Mini Roleplaying Feedback Thread

hey man, its cool. i was just saying how i know people are. i make it a point to read all roleplays posted, just because i'm WAY into it. but some people just don't do that.

I wish everyone would read every RP posted, that way younger guys could get some advice.

props on helping with the thread though

Rish- I dug the first promo and how it flowed into the second. Good continuity. You made it a little surreal for me to see all the team members there but it worked out cause it's very hard to pull off a whole team promo so props there. The scene worked well the who intrigue about who kidnapped your character was really interesting. Good internal monologue. Good job. I rate both of them as 4 outta 5.

Shayde: All right Mr. I claim to know who Ataxia is. First off I laughed my head off when you incorporated everything from the set of my rp's for yours. Well done. I do think the best segment though was what you did with Santana's neighbors just because it was really really funny. I love how your playing the rookie character with this one since I love legacy characters from handlers. He's shaping up good. That's really hard to be that naive especially if as a handler you don't wanna reveal that this kid knows to much because of you. Funny stuff. Great Job. The only thing I could say that would be a improvement would be a secondary character to feed off of a bit because we know how your character thinks but not really the difference between how he talks and how he thinks. 4 outta 5

Hey, Ataxia, I only claim to think I know. Anyways, thanks for the advice. Your suggestion is actually something I've been thinking of. I will probably do so after the ppv. I didn't want to just make up somebody with no significance to the story.

And I'm glad you enjoyed the post. I wasn't trying to be funny, but as I went, it just kinda happened. I hope everyone else enjoyed it, too.

Feel free, whomever, to give feedback on mine. I tried a little something different this time. Let me know which way was best. Like I have been doing for 16 months or the new way on rp2 A Surreal Feeling

I would enjoy some feed back too. I haven't rped in a while still knocking the dust off so to speak. I'd love some comments or suggestions from some of you. And the ones who rate mine, I will do the same for you if you wish.

Hiya darlings- wouldn't mind some feedback from some fresh eyes either on this work or the one I'm hoping to post a little before the deadline...

Yours Insane Always
Angel xoxo

Hey, i'm going to throw myself onto here, and see if anyone wants to do a feed back for my CWF RP You Sure Do Have A Purty Mouth.

if no one wants to, thats fine, but i was hoping that some one could throw something out there for me. thanks ya'll

I'm not going to give long, drawn-out feedback because to be honest I don't have the time to do it and just want to get these up because I promised if I got feedback, I'd give it.

Ataxia- First off, and this is just a personal thing and doesn't hurt your pieces that much...but what is up with the big block things? I'm not sure if the website you post your roleplays on don't allow you to use quotes, but those things sort of hurt the eyes. Now onto the actual criticism, the first thing I would tell you as a reader is that your dialogue paragraphs seem to be way too long. Maybe if you would break a few of the longer ones up into two paragraphs with some action in between, that might help you out.

One thing I enjoyed for the most part was the use of capital letters, it's clear that Ataxia is supposed to be a psychotic freak and not quite there in the head, and that comes across well. But there are other ways to show him as crazy, so I wouldn't overuse the caps. Jim Carey doing Vanilla Ice was absolutely hilarious, but it does leave me wondering if these videos are needed here. Loved seeing him without his mask for awhile, and this whole secret identity thing really has me hooked. It feels like you generally know where you're going with the character, and your match talk is on point. Great job, I apologize if it sounds like I'm being too critical but I'm just trying to give some friendly advice.


I'll try doing more for others later if I get the time.

Twiztid - I only have one thing to say about your post, I love how you're pushing that 4d wall, now break that fucker down. I've been waiting or someone to do this in e-fedding for a long time. I mean, some people have tried it, but they fail, and it's awful. I think you have the talent to do it and be successful.

If anyone doesn't know what I mean about the 4d wall, it's like where the character knows he's fake, or whatever, and tries to interact on another level. The comment where your guy says something about this not being real as if someone were writing this...that's pushing the wall. Seriously, just break it down, dude. Be like Deadpool.

hah, thats what i was going for. I'm working my way there. i LOVE deadpool, my favorite comic book character by far. I'm working very slowly on shattering that forth wall, and hoping that it works out in my favor. this was kind of a test the water thing.

Ataxia: The Man Behind the Mask

First off, I just wanted to tell you, that you are a very weird character. I'm sitting there thinking to myself: "What in the world are my reading?"

But, it was an enjoyable read.

I liked how you worked with your title, and made your rp go along with the title. Nice job.

I think you should work a but on grammar. Every time you went to say "You're" you said "Your". Just little things that take off points, and every point is crucial for this PPV, as you could lose to somebody by just one point.

I liked the rapping part, those were very good raps. That takes a creative mind, sir. Wonderful job.

Maybe you could've done a bit more in your rp, like have Ataxia out of his promo studio. I don't know.

But overall, I really enjoyed this. Keep it up.

I'm not sure if you're into video games at all, but Deadpool has been confirmed for the new Marvel vs Capcom game. What I like is they do the fourth wall thing in the game with him, too. Like, one of his special moves he'll jump up and grab the "life meter" and bash the opponent with it.

I'm a very big Deadpool fan, too. I'm glad the rest of the world is finally catching on.

I'm not sure if you're into video games at all, but Deadpool has been confirmed for the new Marvel vs Capcom game. What I like is they do the fourth wall thing in the game with him, too. Like, one of his special moves he'll jump up and grab the "life meter" and bash the opponent with it.

I'm a very big Deadpool fan, too. I'm glad the rest of the world is finally catching on.

i subscribe to game informer hah. I'm way excited about that, and that a full feature deadpool movie has been confirmed, with Ryan reclaiming his role as Wade. I'm excited.

the life bar thing makes me giggle

well this went no where :| thanks ya'll

Thanks for the feedback guys seriously. To answer some questions thrown at me though.

Rish- If you are refering to this {} right there that's just a way to do the action a bit different for this guy. I bold it also because I think it fits him trying to keep himself hidden. It's mainly a way for me to hide my usual style as best I can. If your refering to when I do "these" that's the font I chose to also hide my usual way of talking and describing action. Trust me once I take off the mask you will see something a lot more readable.

The use of the videos and such are actually more or less a way for me to insult people again without doing what I would normally do. I do really know the man behind the mask so that is the strongest points but mainly everything I do I am doing to make fun of what "he" feels is wrong with what's going on in his profession today. Anything to get under someone's skin at this point is going to be used. He's off his rocker but there is a method to the madness.

Bucky: I am glad you are enjoying it. I plan on having him out of the promo studio eventually but for right now he's making sure he is secure enough in the character that he is playing because the man who is Ataxia is not who he says he is. I'm slowly getting around to that. Things will again make a lot more sense once the mask comes off. As best as I can figure it you'll probably enjoy waht I am doing this week more once I get the last bit of it ironed out.

Twizted: I RUV RUUUUUU!!!!!!