These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are
the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a
sense of humour!! Now please don't be offended by this, cause thats not how I mean for it to be taken, and I'm not sure If anyone will laugh at it as much as the few Aussies on here, but I thought I'd share anyway (also thanks to Tish for emailing it to me!)

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
how do the plants grow?
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
tracks?
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia?
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia?
Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay?
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia?
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia?
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys
Choir plays every Tuesday night
in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
round?
A: No, we are a peace ful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk
is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum.
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees.
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can
scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go
out
walking.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia?
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Australia?
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia?
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

That is basically HILARIOUS! :laugh: :lmao: :yes: :lol: :yay:

Oh my god, This had my falling off my chair.
I actually just shooed away my dad, who was investigating the banshee screams and the big thud that followed shortly after.
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

*absolutely dies laughing* AH HAHAHAHA!!!

That. Was. Great.... *sniggers*

I laughed so hard when I got this, I'm so glad you posted it here.

:heartbeat: Pat

Next time I'm in Australia I shall be sure to add the hippo races to my itinerary.

HEE! :tehee: