Itís just like old times. Sort of like he never left. You can *almost* remember his name. It's one of those nagging situations like when you see someone in the mall and think "where do I know him from?" Or, when someone comes up to you and calls you by name, but you have no clue as to who this person talking to you and wasting your time even is? But yet, here he still is. Looking at you and smiling. Heís waiting for you to acknowledge his meager existence.
For those of you who forgot, his name is Harvey Danger.
This is Harvey's last hurrah. One final venture on the hallowed ground known as GCWA and the world of professional wrestling in general. He began as a lowly card filler for several different federations back in 1999 before finally achieving his goal of holding a title. The AWF Xtreme title.
It's fitting that Harvey plans on going out this way. Ending his career the way it began and all. Hardcore.
Harvey's always marched to his own tune. Sure, sometimes it was a tune orchestrated by his very own Mother. Well, ok, most of the time. But he was never afraid to get in the ring and mix it up with some of the best. He's been put up against the very best, and while the win-loss record may not reflect in his favor, he's always held his ground and fought valiantly and wouldn't ever be accused of laying down for anyone.
Ok, so there was that one time Draco and Donovan talked him into it...
But nonetheless, Harvey is excited. The end is near and he can sense relief. And yes, he's retired before. But this is it. He doesn't want to be one of those washed up superstars that travels around to local high school gymnasiums to take a few bumps towards a couple hundred bucks just for getting the promoter the cheap pop of the night. He wants to go out on top. He (and his Mother) have always wanted to go out that way.
But never say never...
It's the beginning of another picturesque day here in New York. August has almost come and gone, having left us with days that are noticiably shorter and weather a little cooler. The dog days of summer are just a memory and everyone eagerly looks forward to the cooler nights of Autumn. Our camera focuses on the entrance to the Queens Center Mall this fine morning as parents hustle their children through the last of their back to school shopping. The camera slowly meanders its way down the sidewalk and through the front entrance taking in the local "color."
Weaving in and out of the hordes of people cramming the shopping mall, the camera finally finds its target: Harvey Danger. We approach Harvey from behind, who is dressed today in his trademark ripped jeans and faded blue New York Mets t-shirt... and a Santa Claus hat? The white puffy tassel at the end of the pointy red hat bounces wildly with each step.
In each hand Harvey holds giant shopping bags, apparently blowing his meager savings on some early Christmas presents this year. The camera swings up and around as Harvey ducks into a small alcove that at one time had housed pay phones but now serves as a make-out area for teenagers and senior citizens. Setting the bags down, Harvey removes his Santa hat and wipes perspiration from his brow.
Harvey looks up at the camera and gives a patented sigh.
Harvey: Hi, everyone. What a mess! I normally start my Christmas shopping in July, but I'm running behind by a month or so this year! I've been up and down this mall twice, but I still can't find a present for my Mother. What do you get someone who has given you everything?
Unfortunately this year, she won't be needing a present where she is...
But I can't focus on that right now, can I? I've got the final showdown at the O-K Corral coming up this Sunday. I wanted to do my Mom right and go out with something people will remember me by. Then one day, I'm browsing the internet, and what do I see? I see my old friends at the GCWA are wrapping up things. Heh, like my Christmas presents. Wrapping? Like presents? No? Alright, maybe I'll get you to laugh with something else.
Where was I? Oh yeah! So there I was, surfing the interwebs and find out my friends are closing up shop. So I got to thinking. I said, "Harvey, how can you help? How can you put yourself out there one more time for your friends, coworkers, and most importantly the fans?"
So, since Ace owes me BIG, I decided to give him a call. And that's how the Harvey Danger Hardcore Title Invitational was born! Pretty cool, huh?
Speaking of cool, look at the cool thing I picked myself up at the toy store!
Harvey bends over and rifles through some of his giant shopping bags before producing an old beat up Harvey Danger GCWA Action figure. It must have fallen down behind the shelf and was kicked around for a few years before being found and thrown in the clearance bin.
Harvey: Look! Itís me! I havenít seen one of these available in stores for a long time, so I thought Iíd treat myself. I donít think Iíll give this to anyone this year. Itís got to be a limited edition or something. Iíve only ever seen the prototype of this bad boy.
I donít know why it never caught on? Harvey Danger would love to play with your child!
I mean, ehÖ
That came out wrong, but you get the idea. But isnít this neat?
Harvey hoists the action figure up for the camera and then stuffs it back into one of the large plastic shopping bags. He looks around the mall and then quickly slips into the flow of people moving through the mall. Light jazz elevator music plays in the background. The camera crew struggles to catch up to Harvey, who is moving at a surprisingly frantic and quick pace. The scene looks like an episode of COPS as the camera shakes and jiggles its way through the mall. The camera crew finally catches up to Harvey and swings around in front of him as he walks.
Somehow, Harvey has picked up a pretzel and can of Diet Pepsi. The pretzel is already half eaten. He begins talking with his mouth full.
Harvey: Iíve got one more thing to do before I leave the mall here before I go home and get my bags together for one final road trip. Iíll be on the road to the big Pay-Per-View. In case you were unaware of what Iíve been discussing this whole time, Iím fighting 10 other men for the right to be called the last GCWA Hardcore Title. Mom had showed me something on the computer once about the Hardcore Titleís long legacy and she always was on the phone with Ace trying to get him to reactivate it so that I could hold that title as well. I mean, I already am the GCWA Danger Champion for life. Iím also the recipient of the GCWA Harvey Danger Award for Excellence and Awesomeness, courtesy of my best friends in the whole wide world Draco and Donovan.
I wonder what those two are up to these days...
Anyway, it'll be good to get into the ring with some old friends again. Marco Ka'derrio, Scott Pain, Arachnid... who else am I forgetting? Oh! Who can forget Dan who lost his first name to me when I became the eternal Danger Champion! Yes, Dan has accepted the challenge too. Of course, the current champion... er... what's his name? Exlax? And then my all time favorite, Pete the Janitor. Ah yes, I hope he goes the distance. If I don't win, then I certainly hope he does.
Harvey stops abruptly. A large smile crosses his face as the camera slowly pans around to see what caused Harvey to stop. His smile turns to a wicked grin.
Harvey: Iíve got the perfect present for them all! This is just the thing! Iíve got to run! Trust me, this is going to be huge. All of them have NO IDEA what they are getting into!
Harvey rushes past the camera man, spinning him in a circle. When the camera steadies itself Harvey has already lost himself in the shuffle of the crowd. The scene fades out as we catch a small glimpse of his Santa hat gliding towards the mall exit.