All These Long Years, NC-17

[JIM]

Disclaimer: I do not know, or claim to know Elijah Wood or any other celebrities mentioned in this story (Except Hanson!... who I don't really know, but have met! *dances* anyway...) For the most part this story is not too violent or graphic, however there are a number of scenes which cause me to class it as NC-17.

I wrote this story a couple of years ago, but never posted it here, only on EWFN, so some of you may have read it already, however, I do plan on the possibility of revamping it as I go along. Regardless, old and new readers alike, Enjoy!

Toodles
JIM

[JIM]

2001

I watched her as she stood up there on the stage playing her keyboard and singing her heart out. She was so beautiful. So different to any other girl I knew. Everybody else thought I was stupid. My friends? they always asked me questions like "why would you bother with a mess like her?" whenever I even hinted at the possibility of liking her. I had known her as long as I could remember. Our mothers had become best friends during pregnancy. She was born exactly two months after me, and we grew up together, becoming best friends too. But over the years we drifted apart.

It was my fault. She always tried to keep the friendship going. But I pushed her away constantly. One thing or another was always more important to me than our friendship. How stupid could I have been?!

When I started school, I was acting and singing in local productions, and my mum had started me in modeling. At the age of seven she took me to Los Angeles for the Annual International Modeling and Talent Association Convention. While we were there, my career began, when I got myself an acting deal. I thought it was great. I really loved it, but it meant that we had to move to L.A. That was the beginning of the end.

I remember the day I left so well...

1988

"Is all your stuff in the car Elijah?" His mother asked him.

"Yes mum! Can I sit down now!!! Paleeese?!" Elijah exclaimed. He was getting sick of running around getting things packed. His mother laughed at him rolling her eyes.

"We'll be on the road soon, and you'll be sick of sitting! Go and play with Caroline while I say goodbye to her mum." Elijah did as he was told and toddled off into his backyard with Caroline. Sitting down on the patio steps his best friend looked at him with her sad eyes.

"I'm going to miss you." She said.

She had tears welling in her big blue eyes, though she never let them fall. Not while I was there.

As I sat there with her, I thought of all the times we had spent together. She had always been there for me. Even in those few short years that we had both been alive. She'd been my rock, my shoulder to cry on. She was my strength. and it still amazes me that she had enough strength for the both of us. But, being at such a young age, the soppy goodbyes weren't really in my repertoire, and it made me nervous...

"It's alright. We'll see each other again soon. But it's going to be so much fun! I'm already signed up to act in a video clip, and we're looking into the possibilities of doing a movie. I've always wondered what it would be like to be a movie star! I can't wait till we get there!" Elijah exclaimed in his most excited voice. He jumped up and started to sing a song from one of his favorite musicals, Annie.

"Let's go to the movies! Let's go see the stars!" Caroline sat there and watched him, wonder in her eyes, thinking about her own dream.

"Well, when I'm grown up, I'm going to be a rock and roll star!" She exclaimed as she grabbed a near by broom to use as a microphone and started pelting out her favorite song of the moment.

I can't help but laugh every time I remember that day. Her song of the moment...haha! It was "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star". I giggled at her childish antics, but then went back to talking about me, me, me. I didn't even think about how she was feeling. But why did I need to? I mean after all, at my age, the world did revolve around me. Didn't it?...

"When I get my first part in a movie, I'm going to get paid lots of money, and I'm going to buy a big house, that all my friends can come and live in an..."

"Elijah!? It's time to go!!" His mother called out cutting him off mid sentence.

"OK mum!" Elijah replied as he jumped up and ran to his car, hopping in beside his brother and sister. He shut the door putting his headphones on and getting a book out, preparing for the long journey ahead of him. Caroline came running from the back yard just as the car was pulling out of the driveway. She was waving frantically, but Elijah never looked up from his book. Her hand slowly fell, as she stopped waving so enthusiastically.

How could I have been so stupid!? I didn't even say goodbye to her! I was so wrapped up in everything I was going to do. I've always regretted that day. In a way, I'm glad I didn't see her face. I don't think I could have lived with the expression for the rest of my life. I find it hard enough now, just imagining what she would have looked like. If only things had been different. It wouldn't have to haunt me the way it does...

Caroline's eyes glazed over as the tears began to well up. She pressed her lips tightly together as they quivered, biting her bottom lip and trying her hardest not to let the tears flow freely. The image of a broken heart was etched into her facial expressions. She turned with her head hung low, and hands shoved in her pockets, as she walked back to her own car to go home. Caroline promised herself that she would never let such a parting between best friends happen ever again.


She wrote letters to me all the time. And occasionally I would reply. She'd always ask me what I was doing, and how everything was going. In her second letter, she spent about 4 pages telling me how excited she was when she saw my "big time commercial" come on TV, and that she was really proud of me...

"Dear Lij,

How are you!? I miss having you around. It's soooo boring around here without you. Nobody else ever wants to do anything!

I saw your commercial on TV yesterday. It was so amazing! Congratulations! I'm so excited for you. You did a really, really, really good job. I loved it so much!"

Most of her letters were like that.

On the times I actually did write back to her, I spent most of the letter, once again, talking about me...

"Caramel!

Hey! Thanks for the letter you sent. Everything is so great! I love it here. It's such a big city, but it's great.

I'm glad you liked the commercial. I really loved making it. It was so much fun! The people who made it want me for their next commercial too.

I've just finished filming the video clip, and it should be released soon. Keep an eye out for it. It's great!

Did you see the girl in the commercial? She's my new friend. Her name is Susan. I met her while they filmed the commercial. She's really cool. She's been working in commercials for a couple of years now, so she gave me lots of tips and pointers about it. She's been really helpful. She's such a great friend."

Caroline felt the tears well up in her eyes as she read the rest of the letter. It sounded like Elijah had a new best friend. Maybe he didn't need Caroline anymore. Caroline didn't want to believe it, but she couldn't help thinking about it all the time.

It didn't even occur to me that the things I wrote in those letters would affect her in any way. I told her all about my new friends, and what was going on with my family, but never... not once, did I ask how she was going. I must have hurt her so much...


---------------------------------------

[Airefeaiel]

Man, I so regret not being part of EWFN. This is a great start JIM! I can't wait for more!!

Pat

[JIM]

Meh.. it was good for a time... but then got pretty crappy... GreenT killed it. lol

I'll be posting more soon! Probably today!

Toodles
JIM

[Sammi]

Oooh. This looks like the beginning's of a tearjerker.

Post more soon! I wanna see them meet..


Samma

[JIM]

Thanks Sammi!! I think it is a bit of a tear jerker. haha. I'm just baout to post up the next chapter! Just bare with me a few minutes!

And , while I'm at it, here's a banner for the story!




Toodles
JIM

[JIM]

The next installment! Let me know what you think!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1989

Caroline listened to the phone ringing on Elijah's end. No one was answering.

"Hello?" She finally heard Elijah's voice coming through the phone.

"Lij! Hi, how are you d..."

"Hello???" She was cut off by Elijah's voice.

"Lij, what are yo..." She started, but was cut off again.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" Caroline pulled the phone away from her ear, looking at it as if it were something from another planet.

"Lij??" She asked into the phone with frustration.

"Alright, you got me! No one can come to the phone right now, so if you leave you're name and number we'll get back to you as soon as we can." Caroline screamed in her head. She hated Elijah's practical jokes. She always got caught by them.

"Haha. Very funny Lij." She started after the beep. "I was just ringing to congratulate you on your role in Back to the Future II. I saw it just the other day and it was great! I know you're gonna make it really big one day! Call me back soon OK? Alright, well, I love you, and I miss you. Bye." She hung up the phone and sighed, disappointed that he hadn't been home.

I never called her back. I was either too busy, or I just plain forgot. It wasn't the first time either...

------------------------------------------

1992


As fait would have it, four years after I first moved, now 11 years old, Caroline's family ended up moving to L.A. too. Her dad had been offered a job there and, deciding that it was better than his current job, he took it. Knowing that we would now be living in the same state, her parents looked for a place that was as close to mine as possible. My mum, of course, helped out in her own little way. She annoyed our old neighbours so much that they ended up leaving, and Caroline's family moved right in next door. That's when our friendship became closer again, but it didn't last for long...

"Elijah!" On arriving at their new house, Caroline and her parents greeted their old friends. Caroline ran straight to Elijah and hugged him. Her smile was so bright and happy. Her parents hadn't seen her smile like that in a while.

"How have you been!?" She asked in an excited tone, as she jumped up and down ecstatically, thrilled to be back with Elijah.

"It's been so awesome living here! It's a great city to live in if you want to get into entertainment. There's so many big opportunities! I love it here! And you'll love it too I'm sure!"

Elijah grabbed Caroline's hand and dragged her into his house to show her everything. When she saw his room, she decided what room she wanted in her house for a bedroom. She just hoped that it was a bedroom, and not the bathroom or something.

"Can you show me round your house now?!" Elijah asked with excitement. They both ran over to Caroline's new house to explore. Caroline found the room that she had wanted and, as she looked out the window into Elijah's bedroom, she threw her day pack on the ground.

"I call this room!!" She claimed it for herself.

They had a big house, and Caroline's bedroom, on the second story, was huge. It had a bay window that looked right into my own bedroom window.

I can't remember the countless times, as I grew older, that I found myself peeping through my blinds, in the hopes that she couldn't see me, as I watched her sitting in the window reading, writing a poem, sketching, playing the guitar, writing a song, or just sleeping. She was the most creative person I knew, and it mesmerized me completely. Most nights I would fall asleep to her singing...

(1) "Sitting at a bus stop
Waiting for a train
People walking by
Seeking shelter from the rain

Sitting, waiting
Thinking about life
Why does it seem so unfair?
Hoping, dreaming
Of what the future brings
While you're waiting here

You're all so different
Yet you're all the same
Conformed by society
Into the mould they made

Watching time
Pass you by
The clock ticks away
But time has no meaning
It's just a state of mind
And time has no reason
But to make the world go blind"

Elijah listened to her beautiful, angelic, voice floated in through his bedroom window.

"Sitting at the bus stop
Waiting for a train
You're all so different
But you're all the same
Sitting, waiting
Thinking about life
Why does it seem so unfair?
Hoping, dreaming
Of what the future brings
While you're waiting here."

When they first moved in, Caroline had told me how hard she was finding it there. She was having a hard time making new friends at her school. They were always teasing her about one thing or another. She was 'different' to everyone else. When she got older, she never grew out of her 'puppy fat' as my mum called it. She was always a little chubby. It never bothered me. It just meant there was more of her to love, but everyone at her school made her an outcast because of it.

-----------------------------------

(1) The Bus Stop Song - © JIM 2001

[Sammi]

Yesss!!! I loved the 'more to love' bit. Amen, sistah.

I really love (as I've probably said COUNTLESS times before. But, it's been awhile!) your style and how you phrase things and .. everything!

Ugh. She's so sweet to stay 'on-board' for that long. What a neglectful piece of ****.

Hehe. Sorry, he kinda reminds me of a friend of mine right now. *kicks him* Butt-muncher! Oh yeah. I said it.

Post more when you can, bella!

[JIM]

I like that line too! ... Strangely enough. lol

haha. yeah... guys can get like that some times... I guess staying on board though is one of the follies of a compassionate person... But even if it kills them they keep on holding on!

I hope whoever the guy is gets his arse into gear soon, or I'll personally come round and kick it in myself! haha

And thanks! I'm really glad you like my stayle! Cause I love writing it! haha

toodles
JIM

[JIM]

1993


When Caroline got into junior high, a year after her family had moved, it only got worse, and she ended up leaving school at the end of the 7th grade. I remember the first day when it all started...

"Caroline! You have to get up and go to school." Caroline's father ordered in a very loud voice.

"I don't want to go to school! And you can't make me!" She cried as she pulled the blankets up over her head. Her mother came in and threw the bed covers off her.

"You will go to school. Or you'll be grounded for a month. And that means you won't be seeing Elijah until your punishment is over." Caroline reluctantly got out of bed, sobbing to herself as she went to have a shower. Things were really bad at school, but she figured it was better to put up with it, just so she could see her best friend. The only person in the world who didn't seem to care what she looked like.

A few days later, Elijah heard the same argument coming from Caroline's house. This time Caroline refused to get out of bed, and her parents had to physically drag her down the hallway into the shower. They turned it on while she was still dressed in her PJ's. She sat in the shower for around 15 minutes crying to herself quietly, contemplating her situation, and telling herself how unfair it was. Did her parents not understand what she was going through? Why would anyone want to go to school when they had to put up with what she did?!

It was the last straw for her parents when she got out of the shower and hopped back into bed in her soaking wet clothes.

"If you don't get out of that bed right now, we're going to leave without you." Her father growled.

"Fine, leave without me. You already know I don't want to go."

"Then you're grounded. For a month." Her mother stated as she walked out of Caroline's room. Caroline sat up in her bed as soon as she heard her parents car drive away and started to cry. She got up, wiping the tears from her eyes, and sat herself down at her piano. Elijah watched her through his bedroom window, his heart aching for hers. She put her tape recorder on and started to fiddle around with a tune she was making up on the spot.

(2) "I've been trapped behind bars
I have no room to fly
I have no freedom
It seems like everybody runs my life.
There's so many things
That I want to do
But I can't take flight
My wings are tied"

She sang along to her own accompaniment. Each note she sung was etched with the pain she was feeling inside.

She had the most beautiful voice. It would lilt its way through the air into my bedroom, and I would fall in love with it over and over again. Of course, she never knew.

She began to cry again as she sang. I knew she must be feeling horrible. My mum called me to get down stairs and have my breakfast before I had to go to school.

-----------------------------

School...

How could it be so hard? I didn't really understand what she was going through. I couldn't work out why she hated it so much. But of course, I never asked her did I? I always expected her to just come straight out and tell me. Just like I would always tell her my problems.

When I rang her that day, she wasn't allowed to talk, except to tell me she was grounded. While I was at school, I had forgotten all about the morning’s happenings, and before she had the chance to even tell me she was grounded, I laid right into my own problems. I'd had a really crap afternoon at a modelling photo shoot for a magazine. I thought the photographer must have had something against me. There was nothing else for it. He was just a real jerk. Huh, that rings a bell doesn't it? But I had to tell her all about it. Once again, she put her own problems aside and, she was there for me. Have I always been so self absorbed? I hope not.

Our conversation was ended when her mum grumbled at her to get off the phone. Of course! It was then I remembered she was grounded. She said goodbye and hung up without waiting for a reply. I couldn't really blame her I guess. But then I remembered the pain I had felt for her that morning. How could I have not asked how she was!? ...

------------------------------------

The month that Caroline was grounded went extremely slowly, and she continued to refuse to go to school. Her parents took her to see the school councillor, who didn't help her one bit. She talked to her about how she must feel like she was carry a load of bricks on her back, and if she just completed one assignment for school, the bag would become lighter, and then it would be easier for her to complete the next assignment, and so on.

I remember listening to her when she got home after that meeting...

"Complete one assignment and the bag will become lighter!" Caroline mocked the councillor. "As if the bag will become any lighter. Getting my assignments done isn't the problem! Does nobody understand what I'm trying to tell them!? Adults are so thick sometimes!" Caroline was outraged by the councillors assumption of what her problem was. How could anyone help her if they wouldn't listen to her?

_______________________

[JIM]

1994

I listened to her in my room as she once again sat down at her piano, this time pounding out a random rhythm, as she sung her made up lyrics in great anger...

(3) "Could it be I'm just afraid to speak?
It couldn't be. I'm not that weak.
No one seems to understand,
Just exactly how I feel

They say it's happened to them before
And that everyone goes through the same
But I just can't see how that can be true
I'm a different person, in a different world it seems

My life completely changed from theirs.
Why can't they just see who I am
Not base it all on their own thoughts
On who they are, and used to be."

As I listened to her words of pain, I just wanted to hold her and tell her it would be OK. In the time that I had not been able to see her, I realized just how much I had taken her for granted. She had the most beautiful personality of anyone I knew. She was filled with nothing but love, care, and an immense passion for every person that was in her life, and here I was worried about me, myself and I, every second of the day. She was a rare find. A true individual, and she was my best friend. I had to do something about it. I had to let her know…

"A poem! She loves poetry! I can write one especially for her!" Elijah exclaimed to himself with a proud smile. He jumped up from his bed and grabbed some paper and a pen from his desk.

"Now what to write?" He questioned himself. He sat on his bed and thought hard, when he heard Caroline start to sing along to her guitar.

(4) "I can't express my deepest feelings.
My greatest fears, or dreams
There's just no words to explain them
But does it really matter
What I think, or if I care?
When no one seems to listen to anything I say?
Is there anyone out there
Who could love a fool like me?
Is there anyone out there?
Who sees me for what I am?

Her song had answered his question. She needed to know that there was someone there who appreciated her. Someone who cared about her. Elijah put pen to paper and started to write.

(5) "Flowers

Their colors so bright
Blue, red, purple ... and green?
But have you ever seen
A flower of green?
Why yes, just over there
In Mr Gregory's garden
A flower of green
I never have seen
Until that day
I would always say
But as I look
Over the fence
There is it
As plain as ... green
But that couldn't be
Can't you see
That green is not the color of a flower
It's the color of ... a tree
But as the days go by and by
That flower stands just as high
And till this day I can't find why
That flower ever caught my eye."

Elijah read the poem to his mother to see what she thought.

"That's great Lij. What did you write it for?" She asked him, smiling down at her talented son.

"Nothing. I just thought of it and wrote it down." He lied. Just then the phone rang. His mother picked it up and he ran back up to his bedroom. He wrote the poem out neatly, and placed it in an envelope, writing 'Caramel', his nick name for Caroline, on the front of it. Just then his mother came into the room.
_______________________

"That was your agent Lij. He's got you an audition for 'North'! But if you get a part, you'll have to move to New York for a while, they're not filming it here." His mother stated with excitement. Elijah was thrilled about the news and couldn't wait. He really hoped he would get a part. He ran down stairs and over to Caroline's house to tell her the good news while her parents weren't home.

"Caramel!? Caramel?! Oh Caaarooomel!?" He called as he ran into her house. She couldn't hear him because she was playing the piano, but after he called for the forth or fifth time, he saw her standing at the top of the stairs looking down at him. She was dressed in baggy cargo pants and basketball shirt.

She had always been a bit of a tom boy, but she didn't care what anybody else thought. That's what I loved about her...

"I have the greatest news!" Elijah exclaimed, his smile beaming up at her. Caroline was about to tell him off for being there when she was grounded but, once she saw his smile, she just didn't have the heart to.

"C'mon then... Tell me... Quick!" She laughed at him. His smile widened, till he was showing is teeth, and he took a deep breath.

"Mum just got off the phone with my agent and I have an audition for 'North', and it's just so awesome I can't wait. I hope I get a part. Isn't this so exciting!? It's just s..."

"And breathe" Caroline told him laughing, as he appeared to have forgotten to. He took a deep breath and then continued.

"It's just so cool! This could be huge for me. And I'll have to go interstate to film it!" He continued on as Caroline jogged her way down the stairs. This was his 12th movie so far and she was very excited for him.

"That's awesome Lij. I'm so proud of you! I hope you get the part!" She exclaimed as she hugged him, closing her eyes as she enjoyed the excitement that transferred from his body to hers.

That's when we heard her parents drive into the garage...

"Quick! You've got to go. Now!" Caroline said as she pushed Elijah in the direction of the back door. He wasn't sure how he was going to get out without her parents seeing him, but he would have to try, or she would be grounded for even longer.
When Elijah got home, his mother was packing his clothes in a bag.

"What you doin' mum?" He asked her.

"I'm getting some stuff ready for your audition. It's tomorrow. Sorry, I must have forgotten to tell you. Go up stairs and grab anything else you want to take. The plane is leaving in a few hours." Elijah sighed, but did as he was told. His mother dropped him off at the airport, where he met his agent, also his chaperone for out of state business.
_______________________

------------------- Back at Caroline's house ------------------

"Was that Elijah we just saw leaving the house?" Caroline's mother asked as she walked into the house. Caroline could hardly lie to her. She'd obviously seen him escaping through the back door.

"Yes mum." She sighed. Her mother appeared to be fuming with anger.

"But he only came over to tell me that he had an audition for a movie he's been dying to do. I didn't get to say goodbye though." She said as her head fell and she walked back up to her room.

"Come back here Caroline." Her mother called, but Caroline just kept walking. Her mother felt tears welling up in her eyes. Had she been too harsh on her daughter? Maybe she shouldn't have grounded her for not going to school, but she just didn't know what to do anymore. She decided to give her a little time to cool off before she went to talk to her again.

Caroline sat down with her guitar and started to sing.

(6) "No one wants to listen, No one wants to know
No one want to hear, No one wants to see
Do you not know?
Can you not feel what I'm going through?
All my troubles, all my fears
Do you have no ears? Can you not hear me?
My cries so loud they hurt.
All my sorrow, all my pain

No one wants to see me, no one wants to hear
No one wants to be there, no one really cares
Do you not see the tears that I feel?
Flowing from my eyes
Night after night even as I sleep
Don't you care where I'm going or what I'm doing?
Where my life is heading or how my joy is dying

No one wants to listen, no one wants to know
No one wants to hear, no one wants to see
No one wants to be there, no one really cares
They cannot see, they don't want to"
_______________________

Her mother soon came up to her room to talk to her. She found her daughter sitting on her bed weeping. It broke her heart

"I'm sorry I was angry hunny. I just don't know what to do anymore. And I know you keep trying to tell me what the problem is, but I just don't understand what's wrong." Caroline looked up at her mother, eyes wide. Could she really have just admitted that she didn't understand what she was going through? After all this time, telling her daughter she knew exactly how she felt and what she was going through. She couldn't believe her ears. Caroline wrapped her arms around her mother's neck and cried into her shoulder.

"I love you mommy." She whispered with a sniffle of the nose.

"I love you too sweetheart. And I want to be here for you. I want to hold your hand through this. Even if I don't understand what's happening." Her mother replied starting to cry herself.

"Now why don't you go over to Elijah's and you can say goodbye, and then we can have another talk later tonight." Caroline's face shined at the thought of being able to see Elijah again. She ran out of the house and into Elijah's front yard, running right into his house.

"Lij!? Lij! Where are you!?" Caroline called out. His sister came running down the stairs to see who it was.

"Hey Caramel. I think he's up in his room." She beamed. Caroline ran upstairs and burst into his room.

"Lij! I have the greatest news! I'm not..." She stopped suddenly when she realized he wasn't there. Her heart sank as Elijah's sister walked into the room to apologize. She had only just picked up a note from her mother to say they had gone to the airport. She left the room, and Caroline sat down on Elijah's bed just thinking for a while when she saw the envelope on his desk with her name on it. Should she see what was in it? Or should she wait till he gave it to her?

Curiosity got the best of her and she ended up reading the poem. She was so happy when she read it, and tears of joy rolled down her face. She couldn't remember the last time she cried because she was happy. She also couldn't remember the last time that Elijah had gone out of his way to do something for her. Not that she thought he was selfish or anything, but he just seemed to be rather... unaware of what was going on around him. She knew that deep down he was really sweet.

I was sitting on the plane kicking myself because I had forgotten to give her the poem. I didn't know when I would be getting back, or when I would get the chance to give it to her. Knowing me, I would just forget again...

Caroline made her way back to her own house dreaming of the day when Elijah would come home. Even though it would only be a few days till he was back, it seemed like it was an eternity.
-------------------------------------------------

[LacedNBlue]

*lesigh* Lij sure is full of himself. I wish he realized what he's doing to her. It's amazing how she doesn't think him evil or anything for ignoring her feelings repeatedly. You've got a great story here love! I can't wait for more! *blows kisses*

[JIM]

Thanks hunnybunch! Glad you like it! and there should be more up soon!

Toodles
JIM

[Kloey]

OMG OMG OMG!!! I just realised what story this one is!!! *jumps up and down* I'm so very glad that your posting this again cause I absouletly adored it the first time!!! Gah!! so very very happy!!

Chloe xxx

[Digigoose]

Wow, I need to surf the web more often, it's so awesome finding places like this! I'm new to the boards, and this is only the 2nd fic I've started reading, but I love it so far! I haven't read a lot of fanfiction in the past, but what I have read has always been about completely fictional characters, and not the actors themselves. Even though writing about a person you don't know does kind of fictionalize them, it's really neat to think that you're reading about an actual person (Elijah) and not just a character (like Frodo), if you get my meaning.

In your story specifically, I really like how you cut back and forth from present-time thoughts of the people to their actions in the past and their reflections. It's sort of sad, all the regrets they have, but your past/present format adds an extra layer of insight. And it makes the emotional impact bigger in my opinion... so where the heck is that thumbs up smiley... oh there it is!

[JIM]

Kloey!! Glad you're uber excited! haha Thanks for reading again!

And Digigoose! Thanks for the comments! God! I haven't been around here in like 3 months! I'm really sorry! But I'm back, and posting more! and so hopefilly you're still around to read it! and hopefully you still like it! haha

So.. here goes some more people!

Still 1994

After dinner Caroline sat down to have a discussion with her parents.

"We've been thinking a lot about ways we can get around this, and your mother and I were wondering what you thought about the idea of being home schooled?" Her dad asked. Caroline's eyes widened at the idea.

"I'll give it a shot." She said with excitement. She'd told her parents before that it wasn't learning that she hated. In fact she loved to learn. The problem was the atmosphere at school. She just couldn't handle it. All the peer pressure and teasing, as well as the students being so competitive with each other.

After Caroline finished talking to her parents, she went off to bed. Or at least she tried, but she just couldn't stop thinking about Elijah. She shut her bedroom door and sat down at her piano, staring into his bedroom window, wishing he was there. She missed him already, being that she hadn't seen him for almost a month, and she wanted him to come back right that minute.

She wasn't sure why she was feeling that way. She'd never had those feelings before. Feelings that were so strongly towards Elijah. Though she had been feeling that way for the last month or so. It scared her a little. She just didn't know how to express herself. She didn't have anyone to talk to about it, and it was confusing her. Instead she tried putting her feelings into song.

"If I told you 'I love you'
Would I mean the words I say?
Is it love?

What does it really mean
To say that 'I love you'?
Do you love me too?
What is love?

If I'm standing by your side
At the turning of the tide?
Is it love?

And if you're sinking in the sand
I'll be there to help you stand
Just take my hand
This is love.

And if I could go back
Back to tomorrow
So many things I would change
But to tell you that I love you
Is all that would stay the same

'Cause I have found this love nothing will ever change
How can I not love you."

As she finished the song, she took a photo of Elijah that was sitting on the piano and kissed it.

"I love you Lij." She said with a sad smile as she closed her eyes thinking for a moment.
_______________________

Caroline's parents had organized a meeting at a local Christian missions center that specialized in home schooling, for the children of missionaries. Her parents couldn't think of a better place to go through, and Caroline was pretty impressed with the place too. They were always organizing get togethers with all the home schooled children, like picnics, excursions, camps, all sorts of stuff. And no one there cared about people being different. Kids were coming from all around the world, so it was inevitable that they were going to be different. Caroline really loved it, and she was so much happier after that.

I came home from my audition for 'North' and Caroline came straight over to my house and gave me the biggest hug I've ever had. She was so happy and excited. I think that was the first time she ever went straight out and told me what was going on in her life. It was a relief to hear her so happy. The whole week I had been telling myself what a jerk I was, and worrying about what was going on with her. She thanked me for the poem and a huge smile spread across her face. I've never forgotten the way she looked. Not even to this day. She read a poem that she had written in response...

(8) "What is a friend?
Someone who will care
Who will always be there
Through all the good and bad"

"Friends will stay with you
Forever and a day
They just have this way
Of knowing what to say"

"It's someone you can laugh with
You can tell them all your fears
Break down, burst into tears
They'll still be there beside you"

"And when I think of that word, friend
I think of you alone
In my heart you'll always have a home
I know till this day and forever more."

She smiled and hugged me again. She was the sweetest thing. That night I went to bed, and I just couldn't get her out of my head. She was stuck on my mind the whole night, and even when I finally got to sleep, she was in my dreams. It was a strange feeling...

---------------------------------------------------

Elijah got home from school to find himself alone. He went up to his bedroom, and started taking off his top, to change out of his uniform. When he turn around to face his closet, he discovered Caroline sitting beside it in his arm chair, smiling at him. She got up and walked over to him.

"How was school today?" She asked as she stroked his cheek with her index finger. Elijah felt butterflies rise in his stomach.

"Good." He replied nervously. She dropped her hand so it was resting on his chest, and then lent forward, kissing him tenderly on the lips. Elijah was shocked at her sudden forwardness, but he wasn't apposed to it. He felt the blood rush to his head, and he became extremely hot as he deepened the kiss, pulling her closer to him, with his hand resting on her neck.

"I love you." He told her breathlessly before kissing her again just as fervently.

----------------------------------------------------

Elijah shot up in his bed, drenched in sweat. He couldn't believe he had just had a dream like that about his best friend. He flopped back down into his bed with a sigh, then smiled. It didn't matter how hard he found it to believe, he had liked it, and it was on his mind for the rest of the night.


Summer of 1994

I had gotten a part in 'North' and had to leave town. Caroline also went away on a camp with the home schooling group. When she got back she had changed completely. she had a whole new outlook on life. She was filled with this light. With this new passion, and a determination to make it in life...

"I had such a great time at camp!" Caroline exclaimed to Elijah. "They had some really awesome music there, and then they had a talent night. I got up and played a few of my songs. Everybody loved them! They all said I should keep writing, and really work at it. Everyone says I'll definitely get somewhere with it! It was just so awesome! The rush of performing in front of people. They're all getting excited, and you can't help but get excited too. Ah, I feel like screaming. It was just so great!" The words just gushed out of her mouth as she told her best friend all about the camp.

I couldn't believe how much she'd changed. She was so full of energy and confidence. And she wasn't just on a high after a great camp. It lasted for a long time after. She got really involved in the church, doing music for the services and at the youth group. She was also writing a lot of new songs for the church to sing.

I went to a couple of the services to watch her, but I eventually got too busy. I was almost always out of the state, filming a movie, or doing interviews and photo shoots. And we once again became very detached from each other.

[JIM]

1995

Like when I first moved away from her, Caroline always sent me letters. They were different this time though. She always told me about what was going on in her life. But, at the same time, she never failed to fit in time for me. I tried my hardest to write back to every letter she sent, but I just got too tired after a days work. It was really hard. Most of the time I would phone her, but my calls were still few and far between. Never the less, I could never get her off my mind, and she still haunted my dreams...

"Hey Lij!

I miss you so much! I hope you're having an amazing time and that everything's going well for you. We're having a great summer over here. I can't wait till you come back!

You won't believe what I have to tell you. Finally mum and dad have agreed to let me record a demo CD of a few of my songs. I'm so excited. I'll be going into the studio for about a month to get the songs recorded. And then I'm going to do a small tour around the state. We might even do a couple of gigs out of state after that. It's going to be so great! I'll send you a copy of the CD as soon as it's finished."

Elijah read the last letter he had just received from Caroline. He was so excited for her, but he was also extremely tired after a day of shooting his next film. He put the letter aside and laid down on his bed trying to sleep. But no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't get her out of his mind. Her eyes, her smile, her voice. In the time that he was away, he started to realize just how much he loved her.

I couldn't stand being away from her. It was killing me. But by the time I got home from filming, she was touring, which meant we were away from each other for another couple of months...

It was the tale end of autumn and Elijah sat on the wooden swing in his back yard, watching his imaginary image of Caroline dancing around in the backyard at his old house. She took hold of the garden rake, using it as a microphone, and began to sing 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.' He smiled at the vivid memory. As she was dancing, she gradually grew up. Then he saw her as she was today. She walked towards him.

"I've missed you." She said in a sexy voice, running her hand through his hair and sitting next to him on the swing. She kissed him lightly on the lips and smiled at him. Then she jumped up and started dancing in the autumn leaves again.

Elijah shook his head, waking up from his day dream, his cheeks bright red with embarrassment, as a cold wind blew through his backyard, taking his image of Caroline with it. Luckily there was no one there to see him. He wrapped his jacket around him tightly and decided to go for a walk, in the hopes that it would clear his mind.

He visited his favorite park, and sat down on the bench. When he looked over at the lake, he saw Caroline standing there feeding the ducks. He stood up and ran towards her. He was ready to wrap his arms around her, surprising her, but instead all the ducks flew away, and her image faded away into thin air. She was gone.

"I've got to stop obsessing over this!" He yelled under his breath, kicking a stone into the lake with frustration. He didn't know how much longer he could take it for.



_______________________

Eventually Caroline came back, and I got to spend a bit of time with her. She told me all about her tour and how amazing it was...

"I've made so many contacts with other musicians around the state, as well as meeting a number of different managers. I even met this one guy who owns a record label, and he said he wanted me to think about the possibility of recording under his label. Isn't that so awesome!?" Caroline exclaimed with excitement.

"It's awesome that you had such a great time Caramel! I'm glad you're back though." Elijah replied as he hugged her tightly. He didn't want to let go of her. She was so warm, and she was just so huggable. He started to feel butterflies in his stomach. He let go and gave her a sheepish smile.

"Oh, and it was so weird!" She began again. "You know how you're always talking about all these girls going crazy over you and whatever? Well it's completely understandable, you being famous and all, but while I was away, I was getting all these guys coming up to me, and they were flirting with me. Trying to crack onto me. I had no idea how to handle it. I mean it's never happened before! What would they want to date me for anyway. They don't even know who I am!" She laughed. "Some of them seemed really nice though." Elijah felt a pang of jealousy rise up in him. He didn't say anything though. What she did was her choice.

Maybe I should have told her how I was feeling right there and then. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it...

"So tell me more about your trip! How did the shows go? And what about this guy who wants to record you? That's so cool!" Elijah smiled at his friends excitement.

"Well, you know, we haven't finalized anything yet. But he wants to record a few of the songs I sung on tour, and he also wants to get me co-writing with people on his team. I can't wait. I've never co-written a song before. I hope I'll be OK at it." She had worry in her eyes.

"You'll be great! You're a star remember!" Elijah replied. Caroline laughed at him as a huge smile appeared on her face. Then her facial expression changed. Elijah had never seen her look like that before and he didn't know what to think. But as soon as the look had come, it was wiped off her face. Caroline didn't realize the way she was looking at him, until it was too late, so she tried to cover it up as quick as she could.

"Let's get some ice cream." She said. Elijah smiled and they both headed to the kitchen.



_______________________

After she came home from the tour, she started to act different. Not in a bad way, but she just didn't appear to have the same out look on life. She was very contemplative over everything, and she now looked at the world through what seemed like different eyes, taking in the beauty of the world around her, from the smallest, to the largest things. She was always like that, but she'd suddenly become more vocal about it. It was more noticeable, and when she saw something she thought was beautiful, she wanted to share it with everyone else.

"Look at that cloud. It's so beautiful." Caroline said pointing at the sky. Both her and Elijah were in the park lying on the ground, looking up at the sky. It was a beautifully warm winter day, but it was very close to dusk, and it had started to get chilly. Caroline was lying with her head resting on Elijah's stomach, and had an extra jacket Elijah had brought, spread over her to keep her warm.

Elijah looked up at the cloud in question. He laid there with one arm resting under his head, while he twisted a strand of Caroline's hair around his fingers. The cloud was an amazing orange-pink-purple kind of color, outlined with a strong red to grey trim. He was awe-struck at the magnificence of the cloud, but all he could think about was how much more beautiful Caroline was. Caroline stared at the cloud for at least ten minutes, watching as it formed one shape and then re-formed to another.

"Isn't it just amazing." She said as she turned her head to face him and smiled.

"It's beautiful." He said dreamily with a sigh, then looked down at her. He tried to smile back at her as a battle waged in his mind.

'Now would be the perfect time to tell her. Wouldn't it? But what if she doesn't like me!? I can't tell her. It would ruin everything that we have. I don't wanna loose her. She's too precious to me. But on the other hand, if I don't tell her, then I'm gonna loose her anyway. She'll find someone else, or she'll move away. Or worse, we'll just drift apart. Like we've done so many times before. I couldn't handle being the culprit of that again. I've got to tell her, but I c...'

"What-cha thinking about?" Caroline cut him off in the middle of his thoughts. It was the perfect opportunity. She'd left the door wide open for him. But he just couldn't bring himself to tell her.

"Nothing really. We should be going. It's getting dark, and mum will be wondering where I am." He said sitting up, as Caroline's head slipped down into his lap. She sat up shortly after, but just those few seconds with her head in his lap had not been good for him. When he stood up, he quickly tied his jacket around his waist, hoping to hide his embarrassment.

"You ready?" He asked as Caroline brushed the grass off her clothes. She nodded, looping her arm through his, as she started to skip off, dragging Elijah with her. All he could do was laugh and join her.



_______________________

She was even happier than when she had come back from the camp. She lost a lot of weight, which I hadn't really noticed, because she always wore baggy clothes. But then she began to attract a lot of guys. I don't know if she liked it or not...

Elijah sat in his room, once again listening to Caroline singing.

(9) "What is it that you see in me?
If you see me at all
You look at me so blind
But there's nothing I can do

"Is it in the way I do my hair
The way I dress, the way I talk?
Do you see the way I look at you?
The way I act, is the way I feel

"Am I invisible?
If yes, then why
Do I lie awake and dream of you?
Am I invisible?
If yes, then why
Am I invisible to you?

"If I called you up tonight
Would it be an inconvenience?
If I talk to you a while
Would you stop and listen to me? or

"Am I invisible?
If yes, then why
Do I lie awake and dream of you?
Am I invisible?
If yes, then why
Am I invisible

"If you leave ... it will break me
If I change ... will you take me?
Take me in your arms and hold me close

Can you feel me?
Do you see me?
Or is this just a pointless fantasy?
My fantasy?

"What is it that you see in me
If you see me at all
You look at me so blind
But there's nothing I can do

"Am I invisible?
If yes, then why
Do I lie awake and dream of you?
Am I invisible?
If yes, then why
Am I invisible to you?

"Should I change the way I look
The way I act, the way I feel?
But would it accomplish anything
If still you didn't see me?

"Am I invisible?
If yes, then why
Do I lie awake and dream of you?
Am I invisible?
If yes, then why
Am I invisible to you?
If yes, then why?
Then why am I invisible?
If yes, then why?
Why am I invisible?
If yes, then why
Am I invisible to you?"

Elijah felt a tear roll down his cheek as he lay in his bed. He couldn't believe that someone could have that much love for a person, but still feel like they were invisible to them. He had no idea who she could possibly be talking about, but it tore his heart in two. He wanted her for himself. He didn't want anyone else to have her. But at the same time, he wanted her to be happy. He didn't want her feeling so lost and lonely anymore. Little did he know that she had written the song about him.





__________________________

[Kloey]

Holla bella,

Just thought I'd drop by and reply to this and tell you that always, it was wonderful. But I gotta say, I'm wanting to give Lij a good ol' slap upside the head. How can he be so thick!!
Anywho looking forward to the next chap!

Chloe xxx

[JIM]

haha! i'm pretty sure you said something like that at this stage in the story last time too! haha.. thanks for reading hun!

[Lessy]

Oh man I loved this story when you posted it on EWFN!
And now I'm reading it again because I LOVE IT!