Blogging is for the gays and Team Edward..., ...unless I'm doing it, then it's cool!

I don't need your sympathy.....I don't want your god protecting me. I don't want your empathy.....I don't need your savior saving me.

Simple, straight and right to the point is it not? I mean, I certainly think it is. If I wanted anything from anyone, I'd either ask or.....wait, lemmie rephrase because I don't do "ask". If I wanted anything from anyone I'd just go out and take it. So what does that make me? Well there's a laundry list of things I've been called, and so far, I really can't dispute a single one of them.

I AM an asshole. I AM obnoxious. I AM demanding. I AM pushy. Everything you think that I am, chances are I really am. Was I the one nailing your mother 6 ways from Sunday while you were at the Chess Club Tournament? Probably. Does that make me a bad man? You damn well better believe it does. I am a bad man and I relish in every minute of it.

I know I'm going to hell, I got my ticket stamped a long time ago, but that doesn't stop me from doing things that people would call "immoral" or "crude" or even my favorite..."offensive". I'm the guy that prank calls the Jerry's Kids telethon or hangs out in the stands heckling every little crippled retarded kid he brings out on stage like Philadelphia sports fans.

"Boooooooo......screw you kid......take your little two wheeler cripple chair and go drive your ass home! Jerry Lewis can't save you, neither can his telethon." Christ, you think I'm above making some little invilid cripple in a tardo chair with a neckbrace to stabilize his 47 pound head on his shoulders cry?

Those are nitwit and botard problems, not mine. I have no compassion for the less than fortunate people of the world. Born a midget (that's right, I said midget.....fuck being politically correct.....that shit's for mormons)? It's because your mommy smoked too much rock while you were floating around in that cesspool your mother called a womb.

You ever watch Jerry's Kids telethon? Oh man, great stuff! You really can't tell half the time what's wrong with these kids. It's like "is that kid doing the 1985 robot.....or is that just epilepsy?"

*kid falls off stage*

"Yep.....epilepsy."

On second thought......maybe someone should be praying for me......naaaa, fuck y'all, I need your prayers like I need Steve Guttenberg and Tom Selleck to make me the meat in their overaged man sandwich.

Until next time losers and lose-ettes

-Eli Keaton..........bitches

Wow long time no see Eli we Missed u!!

Long live the king of mean himself.. ELi KEATON!!!