, and were waiting around and talking, when Will starts making orgasm moans. Elle gave him a "what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-you" look, while Emma went beet red (Will apparently does this all the time in public, making orgasm noises, because when he hugs Emma in public, she'll sometimes jokingly yell out "rape." Yes, I know, my friends are demented). And me? I started making orgasm noises too. We actually got kinda loud, and other people were looking at us funny, but we were sitting in a booth and Will and I were sitting next to the wall, while Emma and Elle were on the outside, so everyone was looking at them, thinking they were the ones making all the noise XD

:lol: :D :P OMG. My friends do that all the time!!! It's so embarrassing sometimes!

My friend (Project Boy, for those who know who he is... ;) ) constantly answers class questions. Except since he looks so calm and laid-back, nobody expects him to say the dumb stuff that he says.

He also has the habit of saying that dumb stuff, then turning around to a random person and asking them what the hell is wrong with them, thus drawing the attention away from him and onto an innocent bystander. :lol:

:lol: Way to shift the blame XD

Usually, when my brother comes home, he'll yell out a hello to anyone in the house. But this one time he didn't, so I yelled down to him, "Oh no! There's a stranger in the house!" in this overdramatic voice. And he answers back, equally overdramatic, with, "But it is not a stranger! It is I! Woosh! Your brother!"

He's a pain in the ass mostly, but he does have his moments :P

Yeah, seriously. My brother (he's younger than me) is usually wrapped up in his own world, as I am in mine, but there are times, when the parents aren't around and we have to mind the house on our own, where I swear it's like we're twins.

I know that sounds weird, but my brother and I have never had a single argument. We had moments where we were exasperated, but, in our family, we usually let problems get resolved over time, so I never had a fight or an argument with him.

EVER.

Creepy, huh?

And sometimes, we just sit and talk about anything and everything. Usually at random hours of the day (like seven in the morning, while eating breakfast, or eleven at night, when the parents are asleep). If the parents are there, we're apathetic and everything, but it's like we have this secret complicity that comes out when no one else can hear us.

I really love my brother (in a sibling way, please. Nothing scandalous there). He's really mature and smart and really stupid at the same time.

And every conversation I have with him pretty much turns out to be a sitcom moment. :P

Other strange conversations involving my family can be summed by:

"CM, go clean your room. I can't pass the vacuum if you don't."
"I'll do it myself, mom."
"Clean. Your. Room."
"Alright, I will."
"Or I won't take you to the bookstore."
"Oh my god. Is that a threat?"
"No. It's a promise."

Yes. Anyone who read the first chapter of Privateer now knows where that argument I wrote for Link and Zelda came from. :lol:

The other day at work I was designing a flyer for a coworker, so I asked her to send me a picture, which they did, and then I sent them a sample of the thing so she could check to see that everything was how they wanted it. She came back a little while later, saying that everything was fine, except that it was the wrong picture. I told her that that was the picture she sent me, so she went back to her office to send the right picture. Only it's the same one as she sent before. So then I go to her office, and tell her what she did. She had recently dyed her hair blonde, so I said that maybe it was a blonde moment that made her do that, and I told her to think brunette and send me the right picture. And she tells me that in a moment she's going to be thinking red-head and kicking my ass XD

:lol:

Yesterday, in Philosophy class, two girls were chattering with Project Boy, but not very loud so they weren't bothering the class.

The teacher, this immense woman with a slightly manic-depressive tendency, suddenly stops her explanation and screams (she never does that, which made it all the more shocking), "You two!" She points at the two girls, who had been laughing at something Project Boy had said. "You keep bothering my class and the others can't focus."

Which wasn't true, since, as I said, they were quiet enough that it didn't matter if they talked. There were far more annoying people in that class than them.

The two girls just sit there, bewildered. The teacher goes on, "I don't want any more disturbances! Get out!"

Stunned silence. One of the girls, hesitantly, asks, "Um, are you serious?"

"How are we going to do our test?"

"You'll come see me in two hours."

They still can't believe she's having them leave. One of the girls, unsure, starts packing her things quickly and leaves, shooting the teacher a 'what the hell?' face. The other, whose temper tends to flare more, starts slowly packing her things, fuming all along.

There's a dead silence, broken only by her slow packing. She suddenly looks up.

"You know, you can go on with your class."

The teacher, looking like she has been eating something sour for the past fifteen minutes, just says, "I can wait until you're gone."

Sarcastically, the girl answers, "Well, that's too bad. I wouldn't want to waste anymore of the others' precious study time."

The teacher looks like murder, but she says nothing. Finally, the girl is done picking her things up, heads towards the door, opens it quietly, walks through, and SLAM.

There's a total silence. All eyes are on a stunned Project Boy, who, while not being the instigator of the girls' chattering, was still part of it.

At the end of the class, I walk out with him and we're joined by Guy. The conversation quickly turns to 'why didn't she kick you out too, PB?'

Of course, he says, "It's because I'm subtle. No one notices that I talk."

Guy, who has the same teacher as we do but isn't in our class, suggests, "I think she's sexist towards girls."

I think he's right. It makes me wonder, y'know. :huh:

What a lovely teacher you have, CM :blink:

Last weekend we had to go visit the grandmother, who lives in a town that's a two hour drive away from her own. The trip and visit itself were fairly uneventful (the only fun things that happened were when my brother and I shot at things with a b.b. gun, and I managed to play Zelda's Lullaby on the grandmother's piano). When it came time to head home, it was just after sunset, so we knew the return trip was going to be dark. We had stopped by a corner store to pick up drinks for the road, and because of a recent bout of insomnia, I decided to get this massive can (it looked like a giant battery) of Jolt Cola Blue (because they didn't have a green one).
So we're driving along, and the lack of sleep is starting to get to me, so I start drinking the caffeine rich drink. Now, maybe it was the lack of sleep coupled with the mass influx of caffeine, but I started hallucinating. And not just any hallucinating, no, I was fangirl hallucinating. In the top left corner of my vision, I could freaking well see a heart and magic meter. In my deluded state of mind, I thought that every time a car went by, it would paralyze me with its headlights and hurt me as it goes past, like a ReDead or something, but without the screaming. I started panicking as my life meter got lower and lower, and I thought I was actually going to die because I didn't bring any fairies (I know, WTF, right?), but then I remembered I still had my Jolt Cola Blue, and in my dementedly fangirlish state, I got it into my head that it wasn't actually and energy drink, but a Blue Potion!
I went and downed the rest of my drink (forgetting that the headlights of passing cars were supposed to be paralyzing me, it seems), and I think I kinda passed out then, because the next thing I knew, and hour had passed and we were that much closer to home.
So, yeah, I'm never having anything that high in caffeine when I'm that tired, ever again!

That is the funniest yet creepiest thing I ever heard.

I once dreamed that I was playing Twilight Princess and finding out plenty of plot turns. Like that Midna was Ilia and weird stuff like that. It went on for hours inside my head. I woke up the next morning and I was like, "what? No Twilight Princess?"

I just hope the plot twists in TP don't turn out to be like the ones in my dreams for two reasons: 1) they sucked and 2) there won't be any surprises anymore!

I know. I have very peculiar concerns.

That would actually be kinda freaky if the game did actually turn out like your dream, though :blink: Maybe you have psychic powers without realizing it?

I don't actually remember this, as I was three at the time, but when my mom got pregnant with my brother, and my dad told me of this, my reply was apparently, "But you're my daddy!" which got him all teary-eyed and such :P

Awwwwww!!! :link:

On Friday night, four of my friends almost died. I found out this morning.

They were driving a new car. The guy driver had just gotten his license. They were coming back from a restaurant, and were at a stop sign, when suddenly this completely drunk guy came crashing into the rear right side of the car.

My friend Josie, who had been sitting in that particular seat, got pretty badly injured. The car itself even skidded sideways ten feet because of the sudden impact. Everyone else's necks snapped sideways (figuratively).

No one died, but they called the police and an ambulance for Josie. She had to be immobilized and transported to the hospital immediately. They were afraid that she would be paralysed or something. The drunk driver (a young man of 23, as they always are) was arrested and will probably be doing a couple years of prison.

The car was completely wrecked.

As for Josie, I heard the story from her this morning. She temporarily can't move her shoulders and spine. Like the stubborn mule that she is, she still came to school. But she's strung on narcotics and muscle looseners: the muscles in her back and neck are partially ripped. She'll be fine in a week, but she was supposed to stay home.

But whatever. Josie's a stubborn girl and nothing really stops her. Not even a life threatening accident.

:rolleyes:

Hmm...yikes ouch. Not nice...

I think I bashed someone once for stealing my drink bottle. Or half bashed...

It's like, my trademark. It's my thing, my calling card. It defines DH. And they stole it. And I got really annoyed. Short fuse... :whistle:

Oh. I bash people without reason. But I bash them in a non-violent way. It's my trademark. :P

Bashing people is ever so much fun! *is suddenly British for no reason*

A few winters ago, we actually got a decent snowfall where I live (we mostly get rain all year, so snow is a treat). Some friends and I went out into the forest, wandering around and behaving childish and all that, when we came to a clearing and decided we were going to do "death scenes". We would take turns at "slashing", "stabbing", or "shooting" one another, and try to "die" in a very dramatic way.
Anyway, it was Emma's turn, so I "slashed" her across the stomach with my "sword", and she clutched her "wound", stumbled backwards a bit, then slowly fell backwards. She had landed in front of a sapling, and a beat after she "died", all the snow fell off the sapling and onto her face. She lay there for a moment being dead while the rest of us laughed our asses off XD

:lol:

Snow and winter bring back fond memories. Back in 1998, there was the ice storm. It brought down all the electric poles in the province, along with the pylones and relay towers. The weight of the ice was just that great. There were roughly ten centimeters of ice over everything in sight. Some houses roofs even caved in.

The electric outage lasted for weeks. People were fighting for water and gas; generators sold out; and some houses burned down because people tried to make fires with rapidly decreasing stocks of wood.

We lost the electricity for two weeks. We were lucky, since we live in a rich neighbourhood, near the city. But lost villages had trouble with that for a month and a half.

Anyway. My uncle's place still had electricity (by some miracle), and so the whole family (cousins, aunts, grandparents, all twenty of us) found refuge at his place. Except his house isn't exactly the biggest of all.

As a child, I couldn't realise how uncomfortable it all was. I thought it was like a massive slumber party, so my cousins and I totally enjoyed it.

We'd stand at the window at night and watch the pylones collapsing in the distance with big green flashes. *sigh* Such fond memories... :rolleyes:

:D

Later on in the same forest romp where friends and I were "killing" each other, I nearly died for real.
Like I said before, we don't usually get snow where I live, but we happened to get a week of really heavy snowfall. So heavy, that trees were breaking from the weight of snow.
There's this path that meanders through the wood, and we were walking along that, when I stopped and bent over to re-tie a boot. Next thing I know, there's a cracking sound over my head, and I'm deluged in a mass of snow, and I look up to see half a tree trunk hurtling straight at me. Call it luck, but I managed to dive out of the way of the tree an instant before it hit me, and the only injury I got was a bruised elbow.
I have a piece of the tree that nearly killed me hanging from my wall now XD