The story of:Anna Sophia Coppola
Strange and Beautiful
I've been watching your world from afar,
I've been trying to be where you are,
And I've been secretly falling apart,
How can you mend a broken heart? How can you forget someone that touched your soul? Is it in somebodyís else arms? Is it walking down the street by night with the moon upon your head and the stars lighting your eyes? Is it when your heart stops bleeding and you start feeling something else that itís not pain? When is it? When do you know that itís all over and that you can move on and love again? When it is possible to love again? Is it possible to love again?
I lost him 2 years ago. I let him go because I wasnít sure that we were meant to be together. He was too perfect for me: too faithfull, too loving, too handsome, too adorable. I had to find something off the relationship, it couldnít be perfect. I tried to become the jealous girlfriend, the one that would push him to be angry with me. It didnít work, he laughed at my jealously. I tried to drama queen Ė sticky girlfriend, absorbing all his time and then telling him that we were too absorbed in each other. It didnít work, he just pushed away slightly and I found out that I actually couldnít be away from him.
I was getting out of ideas how to make him inperfect, how to make him unlovable, trying to find defects on his perfect personality. I needed drama, I needed independence, I needed something that would give me the reason to break with him. Something that would excuse that I donít feel happy with him. Elijah didnít fill me in. He loved me and adored me and I was the light on his eyes, but he wasnít my light, he wasnít my love and I stopped adoring him long ago. To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
You turn every head but you don't see me.
Suddenly, he appeared, with his dark eyes and dark hair begging for my attention. He walked to my coffee house smiling to the air and I felt my legs shaking and trembling from underneath the counter. I was afraid that my voice would be lost in emotion. There was something in his air that took me from my ground and elevated me to the sky. He was my excuse.
His name is Orlando. And he was an actor, friend of my boyfriend. I didnít care before, but that day, with the thoughts upon my mind, my desires in my heart and my uhappiness in my life he was the reason that I would take to win my life back.
And he saw me too. He saw the Spanish dancer behind the counter. The beautiful hazel eyed girl with long, dark hair and fit body. He saw me and he smiled. Knowing that he was watching me I got from behind the counter, thanking God that I was wearing the jeans that accentuated my body and the tee that made my skin glow. And he was watching me, desiring me in silence, and I was smiling. Iíve found something to use. He was my excuse.
He said hi with his english accent and I said hi with my Spanish accent. He ordered a capuchinno with soy milk and a multigrain muffin. I smiled and walked over the coffee machine realizing that his eyes were on my butt. Iíve always had a nice butt.
The feeling was mutual, as I enjoyed his arms and his strenght heíd enjoy the view of my exotic body. The chemistry was in the air, and the danger was in our head. We both knew that we were in dangerous zone; he hadnít seen Elijah in years, but I was his girl, and he was his friend. But we didnít care, we felt like Adam and Eve, begging and desiring for the forbidden fruit.
Elijah was in England, far from me and my thoughts. He called me everyday, hoping to hear from me more than two words. But I couldnít talk to him, my mind wandering around Orlandoís terrain. Elijah was getting impatient. He didnít know what he had done wrong, he assured me that he loved me and he was coming back to L.A. as soon as the director could say *Cut*. I said it was alright. I said I was too busy with the coffee shop and with school. I blamed the teachers, I said that the essays and the quizzes were the evil thing trying to ruin our relationship. But I knew it wasnít that. I was the evil thing ruining the relationship.
Orlando and I used to talk by the tables in the back of the coffee shop. Tea after tea, cup behind cup, weíd tell us lies, dreams and words. The sexual intensity behind each smile, the light behind our eyes and the danger fueling our body.
The day we found each other was a rainy day. I was closing the coffee shop and it was an unnatural cold day for L.A. It was dark and as I locked the door I felt his arms in my waist and his voice in my ear. I smelled the liquor in his breath and the strenght beating on his pants. I smiled. My arms hairs reacting by the desire running through my veins. Without thinking I opened the door and I let him in. We walked to the back of the store and we made love behind the counter. Me feeling his body upon my body, he feeling my curves with his hands. After that, nothing was the same.
Iíd wait for him 30 minutes after the store closing and weíd make love behind the counter, on the lockers room, on the closet. Weíd make love sitting down, standing up, laying down. The danger fueling my desire, the guilt filling my soul.
Meanwhile, Elijah was driving himself crazy. He didnít know what was wrong with me and his thoughts over my loneliness drove him mad. He was sure that his work was going to ruin us, and I hoped that he would see that for himself, I hoped that by himself he would find the reason why my heart no longer desired him.
But the end wasnít as I expected. I thought that maybe, by romantic ways, Elijah would find out that weíre not meant to be together anymore, and that I would be able to fly free next to Orlando and that we all would be happy, no resentment in Elijahís heart, and my almost sure feeling that what Iíve lost with Elijah I was finding in Orlando.I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep and I'll put a spell on you.
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me.
I guess I should have known better. Karma is a very powerful thing, while I was having my hopes upon the air as I laid next to Orlando, in his mind, my picture was next to the word: slut. I was the lover, the unfainthful woman, the lady in red; I wasnít girlfriend material, and certainly, I didnít have a wifeís bone in my body. And slowly, my hopes started crashing in the reality ground that I feared the most. Like balloons upon the air, my hopes were being destroyed by Orlandoís darts, and I watched them crashed and my tears followed them to the floor.
The day that Elijah found out about us is a day that I will never forget. Weíve been hiding our relationship from everyone. Iíve been lying to Elijah saying things when a new paparazzi picture reached the net, explaining our meeting to the world. And elijah would believe me, as innocent as he was, he never expected me to do something like this. I was lying to his face and still, I was in his pedestal. All his friends knew about us, even if we didnít say it, everyone knew that something existed between Orlando and me. And not even the indirects, the warning calls, the photos, I was the apple in Elijahís eye, the woman he wanted to marry, the future mother of his child.
Until he saw us.
After the paparazzis knowing our after shop meeting, and Elijah still on the filming, we decided that maybe we should move our dates to my apartment. I wasnít living with Elijah get, we were waiting for him to come back to move together, but I already knew by then that it would never happen. We made love in my bed and he took a shower after it. It was becoming an habit: I guess he didnít want me with him all day and he tried to wash out my essence. I was on my bath robe when I heard the door ring. As I opened the door I found two smiling blue eyes. I was speechless, my heart stopped beating, the sweat started covering my forehead. I hoped that Orlando wouldnít came out from the bathroom. I hoped that he would stay there forever. Suddenly I realized that I didnít want Elijah to find out about us. In a minute I found out that my heart still longed for his blue eyes and the love that sparked on them every time he saw me.
But as I said, karma is a really tough thing to mess up with.
Suddenly his eyes moved from my face to the coach, and he walked over there before I realized what caught his attention: Orlandoís scarf laid over the cushions lazily. My heart started beating faster. Then his eyes found something else that didnít fit in my apartment: a male shoe. And the time seemed to had stopped. I saw everything in slow motion, Elijah walking to my bedroom, Orlando getting out of the shower with only the tower covering his male parts.
And I was watching everything from behind.
He said and before turning to me with anger and deception on his eyes he hit Orlando with all his strenght. I screamed. I never expected this to happen. I begged Elijah to stop but she just pushed me away, making me fall to the floor and hit my head with the night table. After that everything went blurry. I remember Elijah and Orlando fighting, then Elijah leaving, and after that, Orlando left me too.
I was alone as I wished before. I was alone.
The karma is an amazing thing, I was left without friends, since my friends were also Elijahís friends and since I was the evil adulteress I was left behind. The media knew about us and I was followed by paparazzis taking pictures from the *woman that broke up the fellowship*. I never got Orlandoís support in all of this. He just sway away and left me with the pieces of the relationship that I broke up.
And now, I stay in the coffee shop by myself, in the dark, without warm on my arms, without a beating of life in my heart. At the end I saw what I had with Elijah, and I never saw what I lack with orlando. I played with fire and I burnt. Everything that I didnít want before, now I desire the most: his persistents calls, his lovely words, the spark of love in his eye, the love and care that I pushed away. But I am alone, and I chose to be alone, I lost everything I had just for the dark secret of a lust that I couldnít fullfilled.
Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the frist thing you want never comes,
And I know, the waiting is all you can do,