Is seven years too much?

[Avrielle]

I met this totally awesome guy on a shared interest forum (The Ocarina Network) in December. Earlier this week, we were in the chat room discussing long distance relationships, and at somepoint, it clicked that we both really like each other. So, we forged a relationship.

But I'm 17, and he's 24.

We both strongly believe no sex til marriage, etc, so the statutory rape law shouldnt be a problem... the only thing I'm worried about: Parents. His are fine with it, but I highly doubt mine will be. They flipped over Peter who was 18 when I was 15.. If 3 years is bad in their book, how will they react to 7? But that could have simply been because he was in Germany.
The current guy is from Florida.... MUCH closer.

Even then, my parents age difference is 9 years... >.>

Any advice?

[Tala]

Let's see...

My Mom had me when she was 17 with a guy her age. I'm 19; she's 36 now.

Here's the list of age differences I've been involved with: 10(I was 14; he was 24), 12(Right now, I am madly in lust with him. He's 32, I'm 19), 9(I was 16; he was 25) and lastly, 5 years. All of which my Mom was cool with. My grandparents were a different story.

One of them, I brought home. The nine year age difference. They, I swear to god, picked his brain until there was nothing left. It scared him off.

My advice: Don't tell them until you have to. You won't end up in my case(The "sexual assault of a minor"), and you can see where it goes with him first.

[Ashe]

Personally, I don't think age is an issue once you turn of age - if you know the guy. If it's someone you met off the internet, you gotta first make absolutely positively sure he's legit. Not just a few pics, or even talking on the phone. Unless he's like, strict Catholic or something, a guy saying no sex before marriage is weird. o.O Though it doesn't really matter, I suppose, if you don't skip on over to Florida on a whim. But long distance relationships especially between people who have never met are really hard to hold up if you two are taking it seriously.

But if the only issue atm is /age/ then... I don't know your parents, but the "I'm dating someone over the internet" seems harmless to me, unless they're worried you'll ditch home and go live with the guy, in which case Florida would be scarier cause it's closer. Seven years is still a lot and could easily be laughable for parents, or cause them to immediately assume internet predator and nip it in the bud... Being 15 and dating a legally adult male isn't taboo because it's "three years apart", it's more of "she's only 15, he's a legal adult!" Views change drastically once someone reaches that age. Seven years may seem like a lot now, because there is a whole world of experiences between you two like you don't even know, but it really won't matter down the line.

Edit; I agree with the don't tell the parents part on the grounds it's an internet only relationship. You don't have to do any of the sneaking around offline relationships require. Sneaking around, IMO, is cause of suspicion and would only make things worse with your parents when they inevitably find out. But not telling them about an internet one will save them the worry if/when it ends.

This post has been edited by Ashe on Mar 24 2012, 10:19 AM

[Avrielle]

Alright, i shall simply keep it under wraps for a while, from my parents at least.
Thank you, both~

He is Catholic, yes. ^^

Maybe once I'm 18 they'll be more reasonable than they were wiht Peter >.>;

[Tala]

Just as a note:

I may be going home on Monday, but it's to circumstances not related to my actual relationship. I was in a successful long distance relationship, and I'm engaged to him now. He's going to be moving to Alabama with me come June so we can to go college and stop hiding from his parents.

But the statistics...Aren't good. Let me just say this. Divorce rate is 50%. My age says it was a high school relationship- which has a less-than-10-percent chance of being successful. Then there's the long distance relationship statistics. Seriously, the chances of what's going on with my relationship working out is slim. Not that it can't happen. It just doesn't very often. Also, as a note, most long distance relationships end within the first two months.

Just trust me when I say this: Do not take it seriously until you've been together for, like, two years and have at least met once face to face.

Edit: But, I got my good percentages for the relationship. I had hemangioma as a child and Jaundice. I've developed polycystic ovarian syndrome along with anxiety and ADHD. I've had five step dads, and my biological father died.

So. Yeah. I saved my good statistics for him.

[Silver]

When you're 17. Yes.

When you're older? Not so much.

But 17 year olds are good at not believing people when they say that. Self included.

[Spirit]

I agree with silver.

When you're older, age doesn't matter.
But in your teens? (even up to 19), it sorta' does... heck, it REALLY does...

But this (and many other wisdoms) are usually things you can't see until you are older. It is rare to find somebody who can see the wisdom of age without actually reaching it.

That being said - I am currently pulling a "pot - kettle - black" on this one. But I will still stand firm on my advice, which is to agree with silver.

Wait until you're older, then consider it. If he can wait (and if he's a good man, then he will), then don't have a relationship with him (at all - barely even be friends if you must) until you're 20 - see what he says then, if he's even still around.

[RikuLetircani]

I agree with Silver and Spirit. Plus, when you ARE around 20, you might have found that Mr. Right anyways! =3


Don't be closed to other relationships, while you are idle with this 7-year-older-than-you guy. ^^

[Silas Sanctum]

I wasn't even going to post, because I feel wrong about giving advice (partly because I am not an older person), but I will add something, because it is eating me up not to. Take my words with a grain or fifty of salt. <3


My mother and father were seven years apart, my mother being the younger. I'm going to spare you the story- but it didn't wind up well. I am mentioning this because this is the base of my opinion. The rest of the opinion is because I 1) Sit around all day and think philosophically. 2) Have seen people make mistakes that they wished they had never made. 3) Noticed that wisdom comes with both mental development and actions made/mistakes of others. 4) Live in a place where relationships never seem to turn out well.

I do not condone relationships with either person being more than two years younger or older than the other when the person is a teenager. It never winds up well, at least where I live. I have sat back and watched mistakes happen again and again, even in the ones where kids were not involved/created/whathaveyou. I will personally not date someone too much older/younger than me because I've seen it not work with others. (And yes, I have dated, this is not coming from someone who has never had a relationship)

Also, internet relationships rarely ever work out, marriage/divorce stuff in the US is 50/50, and on the internet, you really don't know who you are talking to. Even if they are posting pictures and smiling and saying they'd never do something or another.

So I will answer the question on is seven years too much: In my humble-worthless opinion, until you have wisdom YES. Wisdom may not come to someone who is fifty, or it may come to someone who is ten (around here, it happens quite a bit- bad things are prominent, and when you see that- you become knowledgeable and understand more). However, most people are not in the possession of wisdom until they are a lot older. Teens do not need to date anyone that is outside of their age limit (More than two-three years older) because it is dangerous. We have not tasted life, we still live under out parents jurisdiction. Thousands of kids every day think that they are being loved, when really- the adult just wants to use them. There is a reason parents are nervous about it- not just babies being made, but because they are afraid for your welfare.

But, in this situation, if you do take this seriously, please be caution-filled. I really enjoy all of you people here, and I especially don't want a fellow-*insetstatehere*ian to be harmed. People may not be who they say they are on the internet. Be careful. Don't visit on a whim. Also, keep it from your parents until you know for sure that you want them to see this guy. If he was in you area, I'd urge you to have him meet your parents (my dad met my mom's parents) because they make better character decisions (most parents do- I figure yours do, like most). However, since internet relationships don't last long, I don't see the harm in not telling them, until it gets serious. Just PLEASE don't meet him on a whim... May be a molester/killer or something.

This is not coming from an adult telling you to 'wait until you are grown-up little lady', this is coming from a fellow teen. Please be careful Avri-dear. <3 I am the same age as you, and if you need any advice/someone to listen to you, I DO check my PMs every couple of days.


**Also please be aware that our state is one of the highest ranking for domestic abuse. Be careful~ The right guy IS out there for you, I promise.

[Akina Bellen]

I whole heartedly agree with what Silver, Spirit and Silas have said, and have nothing more to add to it myself.

[Tala]

I'm of the opinion that telling a teenager not to do something is like telling a tornado not to tear apart your house. (I know from experience I'm like that.) So. Yeah. xD My advice is if you're like every other teenager in the world.