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 The Fractures Epic Series Review Topic
Iro the Dude
Posted: Dec 4 2010, 10:59 PM


Spirit of Iron


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Member No.: 130
Joined: 9-October 10



Please review the epic titled Trial of Iron and sequel epics here.

Background information:
It has been over a year since the Fractures Epic Series began. A year, yes, ending with the start of the epic that began it all... Fractures. But... wait, this epic is called Trial of Iron. What happened? Well, there's a very simple answer to that, my friend. With a complete overhaul/reboot, the series now embarks in a new direction, one that I as the writer feel is the best fit for what I hope to accomplish. Yes, I have jumped on the human BIONICLE bandwagon, but I personally think that this is much more enjoyable, for the writer, and hopefully for the reader.

The name "Trial of Iron" is more or less an obvious nod to the plot and the main character, Iro, a Toa of Iron. The entire epic, or at least the majority of the scenes he is in, is his "trial." At the start of the epic, he is an arrogant rookie Toa that thinks he can handle anything, defeat anyone, and won't even break a sweat. However, with the disappearance of the legendary Toa Cevil, he may be the only hope of Uteara, the gigantic western continent of planet Murtua, as an evil group of dark shapeshifters threatens to disrupt the peace.

This post has been edited by Iro the Dude on Dec 5 2010, 12:09 AM
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Takal
Posted: Dec 4 2010, 11:53 PM


Toa of Thunder


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Posts: 1,689
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Joined: 22-July 09



Finally I can comment on this. Nice job. Usually I see human bionicles as the work of hopefuls who spent the last ten years wishing they could be Lewa, but you've pulled it off (probbably by not putting too much emphasis on the fact). I like the style of writing, too. Doctor Bob and Kokua Aviatrix, our two best writers, left ages ago, and left a void with myself and a few others clinging on to the edge of it, trying to plug the gap. Not that it's worked, as I'd thought my preferred style (preferring action over Kokua's mystery and Bob's thrillers) could never be as good as them. You've proved me wrong. Your action-based plot can rival either of theirs, and I'm eagerly awaiting more.

PS, you may want to link your review to your topic. Solek posted in one of my Epics once. I think he's learned his lesson, but he won't be the last MoD member to make that mistake.


This post has been edited by Takal on Dec 12 2010, 09:23 PM
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Iro the Dude
Posted: Dec 5 2010, 12:38 AM


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QUOTE (Takal @ Dec 4 2010, 04:53 PM)
Finally I can comment on this. Nice job. Usually I see human bionicles as the work of hopefuls who spent the last ten years wishing they could be Lewa, but you've pulled it off (probbably by not putting too much emphasis on the fact). I like the style of writing, too. Doctor Bob and Kokua Aviatrix, our two best writers, left ages ago, and left a void with myself and a few others clinging on to the edge of it, trying to plug the gap. Not that it's worked, as I'd thought my preferred style (preferring action over Kokua's mystery and Bob's thrillers) could never be as good as them. You've proved me wrong. Your action-based plot can rival either of theirs, and I'm eagerly awaiting more.

PS, you may want to link your review to your topic. Solek posted in one of my Epics once. I think he's learned his lesson, but he won't be the last MoD member to make that mistake.

I honestly think working with human BIONICLE is more entertaining than regular. I dunno', it was a case of "Oh, Toa don't have blood, lungs, stomachs, etc.... They're made of metal and pure tissue," and I thought it was just weird. That said, no, it's not the point of the epic. It's meant to give human readers something to relate to and nothing more. Also, I'm not against having romance in the story anymore, since it's not as weird with human BIONICLE.

There is actually a more hidden message to this epic that's very "in-between-the-lines" of all the action. Not sure if I'm gonna' have it just be out there, or if I'd rather the readers try and find it. It's located mainly in the dialogue, and it'll probably be a bit more pronounced in future chapters.
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Takal
Posted: Dec 5 2010, 11:14 AM


Toa of Thunder


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Joined: 22-July 09



I'd quote you, but my PSP wouldn't handle it.

I, I must admit, go down the organs road. My viewpoint is that BIONICLE do have every major organ (except those ones.) but they'e all protodermic tissue, but the majority of their skin is solid protodermis. I've got no problems with relationships either. My stories have at least two, and one's blatantly obvious.

Didn't write a hidden meaning, but there was a warning in the combat of one of my stories.


This post has been edited by Takal on Dec 12 2010, 09:23 PM
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Solek-Toa of Shadows
Posted: Dec 6 2010, 01:14 AM


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QUOTE (Takal @ Dec 4 2010, 04:53 PM)
PS, you may want to link your review to your topic. Solek posted in one of my Epics once. I think he's learned his lesson, but he won't be the last MoD member to make that mistake.

Exuse me? I was new and didn't know that you didn't want people to post in the topic and had a comments topic. And whats this about me 'learning my lesson'? You didn't threaten me!
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Solek-Toa of Shadows
Posted: Dec 6 2010, 01:17 AM


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QUOTE (Takal @ Dec 5 2010, 04:14 AM)
My stories have at least two, and one's blatantly obvious.


Heh heh, we can all guess who that is. Starts with a T and an N and ends with an L and an A

N matches with A and T matches with L

This post has been edited by Solek-Toa of Shadows on Dec 6 2010, 01:18 AM
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Iro the Dude
Posted: Jan 15 2011, 01:41 AM


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Well, new chapter up. As always, reviews appreciated, but unexpected (=P).

EDIT: Just noticed the last few points. For the record, don't spam my threads, please. If it doesn't have to do with the topic's purpose, your complaints and such are to be posted elsewhere.

This post has been edited by Iro the Dude on Jan 15 2011, 01:43 AM
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Takal
Posted: Feb 27 2011, 09:09 AM


Toa of Thunder


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Enjoyed this chapter particularly much. As we discussed, you gave Brutality a hinting of character depth (upon considering to kill Iro). Not so sure about Ulreq's conversation with Krevt (sp?), all the bad guys seem to do is bicker.
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Iro the Dude
Posted: Mar 9 2011, 07:03 AM


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QUOTE (Takal @ Feb 27 2011, 01:09 AM)
Enjoyed this chapter particularly much. As we discussed, you gave Brutality a hinting of character depth (upon considering to kill Iro). Not so sure about Ulreq's conversation with Krevt (sp?), all the bad guys seem to do is bicker.

Call it character development; I tend to like the villain characters a lot more than the heroes, and so I prefer to have them fleshed out, especially since a few of them are recurring characters throughout the series.

Chapter X posted tonight. As always, reviews appreciated.
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Takal
Posted: May 3 2011, 07:03 PM


Toa of Thunder


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Joined: 22-July 09



Good news, Iro: I've found a typo in chapter X:

QUOTE
...his long black hair flowed messily from his hair.


Maybe that'll give you a chance to "undodge" the filter that didn't need dodging.
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Iro the Dude
Posted: Aug 16 2011, 11:33 PM


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Well, good news for those that liked this epic a bit:

I've kinda' sorta' found the want to write again. So I don't know what that means exactly, but I think I'll be able to at least finish Trial of Iron if not the whole series!

That said, Defeat and Forgotten are hereby cancelled.
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Kokua aviatrix
Posted: Aug 16 2011, 11:47 PM


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Crosses fingers and waits eagerly.
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Takal
Posted: Aug 17 2011, 06:20 AM


Toa of Thunder


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Hooray!

You almost had me going with that 'quitting' thing. Just try not to slip into clichés again like you did numerously in that last "Head of the Spear" meeting, though. It was quite painful compared to your usual high standards.
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Iro the Dude
Posted: Aug 20 2011, 11:45 PM


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QUOTE (Takal @ Aug 16 2011, 10:20 PM)
Hooray!

You almost had me going with that 'quitting' thing. Just try not to slip into clichés again like you did numerously in that last "Head of the Spear" meeting, though. It was quite painful compared to your usual high standards.

I'm working on a redo of XIII. And there was much rejoicing. There's also one... little change I'm making to the previous twelve chapters and the Prologue aside form typos and grammar issues.
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Xinlo
Posted: Aug 21 2011, 01:44 AM


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I had a feeling you wouldn't quit, but I wasn't sure. What might this change be? You better not be takig back the human-ish thing... I like that.
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Takal
Posted: Aug 21 2011, 08:25 AM


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QUOTE (Xinlo @ Aug 21 2011, 01:44 AM)
I had a feeling you wouldn't quit, but I wasn't sure. What might this change be? You better not be takig back the human-ish thing... I like that.

It's growing on me, too, despite my earlier comment. Probably Xinlo's fault. Him and his drawing.
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Iro the Dude
Posted: Sep 15 2011, 01:34 AM


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I know we're all sick of reboots and such by now (this would be the third rewrite), but... well, yeah, here you go. It's an entirely new and different re-imagination of the formerly Bionicle-based (now only inspired by) story we all knew and never got to finish. If it means anything, I wrote this yesterday, so maybe I can release these on a semi-regular basis.
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Takal
Posted: Sep 15 2011, 05:41 AM


Toa of Thunder


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Good to hear, Iro.
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Xinlo
Posted: Sep 15 2011, 08:25 PM


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Darn. I'll still read it, but I really enjoyed the bionicle elements of the story.

~X


This post has been edited by Xinlo on Sep 15 2011, 08:26 PM
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