Toa Yurikk's review thread, Post what you think of my stories!

[Toa Yurikk]

I guess since everybody has one of these I'll start my own.

Here is the place where you can comment on stories that I've posted!

[Takal]

Good start, Yurikk. I'm already interested to see how this is gonna pan out. I've still got a few unanswered questions as to who has what element, but as this is the first section, I'm sure that'll be resolved.

And by the way, it's wind-up or clockwork, not wined-up. 'Wined-up' usually means 'drunk.'

This post has been edited by Takal on Dec 27 2010, 11:19 PM

[Toa Yurikk]

Yeah lol I'll fix that. Yurikk is Po (Stone) and Tassten is Ta (Fire).

[Takal]

I was more interested in Paho, but that's probbably going to come in handy, too.

[Toa Yurikk]

Paho is stone and wears a Kanohi Akaku.

EDIT: Did you see where I typed 'Yurikk said under my breathe' in the first post? Epic fail.

This post has been edited by Toa Yurikk on Dec 27 2010, 11:35 PM

[Takal]

Going from third person to first person in your first post is never a good start. Nor's misspelling 'breath.'

[Toa Yurikk]

I decided to go with third person because its added alot of extra story I can tell.

[Takal]

I know. It means I had to limit what I could tell in "Thunder," so I did have to add in a lot more for Takal to get up to. Nuara's still going to need a seperate story of her own, though. That gap was just too big to seal with further Takal-related incidents.

[Toa Yurikk]

Oh yeah I'm reading thunder its great. How do you write so fast anyway!?!

[Takal]

I don't: It takes me about three hours a post. The Xia bit took four/

[Toa Yurikk]

Thats my problem, I only write for like ten minutes a day. I guess thats a start though.

[Takal]

Yeah, I used to do that in "Takal." Now that it's come full circle...

[Solek-Toa of Shadows]

I thinks It's good so far, though I suggest that instead of having Yurikk have a nonexistent element, go with stone or plasma, Yurikk looks more of a plasma wielding Toa.

This post has been edited by Solek-Toa of Shadows on Dec 28 2010, 09:59 PM

[Toa Yurikk]

Hes a Matoran. And hes stone.

[Solek-Toa of Shadows]

I'm talking about when he's turned into a Toa, and your self MoC is Toa of destiny, which means that he probably would turn into a Toa.

[Toa Yurikk]

You'll have to wait and see.

[Toa Yurikk]

A new part of my story is out!!!

[Solek-Toa of Shadows]

That last part was hilarious! But is this an epic or comedy?

[Toa Yurikk]

Its not a comedy, I didn't realize it was that funny. Its a short story.

[Takal]

So you don't understand the difference between a 'short story' and an 'epic?'

A short story is a one-post piece of writing, no matter how long it is. For instance, 'Takal' was a short story, and even though it was short, 'Through the Eyes of a Matoran is an epic.

An epic is a multi-post story, no matter how short the posts are. Your story is already an epic, despite its relative shortness.

This post has been edited by Takal on Dec 29 2010, 07:08 PM

[Toa Yurikk]

Oh, well I guess its an epic then.

[Toa Yurikk]

I just posted a new part of "Where it all started..." check it out!

[Solek-Toa of Shadows]

I don't know, it's, a little, not packed.

[Toa Yurikk]

What does that mean?

[Solek-Toa of Shadows]

meaning that theres not enough info, or action, or details, ect, etc.

[Toa Yurikk]

This is very old writing, I'm already at page thirteen, so it gets better, I hope you like my newer stuff more.

[Toa Yurikk]

I don't see what this has to do with my story, can you please remove your post.

[Takal]

Not a fan of prophecies myself, but this one was certainly delivered... differently from the BIONICLE norm. Particularly liked descriptions of Taasen's disgust.

[Toa Yurikk]

Thank you!

I found it very fun describing the room, I'm usually a comedy writer so I always try to add humor.

I don't really prophecies either, but I decided to go with something deferent.

[Takal]

I used to do comedic bits, but I've limited that, too. (saved it for the MOCs)