Member No.: 110
Joined: 10-December 03
Chapter Eleven Part II
It's A Beautiful Life
& So I was homeless—it was like being diagnosed with a parasitic worm (As I had been before by my loving mother!)—So…. Unattractive . Chelsea & Her Boobs was regarded as an affiliate to my drug possession, & usage. Her sentence though lighter than mine, was a conviction nonetheless—Mrs. Declerque was not amused.
“My God, Chelsea.” Spat Mrs. Declerque who was dressed in a tweed business suit & Jimmy Choo’s. “Why you’ve just demoted your social standing to that of a common criminal!” (Egad!) “I worked damn hard for that reputation—it was inherited!” Mrs. Declerque flipped her pale blonde bob. “Your father will be appalled!” Chelsea & Her Boobs sat wordlessly, her legs spread, and arms folded in the corner of the detaining cell. “I’m paying this bail out of sheer sympathy—relations aside!” & to this Chelsea & Her Boobs rolled her weary eyes. “But don’t expect this act to go unpunished—you’re being cut off… indefinitely .” Now this provoked a reaction!
“Oh fucking kill me then!” Chelsea & Her Boobs squealed, receiving stares from the accompanying women inhabiting her cell. “Jesus mother, you know I have no source of income! What do you want me to sell rock for quick cash?” I watched from the men’s cell adjacent to hers.
“Why so you can emulate this delinquent!” & Mrs. Declerque pointed an accusing manicured finger in my direction. “I won’t have it—you must clean up your act young lady!” Chelsea & Her Boobs’s nostrils flared in irritation, she forced her eyes away from her mother’s fury. “I am condemning you to a rehabilitation facility—you simply cannot go on behaving like an infant! You are twenty-two years of age, & you must start acting like it!” With that the security guard standing by at that particular moment unlocked the cell escorting young miss Declerque from its confines. “& As for you ,” Mrs. Declerque addressed approaching my containment square. “Why I’ve heard the accusations, witness to a murder, distributing drugs & alcohol to a minor—not to mention that nasty little conviction of statutory rape. & All this of course is in addition to your multiple accounts of drug possession—you stay the hell away from my daughter.” Now where have I heard this before? “& I hope you fall prey to one of those animals at Sing Sing, you impudent little whore monger—I hear they have a penchant for child abusers.” I grin spread on my face as I disregarded her chain of insults.
“Oh you needn’t worry Mrs. Declerque, I’ve had an encounter with one such animal or homosexual ,” I quoted. “ If I interpreted your insinuation correctly—& I don’t believe I did enjoy it, I think perhaps it’s an acquired taste.” Mrs. Declerque groaned in frustration seizing her daughter’s hand & pulling her in the direction of the nearest exit.
Speaking of exits …
“You made a steady exit at my Halloween party last week,” Dominic noticed sitting at the counter in his boxers & not much else. “From what I hear you couldn’t get away from it fast enough— you Mr. Wood who has been riding my arse about being more social!” He threw back a lager from his frosted mug. “ I flinched studying his weathered hardwood flooring—the flooring we had attempted to dishevel when in a crystal methalized state Dom was certain that a vial of K had somehow wedged beneath the slats. “& don’t be so coy you! I heard about your attempted molestation.” I double flinched. “Belen is plenty fucken’ pissed on your behalf.” I had almost successfully blocked that ghastly memory from my mind! “You resisted… you resisted. Are you mad? Or are you just out of your fucking mind?” I tried to explain (a lot of good this did me!)
“You haven’t heard the story in its entirety Dom.” Was the best I could muster. “I wasn’t myself that night, a combination of inebriation, & bad experiences—I couldn’t possibly begin to tell you.” He arched his brow, lighting a smoke as he did. “Ah sweet nicotine, light me one as well Dom.” He looked upon me with a wary gawk. “Oh for heavens sake! So ask me Dominic Monaghan—go on further push the envelope so I can narrate the entire horrid account at my own expense so that you’re convictions can be set right!” I was growing angry, Dom’s interest sparked & he set his beer down, his eleven o’clock in the morning beer.
“Ah piss mate when ye put it that way…” He shrugged lighting then passing me a cigarette. “Keep your secrets.” His hand went over mine in the exchange, & his lips curled in the corners as if to reassure me.
He already knew.
But alas gentle readers, my followers were an unruly bunch, & the remains of such acquaintances would not be so forgiving. Chelsea & Her Boobs was henceforth banished from any physical contact of yours truly, & my status was downgraded once more. I became a wanderer—a vagabond if you will. Drifting aimlessly asunder, in hopes that a previous conquest of mine might take pity & offer me a place to stay. Why I made a perfect roommate! A skilled cook, an obsessive cleaner, quite a good storyteller if I must say so myself. But no one would have me…whores. I suppose there really was one thing I was good for. “Es stupido gringo!” My cheek reddened from where Belen had struck me. “Am I not pretty enough for you?” She threw another punch, but I caught her angry fist.
“A slap I can take, but I’m afraid a punch is where I must draw the line,” She wrenched her delicate palm from my grasp. “Dooley note it my dear, line drawn.”
“What the fuck is your problem anyway?” Her bronzed arms folded beyond her paisley tunic. “What does it for you anymore?” & So she paced the floor.
“To answer your first question Belen, you are now & have always been radiant so there is no need to question your beauty--& to answer your third query I honestly do not know.” Belen eased her frame into a lounge chair crossing her bare legs as she did.
“You never lie.” She whispered, shaking the mass of russet waves emanating from her opal head. “I want to know everything.” & in one sudden motion she sprang from her seat. “I deserve to know everything—all those cochina bitches from Dom’s party have been talking loads of shit—instigating, & I can’t even defend myself because I don’t know what happened—we all know the same amount, everyone knows the same—only you know the truth—“ She sat in my lap, stroking my cheek with a tempting finger. “Elijah,” She forced my head in her direction. “Tell me the truth Chuluota.” & then she smiled a sultry grin, I shook my head.
“Its nothing really—well actually its—its quite funny,” Her eyes urged me to go on. “Raul,” I spoke softly.
“What? Raul, the queer at ‘Limelight’?” I nodded eyeing the floor.
“He sort of, assaulted me a week ago today—in his limo.” Belen’s brow furrowed, she had not comprehended, (Please understand, don’t make me utter those fatal three words…)
“Baby, you’re not making any sense—why can’t you just tell me? Look at you Elijah, you look like shit—what the fuck happened to your eye anyway.” She ran her fingertips over the scar materializing. “Tell me the whole story—you can’t honestly believe you can show up at my apartment looking like that, & not expect me to ask any questions. What’s going through your head?” She cupped my face, I clenched her hands.
“I was RAPED!” I pushed her away & stood rubbing the contours of my face is shame. Belen’s mocha eyes watered over in tears, & she ranted in Spanish, pacing & pushing me away with shaking palms.
“Are you out of your goddamn mind?” Belen shoved my back against the wall. “Raped? Oh & who was it huh? Fallon, she’s pretty fucked up—yeah could be her she’d be the type who’d do that sort of thing? Oh!” Belen exclaimed knowingly. “Quiche, the bitch is crazy—fucken loca, was it her? But you love it don’t you—excuses Elijah! You never lie you never lie? BULLSHIT!”
Raul raped me.” I concluded resolutely, Belen prevailed wordlessly for what could have very well been an eternity. “It happened last week some time, in his limo in front of ‘Limelight’—but I suppose that was a given…selling rock half naked to ravenous queers, definitely a given.” I grinned; Belen did not (The exact opposite actually!) “Darling, the silence really is taunting me—say something.”
“You were gonna fuck me without telling me that you were raped?” (Damn me for thinking for a second she could truly be concerned!) Belen slapped me once more. “You bastard, who the fuck knows what you have—fuck you Elijah!” She backed off pacing and receding her chocolate brown hair in anxiety. “How could you be so stupid? & The girls…do they know?” I didn’t answer. “DO THEY FUCKING KNOW? ANSWER ME!” My eyes locked on her ranting form, chest heaving, pupils squaring at my reddening countenance, she pulled at the hem of her Egyptian Silk tunic awaiting my belated response.
“No.” I answered quietly.
“My God,” She grinned with respite. “Have you even told Chelsea?” I chuckled leaning forth with my palms to my knees.
“Of course she knows Belen—what a stupid question!” I jested Belen stood her ground, staring me down intently. “Don’t you care at all what that faggot did to me? I mean besides the probable infection that might be spreading within my being.” Belen resumed pacing the cheap linoleum.
“How can I be so sure that you’re not the faggot ?” She spat vehemently.
“Ouch.” I responded my hand over my heart. “I do believe that’s the meanest thing you’ve ever said to me.” She smirked biting her lower lip—but it wasn’t familiar. It wasn’t the predictable lip bite she resorted to when I touched her just so—when she was coming. That very line made me physically sick to my stomach; I quickly made a B line for the nearest bathroom.
“You’re sick.” Belen noticed as I made my exit, hand over mouth—the prospect made her skin crawl! I could tell she rubbed her flesh beneath the tunic wincing slightly. “Christ Elijah—what where you thinking?”
“I tested negative if you wanted to know.” I responded to her imposing frame eyeballing me as I puked into the porcelain basin. “If that is any consolation.” I turned to her & smiled blithely. “Goodbye Belen.” I tipped my hat in her direction before fondling the doorknob, she cheerily hailed the middle finger in my direction--& that gentle readers, was the very last thing I saw before I completely closed the door!
It rained that night, but couldn’t you see it coming? Why the weather mimicked the mood! & As you could imagine, I was quite weary that early November evening. I had searched far & wide as they say, but I could not find my solace. I must say I traversed many a road before I reached for my cell (to which I only had five minutes left!) “Chelsea.” Her voice burst forth from my lips, I clenched my cell with my pallid palms. “Baby.” I grinned against the metallic frame.
“Lijahbear.” She cooed knowingly. “Gotten yourself into another spot of trouble eh?”
“I’ll say!” I replied leaning against some brick establishment in Upper East Side New York. “Shit Chelsea, it feels like its been ages--& you must know by now that I am quite fond of you. Everything has gone completely astray, Belen’s disowned me--& for good reason I suppose, but the bigger picture here darling is that I haven’t a place to stay! Why have about fifty dollars cash in my wallet, & my account is flat out barren—It wont suffice for a hotel room in Upper East Side, & I’d have blown it all on a taxi fare or rather—train ride to Upper West Side where rates might be more accommodating.” Chelsea & Her Boobs sighed.
“You’re royally fucked.” She chuckled. “So what about coke? Got any rock on you? What’s one more night at ‘Limelight’?” I paced the frostbitten sidewalk.
“I can’t go back there,” I uttered frantically. “Was this a jest? I mean fuck Chelsea; it’s like a personal invitation for another assault! I’d practically be saying ‘Hey Raul remember our quaint limousine rendezvous two weeks ago? Well gee that was swell, how’s about another round of butt darts! I’d rather suck on a urinal cake!” Chelsea & Her Boobs snorted.
“What other options do you have? I’m trapped in this hellhole for two months—& pending! Its not like I can mend this situation from my current residence. & Let’s be honest—“ I cut in.
“Haven’t we always?” Chelsea & Her Boobs proceeded.
“You haven’t got a circle of friends per say, rather a trove of unstable, out of control, freeloading, fiends mooching off of everything you have to offer! & Since your little shall we say, spat with a certain homosexual that will not be named, I don’t believe you’ll be intimate with anyone in quite a while—you have nothing to give love, & thusly your entourage will disband!” I sighed. “Excepting me Lij, but I don’t think it should make much of a difference, ‘Mommie Dearest’ has frozen my accounts! The bitch has even cancelled my credit cards, in fact—she’s so furious about my arrest that she’s had my seasonal flats repossessed! She’s gone absolutely mad with power!” I nodded against the receiver.
“My condolences Chelse, I wasn’t aware that things had gotten so bad.” I spoke, fumbling in my damp pocket for a cigarette.
“Yes, things are pretty inconvienant—my favorite summer apartment is to be withheld indefinitely by next week.” Chelsea & Her Boobs let out an exasperated sigh. “That’s it!” She exclaimed. “You can stay there until next week—I know it’s not much, & the refrigerator is in dire need of restocking but it will do for a night—what say you to that?” I grinned against the phone, scribbling the address of her estate unto my hand with a faded BIC pen.
“I’ll say—“ The very familiar extended minutes beep clambered in my ear. “But of course.” I grumbled as my minutes diminished completely. “Such is life.” I stumbled onward the canvas of my sneakers conforming to the soles of my feet from the brought on saturation. I plodded through a couple puddles, shielding the new growth emanating from my head with the faded hood of my favourite sweatshirt. I walked a great distance before I reached the point when I could hail a taxi; I used the very last of my savings to get me to Chelsea & Her Boob’s empty apartment.
I looked about me, peeked through a couple windows & onward out across the ever-busy New York Street. My palms shook involuntarily within my pockets, my frigid lips could scarcely quiver! “Jesus, its cold out.” I murmured into my sweatshirt configuring the 12-digit code Chelse & Her Boob’s had supplied me with, the entire residential establishment was hers to do as she pleased. Yes Mommie Dearest had set her up good. I concluded stabbing my numbed fingers against the metallic keys, & two doors one after the other clinked open. The flat was dark, suspiciously so, & all was still, the rubber soles of my Chuck Taylor's squeaked against the sage marble. My eyes wandered across the darkness, I felt up the corridor wall for a light switch—PRESTO instant illumination! “Oh God!” I drew back halted by a pair of apple flesh shaded, skeletal legs, my eyes moved upward.
“Fate.” Fallon uttered breathlessly licking her blood red lips afterwards. “You’re everywhere I fucken’ go man,” I squinted through my saturated lashes. “Mmm, & all wet too—perhaps this shan’t be too bad.” & then a grin spread…like an infection.
“This should be interesting.” I stated shaking the raindrops from my hair with my palm. I shed my jacket as I wandered the apartment in search of a bathroom.
“Down the hall to the right….roomie.” Fallon uttered menacingly. “So here’s a funny story,” She spoke from the other end of the bathroom door. “I saw Belen earlier, & I asked about you…do you wanna know what she said?” I fumbled with the belt buckle on my jeans my brows furrowing at her comment. “She said you were dead to her—now I wonder why Belen who used to fucking adore you would say such a nasty thing?” Fallon laughed.
“I’m sure you’ve been previously informed Fallon—what are you getting at?” I pulled off my sweatshirt, & layers underneath.
“Previously informed? I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re talking about? Can’t a girl make conversation?” I chuckled.
“You? A girl? No, never that—you are the fucking antichrist!” (& Perhaps if this was my first encounter with the likes of miss Shelby I’d presume her to be the spawn of Satan—or maybe born of the jackal? Oh for sure!)
“Oh stop it Elijah, you love it—you love me more specifically—as I love anything I can sink my teeth into, & baby your tender sirloin to me.” She smirked. “You have secret, a bitter, bitter turn of events you keep in covert with my cousin—I have my own theories as you well know but as always I want more—so speak boy, validate your strange actions at Dom’s Halloween party—tell me why the sudden hate from Belen?”
“I don’t owe you a goddamn thing Fallon, & I certainly don’t owe you any explanation—so I’m not particularly Belen’s favourite person about now—oh woe is me! Really Fallon tear, The NYC string quartet is symphonizing a sad song for me!” I exaggerated removing my shoes & socks. “Honestly darling I’m over it.”
“Are you really now?” Her footsteps resounded. “Perhaps its just my cynicism but somehow I’m not convinced, you sound a little rehearsed tonight—but its not your usual orgasmic poetry—No, you are definitely hiding something.”
“Believe what you will my dear,” I opened the bathroom door a burgundy terry cloth bathrobe with the monogrammed initials CD written across the back clad to my frame. “I care not.” Fallon’s palms cupped my shoulders, forcing me back into the wall.
“Bullshit Elijah!” She spat suddenly enraged. “I can see right past your little conniving, corn fed smile! Oh you are so transparent, I can see it all in your eyes, so…lucidly—there is a dull light, you’ve been wounded by such a blow—from which I strongly doubt you’ll ever recover.” Her voice was breathless, rasp, & fading fast from her lips. “Here.” Her hand went over my heart. “Remember that? Haven’t taken the time to notice it lately huh? All that fucking around,” She groped my crotch through the fluffed material of the robe.
“Fuck off Fallon, who are you to give advice?” I pushed her away. “What do you know? Don’t you dare get philosophical with me, you’re only good for one thing…remember that.” Fallon’s face distorted into a resentful frown.
“You bastard,” She retorted folding her long skinny arms across her chest. “It would be that the best fuck in all of New York would suddenly grow a heart of fucking gold!” I had since been walking in the opposite direction, but stopped upon her last comment.
“Nothing has changed, I’m just the same as always—what are you insinuating?” I turned around stalking angrily in her direction. “WHAT DO YOU KNOW?” I yelled balling my fists.
“Struck a nerve have I?” Fallon regained her composure. “Don’t try to pretend that you’re the constant in all of this, that you emerge just the same as you were before you took the plunge. You are the dynamic character in this matinee, you don’t make it out of this one unchanged—the very reality you know to have always been real, is a fantasy & your fucking kidding yourself if you say otherwise.” She spoke so calmly, & poised.
“Fallon!” I cautioned walking into her, she backed against the wall.
“You can’t intimidate the truth away Elijah Wood, try as you might but if you continue in that fashion than it is you that will become the lie.” I grasped her wrists, & pulled her arms overhead, kissing her intensly on her lips. So maybe this wasn’t the best move for a stressed, evicted, convicted, sexually assaulted, basket case such as I was that very night! My lips quivered against hers, my eyes burned & the tears that had been threatening to flow all day suddenly blinded me. I pulled away, a shaking mess.
“Fuck you,” I murmerd into my open palms. “Fuck you, fuck you.” Fallon smiled wiping her mouth.
“I think we’re done here.” She smirked, disappearing into the darkness. I sank to the floor where I remained for the better part of that evening, hiding my tearing eyes from her accusations, I had lost & was in no mood to further compete for righteousness. Fallon held merciless dominion over me, & I hadn’t the energy to reclaim it.
There was no light at the wake of dawn; no sole illumination roused me that particular morning. I had a rather dark, restless night—the shadows on the mahogany paneled walls drifted hauntingly—aimlessly about into the morn. I was not rested, after falling asleep on the floor in the entrance hall; I got up, gathered myself & found a cozy guest bed to sleep in—as Fallon claimed Chelsea’s. I caught a glimpse of my form in the mirror; my cheeks were sunken eyes bloodshot & raw (gentle readers, I had seen better days!) It rained all night, & for the better part of the morning, I swung my legs over the side of the sleigh bed as my eyes took a first look at the grayness penetrating the rice paper blinds. I felt my solitude infiltrated & my foul mood steadily escalating into somewhat of a depression (My helplessness is so pathetic!). I rubbed my eyes, listening in for the wake of Satan---but Fallon appeared to be either gone, or still sleeping. Finally after debating whether I should return to my slumber or to actually make contact with the floor, I got up (I think this deserves applause!). I threw on the burgundy bathrobe on a silk embroidered chair in the corner, & covered my shame. Strolling down the hall I noticed something most peculiar. There were size six watery footprints leading this way & that all over the marble! “Dyl,” I whispered fingering a puddle. “No.” I shook my head & with it she dissipated from my thoughts.
& Then I saw it.
There by the bathroom was a pile of pallid skin, & shaggy pale blonde hair. No. Was I out of my fucking mind? Or perhaps I was on another trip (Do you remember what I did last night?). “Dylan,” I said gently nudging the clearly imagined form on the floor. But the pile moved. “Shit!” I recoiled. “Dylan what the fuck—how did you get in here?” I shrieked all at once, she roused opening her big Hazel eyes & bursting into tears. “No, Dyl—Dylan, darling don’t cry.” The black washed out of her hair, she shook her pretty little blonde head, grabbing hold of my legs from her position on the floor. “Baby, stop it—talk to me.”
“Oh Elijah, I’m just…I’m so happy to see you, I missed you a whole lot--& I’m sorry for all the trouble I caused you, do you hate me now?” I knelt to her level, thinking to myself how could you hate someone you never loved to begin with? & Then Fallon’s words returned to me:
“…Try as you might but if you continue in that fashion than it is you that will become the lie.”
“No,” I shook my head. “I still love you.” I kissed her forehead & she smiled. “Now,” I pulled her to her feet. “How the hell did you find me, why is your lip busted & how did you get in?” My finger felt a serration on her bottom lip, slightly crusted with blood.
“I, I called Chelsea, she was the only one who could help. She told me where you were, she gave me the security code to the apartment, & gave me directions…I got a cab, &…” We found a seat; I let her sit in my lap.
“&?” I urged her to go on.
“I hitchhiked,” My mouth hung agape.
“What? Dylan what the hell is wrong with you? Why would you do such a thing?” A solitary tear rolled down her cheek & as it did so her sweatshirt sunk revealing a bruised shoulder. “Dylan?” I tipped her chin with my finger. “What happened to you?”
“The first guy, was a doctor, not the type that takes your temperature though…” She grinned slightly. “He worked at a morgue, autopsied bodies, we got along pretty well. He said he had a daughter my age, didn’t ask many questions about why I had asked him to pick me up at eleven thirty on a weekday.” Dylan’s body shook. “Umm…the next was a couple, they—well I don’t know what they did, they were nice at first. Then the guy started rubbing my leg, his girlfriend said that—I could make a lot of money selling my ass,” I listened intently. “I said no, they told me they were going to a place were young girls like me were paid big money for basically working the corners. Or even better, a fucking whorehous. I asked them to let me out,” She started crying again. “He hit me, dragged me out of the car by my arms, then his girlfriend tried to kiss me so I bit her, that’s how my lip got busted—he uh, He hit me in the face & started ripping off my clothes—she dug her nails into my shoulders so I’d be still. I screamed, we were on the side of the road near an onramp & it was really noisy with the cars going by & all, but there was one car. The guy ripped off my underwear just as the other guy comes up, & just keeps hitting him, his girlfriend was screaming for him to stop. Elijah his fists were so bloody, he would have killed him for me. His hair was wild, all in his face, I didn’t see until after it was all over & I had gotten into his car that it was Orlando, he didn’t know it was me either. I’m sorry, I should have stayed home—“ She cried shaking uncontrollably, I held her. “I just wanted to be with you.”
“Dylan, you risked a lot to be here--& your mother, Dylan you’re showing up here is a liability—you’re mother is bound to know where it was you went—I could—“ She interrupted.
‘No, she wont do anything.” She held up her wrists. “For you,” The tears just kept coming. “I told her I’d do it for real if she ever pressed charges.” I fingered her the slashed skin in the most vulnerable place on her tiny body.
“Jesus.” I sighed. “Dylan,” I pulled the sleeves of her shirt over them. “You can’t ever see me again after today do you understand? I can’t be with you okay? Please, don’t do this, don’t do this for me—I’m not worth it.” I let go of her wrists & they fell limply at her sides. “I can’t do this Dylan.”
“No, Elijah—I love you—“
“NO, DYLAN PLEASE! I DON’T DESERVE ANY OF YOUR ADORATION!” I pushed her out of my lap & stood up. “I do love you but, I’m not in a very good place right now.”
“Something happened to you too Elijah, I remember the night you came back all beat up. Is that what’s bothering you?”
“WHAT’S BOTHERING ME IS THE FACT THAT I HAVE A FOURTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL SLASHING HER FUCKING WRISTS BECAUSE SHE CAN’T BE WITH ME! Fuck Dylan! Do you even realize the magnitude of this situation? I have no money, no job, no home & everyone I know, with the exception of Chelsea, is pissed at me—because I was so INCONVIENTLY raped by some faggot at ‘Limelight’. I don’t want to fucking talk about this anymore, I’m tired of explaining myself—so there it is. Oh by the way, Rico Is dead—I was there. A couple of thug types shot him full of holes, I walked in at his shell-infested corpse--& then they turned on me sliced the fuck outta my eye. I’m fucked up Dylan, I can’t be with you, or anyone for that matter. I just…” I stopped & watched her eyes well up. “I just need to be, alone. I don’t want to trouble anyone else with my evils okay?” I chuckled. “It’s a beautiful life.” I spoke resolutely. “I’ve got so much to live for.”
“Please don’t speak that way.” Dylan’s eyes were draining and cascades of fluid were dripping down her porcelain cheeks. “You won’t do anything stupid will you?” She inquired her tiny voice shaking with anxiety, I moved in the opposite direction. “Elijah I won’t leave you alone right now, I care about you and I know you’re thinking of doing something stupid.”
“Stupid yeah, you need me—the whole world needs me they just don’t know it yet. I’m the thread of hope that holds this whole thing together. It’s me Dylan and not so innocent lives are hanging in the balance pretty fucking is grim right? But who am I to deprive them of my help? Even if they don’t deserve it—it’s not for me to decide Dylan,” Dylan’s palms clasped my wrists pleadingly.
“Baby don’t—please, listen to me Elijah—stop talking like that you’ve been through so much—“ Her tears were flowing freely now.
“I’m not going to kill myself Dylan.” I clenched her hands as I spoke. “It’s not gonna end like this, and you are going to go back home if I have to drive you myself.” She shook her head.
“I’m not gonna leave you—not again Elijah, I’m never going to leave you.” She threw her arms around my waist, my hipbones abrading against her tear stained cheeks.
“Dylan, please you can’t be this stupid.” I responded it wasn’t that I actually doubted her cognitive thought it was just that—Jesus look (I’m pointing)! Look at what I had done, if I had done anything truly wrong if I had ever completely fucked someone over it was she. & Dylan was so naive and so pristine in this Newfoundland she was just going to allow herself to be further debilitated. I couldn’t do it anymore, I could fuck myself up beyond repair but Dylan…Dylan was different. “Darling have you fully processed the ways in which I’ve wronged you? That night you happened upon my doorstep like a misguided youth from a Lifetime movie was the commemoration of your defilement. There was no greater force behind your captive in my home, it wasn’t May-Lynn for referring you, it was I. & I’ve been determined to make you statstic ever since. You’re a good kid, go home—don’t punish your mother any more than you already have.” Dylan released me tugging my pant leg as she slid back unto the floor.
“I want…” She was choking on her own tears. “I want to help, Elijah—don’t feel guilty I’m not a baby.” I had turned away and she was in the saddest state I’d ever seen her. Degraded, reduced to a submissive little whore on her knees, begging the one who fucked her over the most to stay with her forever a meaningless effort; it was a promise I would never make. “Please.”
“Get up.” I spoke solemnly, she was hyperventilating right there on the overlay her tiny body quaking. “Stop this Dylan, you have to let go now.” I pulled her to her feet, her body was limp in my arms so I carried her. I carried Dylan into the bedroom from whence I had come and put her on the bed. All pigment had drained from her face and she was shaking, her full lips shaded in blue. “Fuck.” I murmured under my breath stripping the thin layers of rain soaked clothing from her body.
“I’m fine.” She managed to say between her chattering teeth. She curled her arms around her naked body as I left to get her a blankets and perhaps a bathrobe while I was at it.
“C’mere.” I cloaked a towel about her narrow shoulders and pulled her to me I knew enough about Hypothermia to know that warming her to soon with towels could shock her already frazzled system. If I had been unscathed by my previous experiences than I would probably take advantage but my solitary concern in this moment was to warm her with my own body heat. Her eyes were so big and helpless as she stared up at me with wavering pupils (It was like a Goddamn Japanese Cartoon!). Dylan tilted her chin upwards and slipped her skinny arm from my embrace pulling my neck to her lips. She kissed me gently and I feigned for the first couple of seconds and then pulled away with my head down (Christ I’m such a pedophile.)
“You acted more like you loved me before you actually said it.” Dylan whispered in a hoarse tone, I said nothing in my defense. “If this is the last,” Dylan sighed as if the words she was about to speak were too painful to even articulate. “If this is the last time we will ever see each other then,” She paused to gage my response, she searched my eyes for an expression anything at all and she panicked when I stared with empty emotion. I felt that after all the damage I had done the least I could do was fuck her right? I had never felt so obligated to lay down with someone than I did that night. “Then.” Dylan’s voice faded and her lips wavered against mine.
“You need sleep, you’re going to make yourself sick.” I interrupted wrapping the towel around her and feeling around on the comforter for the bathrobe. “I can’t take you home like this.” Her fingers were flirting with belt on my own robe, I felt wildly uncomfortable. “You can sleep here and we’ll see if your colour has returned in a couple of hours.” I took her hand and kissed it smiling faintly.
“I’m not sleeping in here alone.” She spoke abruptly.
“Then I’ll sleep on the floor.” Why I’ve never felt so responsible.
“No, you’ll sleep here in the bed with me.” Dylan patted the bed weakly before crawling over to the centre and climbing in. She flashed her stark white ass in the process, and I looked in the opposing direction involuntarily. “Baby please.” I have yet to grow accustomed to her calling me “Baby”.
“What do you want me to do Dylan?” I posed irritatingly I approached her and took a seat on the bed. “I probably know the answer to such a query.”
“Take off your robe.” Dylan said biting her bottom lip slightly darker in colour she pulled me to her by my belt and pulled it loose. It fell from my shoulders and unto the floor; I stood before her completely nude. “I only want you,” She assured somehow maintaining her halo. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted—just you Elijah.” The anxiety was at full on war with my body, as she touched me I wanted to enjoy—I was suppose to enjoy it but it felt so strange. I could see her perfectly angelic face but the words she spoke had been dubbed over by Raul’s voice. I didn’t want for her to have me in such a way, I willed my hardened flesh to soften but it wouldn’t. “Come closer Elijah,” She grinned pulling out her retainer and tossing it on the nightstand. I breathed harder crawling in bed with her, she rolled on top of me kissing me hard on my lips and grinding against my cock.
“How bad do you want this?” I questioned feeling remnants in my stomach rise in my esophagus.
“Real bad.” She nodded.
“At what expense?” I breathed.
“You can’t do it can you?” She realized melancholy. “Is it…Raul?” She stopped touching me.
“It’s a lot of shit Dylan,” I rolled over my back facing her. “Too much in fact.” She nudged my shoulder. “Look,” I sat up rubbing my raw eyes. “I’ll sleep on the couch, or the floor if you like—it really takes you back.” Dylan furrowed her dark blonde brow. “Think of it as the night we first met, & it was you sleeping on the boudoir in Chelsea’s living room.” The tears burst from her eyes unforgiving.
“I’m never going to see you again...” She whined pulling the covers over her. “It’s our last night together & you’re sleeping on the fucking couch? Do I mean anything to you at all? Can you really just erase me from you’re memory like I never even existed?” I had left the bed taking a place beside it the soles of my feet against the penetrating cold of the hardwood.
“There is a lot wrong with this prospect darling. You are fourteen—“
“Fifteen.” She corrected. “I turned yesterday.”
“Well, big fucking difference.” I smirked. “I can’t even be there for myself,” My pitch was crude. “I can’t even feed myself, or take my mind off of the cruelties done to me so many days ago. Did you take the time to notice? Don’t fucking insult my intelligence Dylan—do I look like I can do good by anyone? I’m a Goddamn fugitive, & the minute I rear my fucking russet coloured head I revoke all ownership of myself. They’re gonna lock me in some penitentiary of the state & throw away the key, or the second scenario might be, probation, community service & a couple months of rehab—I can’t fuck this up any further. & I don’t want to, not for you or anyone else.” I sat back on the bed leaning close to her. “The only reason I have survived this long is because I’ve learned to adapt to my consistently changing environment, & denounce any camaraderie that is not necessity. Its like a capsizing ship, you’ve got to rid yourself of whatever you can afford to loose--& you my dear are excess baggage.” Her lips wavered.
“FUCK YOU!” she screamed lying face down into the pillow. “You’re an asshole.” She murmured crying incessantly. “What fuck is wrong with you?” Had she not been listening? “You tell me you love me & next you say I’m excess-fucking-baggage, & I’m ruining your life?” She sat up & struck me with her palm.
“That’s not what I said!” I yelled. “Jesus Dylan just calm the fuck down okay?” She slapped me again.
“NO!” I grabbed her arms & pinned her to the bed. “Get off me!” She cried writhing her wrists beneath my grasp. “It hurts!” Her voice was shrill & crackling from her tears, it sounded painful to speak.
“You should never have come.” Dylan’s body strained against my hold, so I used my weight instead. “Stop!” Her knee struck my fractured rib. “Ow!” I recoiled in pain letting my body lie against the unmade bed. “Well I hope you got that out of your sys-“ Dylan balled her fist this time & bounce it off of my cheekbone, I bit my lip in the process & she watched it bleed satisfyingly. “What are you trying to prove?” It hurt to sit up, & I was probably doing additional damage to myself but I did anyway. I rubbed my bruised cheek & spat the blood from my lips. “Shit.” Dylan was, as I had never seen her before her cheeks flushed, long golden blonde hair wildly tousled, & sticky cascades of tears glistening on her pallid visage.
“Where are you going?” She stood atop the bed as I limped away to the phone.
“Well, I was pretty sure that I had a fractured rib, prior to this little scuffle & now I’m almost certain that you broke the bastard, so I’m calling an ambulance while I’m lucid enough to dial 911.” I felt all ninety-five pounds of her rush me, & I hit the floorboards immediately following the collision. “Goddamnit Dylan—I get it, the truth can be infuriating & obviously violent. Get off me, get off me or I swear to God---“
“What?” Her nails slashed my naked flesh. “Hit me! Hit me! Hit me!” She screamed slashing, biting, kicking anything to inflict pain.
“I am not going to hit you.” I clenched her arm tightly, the colour drained from her wrist, & she began breathing erratically her eyes wide in terror. I heard her gasp; I nearly lifted her off the ground.
“Elijah please!” She screamed pulling the one way as I pulled in the opposing direction I watched her elbow distort.
“This has to stop okay?” She nodded pushing me away with her free arm, I stood up & she did the same helplessly dangling from my hand, the tip of her toes against the floor. Dylan pivoted twisting her socket…there was a crack. Hysterical screaming followed such onomatopoeia. There was a disturbing protrusion against her skin & she had lost all control of her arm, it was limp at her side and there was no moving it.
“You…broke my arm.” She damn near whispered slipping into unconsciousness. I lowered my head mortified by the sudden resolutions transcending. My head pounded with anxiety, my eyes locking on Dylan’s twisted arm, bone scratching the surface of her skin. I picked her up and laying her sleeping form unto the overlay of sheets & such keeping her fracture elevated. Sweat clouded my brow, I belted my robe, pacing, my heart palpitating within my chest.
“Jesus.” I sighed into my quavering palms, I felt for Chelsea’s (& Her Boobs) phone on the nightstand. “Yes, I need ambulatory services at 2459 Park Ave.—yes, with regards to a broken arm. Unconscious, no the entire flat is occupied—thanks so much.”