I have a headache..
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Posts: 28
Member No.: 14
Joined: 8-June 09
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JARETH is Prototype's real name. Just understand that.
NOW READ!
Written June 23rd before Showdown.
Chronic headaches is what people know me for by now in INW. That is all they know me as. The kid that can’t handle a headache, but they don’t understand the PAIN! That I go through with these headaches. I see stuff I shouldn’t see. I see myself looking right back at me, and why? I don’t know. I can’t truthly answer that question. I wish I could. I wish I could answer all of these questions, and I didn’t have headaches anymore. I don’t want to look around and see myself. I don’t want to hear someone else talking, but it is really me and I am just talking to myself. I take pills to try and calm these voices, but they never work. They don’t calm the voices. The voices are always talking. Constently. I have learned to live with them, and ignore there murderous ideas. If I listened to the voices I would be in trouble. In trouble all time. i wouldn’t be here right now if I listened. If I listened I would be looked away byself wearing a orange jumpsuit rotting behind metal bars. Eating Bolange sandwhiches with only a cot to sleep on, as I counted the days until they executed me. If there really is a higher power why hasn’t he forskaen me? If there is a higher power why must he fill my head with these thoughts. Letting me die bit by bit everyday. The lord is suppose to help people, but me oh no. I am not good enough. He has forskaen me. He finds me useless. People want deep description on what I feel in my head, but it can’t be done. You must experince these to know how they feel. It feels like someone is hammering a nail into my head, but that isn’t all. The rest can’t be described. Waking up from them and seeing you are somewhere you weren’t before is odd. Something I wish that I never experinced in my life. I want everything to go away. I would give up anything to get rid of these voices that taunt me. My thoughts are disorganized. I speak, and go off topic to much, and it affects the person I am. I was such a organized person. A very intellegent person at that, but now I am not the same as I was. Was rejoinning the INW a mistake? Is it affecting my sanity to return to the ring and wrestle? Everyone second guesses thereselves like this. There is nothing to my name in the INW other than a shot at the INW championship. My only goal when I came in was to be a champion, and I did that. What was the real point in me coming back? To do this. Win a World title. I have never been a big name in any place that I went to. So tonight I must win, and beat Honda so I can move on and win the INW World Title. That is the only goal that I have. To win. Win, and Win again. I will not lose in INW. I am a winner yes. Even with my insanity I am still the best that INW has. I am the only person that can help INW become something special. If INW wants to be atop of the wrestling feds. I will need to win tonight and win at summerfest. That is the only way it will work.
At the same time I don’t know what I am doing. Do I really need to win this belt to be something very special. No I don’t. What am I talking about though. I am crazy. My thoughts aren’t fluid like they should be. I took a head shot somewhere else, and took a year off, and now look at me. I am hopeless.
I have to go I have a match to get ready for.
June 27th.
I was rubbing my eyes maybe it would help clear my head. I was sitting in my house alone as always. All the lights are off in the house. You can’t see anything in the living. it is pitch black in the room.
“Why is it that I am the one to be fucked with. No one else hears these voices, but me. I hear all the time. I don’t like to hear these voices. They cause me problems. I haven’t been able to workout, but still I win. What is it about me that makes me hear them. I am playing mind games with my self when I should be playing them with others. I am insane, but I can’t fix it. Other people how ever can fix these problems. I take pills like others, but they don’t help me. They make them worse. They do the complete opposite of what they should do. So what is the point in living when you hear voices. 24/7? I can’t kill myself, because I am not that type of person. When you kill yourself it means you are selfish. Very selfish.”
Then of course it happened. My head started to hurt again, so I went to my bed, and laid down, and then I had a dream.
I woke up in a place that was similar to the house of mirrors. There were small differences in this place though. One major difference was that the staircase that led to another floor was gone and the mirrors were not broken. The mirrors were lined up in two rows. They both left a path, and at the end of the path a man was sitting in a chair. His legs crossed. He is wearing a top hat, and dressed very similar to how I used to dress, but he didn’t look familiar at all to me. He wasn’t me. He didn’t look like me in anyway, but I am looking from a distance, so I can’t really tell much from here. I walk down the pathway. There is a purple carpet laid down the pathway. The man stares at me while I walk down the path. While walking down the path I noticed that it was never ending. I have been walking for what feels like hours, but I have reached him yet. I continued to walk, because I didn’t feel like stopping for some reason. Well I wanted to stop, but I couldn’t if that makes sense. Dreams tend not to make sense. Something that I have learned recently. I was bored with this walking, and I needed to entertain myself.
“So, good sir! How are you doing today?” I yelled to the man sitting in the chair. I didn’t really expect much of a reply. I didn’t care. I don’t fight anything in my dreams anymore. I go with the flow, because fighting something that isn’t really only makes you crazy, and in my case it would make me crazier, and that is not what I need going into Thursday. Of course he didn’t reply, and I was still walking. Waiting for me to wake up in the hospital again. Hospitals are costing way to much money. That is what insurance is good for though! At one point I blinked and then when I opened my eyes I saw the man that was sitting in the chair standing right in front of me. If you have ever seen the movie A Clockwork Orange. That is what he looked like. The main character in the movie. The make up on one eye, but he didn’t have the whole odd jumpsuit thing on. His facial expression was odd. I can’t really explain it. I have never really been good at explaining things though. It was somewhat of a grin I guess. Me and him were about the same height. Maybe he was a inch shorter than me. That is something else I have been really bad at. Determining how much taller I am than someone. The person finally speaks to me.
“I am doing very well.” he answered the question I asked earlier, but I was very let down by his voice. I expected a british accent just because he looked like he was part of A Clockwork Orange cast. Well I guess I should get used to it. James Raven and Spice are in a match and I am a Spice fan, so I should expect to be let down. If you saw this situation up close it would be very awkward because both of us were standing there face to face not saying a word. It looked pretty homo. I really would love to know who he was, but hell. At this point I expect my dreams to begin one night and then end on another night come to a conclusion.
“No no this dream will conclude tonight.” he said to me. The fact that I didn’t say anything outl loud about the dreams concluding on a different night from when they start was the creepy part about this. It showed me that this person knows what I am thinking. People always say think before you speak, but how do you watch what you say when you are with someone that knows what you are thinking.
“You don’t get the chance to watch what you say here. The reason I know what you are thinking is because I control you pretty much. Everything you think I think. If that makes sense. I am like your mind I guess. Don’t interrupt me. You see Jareth your mind has been fookin with you a lot recently, and that is completely my fault. I took a little vacation though. You need to understand something Jareth. I am not going to let you be sane. Your brain is going to be trash by the end of 2010. That wax replica that was messing with you. That was my doing. You changed your name because I told you too. Everything you do is controlled by me. Your little girlfriend is worried sick about you. See look in the mirror. I turn and look in the mirror. I see Kati and Emo standing around me. I am on the ground shaking. My nose is bleeding, and Kati is crying.
“I like the idea of making her worry about you. It is fun, eh? They called the paramedics, so you are going back to the hospital, so expect to not be allowed to compete on Anarchy.”
“No! Let me out of this fucked up dream.” I felt something running down my face. I put my hand up to my face, and then when I looked there was blood on my hand. My nose was bleeding. I felt light headed. The mirror still was there showing me what I was missing. I was in a hospital being rushed to the ER. If I was to die right now I would be ok with it I think. I found my dad, and was able to finally talk to him, and I got to have the best night ever with the girl of my dreams. Everything lately has been perfect, and that is all that really matters to me.
“So, you don’t care. You don’t care because you are about to die, and you feel that the last couple days have been well spent because you have found people that you have cared about? Even though some of them treated you like shit. Jareth I should let you die, because of that. You don’t understand that I am trying to save you from going back to what you were. I am trying to save you from getting hurt, and having your heart broken by her. You don’t understand that. You are going to get yourself hurt, and if you don’t do it I will do it for you.” he said pointing to the mirror. I looked at the mirror. I am awake sitting up in the bed talking to Kati, but I am still here in this fucked up place. While I am watching this I see Kati begin to cry. No! Why did this happen?! Why is he doing this to me?!
“It is simple Jareth. I am doing this like I said to help you. You need to understand that if this relationship went on it would just get worse for you. You would would have your heart broken, and then you would go back to being that emo kid, and no one wants that. Especially me. I don’t want to deal with those moments again.”
”So you do this, and fook me up. Do you understand what you did. I am going to be at war with myself because of this. I am split. I am not the same person. Prototype and Jareth aren’t the same people. I don’t know what I am, or who I am. You fucked up now. I have two different feelings in my head now, because of you. I thought the voices were gone, but now they are back, and I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to live like this constantly fighting with myself.” his smirk quickly turned to a frown.
“Well that is no fun. Killing you would only help you then here. I am going to continue to play mind games with you, and make you want to die, and push you to that point, but you will never get to the point of death. I control you Jareth I am your mind, I will distort your vision. Anything you see I could change and make you see it differently. Your little girl friend. I could make her seem so unpleasant when really she is the same it is just the way you see her. You don’t seem to understand who I am and what I am capable of doing to you Jareth. You thought your parents were bad for getting you thrown in the Insane Asylum. I am going to make you wish that you never left the place. Things are about to get very bad for you. I tried to help you by getting her out of your life, because in the end she is only going to hurt you. Just remember that I warned you. It is your fault from now on what happens, and you know that nothing you saw in that mirror was real. Right now you are really in your bed asleep. Emo moved you there, and Kati is waiting at your side for you to wake up. Now when you wake up you will be in bed, and Kati will be there next you Corgan is still asleep on the couch and Emo will be out. You see what I can do Jareth. It is manipulation.”
I woke up. There weren’t standing around me, and Corgan wasn’t asleep on the couch. I was confused again, as the scene fades to black
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The Marksman v.s Prototype
