My Shaper, the bionic wonder

[KrootWarMaster]

this is fluff i written ages ago, when i put a crisis battlesuit arm on my shaper.


Bionic Shaper
The shaper lead his squad through the trees tailing an ork 'ard boyz squad. The orks made too much noise so the shaper had no trouble in following them,
After about 3 hours of marching through the forest, the shaper stopped, and clicked an order to the others. They stopped dead and waited. The shaper crept forward and began to look through the edge of the forest. He saw a sight that sickened him. A kroot scout party's base had been burned to the ground and all the kroot had been slaughtered and stuck on poles. The shaper screamed and jumped straight onto the back of an ork, tearing a chunk out of the back of his head with his beak. He then drwe his kroot rifle and began slashing, shooting and biting every ork that came near him. After he had killed the ard boyz Nob, he realised that the orks hadnt stopped coming. He screamed a command to his squad, which told them to shout if they were alive. only 3 screams answered him. He kept up his attack and slauhgtered around 30 other orks before a lucky slash from the warboss took his left arm off. The shaper screamed in pain but kept on fighting. He slash with his rifle and bit the warboss until he had battered it beyond death. The oks quickly sorrounded him ina bloodlust after seeing their warboss slaughtered. When the shaper fell to the ground, finally ready to give up. Blasting erupted from his left, and he saw stealth battlesuits and fio'vre's marching out of the trees. the fio members helpt him to his feet and carried him away. When they arrived at their camp, they took the shaper into a tent and began to numb his arm, then they brought in a shining metal arm, a miniture version of the crisis battlesuits arms. Thewy then began to bionically attach the arm to the kroot. Around 7 hours later. the kroot stood in the sunlight, admiring his new arm. He then returned to his warriors on their warsphere. Ready to hunt a new fight, and after a succesfull campaign through imperial guards territories, the shaper managed to find two power swords blades, and attached them to his arm. From that day forward, he charged towards his enemys, swinging his power weapon equipped bionic arm at his foes, succesfully decapitating anyone whon stood in his way.
any comments?
suggestions on how to improve?

[Tammo_Korsai]

I can't read that huge wad of text, you really need to arrange it into paragraphs. Then people will be more likley to actually read it properly.

[Shas'O SamadhiRaver]

i like the storey it was interesting i would like to see the moddel you made it for it sounds cool

the only improvment i could see if formating the story a bit better (yes i know that sounds stupid coming from me the king of HUGE sentances) but it would make it a great read if you did that