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Title: My Cloverfield review


Dark Jon - February 5, 2008 09:59 PM (GMT)
Yep I recently saw Coverfield the other day and by danged I will not watch it again, well not pay for it, maybe if it was a Christmas present or a cheap dvd but not full priced or from my own money. Some say thats cruel because its a good movie. Your right it is cruel and your right it's good movie, it's very cool, it oozes cool but only after 20 minutes of whining and even then its only 2 minutes at a time. I mean come on this is meant to be a monster movie not a monster whining contest "FUCK ME ITS A MONSTER", no shit einstein.

Now then before the insults.....I mean fair and equally balanced review like a dwarf on a unicycle I will touch on another subject. Alien Vs Predator Requiem, if anyone says it's a good movie you shoot them, shoot the in the sodding head because A) There idiots and B) THERE RUINING TWO PERFECTLY ALREADY RUINED FRANCHISES!!!!. Jesus Christ the predator jumped into every scene, like to see him try that in the desert, the directors hate pregnant women, bad acting, bad story, bad attempt at wit, and another queen alien death ending. You can say all you want that the Predalien isnt a queen, but it basically is, it's the head honcho, other aliens protect it its a fucking queen. Be prepared for a third one though.

Cloverfield I went to see it on monday with a bunch of mates, another bunch of mates were like "Yeah it's awesome best film of January" even reviewers were saying this, so i went in believing all this hype and because of this hype i was really dissapointed. The film is only 85 minutes yet it's set up was around 30 minutes long, all based in this leaving away party for Robert. It was entertaining for around 15 of those 30 minutes, yeah characters were established, conflict in there relationships were established and that was fine, but all uterly pointless, in a following scene all these people you meet die, yeah everyone in that party except for 5 die instantly. So for me that was the low point in the movie. Then the monster attacks, I remember sitting on my seat "Fuck yes some action", yeah thats exactly what you get, some action, and an image of the monster's appendage. By the way the monster has no name considering it looks like a alien from resistance fall of man the PS3 game but we'll ignore it, what the PS3 is shit I can't associate the film with it. So everyone is scared and starts running away and getting killed by drowning afterwards. Four of them, Rob,Hud, Marlena and Lilly decide to be heroes and save there dying friend, yeah we have never seen that before. So on there journey to Beths apartment you see a mix of boring scenes, in the underground station and little room, and some very good exciting scenes, big giant monster attacking the army, even smaller aliens eating them in the tunnel adn the bite. Yes the "bite" it does sound similar like from a generic zombie film but if they get bitten they turn into a monster thing. No they dont they just explode which is cool.
Ok one bit that really pissed me off is when they reach Beth's apartment, yeah she's lying there dead, they cry and sob and guess what THEY WHINE and blame God, until God must of got pissed off and decided to heal Beth fully, yeah a few seconds later she's running from her life with a hole in her shoulder. what a cliche, really dissapointing. The ending is at least realistic and does end on a high of excitement especially with the twist with final "flashback" of Coney Island and a mysterious object falls into the sea. Some reviewers say its a thinking persons movie, yeah your right, how the fuck did that camera survive so much shit and the tape is not damaged, yeah that fucking realism for you.

So yeah end comments, action good, acting annoying as hell every ten seconds it's "MY GOD THERE ALL DEAD" like were all gold fishes and have to be reminded of that fact. Because of its realism the action and dialogue is very unbalanced, and if you have motion sickness prepare to feel ill.

CloverField 3/5

Oswald - February 6, 2008 08:57 PM (GMT)
i saw this on the adverts really and it looks alright

Dark Jon - February 6, 2008 09:53 PM (GMT)
And thats exactly what it is, its alright, dont belive the hype

Sinion Kabe - February 6, 2008 10:25 PM (GMT)
Not really feeling the hype on this movie either.

Dark Jon - February 7, 2008 10:52 AM (GMT)
It got hyped up because of J.J Abrahms the guy who made lost

jewelz - February 7, 2008 10:23 PM (GMT)
This is the one I want to see most

Michael Blazer - February 13, 2008 06:40 PM (GMT)
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Gave me something to think about. Still want to catch this one myself sometime and see...




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