Hey guys, I wanted to get your opinions on something. I received several 'couldn't get into his rp" over in the CWF for the Make Your Impact tournament and I wanted to get you guys' opinions on my rp's here. Do you like them? Are they boring? Stupid? WTF?

You would think having been around for seventeen months I would be getting better, but apparently I'm not. I like to think I have improved GREATLY, seeing as I am champion and have won matches and titles.

I want to know if you guys feel that way. Check out the CWF RP board and read my rp Father's Day, and let me know what you think. I don't think it's my best work, but I like to think I did pretty okay for having to write for three hours multitasking.

You guys can be honest with how you feel about them. If you plan on being outright rude or obnoxious about them, then don't bother or send me a PM. I still feel I am at the level I was a year ago, and thus not going anywhere.

Plz, give me your thoughts and opinions on my rp's. Having those guys and gals..lol say they couldn't get into it really sent an eye opener, and has me thinking that maybe I am not as good as I thought or somewhat there. Guess that shows from last weeks tag match.

I started out here as a rookie seventeen months ago and the only thing I was used to writing have been English papers for school. Having four English classes in a year can really take a toll..lol. I am used to writing about certain themes. I have gotten a creative mind since being here, but had not 'written' a story myself since I was 14. Before joining here in Jan 2009, it had been 12 years, since I had written something from imagination.

I will STFU now. Please let me know what you think. Critic nicely fellas :D

To be honest I think the CWF people should have worded it differently, because I'm pretty sure what they meant to say was something along the lines of "I'm not that familiar with Dangerous Dan's work, therefore I couldn't get into his rp as much because I wasn't completely aware of his style, and it confused me a little." I don't know, something like that, but I do believe that is along the lines of the criticism. It's hard for people in CWF, or here in GCWA, to keep up with each other's work 100%. But you'll be fine man, we all enjoy working with each other, so don't fret it. :)

Hey man,

Alright, I went and checked out the comments and the roleplay. My first thought: Rish, stop trying to poach my talent!! :P :P :P

*ahem*

Ok, back to Dan. The first thing I really noticed, Dan, is that blue really doesn't work on that gray font (it barely works on black *l*). I might recommend, for future ones, using a different color. There are several lighter blues, including lightblue and aqua that might work better for you. You might also want to consider an increase in font size, just to make it slightly easier. Like, size=4 or 5, maybe.

I think that was one of the drawbacks, as people just had a hard time reading it. I never have that problem, because I copy and paste into Word *l*. So that'd be one thing I would think about, if you do beat Bucky and move on.

Another comment would be to watch out for repetition just for the sake of lines. You got a little carried away at points. For instance:

You did a lot of planning there *lol*. I've done that many times myself, repeating a phrase I've used earlier without realizing it. You kind of get locked into a loop for a few minutes, and that's where proof-reading can save you. Of course, I know time is usually pretty tight for you, but I thought I'd let you know that this grabbed my attention as feeling repetitive (you did say to be a critic, albeit a nice one :P ).

The last thing I'd mention is that I see you're carrying over your current GCWA stories into the CWF. The story makes perfect sense to me (I can see how Dan and his mother would have a major argument on Father's Day, after your previous set with discovering Madyson as your half-sister), but if the others haven't been reading your rp's here, they probably felt a little lost. There was barely any mention of who Madyson is or what your father supposedly did, so I can see how they could struggle to get into it. It's like reading the 5th chapter of a book without knowing the first four.

My advice there would be, if you're going to be using the storyline in both feds, try to put a descriptive paragraph near the beginning to explain what's been going on in Dangerous Dan's life. Think of it as a Cliff Notes version of the first four chapters *lol*.

Hopefully, this helps, man. I personally thought it was a good read, and I do think you've come a long way since you first started. I wouldn't be giving you title shots if I didn't think so. :)